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Glim Glam Continues to Slam the Work of K "Wham Bam Call Me Ma'am" Kat
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294032
294033 294057
Last thread hit bump limit.

Previous thread: >>284789 →

Continuing from my last post: >>294025 →

Once again, Velvet's basic argument here seems to be that killing in self defense or in defense of others is okay, but she draws a line in the sand at doing it for profit. It would be hard to justify Littlepoop's actions at the slaver colony by this logic.

Self-defense, as far as I'm concerned, is right out. She attacked them, and they were the ones defending themselves; again, the morality of who the slavers were or what they were doing doesn't factor into the equation here. As to the defense of others, you could argue that she was acting in defense of the slaves, but on the other hand the slaves didn't ask for her help, and she had no direct connection to them that justified getting involved.

Also, she drew the train ponies and arguably the entire town of New Appleoosa into her fight against their will, and got the train ponies killed. Does rescuing a few slaves balance out the equation and justify the loss of all that innocent life? Again, it's not particularly important what you or I might think about this; the issue is that these questions ought to have been weighing heavily on Velvet's mind for most of the past few days, but by all appearances they haven't. Really, the author has a pretty nice opportunity here to create a difficult moral dilemma for Velvet, and develop her character by having her try to solve it, but unfortunately this seems to have gone over his head as usual.

We also have LP's actions since the train scene to consider. Between the farm scene and their first meeting with Gawd, there was an entire scene in which LP and Calamity butchered another group of raiders. That wasn't in self defense at all, nor was it in defense of others; they walked up, picked a fight with the raiders, and then killed them all. Here is exactly what happened:

>Velvet Remedy crouched beside me, tending to a gash in Calamity’s side. To her credit, she’d actually tried to talk to the raiders. They returned her hello with some extremely perverted suggestions, at least one of which involved necrophilia. That’s when Calamity started picking off the ponies who had taken sniping positions on the roofs.
So basically, they were walking along the road and they came across a group of raiders. Velvet made an effort to talk things out, the raiders insulted her, and Calamity started shooting. Does this sound like self defense or defense of the innocent to you?

Granted, the raiders probably would not have let them pass and it would have escalated into violence one way or the other, but from Velvet's perspective this shouldn't matter; Calamity was the one who opened fire, so technically their side initiated the conflict. Plus, they could have just as easily turned around and found a way around the settlement, which is what what Velvet would likely have favored.

Anyway, now let's hear Littlepoop's side of the Gawd-contract debate:

>I felt like I was bleeding out, dying. But the more they yelled at me, the more I realized I had already chosen my course. I just had to make them understand why.
>“Silver Bell.”
Oh yeah, Silver Bell. I'd almost forgotten about her. As I recall, Deadeyes, for some reason, made an entry in his accounting ledger in which he confessed to being responsible for the farm attack that killed her parents. Well, I suppose that's a good enough reason to murder somepony as far as Littlepoop's logic goes. So, the question is: does the additional moral justification of Deadeyes being an icky meanie-pants baddie-pone who deserves a horrible poopoo death solve the ethical dilemma for Velvet, and also for Calamity who for some reason has a problem with murder for hire all of a sudden? Let's find out.

Littlepoop goes on to explain what she read in the ledger: that Deadeyes sent his evil meanie-pants poopoo henchmen to murder Silver Bell and her sister's parents in front of them. They also did it really slow and gruesome and made it really really painful, probably with ball-torture and butt stuff and everything, and they did a lot of other bad meanie-pants stuff too, like prank call a bunch of pizzas to Silver Bell's farm that she didn't order, and they left flaming doodie bags on her front porch that she had to step on to put out, and...and...

Anyway, you get the point. Blah blah blah, Deadeyes was a baddie and this justifies turning him into worm food; we've heard this bit before. How do her friends react?

>Calamity spoke first. “Well, now, that changes things.”
Of course it does. Killing for material gain is always wrong, even if it's not material gain you're receiving as compensation for killing, but is just the regular type of material gain you normally get from doing the type of killing you normally do anyway. But, if the pony you're killing is BAD, well that just changes everything now doesn't it?

>Velvet Remedy shook a little, but stayed firm. “What does it change?”
Velvet Remedy taking a moral stand for once? In my Fallout Equestria? It's more common than you think lol not really.

>Velvet Remedy shook a little, but stayed firm. “What does it change?”
>“Ain’t murder no more,” Calamity stated without reservation. “It’s justice.”
>Velvet shook her mane. “Revenge, you mean.”
What's vexing to me about all of this is that kkat clearly wants to explore some complex moral questions in this story, but obstinately refuses to put even a tiny bit of serious thought into the questions he wants to explore. The only character in this story with any clearly-defined ideals is Velvet Remedy, and she almost goes out of her way to avoid adhering to them most of the time. Everyone else seems to (loosely) follow a basic-bitch white-hats-vs-black-hats code of morals that basically amounts to: "bad stuff is bad, unless the pony you are doing bad stuff to is also bad, in which case bad stuff is good."
52 replies and 23 files omitted.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294645
>>294643
Personally I suspect everything will go exactly according to plan in the long term aside from one minor hiccup involving a baddie taking a hostage friend LP is easily able to save anyway.
How common is it for amateur writers to make things far more overcomplicated than they need to be in an attempt to show off?
In a parallel universe this could be one of the fics greatest chapters where after hearing the plan Calamity subverts everyone's expectations by whipping out his shotgun and blasting Deadeyes in the face like gay sucked cocks blast Kkunt in the face at gay bars.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294647
294651 294654
wtf.png
>>294432
>>294454
>>294523

These are good points. Thank you for modifying your posting style to be a little less caustic, the effort shows.

>The way this character talks, with the "Ah" and "Y'all" just doesn't fit the sudden use of the phrase "Non-vital internal organs". It sounds silly. It sounds pretentious. It sounds completely at odds with the lazy and clumsy way of speaking the character's shown so far.
One of the harder things to do when writing is to break away from your own thought process and to get inside the heads of your characters.

It's also difficult to develop individual speaking patterns that feel believable; either you layer the accents and such on too thick (something I think this author does a lot) and it feels unrealistic, or else you don't give the characters enough expression and they all end up speaking in the same voice. You make a good observation here about the raider pony; it's out of character for him to say something like "non-vital organs." That whole bit about non-vital organs struck me as odd too; I wasn't quite sure what the author was trying to get at there, as removing non-vital organs would require both surgical ability and enough medical training to know which organs were vital.

>And then there are LPs Book Brain moments where she assumes that just because a pony mentions Crane he surely must be an immensely important pony you can learm things from, or starts listening to dead pony diary mp3s while sneaking around an ememy base because she craves those stories more than she wants to be able to hear approaching foes.
I would actually still include these under the umbrella of Gamer Brain moments. In particular, the diary entries are a storytelling device that works well in a game but not in a novel.

Linear storytelling in a game is usually seen as a negative because a lot of the entertainment value comes from having the freedom to explore and interact with a fictional world instead of just observing it. A game that is just an interactive movie, where you're watching a story unfold more or less on its own and are only being asked to press a button every now and then, is usually seen as boring for the sake of simplicity I'm going to ignore visual novels and certain categories of adventure games where what I just described is literally the object of the game. However, non-linear storytelling presents some technical challenges for a writer because you have to find a way to break the story into chunks that can be played/seen/read independently of each other in any particular order.

A tried and true method of doing this is to hide little notes and diary entries and things like that, that make no apparent sense out of context, but form a larger picture the more of them you acquire. This can be used to develop any number of backstories and side-stories concurrently with the more or less linear main story that the player is progressing through. However, in a novel there is no reason to do this, since a novel is by definition a linear mode of storytelling; having the main character picking up random fragments of an entirely separate story while a main story is happening just feels odd, and it feels even odder to have the character focusing attention on this apparently irrelevant side story while something important is happening in the real story, ie sneaking around an enemy fortress.

