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Creative Title Referencing Nuts
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.44896
44905
What it is? Its an ongoing thread-based fantasy RPG
What it do? Players do their thing based off dice scripts and 3.5e D&D as a rules baseline.

Throughout the week we shitpost at one another and on weekends we kill shit or surmount some form of obstacle. New players always welcome.

The party currently has a trebuchet, a series of cannons, and an airship with another series of cannons aimed at a floating black pyramid just out from the docks of Port Barry. Its not actually a pyramid, its an octahedron, but its half submerged. Some quick thinking from the resident Mage kept it from teleporting away and escaping, and now the party is looking to crack that bitch open and see what sorta toys are inside. And kill shit.
1348 replies and 123 files omitted.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46273
46274
How to you torture information out of a mummy?
Maybe we can rebuke him with slabs of bacon.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46274
46277
>>46273
Holy water and Paladin's lay of hands

>Bacon
Lol, I like that too
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46275
46276 46277 46278
>>46266
I almost used meteor swarm, then decided that since I ha already used it that day I shouldn't because some people might start bitching about using a very high level spell twice in a day.
>fire is good against mummies
I hadn't even considered it
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46276
46280
>>46275
>I stopped Torcuil from lighting us all on fire
You're welcome
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46277
46280 46281 46283
>>46274
Holy water would just kill him.
He'd be all "Allah hu Akbar" about it since he's probably a Cleric, so try the bacon to scare him shitless.
>>46275
>>46266
I'm not lying when I say I unironically believed the room might be filled with dynamite. They're Arabs after all.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46278
46281 46283
>>46275
Casting Meteor swarm inside an enclosed space would've killed us all regardless.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46279
Actually, since he's only got a tiny bit of HD left, he could almost definitely be rebuked with bacon, if Tracy sets up her Darkskull next to him.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46280
46288
>>46276
You're lucky Trump couldn't light the torch, I was 3 lines into the catastrophic explosion when I realized that requires two hands.
>>46277
Arabs? Where'd you get that idea?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46281
>>46271
The city of durpistan already has infrastructure, arable land, and a mine. I want another place to house a civilian population, and Durpistan is a good choice. The bog and forest can be burned for the ranch land Tracy's faggot wants, but otherwise won't be used at all

>>46277
Holy water is what we used on the Vampire in the Court City. It does acid damage, but it probably won't be enough to kill

But let's try the bacon

>>46278
This
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46282
46285
>sigh
He's a mummy. Mummies are We Wuz, not Allah Akbar.
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46283
46286
>>46278
I mean, that was a bit of a deciding factor too...
>>46277
>dynamite
Aloha snackbar
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46285
>>46282
We wuz didnt do nuthin's and sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiittttttt
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46286
46287 46288 46294
>>46283
Good point.
We'll use a job application instead.
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46287
>>46286
Nah, use a child and say it's theirs
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46288
46294
>>46280
I had no intention of lighting a torch to begin with, but Tracy's faggot, realizing he knocked his own character out, said "cast daylight!" "Cast daylight!" because he wanted his character to be awoken. So I figured fine, He'd light a torch. Because Daylight is a medium level spell and I didn't want to waste medium level spells when he'd need eagle's splendor and stuff later. When you said "he'd need two hands," I was thinking "goddamn it he can just hold the torch between his knees while he fiddles with a match or flint" But then I thought, "you know what, this asshole cripples my character then his? That bitch can stay unconscious and if we die because of his fuckery then so be it" so I said "yep, he can't light the torch and you are shit out of luck"

>>46286
FUCK YES

That and a child support payment order
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46289
46290 46292
So, is the party set on taking the loot back and trying again later, or are they going to go deeper into the dungeon?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46290
46291 46294
>>46289
I think the later. It should be easy enough to move loot out though
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46291
>>46290
*The latter
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46292
46293 46294
>>46289
The coffins account for 10 of the art pieces. Retaining them would necessitate a trip back outside.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46293
46295 46297
>>46292
Take them to the hole, and put them in boats an have 'em taken back to the tower by NPCs. It wouldn't take long at all
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46294
>>46288
>>46286
I can't remember how many ranks I had Tracy put into forgery, but that could work.
>>46290
We have a prisoner, so he might be able to give info on the inner-workings of the temple.
>>46292
Let's do that then.
This temple isn't going anywhere for at least two weeks.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46295
46296
>>46293
I want to get some info out of Kang Tut, so we can get a hint of what else we might face.
Also, I want him to tell us where the treasure is.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46296
46298
>>46295
Okay, I'm pretty sure this guy is a bit... older than most of the inhabitants of the Temple. He's like Frederick Douglas or something. I don't think he's in the loop

>Forgery
My character can give him a real one

>Treasure
We just got it
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46297
46299
001.png
>>46293
Agreed. Just making sure it was specified, cuz dust explosions is just one of the tricks I have up my sleeves.

Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46298
46299
>>46296
Either way, he's been animated for a long time. He has to know something about his tomb.
>We just got it
That was only 1 room's worth of treasure, and we still have a whole dungeon to plunder.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46299
46300
>>46297
>This spooky and ominus post
Uh uh! Fae, who can cast zeroth level cleric spells, uses detect magic on the coffins

>>46298
I'm most concerned about organized groups of Lichs and similar leaders
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46300
46302 46303
>>46299
The magic on them is residual, and to do with the mummies themselves.

I just mean to say, that there will be other opportunities for the party to not exclusively blow themselves and their environments up wake up in the entertron further on.
T2++T
?
No.46301
[1d20+23 = 26]
Tracy makes a search check to detect Traps on the way back.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46302
46304
ebb9994f7e69eaf20abefbcd6ea780d2--fantasy-landscape-landscape-art.jpg
>>46300
It wouldn't be a dungeon without traps.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46303
46307
>>46300
>>46300
Just making sure it's safe for display in the Trump Museum and Art Gallery in Port Barry Trumpaladin will be opening and Felicia will be curating...

In the late 1890's a rich, young Englishman visiting the archaeological digs near Luxor purchased the coffin and mummy of The Princess of Amen-Ra. He arranged for it to be shipped back to his home, but was not there to receive it. He disappeared, never to be found. One of his companions on the trip later died, another lost an arm in an accident and a third lost his fortune in a bank failure.

The coffin reached England and was purchased by a businessman. Three members of the businessman's household were injured in an auto accident and his house caught on fire. Convinced that the mummy was unlucky, the man donated it to the British Museum.

The staff at the museum reported hearing loud banging and crying noises coming from the coffin at night. Things were thrown around the exhibit room without explanation. Finally a watchman died. Then a photographer took a photo of the coffin. When he developed it, the image that appeared was so horrifying that the photographer killed himself.

The museum wanted to get rid of the unlucky mummy, but with it's reputation they could not even give it away. Finally, an American archaeologist, who didn't believe in the stories, purchased the mummy and coffin and had it sent back to the states on board the Titanic.

Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46304
46306
>>46302
Trumpaladin comes across a beautiful Mare, who seems to be held hostage

"hey there big guy"
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46305
46318
1e4fa4e9185345a1a6294ae3d40b5a37--dungeons-and-dragons-the-deck.jpg
Kek, aI found a meme for Torc.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46306
46309
>>46304
I'm confused by what you're saying.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46307
>>46303
Nah, they're good. Pic related gives an idea of the big one's coffin (and why Tracy couldn't just throw them in her bag Xp)
By the way, why is there no such image as King Doot-ankhamun?
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46308
46309 46310
tut.jpg
fug
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46309
46310
>>46306
The mare has a penis

>>46308
Hell yes that will make a nice addition. I hope Felicia likes it
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46310
46311 46312
>>46308
How did we mistake these things for chests?
>>46309
Cease your faggotry.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46311
46313
>>46310
Because they were covered in like 6 inches of dust (think snow, but black). Besides, that one was at the back. The other ones aren't as ornate.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46312
46315
>>46310
It was a joke. "Traps"

>How
Literal feet of dust
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46313
46314 46315
>>46311
Um... what's the Tome of?
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46314
46315 46316 46318
>>46313
Ask Lenos.
Also, I want it, even if it's cursed.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46315
46316 46318
>>46312
I got the joke, don't worry
>>46313
Its written in hibbity hooblah, and will require identification.
>>46314
>wants things

Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46316
46318 46322 46323
>>46314
I WANT IT

You can have it if it's dexterity or intelligence

>>46315
If only Trumpaladin had a mount who could cast a basic cleric spell that would allow her to read all languages
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46318
46320 46322
>>46305
Top kek
>>46314
>>46316
>>46315
I used memes to claim it
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46319
46320 46322 46323
Also, does Knowledge (arcana) or Spellcraft give me a bonus for detecting magic traps?
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46320
46321 46322 46324
>>46318
I claimed it first. Dibs. You don't have much use for most scores anyways except intelligence

>>46319
I think only a rogue can do that
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46321
46325
>>46320
Actually, Sorcerors use Cha, not Int.
Who knew?
>rogue
Rogues can't detect magic and shit
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46322
46324 46325 46328 46330
>>46316
>read all languages
Read magick doesn't work that way.

