RP/Shitposting thread - D&D 3.5 base rules, subject to interpretation, review, and elaboration. Open for all to spectate, bantz, shitpost, or full-on play.
We begin this thread in anticipation of the weekend, where most of the party is gradually infiltrating the grand city of Cardishore. With disguises varying from an Emu, Barney the dinosaur, and a mexican clown,... as well as Fae who is entirely without costume, Trump, Tracy, and Infernius try to get a handle on whatever the hell is going on in Cardishore now or in general.
Meanwhile, Torcuil is working to get that damn cannon fixed on the Stray Cat. Meanwhile Stix returns (to the tower?) with not many answers, an over-sized acorn, and definitely no other surprises.
Meanwhile Thez,... poor forgotten and alone Thez who is babysitting the port so that none of the party's enemies see their departure and think "Wah ha ha ha! With them gone I will destroy their precious city!" I mean she gets it,... but still.
>sad dwelf noises
/vx/ - Videogames and Paranormal
1411 replies and 93 files omitted.
File (): 8753D393A4FA67F3F7BB897CE9756B6C-198715.jpg (194.1 KB, 900x703, nightmare-ditlev-blunck.jpg)
Thez should've come along.
It would've been more interesting to come home to a Hell Brigade anyway.
It would've been more interesting to come home to a Hell Brigade anyway.
>>58631
Tracy will have plenty to stab here in a minute. I held back on Cardishore 'cuz I hadn't had time to figure out exactly what was happening in city when the party arrived (though a most obscure method I might add), but I'm ready to go with both cinematics, storyline, envirnonment, etc.
I'm probably not going to map most of Cardishore cuz its a massive city and there's going to be a lot of rapid-fire zones that will get vaguely mentioned and then ignored thereafter, but Its about to get hairy (and for once, its not entirely the party's fault).
Tracy will have plenty to stab here in a minute. I held back on Cardishore 'cuz I hadn't had time to figure out exactly what was happening in city when the party arrived (though a most obscure method I might add), but I'm ready to go with both cinematics, storyline, envirnonment, etc.
I'm probably not going to map most of Cardishore cuz its a massive city and there's going to be a lot of rapid-fire zones that will get vaguely mentioned and then ignored thereafter, but Its about to get hairy (and for once, its not entirely the party's fault).
>"I'm starved"
"We can grab some food after we get the cannon order placed"
>"Why go somewhere when there are four perfect sized meals in front of me?"
"This again?"
>"I'm not leaving until I eat a gnome"
"We can grab some food after we get the cannon order placed"
>"Why go somewhere when there are four perfect sized meals in front of me?"
"This again?"
>"I'm not leaving until I eat a gnome"
>>58634
>Intelligence
It occurs to Torcuil that all he'd really need to do is cause an explosion to occur in an area formerly occupied by Snek's lunch,... probably best of they're alone.
>Intelligence
It occurs to Torcuil that all he'd really need to do is cause an explosion to occur in an area formerly occupied by Snek's lunch,... probably best of they're alone.
Tracy looks around the city and wonders how many of these fancy houses she'll have time to loot.
[1d20+24 = 25]
*walks away while the ostrich and bull are fighting to continue searching the city in stealth*
Rolling to Hide
*walks away while the ostrich and bull are fighting to continue searching the city in stealth*
Rolling to Hide
File (): CAB2F8E1EB33E54F9AF119A36C31FE75-33365.jpg (32.6 KB, 505x399, 884.jpg.cf.jpg)
>>58646
Maybe I'm just being selfish, because I half-hoped to come back and find that the port was destroyed by a giant monster again...
>lead the men
They're canon-fodder, m8. No use putting them at risk.
Maybe I'm just being selfish, because I half-hoped to come back and find that the port was destroyed by a giant monster again...
>lead the men
They're canon-fodder, m8. No use putting them at risk.
>>58648
The followers you get from the Leadership feat aren't exactly useful for combat. Only a handful will even be 5th level.
The followers you get from the Leadership feat aren't exactly useful for combat. Only a handful will even be 5th level.
>>58651
>only one
What do you mean?
Tracy has Leadership too. She just hasn't organized her soccer team yet.
>only one
What do you mean?
Tracy has Leadership too. She just hasn't organized her soccer team yet.
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>>58657
Why do you need to own the BG role and the thief role and the assassin role and so on and so on? Pick something
Why do you need to own the BG role and the thief role and the assassin role and so on and so on? Pick something
>>58662
Yea the isp niggers unplugged me even though the bill was payed.
Yea the isp niggers unplugged me even though the bill was payed.