When writing in any medium it's important to remember that each medium has its own advantages and drawbacks, and you need to make sure that your idea works in the medium you're developing it in. If it doesn't, you need to either reevaluate your idea or reevaluate your choice of medium.

>Because when Littlepip hears about something the author found silly - coal powered coal trains - Littlepip needs a drink so she can handle how stupid she finds the thought of a coal powered coal train.
This also is noteworthy because the idea isn't silly in the first place; coal is usually transported by train, and before diesel engines became common coal-powered steam engines were the standard. It doesn't make any less sense than using gasoline trucks to transport tanks of gasoline, or an animal burning calories in order to hunt for food. Unless you're consuming more fuel in transportation than you're able to transport, it makes perfect sense economically to do things this way. This is just one of many things that k "the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I can play Fallout while dilating" kat could learn about the world if he ventured outside of his mother's basement for a few minutes.

What is, however, quite silly is the idea of having a team of ponies pulling a 600 ton useless steam engine just so the whistle can be used. However, to the author's credit, I recently rewatched an early MLP episode and noticed pic related, so I think he was just trying to poke fun at that particular scene. I had completely forgotten that this was even in the cartoon. However, this is another example of things not translating between mediums; in a children's cartoon you don't question something like this because it's obviously silly and was obviously meant to be silly, but in a story that's attempting to be serious it's the sort of thing you immediately question if you don't get what it's referencing.

This actually brings up another side point that's worth mentioning: you have to be careful when making pop culture references that your references still work internally within the story. Pop culture fads come and go, and just because people would get your reference at the time of writing doesn't mean it will still be relevant enough to be understood in 15 or 20 years. I had completely forgotten about that ponies-pulling-the-steam-engine bit from the show, but I'm guessing in the early days of the fandom people rewatched the S1 and S2 episodes often enough that they would have just instantly caught that without needing it explained.
Anonymous
ff7f8de
?
No.294651
294653 294661
>>294647
I talked to a few friends who are really big fans of Fallout Equestria and asked them what they think about some of the criticism and what really hooks them to the story and characters. I don't wish to admonish them but for some the biggest criticisms here are some of the biggest selling points for them.

One said how Little Pip being named after the Pip Buck and it being her cutie mark makes her the Fallout Pony being a ponafied mascot of the franchise and as such a good avatar to be the main character. Talked as well how they enjoy the shootouts with raiders and slavers with her after action looting and browsing of audio files and papers. Said it felt like reading someone playing Fallout and emulates the moment to moment gameplay you'd find in Fallout 3 which makes the world feel more relatable and lived in. They all had similar positive marks about the moments of LP meeting characters like Crane or Deadeyes'sss's (sorry Nigel had to steal that joke you had me cracking up when I saw that one lol) and being able to chat with them and be presented these quests.

I can understand where they are coming from with why they'd enjoy it especially since we were all younger teens riding high on the pony train and Fallout 3 so having something so reminiscent of somethings you enjoy could be really appealing.

Reminds me of something Nigel said though about how Kkat should copy stuff from other games and got me thinking how this 1:1 translation of video game to book doesn't seem like a profitable venture. He mentioned Ace Combat and I feel like while those games have good stories most is due to characters and drama happening in the background more so then the overall conflict. Even then it wouldn't be too fun to follow Trigger's every moment and have paragraphs describing every single manuvers and weapon he uses in a battle or sitting in the hanger debating which special weapon to bring.

Halo is an fps and a direct novelisation of the games with all the gameplay elements described every time would be boring so they focus instead on the background lore and characters you meet or hear about in the games while the combat mostly focuses on how it's affecting the characters mentally and emotionally.

For Fallout I feel like it'd be best to ignore the main character of the video game when adapting it to a story. Never have much of a character and instead your actions help sway the balance of power with factions represented by charismatic characters with an overall theme each game has with the different factions presenting unique and opposing solutions to it. If I read a Fallout New Vegas book I'd say it'd be best to have the story jump between characters of different factions since the stakes are so much larger like Fallout Equestria is while something like Honest Hearts would be best to have a single character we follow who can come across theses relatively smaller conflicts and be presented different view points and watch them struggle to learn from them and try to decide which side to toss their hat into.

Of course this isn't a thread to tell people their stories are absolute shit and no one is allowed to like it but meant to show people how to avoid writing pit falls so I suppose it isn't worth fussing about how Fallout Equestria is or isn't the second coming of pony Jesus.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294652
294653 294654
>>294523
>this fake motivation is too gay for anypony to realistically buy it. travelling cross-country just so you can get some song on the radio? He should at express at least a little skepticism over it, prompting LP to say some edgy shit like "What else will we do with our lives?".
This would make sense in some worlds but probably not in this one.

For instance, if your character lives in 1930s rural America and spends all her free time listening to the radio, and one day decides to go on a journey to find the station that the music she loves is broadcast from in order to get her own voice on the air, that would be a good motivation and could make a good story. This works because for someone living on a farm during the Great Depression, the radio would have been a major source of entertainment, probably the only one available, so a farm girl elevating her favorite radio stars to this mythological level would make sense. It would also make sense to undertake a quest like that, because music was a major commercial enterprise at a time when there was not a lot of practical work available, so becoming a professional singer would be both a realization of a personal dream and a way to escape crippling poverty.

However, in a world like FoE, it doesn't make a ton of sense, as the world appears to be too chaotic for a commercial music business to be in any way practical in fact, I think even having the DJ character in the story to begin with is a bit of a stretch logically. Plus, music seems to be mostly a hobby activity for Velvet; as far as I can tell she considers her true calling to be medicine. In fact, the whole reason she left Stable 2 is because the overmare wanted her to be a pop singer instead of a doctor because cutie marks, which incidentally I still think is a retarded idea. For a hobbyist singer, who left home because she didn't want to be a professional singer, to make a long journey across a post-apocalyptic wasteland, fending off violent raiders and slavers and whatever the fuck else, just to do something that only serves advance the professional music career she doesn't want and shouldn't even be possible to have, is just ridiculous; there are so many WTFs in that sentence I wouldn't even know where to begin addressing them all.

>>294524
>I bet this baddie won't think to put a bomb collar on Velvet's neck to be detonated later if Gawd doesn't die or if LP shoots Deadeye'ss's.
This would have made far more sense than what he actually ends up doing. Also, I notice that the business about Velvet singing for him beforehand never actually takes place as a scene and has no apparent relevance to anything, so I don't see why the author bothered mentioning it at all.

>>294518
>I don't recall if it's pointed out explicitly in the text, but presumably this is the reason that Velvet's pipbuck contained the "CMC3BFF" code to Stable 2's door back at the beginning - because it was passed down to her from the generations that followed Sweebles.
That actually makes sense, but again we have an example of the author doing a piss-poor job of integrating all of these complex ideas into the main story. I had completely forgotten what the password to the door was; in fact I'd completely forgotten how Velvet even escaped. I remember there was some kind of subterfuge that involved giving her PipBuck to LP, but beyond that I've lost track of the details. One of the biggest problems with this story is that it contains too much information about too many different subjects, without any central plot or idea to knit all of it together.

However, here is a counterpoint to this that I thought of:

It's occurred to me more than once that I might be the wrong sort of person to even be reviewing this story in the first place. It was obviously written not just with gamers in mind, but a very specific type of gamer, who plays games obsessively and thoroughly. Though it may sometimes seem like I come down on this story pretty hard for it's gamer-bait moments, it's not my intention to disparage video games in general or to bash gaming as a hobby; I play video games, I dabble in making them, and I have fun doing it. However, I'm definitely not the sort of gamer that kkat is writing for here.

For an RPG style game like Fallout, I usually just play through the main story and call it good, and whatever bonus stuff I find along the way is just extra. I don't really care that much about finding every secret item or unlocking every side quest; once I've played through the main story I just delete my save file and uninstall the game. If I like the game enough to play it again, I'll just start over from the beginning and see if I find anything new the second time around.