I put a few Ranks into Decipher Script though.
>>46318
Don't you still have that Star Card? Boost your stats with that.

>>46319
No.
In fact, only Rogues can detect Traps above 20 DC.
>>46320
>I claimed it first. Dibs.
You've had first pick of everything since the party dragged back Killy's hoard, and nobody batted an eye.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46323
46325 46326
>>46316
Read magic will only enable the words to be comprehensible; it doesn't give any indication of what the purpose is.
>>46319
It would give bonuses to detect magical objects, but only a rogue can detect that an object is a trap if the trap is DC15+ (I think)
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46324
46325
>>46322
Death wrote her number on the star card, disabling the magic of it.
>>46320
Torcuil had left at that point, it can't be considered a fair challenge
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46325
46326 46327 46336
>>46321
I thought you were a wizard for about four months. Anyways, you've never been policed for the number of spells you can know or cast, but I need more charisma to take epic leadership, great smiting (necessary for the Epic prestige class I want), or to have better leadership scores and saving throws

>>46322
Nigger, you sit here and play Home shopping network all goddamn day and you steal shit for the sake of stealing shit. Let me claim a tome if it's of charisma or strength

>>46323
We'll wait

>>46324
Bull shit, the very next post after I claimed it was a post from him, and he was active before that
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46326
46329 46330
>>46323
Thank you for the actual answer
Plus I have snek rogue.
>>46325
>posts
If you look at time, you will notice I posted this morning. And I said I was going to sleep. Checkm8
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46327
46329 46330
>>46325
My mistake, I had thought he left by that point.
Also, don't let me forget, King Doot had some magnificent half-plate, a cloak, a ring, and a brooch.

Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46328
46336
>>46322
Fuckwit, did I say "read magic"? No. I said "read all languages" which is referring to the first level cleric spell "comprehend languages" which Fae can cast
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46329
46331 46336
>>46326
It was posted last night and you posted after that. You just forgot that you saw it

>>46327
I'm guessing we'll need to wait until later to find out what those things are?
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46330
>>46322
Torc has 18 ranks in decipher script an diligent as a feat. Diligent adds +2 to decipher script
>>46327
A ring?
Also see >>46326

Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46331
46332
>>46329
Identify as a spell takes 1 hour to cast. Analyze dweomer is instant, but is a 6th level spell
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46332
46336
>>46331
I guess we'll wait until later to figure out what we have then
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46335
46340 46341
Too late, I saw it. It was saucy, and there were trips.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46336
46337 46341
Spoilered
>>46325
M8, I didn't object at all when you took everything magical in Killy's hoard, or when you took Ruth's +5 bracers for yourself, because I knew right off the bat that you'd want them and that they'd be useful to your character; I didn't even make a claim for anything since then, because I didn't want to cause drama by taking things she didn't need out of the loot. This time, I want something though.
All of Tracy's mental stats are pretty low as is.
>>46328
I was mistaken.
>>46329
They're probably standard Mummylord loot.
Give Torc that cloak, so he doesn't die on us again.
>>46332
I say take it all back to the tower and ask Lenos. Then we can ask Kang Doot about the temple (we still don't know what it is or where it came from).
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46337
46339
>>46336
I ain't taking it yet.
For all I know it could kill me...