>>58658
Why can't I be a Blackguard-thief? A sneaky shadow knight? Besides, thieves/assassins can be leaders too; they can be organized and teach others their techniques.
Just because I rolled lower stats shouldn't mean I have to play a secondary character.
The field would be kind of pointless without players, wouldn't it?
Why can't I be a Blackguard-thief? A sneaky shadow knight? Besides, thieves/assassins can be leaders too; they can be organized and teach others their techniques.
Just because I rolled lower stats shouldn't mean I have to play a secondary character.
The field would be kind of pointless without players, wouldn't it?
>>58689
I'll relax when my opinions remain intact.
I'll take this all the way to the main board if I have to. I loathe censorship.
I'll relax when my opinions remain intact.
I'll take this all the way to the main board if I have to. I loathe censorship.
>"GIVE ME GNOME STEAK OR GIVE ME DEATH
"Neither?"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"Neither?"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>>58703
Shitposting and other fun stuff. You would get a REAL kick out of the topic. But we can’t say it here.
Shitposting and other fun stuff. You would get a REAL kick out of the topic. But we can’t say it here.
>>58717
Think of every post of mine you've ever deleted, for example.
I have some work to do; signing off for the next hour or so.
Think of every post of mine you've ever deleted, for example.
I have some work to do; signing off for the next hour or so.
>>58665
You turn around to see a giant praying mantis, dressed up in a black vest and fancy church blouse.
"Dinosaur? Oh, I do think I passed one earlier." he says, tipping his hat politely and adjusting his monocle with his long claw
You turn around to see a giant praying mantis, dressed up in a black vest and fancy church blouse.
"Dinosaur? Oh, I do think I passed one earlier." he says, tipping his hat politely and adjusting his monocle with his long claw
>>58724
"Ah, you're a family man I see." The giant insect says, with an accent that sounds kind of British like, but is really just indiscernible insect-speech.
"Ah, you're a family man I see." The giant insect says, with an accent that sounds kind of British like, but is really just indiscernible insect-speech.
"CAW!" cries the Ostrich
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>>58728
"Ah.. No.. Mantis society is different from that of mammals, you see: our females eat our drones' heads during mating."
"Ah.. No.. Mantis society is different from that of mammals, you see: our females eat our drones' heads during mating."
File (): 3EE2C8D1871C02296F56EC5B8C6CC155-120907.jpg (118.1 KB, 400x500, Female_Evil_4 (1).jpg)
GM, can Tracy spend a level like Torc did so that she can cast Paladin of Tyranny/Slaughter spells as listed in Unearthed Arcana (Blindness/Deathness, Bestow Curse, Curse Water, Unholy Sword etc), as Blackguard spells?
>>58738
Alright. But try to get to it asap. There is something going on there I think you would like.
Alright. But try to get to it asap. There is something going on there I think you would like.
You guys are going to wait until I leave and then start spamming the thread again aren't you?
>>58734
"Well then, I'm off to church." The enormous vermin says as he scuttles away at alarming speed.
"Well then, I'm off to church." The enormous vermin says as he scuttles away at alarming speed.
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>>58745
"Is that the name of your Lord? I beg your pardon, fine sir, but foosball is the only game for a monstrous insect such as myself. I have a sermon to attend in only a few minutes, and I wouldn't want to be late. Blessings to you though, fine stranger." He says, making a characteristic praying gesture and politely tipping his hat before scuttling off into the city
"Is that the name of your Lord? I beg your pardon, fine sir, but foosball is the only game for a monstrous insect such as myself. I have a sermon to attend in only a few minutes, and I wouldn't want to be late. Blessings to you though, fine stranger." He says, making a characteristic praying gesture and politely tipping his hat before scuttling off into the city
>>58746
"Foosball..."
The Ostrich seems confused a bit, and runs towards the Mantis with a bit of haste, to catch him as he leaves, and briefly places a wing on the shoulder in a sort of "don't go" bodily expression. The Ostrich then says to the Mantis
"Foosball is a grey area in the scriptures, and has been hotly debated amongst Football theologians for several centuries. On the one hand, it has been argued that it is a derivative of soccer, which is false Football most foul. On the other hand, it has been argued that it is a fun table-top game that I used to be actually pretty good at in middle school.