However, I know that there are some players who meticulously collect every item and catalog every available piece of information about the game and its world. It's occurred to me recently that such a person might actually enjoy the way this story is written: blasting the reader with word-bukkake consisting of all sorts of random bits of information, and leaving it to them to piece together the larger story it's hinting at. I personally find this infuriating and I'll also note that it's still done poorly here, and also that having a complex and well-thought out backstory doesn't make up for having an illogical, clumsily told main story with poorly-developed main characters, but I can see how a certain type of person might enjoy this kind of writing.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294653
294663
>>294651
Some of what I said here >>294652 applies to this post as well. However, I will add that while I don't have a problem with games in general, and I've never played any of the Fallout games so I can't comment on them, I think part of the reason I have a visceral dislike for this story is that I have a visceral dislike for the type of obsessive gamer this story is being written for. Your post here actually illustrates several reasons why.

>One said how Little Pip being named after the Pip Buck and it being her cutie mark makes her the Fallout Pony being a ponafied mascot of the franchise and as such a good avatar to be the main character.
This is fanboy thinking at its absolute worst. Ponifying things is fun, but just because something can be ponified doesn't mean that pony will work as a character. Littlepoop is a violent murderhobo with a nonsensical cutie mark who uses her generic non-values as an excuse to murder nearly everypony she encounters while obnoxiously moralizing about it. If she's the ponification of Fallout, it doesn't reflect well on Fallout.

>Said it felt like reading someone playing Fallout and emulates the moment to moment gameplay you'd find in Fallout 3 which makes the world feel more relatable and lived in.
I've heard people say this as well, and again I think it's just the particular personality type that both the game and the story appeals to; I'm not that sort of person or player, so I don't understand the appeal. However, it's telling that it makes the world feel "relatable" and "lived in" for them. Imo if a person finds a novel about a game world to be more relatable than a novel about a realistic world, it's probably a sign that they are putting too much time and energy into gaming.

>Reminds me of something Nigel said though about how Kkat should copy stuff from other games and got me thinking how this 1:1 translation of video game to book doesn't seem like a profitable venture. He mentioned Ace Combat and I feel like while those games have good stories most is due to characters and drama happening in the background more so then the overall conflict. Even then it wouldn't be too fun to follow Trigger's every moment and have paragraphs describing every single manuvers and weapon he uses in a battle or sitting in the hanger debating which special weapon to bring.

>Halo is an fps and a direct novelisation of the games with all the gameplay elements described every time would be boring so they focus instead on the background lore and characters you meet or hear about in the games while the combat mostly focuses on how it's affecting the characters mentally and emotionally.
The way you'd approach novelizing a video game would depend on the type of game it is and how much of an actual story it has to begin with. As you say, with something like Halo or Ace Combat, you have gameplay that probably wouldn't work for a story, but the backstory of the game is rich enough to draw from.

Games that are almost entirely story-focused, say something like The Last Express, could probably be novelized directly without changing very much at all I actually was able to pass Language Arts in 7th grade by sharting out an "original" short story that was literally just a walkthrough of an adventure game I was playing at the time. On the other hand, if you tried to novelize something primitive like Asteroids or Space Invaders you'd pretty much be writing an original story from scratch. Again, the trick when adapting one medium to another is to keep in mind which elements work universally and which elements are specific to the medium you're adapting from; omit the latter, focus on the former.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCujQfCWD-8
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294654
294663
>>294647
I'll mention this because I want to check if you think it's as brilliant as I do when it comes to integrating narrative with information revealed naturally over time.
Devil May Cry 1 has journal entries made by Dante, the playable character and professional demon hunter, about the island castle he explores and the lore he uncovers and the monsters he fights over the course of the game. As you fight enemies and notice things like "guns fuck haunted puppets up because these demons haven't seen the outside world since 1250 and have no idea what guns are" and "fire spiders are immune to grenades" and "you can interrupt the Nightmare's sword strikes with your own" he will make a note of this for later. He also records notes about the lore and objects he finds, and this can help a stumped player figure out the "take object x to place y and press use" puzzles.

As for the train thing I don't think he was trying to mock it. I think he was trying to justify it, even though steam whistles only work when steam trains have enough steam. He wanted to justify something dumb in canon without realizing his train lacks the steam needed to use its whistle therefore his explanation could not work.
A lot of fanfic writers have this weird habit of trying to justify all the silly seeming things in a show when writing a fanfic for it. But only the things that seem silly to them and feel like they need explaining.
So they will type up some headcanons that claim Pinkie gained her reality warping powers from being half Discord.
Or they'll claim the Gym Leaders in pokemon handicap themselves by exclusively using pokemon of one type because the law says they have to and the only reason those adult professional Gym Leaders regularly lose to 10 year olds is because they are literally paid to do so while giving those kids a tough yet fair challenge appropriate for their skill level.
Or claim that infamously memed "Naruto Run" is actually a good idea for magical ninja athletes who accelerate from 0 to 70 mph in 2 seconds and usually keep hidden blades stuffed up their sleeves that would fly everywhere if they bent and pumped their limbs like proper olympic sprinters.
These examples are specific to three different franchises but it isn't restricted to these franchises. Good moments of headcanoning can help make the setting feel more realistic but bad headcanoning just wastes time or draws attention to dumb overlooked moments without patching them up.
Getting it wrong seems to be a writing mistake made by writers who want to tell you all their headcanons and make someone else's setting into their own even if it gets in the way of telling a story in that setting.
And of course it can be taken way too far.
It's one thing to try and handwave away some episode of FIM where everyone was uncharacteristically awful to their closest friends by saying everypony was tired and cranky from a late night party yesterday.
And sometimes your story relies on something that was barely used or barely explained or glossed over in canon, something you need to clearly define. Like the relationships between different countries and factions that were barely mentioned in the show.
But when you start trying to retcon tiny unimportant details with overly long explanations or take the magic and wonder out of settings by trying to give absolutely everything an arbitrary scientific nonmagical explanation that's when it goes a bit too far. Kojima ruined his franchise by trying to blame all the supernatural elements on nanomachine parasites. When an author goes down the same route by claiming Ghastly the ghost pokemon from Pokemon is actually an entirely magicless farting bat coated in hallucinogenic methane whose big smile and big eyes are actually markings on its chest, this...
While I personally dislike it when its taken that far I still understand the urge to try to make their settings more coherent and consistent and "realistic" and I respect authors that have pulled it off well.

>emulates the moment to moment gameplay you'd find in Fallout 3 which makes the world feel more relatable and lived in
A world feels lived in when things happen on their own without the direct involvement of main characters, the world makes sense, and NPCs have a life of their own beyond the PCs. The world of Deus Ex felt lived in. Remember when you read that email from your co-worker who cant spell and wanted a head gun? Remember the Domino Effect in Mass Effect's worldbuilding where so much was a consequence of something else? Remember any setting that hasnt been swallowed up by a handful of important families everything must be related to? A world feels lived in when it has people innovating and trying and failing or succeeding instead of just sitting around with quirky gimmicks waiting for the player character to show up.

Btw that theoretical Ace Combat fic sounds fun to me. Describing the tenseness and panic or calm and flow state of a pilot could help add more emotional weight to things. Saying Trigger is sad IRL out of the plane could make things deeper. Like that Halo novelization where MC only feels happy on the battlefield following simple instructions.
Plus I always liked moments in stories where people weigh the pros and cons of picking certain weapons over others. Reminds me of those hours wasted fretting over teambuilding in pokemon. Damn whoever keeps refusing to expand pokemon team sizes beyond 6. Been reading a lot of military books lately about badasses and guns and special forces teams and so on but I understand this stuff's boring to some.