Again
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46339
46342
>>46333
>>46337
Ah, good point...
muh stat-boost though.. T^T
Permanent Ability drain is worse than death, although Infernius could cast Restoration.
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46340
>>46335
I'm actually not suprised he deleted it
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46341
46342 46343
>>46336
You took the orb from the Lichs, and ought to have taken the extra +4 bracers

You can enhance her wisdom just by taking the Periphat

>I want something
And you want shadow armor and you want paladins mount armor and you want insnaty potions and you want pet t-rexes and you want talking attack rocs and you want random pieces of corpses and you want clothes and you want mummy rot and you want chests and you received God knows how many other things

A tome takes 48 hours to read across 6 days. But your character is perpetually busy crafting and feeding birds and feat training. Just use Enchantments

>Give Torcuil the cloak of resistance
Maybe not a bad idea

>>46335
I just want it of it is strength or charisma, maybe constitution or wisdom
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46342
46343 46344
>>46339
He may take it after he knows what it does though.
>>46341
>not giving the guy who relys on charisma the charisma bonus
Well okay then
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46343
46344 46345 46346 46348
>>46341
It's not Str, but it might be Char. Only Artifacts grant Str
>>46342
Why did you switch to Sorceror instead of Wizard? Wizard does moar stuff and geats moar spells, and you already get to cast whatever you want with memes without arcane prep.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46344
46345 46346
>>46342
We've never applied the rules to your character for spells, never.

Charisma is the key attribute for a paladin because it boosts saving throws, helps with lay of hands and smite evil, but most importantly I need a high score for several epic feats later. And I'm very far from that high score

You were wizard for like 4 months. That reallies on Int, which you have 2 points more of than charisma and you won't need to fight me for it. You can fight Tracy's faggot instead

>>46343
There's a tome for strength I think I think
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46345
>>46343
Wizards need components though. I don't want to have to rule-keep on that shit unless its pricey swag that counts as treasure later.
>>46344
Yes, there's a tome for every stat. Gainful Exercise
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46346
46347 46348 46349
>>46344
>>46343
GM switched me, not me. Cause sorcerers pull their spell out their ass. Wizards menorize then forget when they use it
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46347
>>46346
I fucked up my grammar so bad
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46348
46349 46350 46358
>>46346
Can we just not rule cuck you then on charisma if you want to be a sorcerer?

>>46343
If it's wisdom, let Trumpaladin read the tome and give the Periphat to Tracy, so Tracy gets +4 wisdom and 13 wisdom overall but still has time to feed her birds and train for feats
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46349
46352 46353 46355 46364
>>46346
The reason is:
Wizards have to prepare their spells daily, which at the very least requires an hour for 1 spell or 8 hours for all of them. Further, they have to maintain the capacity to keep all their components on hand or within easy reach but without them coming into contact (oh hey, wasn't there a robe that did that?).
>>46348
Oh ffs it is wisdom, +3. I got that off a natural roll on Thez' dice, back before the pyramid showed up.
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46350
46352
>>46348
>let Trump read it
Or Torc. He does get +20 on decipher checks
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46352
46353
>>46349
That's useful information

>>46350
It's wisdom though, which is good for Tracy or Trumpaladin, but not of use to Torcuil
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46353
46354 46355
>>46352
Well I didn't that before my post
>>46349
>throwing shade about the robe
Really? You gonna still do that?
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46354
46355
>>46353
I should clarify I meant Torc could read it to Tracy
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46355
46356
1505271790868.png
>>46353
>>46349
>This was the purpose of the robe

>>46354
If you're just going to be a dick to me for the purpose of being a dick, then I can do the same to you
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46356
>>46355
Thats not what I meant, I'm just saying Torc has a better chance at deciphering it.
But by all means, go ahead
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46358
46359 46361 46362
>>46348
Tracy's neck slot is full (spiked collar with the Ring of Animal Friendship). She couldn't use the Periapt.
Where did the Periapt even come from anyway?
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46359
46360
>>46358
Whats a periapt?
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46360
46361
>>46359
I assumes he means a Periapt of Wisdom.
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46361
46362
>>46360
>>46358
And I'm an idiot and can't spell for shit even when the word is right in front of me,...
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46362
46363 46366
>>46358
The Periapt was an item requested during the lead up to the mission to take back infernius

Is a ring of animal friendship really more useful than +4 wisdom? You can switch them out anyways.

She needs an engagement gift

>>46361
That word is unspellable
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46363
46364
>>46362
The Periapt can be modified to attach to Tracy's collar.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46364
46371
>>46363
>>46349
Tell you what GM. Trumpaladin will cede the Tome to Tracy's Faggot, but lay tentative claim to the Robe with option to give to Infernius (maybe Torcuil?) after finding out what it is.