All I can tell you is that the Prophet John Elway said the following, in his letters to the Galacticons at the summit of Mount Arararat:
'Yea, and truly I say unto you: In days of old, when knights were bold, and Football not invented, the Dallas Cowboys did descend from on high and attempt to bring forth football into the world, but did fail, for only the Denver Broncos could truly give birth to the Football that is Football. And Lo, Peyton Manning did appear unto them, and did kick a mighty field goal using a cantaloupe, for at the time there were no footballs because there was no Football, and the cantaloupe did explode, and did get runny sticky cantaloupe juice all over the faces of the Dallas Cowboys. And then Rainbow Dash did appear and lick the cantaloupe juice off of the Dallas Cowboys, and the Dallas Cowboys did masturbate. And Peyton Manning did masturbate. And then it was that on that very spot, 1000 years hence and 10,000 years earlier, the Lord Elway did burst forth into sapphire bullets of pure Football, and all the ponies of the land did see Football and did fall to their knees and worship Football, and render praise unto Football and the Lord Elway and His Broncos, and it was good. And the Denver Broncos did come upon them, and did distribute cantaloupes unto them, and they did kick field goals with they cantaloupes, and afterward did eat the cantaloupes, and the Lord Elway said unto them, 'Behold! This cantaloupe is my flesh and my blood, broken for you.' And then he did kick a totally sweet field goal with a different cantaloupe than the ones they were eating because they were eating those, and the cantaloupe did fly three times around the earth and did later fall into the hands of Gene Shalit, who would ingest the cantaloupe and discover that he had a penchant for licking people's buttholes. Do this forever, in remembrance of me.'
Take from that what you will."
"Foosball..."
The Ostrich seems confused a bit, and runs towards the Mantis with a bit of haste, to catch him as he leaves, and briefly places a wing on the shoulder in a sort of "don't go" bodily expression. The Ostrich then says to the Mantis
"Foosball is a grey area in the scriptures, and has been hotly debated amongst Football theologians for several centuries. On the one hand, it has been argued that it is a derivative of soccer, which is false Football most foul. On the other hand, it has been argued that it is a fun table-top game that I used to be actually pretty good at in middle school.
All I can tell you is that the Prophet John Elway said the following, in his letters to the Galacticons at the summit of Mount Arararat:
'Yea, and truly I say unto you: In days of old, when knights were bold, and Football not invented, the Dallas Cowboys did descend from on high and attempt to bring forth football into the world, but did fail, for only the Denver Broncos could truly give birth to the Football that is Football. And Lo, Peyton Manning did appear unto them, and did kick a mighty field goal using a cantaloupe, for at the time there were no footballs because there was no Football, and the cantaloupe did explode, and did get runny sticky cantaloupe juice all over the faces of the Dallas Cowboys. And then Rainbow Dash did appear and lick the cantaloupe juice off of the Dallas Cowboys, and the Dallas Cowboys did masturbate. And Peyton Manning did masturbate. And then it was that on that very spot, 1000 years hence and 10,000 years earlier, the Lord Elway did burst forth into sapphire bullets of pure Football, and all the ponies of the land did see Football and did fall to their knees and worship Football, and render praise unto Football and the Lord Elway and His Broncos, and it was good. And the Denver Broncos did come upon them, and did distribute cantaloupes unto them, and they did kick field goals with they cantaloupes, and afterward did eat the cantaloupes, and the Lord Elway said unto them, 'Behold! This cantaloupe is my flesh and my blood, broken for you.' And then he did kick a totally sweet field goal with a different cantaloupe than the ones they were eating because they were eating those, and the cantaloupe did fly three times around the earth and did later fall into the hands of Gene Shalit, who would ingest the cantaloupe and discover that he had a penchant for licking people's buttholes. Do this forever, in remembrance of me.'
Take from that what you will."
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>>58747
"I beg your pardon , sir, but we verminkind have been playing foosball since before you vertebrates even walked the Earth. It is the pillar of order and discipline in our society: I would not be an insect if I allowed my faith to wane. I bid you farewell, stranger."
>cantaloupe
"..Lowest of the fruits..." he mutters inaudibly as he scuttles off
"I beg your pardon , sir, but we verminkind have been playing foosball since before you vertebrates even walked the Earth. It is the pillar of order and discipline in our society: I would not be an insect if I allowed my faith to wane. I bid you farewell, stranger."
>cantaloupe
"..Lowest of the fruits..." he mutters inaudibly as he scuttles off
File (): 280DC2D02E1502A696B2B034724BD3AC-36235.jpg (35.4 KB, 484x497, 1505070885773-1.jpg)
*changes into wojack*
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>>58765
I think he could dodge that, but he's still thoroughly rustled by the sudden sketties blast.
"Rough day, I take?"
I think he could dodge that, but he's still thoroughly rustled by the sudden sketties blast.
"Rough day, I take?"
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>>58790
"Better, but you should work up to the stomach, as its easy to over-sensitize. In fact, the female is easily over-sensitized, if not finessed. If you're going to start with heavy breathing, aim for the back of the neck or the ears. Hold off on the stomach until just before,... stuff," she says with a wink.