>>294652
You and I aren't in the target audiences of Fallout Equestria or Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean we can't critique these stories on what they offer to people they aren't pandering to.
Come to think of it there was a time when I was in the target audience for this fic, but then I read better stuff and learned more about writing and got higher standards.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294656
294658
d7b.jpg
>>294516

>Velvet Remedy opened one of her saddleboxes, pulling out a notebook. “What songs will I do? Most of my music isn’t really raider-appropriate. Somehow, I don’t think songs about peace and love, nobility or freedom are really their fare.”
And right on cue, Velvet chucks her principles straight out the window. Seriously, bitch; are you not going to raise even a single tiny objection to this?

This is exactly what she said to Littlepoop just a few short hours earlier:

>“Littlepip, it’s one thing to kill in self defense. Or to protect others. But this...” She turned on me with a stare that could petrify the Overmare herself. “This. Is. Murder!”
Clearly, Velvet feels quite strongly about this. But surely, if LP has a good reason to kill Deadeyes, like avenging the horribly slaughtered family of an innocent little filly, that would make it justice, right?

>Velvet shook her mane. “Revenge, you mean.”
Well, it's clear that Velvet's principles are written in stone. So naturally, when LP returns and asks her to perform a crucial role in her plan to assassinate Deadeyes, I'm sure she'll just flat out refuse, right?

>Velvet Remedy was checking down her list of songs. “Well, that one’s out. That one... might work. Oh, that could be fun, but it was originally meant as a duet. (I read in an old magazine that Pinkie Pie and Vinyl Scratch once performed it at Hoofbeats.) I could tweak it for one pony, but it really requires musical accompaniment. Maybe a Velvet Remedy original? How about...?”
In these troubled times of chaos and uncertainty, it's so refreshing to see a mare as committed to her principles as Velvet clearly is.

>I blinked, remembering, “Well, Deadeye’s expecting two songs before the attack. And he says one of them has to be a song by Sweetie Belle.”
Ffs, is his name Deadeye or Deadeyes? It isn't this goddamned hard to use apostrophes correctly.

>I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. As much as I adored Velvet Remedy’s music, and fell in love with her in every song, tonight we were just looking for a distraction. It didn’t have to be perfect.
"Tee hee, oh Velvet, you are just too adorable. Your willingness to berate me for being a cold-blooded killer one moment and then immediately flush your beliefs down the toilet and start sperging about which songs you should perform for a room full of actual cold-blooded killers just gets my peepee place all slick and tingly. I have never wanted to lick your labia so much as I do right now." Ugh.

Believe it or not, it actually gets worse from here:

>Velvet Remedy looked playfully insulted. “Why of course, dear. There won’t be an eye for anypony else in that room.” I believed it. I believed Velvet Remedy could keep every eye on her even if Ditzy Doo was in the audience. Suddenly, Velvet Remedy gasped. “Every eye! I’ll need a bath! Oh no, what am I going to wear!?”
"Tee hee, oh Velvet, you're so endearingly adorable, I don't even care how lacking in substance your character is. I wish I could just wear your labia on my face all day every day until the end of forever."

>“I can help with that.”
>Velvet cocked her head. “No thank you. I can bathe myself quite well enough, dear.”
>I stammered, flushing hotly. That wasn’t what I meant, but now that she had said it, I couldn’t drive the image out of my mind. My heart fluttered in my chest.
"Tee hee, oh Velvet, I only wanted to help you pick out some clothes, but here you've gone and flustered me, you silly delicious filly you. Now I'm going to have to stammer adorably while the midwit reader base for this dreck cackles over this delightfully erotic misunderstanding. If I could have one wish, it would be to have your labia surgically grafted to my lips, so that I might lick you until the day they bury us together."

Blecch.

>Calamity neighed and turned away. “I’ll give you two some private time for...” he waved a hoof between us, “...whatever this is.” He made a quick exit, muttering something about helping Gawd’s ponies get their magical plasma cannon up and running before Red Eye’s forces got here. I wasn’t paying any attention. I only had eyes for Velvet Remedy, and I could feel my face burning.
The author is making a clumsy attempt at advancing the romantic plot here. This is meant to be the part where the two characters who are supposed to eventually fall in love start awkwardly brushing hands accidentally, or stumbling over words while talking to each other. It works when done right, but it's not being done right here.

The way this kind of thing works in your average modern-day love story is you have two characters who start off as strangers, or occasionally adversaries. They're presented as separate people with separate lives and goals, but usually with some deep-rooted unhappiness; they're each unhappy in their current relationship, or they're both lonely and trying to meet someone, that sort of thing. Eventually they are brought together through some chance encounter, and strike up some kind of platonic relationship. This can take many different forms: sometimes they end up working together for some reason, or they're competing with each other, or the girl is a platonic friend helping the guy win some girl who is clearly wrong for him (or vice versa), etc etc. If anyone reading still has an uncancelled Netflix account, you can pretty much just go to the RomCom section and grab any random title you like as an example; they all basically follow the same plot model:

1. Introduce two people who are clearly right for each other but don't know it yet
2. Have them meet
3. Create some external situation where they are forced to spend time together for awhile
4. Develop chemistry between them
5. ???
6. Profit

As I said, this is a standard plot model that is very easy to follow, but the crucial point that determines whether the story will succeed or fail is step 4. There needs to be some kind of chemistry between the two characters, either positive or negative. Running out of space, hold on.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294657
I figured out who this story was really meant for-
The kind of tasteless fake nerd who thought Ready Player One was a good movie and thought Fallout 3 was better than 2 for being "bigger".
The kind of faggot who thinks Skyrim is better than The Witcher 3 because he beat one in 500 hours and put over 9000 hours into Skyrim and still hasn't permanently finished any of the endlessly repeatable Radiant Quests or figured out that they cannot be permanently completed.
This story isn't just trying to out-edge Fallout 3. It's doing so in a way that appeals to the kind of consoomer who bought a VaultBoy Funko Pop even though the Vault Boy was designed to parody that kind of consumerist iconography by contrasting it with the gory grim world and images of Vault Boy punting pregnant women in the baby bulge.
Remember how in Fallout 2 the further your character went south, the more your dialogue would change from that of an innocent ignorant tribal savage to a snarky veteran who has seen it all? Character progression like that is alien to this story. From day 1 Littlepip can scam slavers with overly elaborate plots and negotiate with robbers who should know better and correct pro raiders on how to hold hostages correctly.
It's like it was written in a consoomerist completionist trance. When I obsess over games I try to figure out how to get the most of them and master the mechanics for optimal efficiency and style and fun. When these fags play games they only touch shallow AAA shlock and grind until they tell themselves they have gotten to the good parts by getting past the slow dull prologues and tutorials for the dull and slow.
Fallout Equestria was written for the kind of people who would have taken up CelestAI on her offer if she existed, and would have ended up blind fanboys of that fic instead of this one if they read it first.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294658
294659 294660 294662
1608057266746.jpg
>>294656

Positive romantic chemistry would be a situation where the two characters get along with each other and clearly enjoy each other's company, but there is some barrier preventing it from developing into romance. Often this involves another person, who is usually the significant other of whoever the protagonist's love interest is. For instance, if I were writing a RomCom film called Sweet Titty Bunt Cake starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, I might create a situation where Tom's character and Meg's character end up as business partners in a failing cake shop. They clearly get along with each other and have a good rapport, but Tom's attention is focused on pleasing his stuck-up, selfish, arrogant fiance who is clearly wrong for him, and so he never notices poor Meg in her paint-spattered overalls and thick black nerd glasses, whom he sees as just a friend and business partner.

For a negative chemistry situation, I might write a film called Little Cock Surprise, in which Meg Ryan is trying to keep her family's failing chicken farm afloat, and Tom Hanks plays the cocky pun intentional CEO of a multinational chicken conglomerate who is trying to buy her out. In this situation, the barrier to their romance is the situation itself: they are positioned to be bitter enemies, and will frequently clash. However, as they interact and spend time together, they realize that they have more in common than they think, and eventually love will blossom.