That way, Tracy's faggot can gain +3 wisdom, but lose out on +4 wisdom and an entire week that could have been dedicated to item crafting, animal rearing, or feat training, and Trumpaladin can keep the +4 Periapt
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46365
46366 46369 46371
GM, Can I get a list of everything thats currently unclaimed?
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46366
46367 46368 46369
XUwJHCm.jpg
>>46362
>Is a ring of animal friendship really more useful
I thought it'd be the item most similar to her iconic /mlp/-collar, because Friendship is Magick.

Also, why do you want to increase his Wis so much? None of his spells have notable saving throws, and he's already got enough Wis to cast all of his spells. He can cast Owl's Wisdom when he needs a boost anyway.
>>46365
Those goats would make ebin mounts, fyi.
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46367
46370
>>46366
Why goats though?
Could make a nice meal for Snek though
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46368
46373
>>46366
Then again, they're very limited in use.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46369
>>46365
You're gonna love the Goats. But so will Infernius and Tracy's faggot

>>46366
The original reason I wanted it was specifically to give to Tracy. But I later realized that Paladins have damn near no spells. A level 17 paladin can only cast one level 4 spell a day. But a level 17 paladin can cast two level 4 spells a day. I hate having to debate with myself whether it's worth it to cast death ward now or keep until later, or chose between death ward and holy sword, and there really is no good reason Tracy should have had to roll a saving throw on a finger of death in the charge against RBG. Wisdom also helps with Sense Motive, which is one of the skills I actually use, although not by a massive margin
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46370
9780316341578_p0_v1_s1200x630.jpg
>>46367
They're almost definitely Figurines of wonderous power:
>The Goat of Traveling: This statuette provides a speedy and enduring mount equal to that of a heavy horse in every way except appearance. The goat can travel for a maximum of one day each week—continuously or in any combination of periods totaling 24 hours. At this point, or when the command word is uttered, it returns to its statuette form for not less than one day before it can again be used.
>The Goat of Travail: This statuette becomes an enormous creature, larger than a bull, with the statistics of a nightmare except for the addition of a pair of wicked horns of exceptional size (damage 1d8+4 for each horn). If it is charging to attack, it may only use its horns (but add 6 points of damage to each successful attack in that round). It can be called to life just once per month for up to 12 hours at a time.
>The Goat of Terror: When called upon with the proper command word, this statuette becomes a destrier-like mount, with the statistics of a light warhorse. However, its rider can employ the goat’s horns as weapons (one horn as a +3 heavy lance, the other as a +5 longsword). When ridden in an attack against an opponent, the goat of terror radiates fear as the spell in a 30-foot radius (Will DC 16 partial). It can be used once every two weeks for up to 3 hours per use.
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46371
46372 46373 46374
>>46364
Nice pali. Its a party decision, not a GM one.
>>46365
No, cuz 1. I'm not sure who has/gets what since the party gave it to NPCs to transport it. 2. I don't know who has 'claim' on whatever yet. Here IS a list of everything, including King Doot's swag.
Papyrus Scroll
Potion
4 Goat Figurines (I know I said three, but I forgot one)
A Rod with a Shit-Ton of Buttons
A Thickly Bound Tome
Magnificent Half Plate
A Ring
A Cloak
A Brooch
Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46372
46373
>>46371
> the party gave it to NPCs to transport it.
Wat?!
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46373
46376 46377
>>46368
True, but Infernius will love them anyways

A Nightmare is too OP to use as a general mount, and so naturally it's limited in use

>>46371
No, we're keeping the cloak and the half plate in the dungeon

>>46372
I just specified the coffins
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46374
46375 46376
>>46371
I'll settle for the ring, a goat, and the scroll.
Maybe the rod...
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46375
46379
>>46374
Let's find out what the scroll and rod arm before divvying
Anonymous
1nDFl
?
No.46376
46378
>>46373
Just the cloak and the half-plate?
>>46374
Infernius made first bid on the rod, but idk

Mrs. Sentry
T2++T
?
No.46377
46378
>>46373
He can have as many goats as he wants if I can use that sexy rod. Tracy doesn't need a mount.
Anonymous
1s5P2
?
No.46378
46379 46380
>>46376
We can't use the Tome anytime soon at all, most of that shit will require lenos, and there is no way at all to carry coffins and so much gold

Fine, we take it back to the tower with armed escort

>>46377
So you know what the rod is

>rod is sexy
Tracy doesn't need a sex toy
Anonymous
4k+jL
?
No.46379
46381
>>46378
Wait, whats the rod?
>>46375
No