"Better, but you should work up to the stomach, as its easy to over-sensitize. In fact, the female is easily over-sensitized, if not finessed. If you're going to start with heavy breathing, aim for the back of the neck or the ears. Hold off on the stomach until just before,... stuff," she says with a wink.
>>58791
"Well me dunno what you expect, me only was ever around Aryanne. Then me was exiled to mountains."
*caresses thighs*
"Well me dunno what you expect, me only was ever around Aryanne. Then me was exiled to mountains."
*caresses thighs*
>>58792
"I don't expect anything, but I hope you'll pardon my,... aspirations," she says, blushing a bit.
"I don't expect anything, but I hope you'll pardon my,... aspirations," she says, blushing a bit.
>fell asleep
>weird dream about camping... indoors?
>woke up now
What do?
Stix begins his journey back to the tower. He had seen weird things since coming here, but never would he guess he would be talking to a squirrel one minute, then holding onto a big acorn the next with no answers or clues as to what is happening around here. He wonders if this is just a really convincing dream.
>weird dream about camping... indoors?
>woke up now
What do?
Stix begins his journey back to the tower. He had seen weird things since coming here, but never would he guess he would be talking to a squirrel one minute, then holding onto a big acorn the next with no answers or clues as to what is happening around here. He wonders if this is just a really convincing dream.
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>>58793
"Well me try to be better."
*massages neck*
*caresses cheek*
*blows on ears*
"Me know me said this before,but me am so glad me met you ana."
"Well me try to be better."
*massages neck*
*caresses cheek*
*blows on ears*
"Me know me said this before,but me am so glad me met you ana."
>>58794
As Stix approaches Port Barry, he senses that something is amiss. For one, there are varying trails of smoke leading from some of the higher buildings. Additionally, there's a malevolently black-robed individual hovering above the town, throwing pumpkin-sized purple gobs of fire at the walls. Just another day at Port Barry,....
As Stix approaches Port Barry, he senses that something is amiss. For one, there are varying trails of smoke leading from some of the higher buildings. Additionally, there's a malevolently black-robed individual hovering above the town, throwing pumpkin-sized purple gobs of fire at the walls. Just another day at Port Barry,....
>>58796
“This can only go so well for me”
Stix try’s to stealth past the individual, hoping to avoid more encounters with fire for the time being.
“This can only go so well for me”
Stix try’s to stealth past the individual, hoping to avoid more encounters with fire for the time being.
>>58799
How to get my grounded character with a bow that is difficult to use correctly to stop an attack by a flying cloaked figure... hmm...
Stix makes his way around the port to see if he can get a better view on who is attacking, and a better angle of attack.
How to get my grounded character with a bow that is difficult to use correctly to stop an attack by a flying cloaked figure... hmm...
Stix makes his way around the port to see if he can get a better view on who is attacking, and a better angle of attack.
>>58801
The figure is not guarding their flank at all, they seem intent on terrorizing the available populace. Many of the existing martial factions (the Gestapo, the Generals, etc., which Stix isn't familiar with, but suffice it as a couple groups of coordinated hoomans) have taken up positions along the wall and are attempting to expand the threatened area of the target.
The figure is not guarding their flank at all, they seem intent on terrorizing the available populace. Many of the existing martial factions (the Gestapo, the Generals, etc., which Stix isn't familiar with, but suffice it as a couple groups of coordinated hoomans) have taken up positions along the wall and are attempting to expand the threatened area of the target.
>>58802
Time to see if this bow is useful or not..,
Stix whips out his bow and digs one end iron the ground to stabilize it. He readies an arrow.
“Just don’t miss and you won’t have to deal with much... I hope”
He pulls back on the string with his teeth. He steadies his aim for a moment and releases...
Time to see if this bow is useful or not..,
Stix whips out his bow and digs one end iron the ground to stabilize it. He readies an arrow.
“Just don’t miss and you won’t have to deal with much... I hope”
He pulls back on the string with his teeth. He steadies his aim for a moment and releases...
>>58804
If I can stop forgetting to clear the email... that would be nice too... ugh I hate my forgetfulness
If I can stop forgetting to clear the email... that would be nice too... ugh I hate my forgetfulness
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>>58818
Yes, but Tracy hasn't encountered them yet. The area she is scuttling through is still technically the "outside" area of the city.
The thing is, while the city has a degree of artistry to much of its design, much of the city is not designed to be traveled or wandered through, its more of the aesthetics of a stone garden,... except concrete. Long story short, with very few exceptions (and all will be explained) most areas area not intended for ppls.