The point of all this is that in order to make a romance story work, you need to have two characters who each have enough personality to be interesting on their own, make the audience like both of them enough that they will want to see them end up together, and then put them in a situation where some obstacle needs to be overcome in order for that to happen. The prerequisite is that the two characters must both be interesting and likable, and there must be interesting chemistry between them. Just writing two characters who are attracted to each other and having them fall in love doesn't work, you have to make the audience give a shit. People don't want stories about normal, functional humans having normal, boring relationships, they want to see the plain-Jane girl oust the head cheerleader to win the captain of the football team; they want to see the hunky single dad stop mourning his dead wife and find happiness with the quirky shy girl who works at the bookstore. Learning this is the crucial difference between writing the RomComs that middle-aged cat ladies cream themselves to, and writing the ones that end up being broadcast on Hallmark Channel at 3 in the morning, when the cat ladies are already snoring on the couch with an empty bottle of chardonnay at their feet. I feel like I'm starting to veer off topic a little bit.

Anyway, point is, if the Littlepoop x Velvet Remedy story were a RomCom, it would be a snoozer, and the cat ladies' private parts would be as dry as the Sahara. The reason is that k "you will never be a real cat lady" kat missed both targets: neither of his characters are very interesting (Velvet is a particularly bad character, for reasons I've already gone over), and there is no significant chemistry between them. Ironically, he actually has a pretty good setup for negative chemistry here: if Velvet actually gave a shit about her own ideals and stuck to them, she would be constantly butting heads with Littlepoop over her murderhobo behavior.

As I've said before, the author seems to have deliberately set things up so their values clash: Velvet is a pacifist who believes that violence is never justified, and so she tolerates even ponies like the slavers, who engage in business that is probably sort of reprehensible to her. Littlepoop is an idealist who feels that any action is justified if it achieves a benevolent end, so she makes it her business to murderhobo her way around Equestria, rooting out evil wherever she finds it. My suspicion is that Velvet's flip-flopping on her ideals was actually the author attempting to show her as conflicted: she thinks the slavers are evil, but she also thinks violence is evil, so she can't decide which way to go. The problem is, he doesn't do a particularly good job of writing her, and so she comes across as an insincere hypocrite instead. Littlepoop, for her part, just comes across as insane and poorly developed. Despite being the narrator of the story, she never really explains her beliefs to the reader; I guess we're just supposed to assume that her reasons for wanting to take down slaver colonies and murder raiders are obvious. However, this basically robs her of any opportunity she might have had for serious depth and places her in Dudley Do-Right territory; she's the hero who does good because it's good, and fights evil because it's evil. This kind of hero is almost always dull.

This lack of development saps any energy that the interactions between these two characters might have had. As such, not only does the reader have no reason to care whether or not they get together, there's no reason to even believe that they might. Apart from Littlepoop's occasional comments and innuendos that indicate she's attracted to Velvet, what chemistry has there been between the two of them? What indication have we had that anything will ever come out of this one-sided attraction that Littlepoop has? Hell, it's honestly not even that convincing as a one-sided attraction; Littlepoop is always either fawning over Velvet like a lovesick puppy or berating her for not being murderhobo enough for the murderhobo club, but she almost never tries to strike up a conversation or hit on her. Once again, I get the impression the author is trying to show conflicted feelings in Littlepoop, but once again he mostly sucks at it.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294659
294744
1608169626910.png
>>294658

Anyway, there's also this:

>“I...” I stomped. “I meant, I have the perfect thing for you to wear!” Focusing my magic, I opened my saddlebags and slid out the most beautiful dress in the wasteland, my find from Carousel Boutique.
Holy shit, that's the dress she found in Rarity's old trunk clear back in Chapter 2 or some shit. I'm amazed I even remember that. She's been carrying that thing around with her all this time? Stuffed into her saddlebag along with ammunition and magic statues and whatever the fuck else she's carrying? That dress has got to be a filthy, wrinkled mess by now.

Page break. The next scene opens at the concert, which apparently they were able to organize, choreograph, find backing musicians for, and promote within the space of two hours. Velvet is onstage singing, and Littlepoop is in the audience ogling her instead of paying attention to whatever retarded murderhobo stuff she's supposed to be doing right now. The subchapter opens with some lyric snippets from Velvet's song:

>“How can I fix this? How many times must I try?
>Please, this time, let me get it right...
>Get it ri-i-ight!”
If only the author thought this way about his writing process.

>I crouched on the balcony, covered in the ever-disgusting mattress cover.
She's still carrying that goddamn jizz-blanket around with her? I hope she wasn't keeping it in the same part of her saddlebag as Velvet's dress. Anyway, why does she even need that thing? I thought she was going to use the StealthBuck to stay invisible.

>Deadeyes hadn’t been stupid. When I entered the balcony, I found a note had been left for me: One shot to the target, one to the table. The stage is rigged to explode if you shoot anything else.
Deadeyes not being stupid for once is probably the most shocking plot twist this author has yet thrown at us. I'm a little unclear on how specifically this would work, though. By "shoot anything else," does he just mean that everything in the room except the table she's supposed to shoot at and presumably Gawd's head is somehow wired as a trigger to the explosives under the stage? That seems pretty logistically complicated to set up, not to mention the fact that she could easily miss unintentionally. Also, if the stage blows up, wouldn't that kill everypony in the room, including Deadeyes? Seems a little self-defeating.

Also, this doesn't in any way shape or form protect Deadeyes from getting shot. If I'm understanding the situation correctly, aside from the table Deadeyes is at, everything else is wired as a trigger, but couldn't she still shoot Deadeyes without hitting anything else besides the table in front of him? I get what the author is trying to do here; he just wants to have Deadeyes take extra precaution to ensure she won't doublecross him, by making it so if LP kills Deadeyes she also kills Velvet. This is the first intelligent thing Deadeyes has done in this story and I want to applaud it. However, a much saner way to accomplish this would be to have a single trigger for the stage bomb that is wired to Deadeyes himself, and if his blood pressure drops below a certain level the bomb will go off; this would ensure that if LP kills him, Velvet would also die, and it has the added benefit of being actually somewhat plausible.

>Celestia burn him! Even if I could get a message to Calamity, he was no better at disarming explosives than I was. (Out of petty spite, I stole his copy of Applied Gemstones.)
I don't quite understand what stealing Applied Gemstones has to do with anything here. Is it supposed to be a book on disarming explosives? Would it have been useful here? This is either a joke that didn't land, a reference I didn't get, or both. Anyway, if I'm understanding this correctly, the current situation is that Deadeyes has some kind of magical bomb that will go off if LP shoots anything except Gawd and the table, mechanism of operation presently unknown. Whatever; let's just roll with it.

Anyway, I'll actually give the author some credit here: if removed from its completely nonsensical context, this scene is decently written. He evokes a striking image of Velvet giving a moving performance, and the mood and atmosphere is appropriate. Unfortunately, though, it's not quite good enough to distract the reader from how completely ridiculous the story itself has gotten.

Velvet finishes a heart-wrenching rendition of a heart-wrenching song, and manages to wrench enough hearts to draw thunderous applause from the crowd. She then launches into an uptempo number to get everypony dancing and shouting and whatnot.

>My ears were up; my eyes widened. And for a moment, I completely forgot about the sniper rifle at my side. All that mattered was that I didn’t recognize this music. I’d never heard this song!
Jesus Christ, Littlepoop, every time I think you can't possibly suck any more than you do already, you manage to surprise me.

>By Celestia’s grace! She’s going to set off any explosives under that stage herself!
One would assume that this line was not meant to be taken literally, but apparently it is. LP is now genuinely concerned that Velvet will somehow accidentally blow herself up by getting everyone to clap too loud, or something. This just makes the already questionable issue of how the bomb trigger works even more questionable.

Anyway, she decides that now is the time to finally do the thing she came here to do, so she fires a shot into Gawd's table, shoots Deadeyes in the brain, and then telekinetically lifts Velvet off of the stage so she doesn't get all blowed up, all in the same instant apparently. The mysteriously-triggered bomb that Deadeyes set up predictably detonates, injuring Gawd with shrapnel (this could easily have killed her) and flat-out killing the entire front row of ponies (who were just innocent bystanders, btw; if Velvet Remedy doesn't chastise LP about this later then she's even more of a hypocrite than usual).
Anonymous
591898c
?
No.294660
>>294658
>People don't want stories about normal, functional humans having normal, boring relationships
Well, as you said once, people are different. I guess this could be true for the general populace but speaking for myself I do enjoy the idea and stories that is about already established couples. Perhaps I misunderstand what you are saying here because I read this without the context of the other posts..
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294661
>>294651
>Reminds me of something Nigel said though about how Kkat should copy stuff from other games and got me thinking how this 1:1 translation of video game to book doesn't seem like a profitable venture.
Something that is both a roundabout credit to FoE and an absolute nightmare for those attempting to untangle copy/pasting from original content is that FoE isn't a direct translation of a game's plot into a story. FoE's story draws major elements from Fallout 1, 2, 3 and NV and blends them together into a single giant complex clusterfuck, with a few original elements thrown in as well. Amusingly, if you're familiar with what's being referenced you can often tell precisely where Kkat stopped aping one of the games because a nominally intelligent character or idea suddenly takes a violent swerve into idiotville.

For example, as mentioned in an earlier post, Fallout 3 begins with your character leaving their home vault in search of their missing father. Much later in the game, you find him and learn his secret - he was never a resident of the vault, and brought you there as a baby for your own safety. Once your character was old enough not to need him, he returned to the wasteland to resume work on his secret project to purify the Potomac river. And now that you've found him he wants your help to make that dream a reality. Writing quality aside, there's the skeleton of a story there.

In FoE, Pip leaves her home stable in search of her missing crush. Once she finds Velvet, she quickly learns that Velvet's secret is... well, she's a jackass with vague, wishy-washy principles who wants a career that makes no sense. And that's about it. But she's still her crush. So... low effort girlwank. Hooray?

The main villains of FoE are prime examples of this, once we get to them. Eventually.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294662
>>294658
Romance writing is not my specialty but would I be correct to assume that while LP shallowly likes Velvet for being pretty, she lacks any deeper appreciation for her and Velvet lacks a deep appreciation for and bond with Littlepip and that's one major reason why this sucks?
Velvet is a popstar turned wasteland survivalist. Her attempt to go solo got her captured by slavers and forced to heal slavers and slaves and fucking sing for the slavers. She got her ass saved by a fucking nopony whose life she was willing to ruin unintentionally with the "remove my pipbuck" bit.
Picture a scene where at first Velvet barely recognizes LP or remember who took her PipBuck off. But when LP explains how she was blamed for the disappearance of the stables idol Velvet realizes she was a stuck up selfish cunt and cries because she is not used to the idea that she might be a flawed imdividual who needs improvement.
Velvet should not have the capacity to smile right now. Or flirt. She should be a changed mare. An innocent soul full of regret wrapped into a clusterfuck of a plan that could get them all killed. She should cry into LPs shoulder and need a pep talk. Shouldn't the thought of singing for hardened killers remind her of how she was forced to sing for slavers and fill her with disgust?

Also I cant stop imagining LP tying that jizzed matress cover around her neck like a kids superhero cape.

Also holy fuck Deadeyes wrote instructions for LP. She could pin this whole op on him using that note as evidence. Dead-Eyed Deadeye Deadeyes'ss is retarded. Kkunt is retarded for not turning this inconsistent name into a joke where his name turns out to be Deadeye Deadeyes.
Everyone loves when you retcon what looks like a mistake into something intentional.
Like how at first those scenes in Kingdom Hearts 3582 Days where Xion has her hood up in some camera angle shots and her hood down in other camera angle shots and her hood abruptly switches from up to down multiple times in a conversation seems like a genuine mistake. Then you realize all camera angles from the main hero Roxas's perspective show Xion with her hood down and camera angles from his friend Axel's perspective show the hood up. At least until Axel starts seeing her face too, after spending enough time with her. Spoiler alert it's because Xion is no i the imaginary number. She is magical puppet and the face you see on her depends on you not her. Deep symbolism. *sips purified water* yep that was a good game.
Anonymous
f04e0e0
?
No.294663
294664 294713
>>294654
That's a good post.
>A lot of fanfic writers have this weird habit of trying to justify all the silly seeming things in a show when writing a fanfic for it. But only the things that seem silly to them and feel like they need explaining.
It's a simple format that seems easy.
X wonders why Z happens/is.
Tell or show happens what Z is.
The problem is fitting incompatible worlds together (unless that is supposed to be a key element done well). Besides as you've said they tend to do this poorly.
When it's done that is internally consistent, believable, and supports story elements such as characters it's great. The world feels lived in.
The other problem is they feel like they have to have those questions answered fully. Especially if they can't do the explanation justice, and it actively and passively harms the story.

>>294653
I've read quite a few game-like stories and to be honest I'm not the target for this fiction either.
The 'character' Littlepip is a meta representation of a let's play for Fallout and a showcase of the author's 'modded' world.
The closest I know of is Mass Effect stories where they detail the past in bullet points and dates.
The punch line is yes it's Equestria AND it's Fallout 3 gameplay, wouldn't that be fun. In Fallout Equestria you too could wear a jizz stained bed too.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294664
>>294663
>The 'character' Littlepip is a meta representation of a let's play for Fallout and a showcase of the author's 'modded' world.
This is probably the best succinct description of Littlepip I've ever seen. Her seemingly arbitrary morality and casual approach to bloodshed make a lot more sense if you view her as a self-insert for the author. With that in mind, of course the fight scenes are bad and the characters are bland - we're reading the written equivalent of a manchild bashing his action figures together.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294713
294723
>>294663
Which school of fanfic thought do you prefer?
>we never see a hospital in Canterlot so they must canonically lack hospitals and some OC doctor is a hero for wanting to make his own hospital in Canterlot and a baddie gets in his way for some reason
>Canterlot now has a hospital because it would be silly if this major city lacked one and the story requires one to already exist
Anonymous
f04e0e0
?
No.294723
>>294713
I prefer the world as being internally consistent with its story. The story, characters, magic, rules, and world come first,. While those two choices could make good stories, that requires going about it with respect is a key point.
>We never see Canterlot hospitals, but we know Ponyville has a rather large one, and actual vet offices.
>In Ponyville makes a lot of sense it's a frontier town next to dangrous areas.
>It stands to reason to keep the city aesthetic consistent those hospitals are harder to find for someone not ingrained with that culture.
>Not only that we don't have a reason to see a Canterlot hospital.
Another option
>The royal castle and guard houses also double as a hospital.
>Most 'guards' are emergency specialists keeping to the ancient royal theme.
Or even
>Canterlot doesn't need hospitals. Or they don't have it for some good reasons.
>It's relatively safe, when hostile forces take Canterlot they are on the side of a mountain.
>Without easy access to medical supplies ponies can bleed out the enemy and bring them under siege.
>It's a means of last resort.
Both points could be true.
>Canterlot is designed to fall when hostile forces take over and when various pony groups decide to attack as well.
>Hospitals are also like bunkers where it's not above ground to prevent damage to patients, and emergency key figures.
Or any number of reasons.
>Both situations could be true
>The 'hero' is trying to force an above ground hospital, yet meets resistance along the way.
>First bureaucracy, then some key figures, then guards 'harass' him, finally the final boss appears Celestia sets things straight with the pony.
>Along the way he starts to make illegal contacts to force his idea into reality.
Or another inversion
>Docs make house calls
>and they have lots of magic
>New doctor that transferred from somewhere else is feeling the culture shock.
Or
>They are there the audience never sees it and attention is not brought to it.
>Also it can be done with we're in a hospital in Canterlot and that's all that needs to be said any other relevant point could be brought up if that enhances the story.
<Or
>They arn't there heres a fun tale about it.
Finally (not the only option left either) it's still not important or relevant enough to go about discussing in the story anyway.
<Also Magic ain't gotta explain shit
<Also Magic gonna explain that shit
<Also Magic why not both?
<How about none or all of the above.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294728
294729 294732
Do you think the story should have focused harder on LP GRADUALLY losing her stable poner sensibilities to embrace Wasteland morality so when she meets Velvet who has had less character growth than her, they argue?
Anonymous
f04e0e0
?
No.294729
294732
>>294728
The story (as a story without other considerations) without a major rewrite or change (or fixing it up everywhere) in at least one kind of area with everything existing as is it won't really stack up one way or another.
Stacking shit up in different ways gives you differnt looking shit stacks, but it's all shit. It's a bit of an exaggeration, but the ooint remains. There are tiny points that glimmer with hope and possibility, but not enough. Unless someone is specifically looking for that.
Not to say it's irredeemable or the worst fiction ever it does have it's flaws.
As just an idea Fallout Equestria serves it's purpose with a hobbled step.
For the very niche audience it has that certain quality they desired to see that other works just didn't have (or they desired more of that quality in different fiction). Towards that end it did its job.
I understand that. Especially since I'm more focused and geared toward finding those ideas, concepts, and imagined world stuffs.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294732
294743
>>294728
>>294729
The main issue with FoE so far is that it has three things with which to keep the reader invested: the plot, the characters, and the videogame references. Videogame references mean absolutely nothing to people who aren't intimately familiar with the game in question. The plot is more or less nonexistent so far, aside from a few as-of-yet inconsequential hints that larger things are going on. Pip and friends haven't really been presented with a goal, so they're wandering from place to place and addressing local problems in a sort of episodic sense.