Yes, but Tracy hasn't encountered them yet. The area she is scuttling through is still technically the "outside" area of the city.
The thing is, while the city has a degree of artistry to much of its design, much of the city is not designed to be traveled or wandered through, its more of the aesthetics of a stone garden,... except concrete. Long story short, with very few exceptions (and all will be explained) most areas area not intended for ppls.
>>58819
Tracy dashes through the city, abandoning stealth to scuttle at her full speed.
She eyes the gaudy aesthetics and wonders to herself what she could find in a cushy neighborhood like this one.
She gravitates towards the source of commotion she saw earlier.
Tracy dashes through the city, abandoning stealth to scuttle at her full speed.
She eyes the gaudy aesthetics and wonders to herself what she could find in a cushy neighborhood like this one.
She gravitates towards the source of commotion she saw earlier.
>>58821
From Trump's vantage point, he sees much more of the same that Tracy can see, except at a certain point he notices the city transition into something of a square and a park area, where there seem to be hundreds of people meandering around and interacting with one another. He's too far off to see what they're doing, but it is undoubtably the source of the ambient noise of ppl.
>>58823
>scuttle scuttle
>>58820
Who said?
From Trump's vantage point, he sees much more of the same that Tracy can see, except at a certain point he notices the city transition into something of a square and a park area, where there seem to be hundreds of people meandering around and interacting with one another. He's too far off to see what they're doing, but it is undoubtably the source of the ambient noise of ppl.
>>58823
>scuttle scuttle
>>58820
Who said?
>>58825
Well, sounds like it would be a good idea to slowly come down onto a street before the park, and proceed on Fae's back towards the people
Well, sounds like it would be a good idea to slowly come down onto a street before the park, and proceed on Fae's back towards the people
>>58803
Meanwhile,
<zing> Stix' arrow goes wide right of the target, but not before alerting the target to a new source of arrows. It turns and looks at him for a moment, cocks its head, shrugs, and then dashes toward one of the troop positions along the wall who are attempting to flank. Stray arrows buzz past the intruder every so often, but it is clear that there is enough range that the projectiles are easily avoided.
"Let's see how you fare up close and personal!" they taunt as they close position against the troops.
Meanwhile,
<zing> Stix' arrow goes wide right of the target, but not before alerting the target to a new source of arrows. It turns and looks at him for a moment, cocks its head, shrugs, and then dashes toward one of the troop positions along the wall who are attempting to flank. Stray arrows buzz past the intruder every so often, but it is clear that there is enough range that the projectiles are easily avoided.
"Let's see how you fare up close and personal!" they taunt as they close position against the troops.
>"You know, you could let me wander off and find a meal..."
"No"
>"Why?"
"Because you can't have good relations with a race you let your friend eat"
"No"
>"Why?"
"Because you can't have good relations with a race you let your friend eat"
>>58829
“My father always told me I was a disappointing shot”
He rushes toward the troops as well in hopes to aid their battle.
“My father always told me I was a disappointing shot”
He rushes toward the troops as well in hopes to aid their battle.
>>58838
Yes. Wizards depend on their spellbooks, and clerics rely on their holy symbols. Bards and Sorcerers (and arguably in some cases, Paladins) r the only base classes that can operate without a class-specific tool.
Yes. Wizards depend on their spellbooks, and clerics rely on their holy symbols. Bards and Sorcerers (and arguably in some cases, Paladins) r the only base classes that can operate without a class-specific tool.
>>58837
He winces at the sound, but draws his dagger and pushes forward.
“What is this thing’s problem? Did he lose his life’s savings in a bet here?”
He winces at the sound, but draws his dagger and pushes forward.
“What is this thing’s problem? Did he lose his life’s savings in a bet here?”
>>58843
>>58844
As Tracy and Trump approach from separate positions - the former scaling a small wall separating the civic area, and Trump from a more obvious position - the attention of the crowd seems to shift to a stage-area setup in the park. There seems to be a public address going on, and those in attendance are fixated on the source, which is a Raven-haired woman in a vibrant outfit.
"Welcome, newest entrants and talented performers, to Cardishore!" to which the crowd erupts in cheers and applause.
>>58844
As Tracy and Trump approach from separate positions - the former scaling a small wall separating the civic area, and Trump from a more obvious position - the attention of the crowd seems to shift to a stage-area setup in the park. There seems to be a public address going on, and those in attendance are fixated on the source, which is a Raven-haired woman in a vibrant outfit.
"Welcome, newest entrants and talented performers, to Cardishore!" to which the crowd erupts in cheers and applause.
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