This leaves the characters themselves as the sole point of interest, which is why it's so frustrating that Pip is an empty shell for Kkat to insert his big idea of the day into and that Calamity/Velvet are both very wishy-washy with no consistent opinions or motives. And as we'll learn later in the story, their character (both personal and moral) and friendship becomes vital to the plot. It's a shame, because all the makings of a strong group dynamic are at least potentially there and could, at least in theory, carry the story's early worldbuilding.

Littlepip is the curious, naive newcomer and audience vehicle. Calamity is the hardened wasteland veteran. Velvet is the beautiful dreamer who struggles to reconcile her lofty principles with harsh reality. It wouldn't be hard to build a dynamic there if only they could dismount Pip's throbbing murderboner for five minutes. If these were the case FoE would at least have the foundations of a solid core cast:
- Pip's kleptomania needs to lead us to things that are both interesting and relevant, not vague breadcrumbs for things that will become meaningful-ish in hindsight dozens of chapters later, as well as putting her into actual trouble that she can't handle.
- Calamity's experience needs to come into play to cover for when the two girls' unfamiliarity with the wastes put them in danger, while his jaded nature blinds him to solutions the others can see easily.
- Velvet needs a defined set of principles that are grounded in something meaningful and the spine to actually stand by them, for good and ill.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294739
294743
Is it correct to assume the best way to tell an episodic story is to establish the characters and goals, and then make every episode one more step on their road to their final destination so that everything at least slightly feels like progress?
Kkat even has two perfect excuses for LP to put the main plot on hold and stop to help out random noponies in the form of LPs completionism and Velvets moralizing doctor quest.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294743
>>294732
>Pip and friends haven't really been presented with a goal, so they're wandering from place to place and addressing local problems in a sort of episodic sense.

>>294739
>Is it correct to assume the best way to tell an episodic story is to establish the characters and goals, and then make every episode one more step on their road to their final destination so that everything at least slightly feels like progress?
>Kkat even has two perfect excuses for LP to put the main plot on hold and stop to help out random noponies in the form of LPs completionism and Velvets moralizing doctor quest.

An episodic story can be a good vehicle if you've got a lot of ideas as this author seems to, but there still needs to be a larger plot that explains what the characters are trying to achieve overall and why they are traveling together. Even if you're going to take awhile to build up to the main plot, the characters still need to have goals that drive them from episode to episode, otherwise you're better off writing a bunch of disconnected short stories featuring the same characters, that can be read independently of each other.

With FoE, the initial goal driving Littlepoop was to find Velvet Remedy. Even though she didn't really do much to look for her and most of her early adventures had nothing to do with this quest, it served at least as a rudimentary motivation for her to be out wandering around in the Wasteland. However, this goal was accomplished rather early on, and there's no secondary goal after this to keep them moving. The Appleoosa escape basically wrapped up the "find Velvet" story, and after that Littlepoop just wants to go to Fillydelphia to beat up more slavers, which I wouldn't really count as a goal since there's no more reason for her to do that then there is for her to go look for the radio DJ or do any of the other dumb things she wants to do.

There's not even really any reason for these three ponies to be traveling together; they just do because the author wants them as a party. Velvet left the Stable on her own and never asked LP to follow her, and despite LP's crush the two of them don't have any strong connection to each other. They weren't friends beforehand, they don't particularly need each other, and for reasons I've gone over exhaustively Velvet should logically have some strong reservations about traveling with a pony who solves every problem with excessive violence and goes looking for trouble at every turn. Calamity, meanwhile, has no connection to either of them, as well as a life of his own in NA that he can return to. So, what's the glue that holds this group together? Where are they going and why are they all going there together? The author can't answer this, let alone explain why they are getting involved in larger events like this scrap between Topaz and Red Eye.

Writing an episodic story where a group of friends and/or comrades wanders around the countryside fighting evil is a tried and true story format that can work with any number of different settings and genres and types of characters. However, it needs a few things. There needs to be some common goal between the party members that gives them a reason to work together, or else they need to be an established group that formed before the story began. Also, not only does there need to be a series of goals that drives them from episode to episode, but the goals need to lead to each other, and ultimately to the main plot.

For instance, if LP's initial goal was to find Velvet, and then after finding Velvet found out that Velvet had some significant goal of her own that she had left the stable for, and decided to follow her because she was infatuated with her, that would serve well enough to explain where the group is going and why they are a group. For Calamity's presence to make sense, he would need to either have some personal connection to one of the two characters (maybe he has a thing for Littlepoop the way Littlepoop has a thing for Velvet) or else has some external goal of his own that aligns with Velvet's. From here, they would travel together to pursue Velvet's and possibly Calamity's goal, and accomplishing this would lead to a third thing that would involve all three of them together.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294744
294745
1608337267660.jpg
>>294659

>I activated the Stealth Buck and galloped silently towards the stairs.
Why is she just now activating the Stealth Buck? I'm still not clear on that. Seems to me if she has a device that makes her invisible, and she doesn't want to be seen for the duration of the concert, the most sensible thing to do would be to just use the device and become invisible for the duration of the concert. Instead, she chose to hide under the jizz-blanket for most of the show, breathing in the warm musky scent of raider spooge while she clopped to Velvet's singing, and then switched on the invisibility-device when she made her escape.

Part of the problem is that we still don't know what the limits of these Stealth Bucks are (or even what sort of device they are in the first place, but I've completely given up hope of ever getting a straight answer on that). If there was a time limit on the invisibility that exceeded the amount of time she needed to be invisible, what she did would make sense. If the device is single-use or requires a charge or something in between uses, then what she did would make sense. Based on how these types of devices work in games, I suspect that both of these conditions are probably true; however, the author has not established either of them as fact, so it remains an ambiguous point.

>From below, I could hear somepony yelling, “It’s the slavers! They’re attacking early!”
>Completely fair assumption, I thought as I hit the stairs.
Yes, completely fair assumption. Those slavers are just plain rude, attacking ahead of schedule like that. I'm sure nopony even noticed the little murderhobo conspicuously perched in the balcony with a jizz-crusted blanket draped over her face, just as I'm sure nopony ever thought to question why this concert was even being held in the first place.

>I was halfway down when an explosion from somewhere outside let me know the panicking pony hadn’t been completely wrong.
Well, isn't that convenient. Looks like the slavers really did attack ahead of schedule. If only the raiders had been at their defensive posts instead of in here watching some random pop idol who randomly showed up and offered to sing for them, they wouldn't have been caught off guard. Maybe the eve of a battle wasn't the most ideal time to schedule an impromptu concert. Oh well, Deadeyes, live and learn. Wait a minute; never mind.

>As I raced for the terminal, my mind boggled at the coincidence.
There is nothing even remotely mind-boggling about this coincidence, nor is it a coincidence. The slavers were planning an attack within this time frame, and they attacked. This is probably the least mind-boggling thing that has happened in this entire chapter so far.

>But no, I realized as I got to the desk and activated the terminal’s single function, it wasn’t coincidence at all. Red Eye’s slavers weren’t going to trust Deadeyes. Just as Deadeyes planned to betray them, they must have always intended to attack early.
Oh, okay. So much wacky shit has happened I'd forgotten that the original plan was for Deadeyes to open the gates and let the slavers in. He probably would have literally known when they were going to attack.

>In accordance with the plan, even Gawd was in attendance, as were her loyalists.
Wait, whose plan is this in accordance with? Were the slavers also planning to kill Gawd, or was it just Deadeyes who wanted her killed? There are so many plans in this convoluted mess of bullshit I can't keep half of them straight.

Anyway, the long and short of this seems to be that the slavers were playing some kind of 5D chess, and Littlepoop played right into their hooves by spontaneously organizing a concert in order to assassinate somepony she could have easily assassinated eons ago without all of this hassle.

>The Stealth Buck was just wearing off as I dashed into the room behind the curtains.
This at least confirms that the invisibility of a stealth buck has a time limit. Now all the author needs to do is confirm whether or not it's a single-use device or is something you can use over and over, and also what the fuck it is exactly, and also he should go back and clarify all of this before we actually saw a stealth buck in operation for the first time so we would know what we were dealing with instead of trying to piece it all together after the fact.

>I found Velvet Remedy pulling herself out of a pile of skeletons. Her perfect dress had bones hanging from it.
lmao.

>Panting, I apologized, explaining about the note. She waved it off. “Oh that’s quite all right. I’d much rather be buried in a pile of skeletons than actually join them.” With a smile that melted my heart, “Thank you, Littlepip!”
>Then, as an afterthought, “Couldn’t let me finish the song, though?”
Seriously? The fucking stage just exploded, probably ten or eleven ponies were killed, Velvet herself very nearly died, and all of this was preceded by the assassination of Deadeyes, which I will once again point out is something that Velvet was vehemently opposed to only a few short scenes ago. This is her only reaction?

This is shitty writing even by k "my train wreck of a fake vagina is the result of a stage explosion and not a botched surgery; that's my story and I'm sticking to it" kat's standards. Forget Velvet's so-called principles for a second; is this seriously all she has to say about this? She was nearly killed. An entire row of ponies who were cheering her performance a few minutes ago are dead now, blown to bits as a direct consequence of her friend's actions. Something like this would traumatize nearly anyone; trained, battle-hardened soldiers get PTSD and night terrors from remembering shit like this. And all Velvet has to say about is is "Gee whiz golly gosh gumdrops, I sure am glad I didn't get all blowed up in the explosy-wosion! I just wish I could have finished my songy-wongy first!"

Seriously, kkat, take this story and cram it up whatever orifice people like you prefer to cram things.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294745
294753 294755
1607970849753.jpg
>>294744

Anyway, whatever; fuck it. The building is now on fire or something I guess, so they have to get out. Then, suddenly, Calamity shows up. I have completely forgotten where he was supposed to be in all of this, but fuck it; I'm sure he was somewhere.

>The rust-colored pegasus galloped in a moment later, his black cowpony hat nearly falling off. A key dangled from a chain between his teeth.
Oh good, he got the fucking key. That was supposed to be their reward for doing all of this wacky bullshit in the first place. What is the purpose of this key again? Does it unlock the simple padlock that Littlepoop picked already? Or maybe there's a second locked door behind the locked door that opens with a dedicated terminal? Oh, who even gives a shit anymore?

>Velvet Remedy rolled her eyes with a laugh. “You actually stopped to get the key?”
>Calamity turned his head, hooking the chain to one of the guns on his battle saddle. “Hells ya!” He grinned to Velvet. “Dependin’ on who wins out there, Ah’m already makin’ plans t’ swoop back in an’ loot the bodies.”
"Hells yeah" is obnoxious millennial-femme-speak, not obnoxious fake-cowboy-speak. At least keep your stereotypes straight, you spooge-gargling tranny. Also: does anyone in this group ever think about anything except looting?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxD8FrR7uco

>Velvet Remedy turned up her nose.
This pony picks the weirdest moments to remember that she is supposed to have beliefs.

Anyway, it looks like they're going to sneak down into the treasure vault while the battle is going on. I remember initially thinking it was weird that the vault would be located behind the stage of the auditorium. Seems like if you've got a room that you want to keep secret, the absolute last place you'd want to put the entrance would be the literal most public room in the entire fortress. However, it seems that the whole reason was because this scene. They are now conveniently right at the entrance to the treasure vault, plus they have the key which may or may not actually be important, so they can go on down and help themselves to whatever goodie boxes are in there without having to deal with the pesky battle going on in the fortress itself.

As you may or may not recall, the entrance to the treasure vault consists of a metal gate (apparently opened when LP picked the padlock earlier), a "kill zone," which is basically just a short hallway with some gun turrets, and a second door, which was opened just now when LP used the terminal. They now have full access to the vault, but they are going to need to get past the gun turrets first. Well, how are they going to get themselves out of this little jam?

>I groaned. Turning back on the power turned on the turrets too. How could I have been so stupid as to not realize that would happen. I could have disabled them before, when it was safe.
Who the fuck designed this place? Seriously, kkat; pretend you're not a sexually-confused degenerate video game addict for like ten whole seconds and think about this the way a rational human would. Your fortress has a treasure vault, where presumably important things are kept. This room needs to be protected, but it also needs to be accessible to whoever needs to move things in and out of there. Do you:

A. Install a thick, sturdy door, put a strong lock on the door, and keep the single key on your person at all times
or
B. Install a gate with a flimsy padlock, followed by a hallway with automated gun turrets, followed by a thick sturdy door, which is computer-controlled by a remote terminal located in a different part of the building, and powered by some kind of electrical box located in yet another part of the building, and also make it so that the same electrical box that powers the door also powers the gun turrets, thus ensuring that the gun turrets will be active at the same time the door is open?

Since I'm sure this is a really difficult puzzle for you, I'm going to give you a hint. Option A will provide a reasonable amount of security while also allowing privileged access for anyone who needs it. Option B will ensure that anyone who tries to go into the treasure vault, regardless of whether or not they have a legitimate reason to do so, will have to dodge fucking machine gun fire during both ingress and egress.

I'll give you some time to think about it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkdmOVejUlI&pbjreload=101

>“Why are we still going down there anyway?” Velvet asked, clearly assuming the rest of the plan was a bust.
Let's all take a moment to savor this line; it's the first sensible thing Velvet has had to say for the entire story so far, and I suspect it will be the last.

>I lifted my PipBuck and looked at it. “Okay, we’re in luck. I’ve got one more Stealth Buck. I can use it to get up to the turrets and reprogram them, just like the ones back at that pegasus convoy. That way, they’ll let us through, and keep anypony who gets the idea to follow us out.”
Sure, why not?

>We had a plan. I pulled the dead Stealth Buck out of my PipBuck and slotted in my last one. Then I got to work.
Also, I am now more confused than ever about what exactly a Stealth Buck is. I mean, it's clear enough what it does at this point, but literally what is it? Earlier, it was described as a wrist-mounted device similar to a PipBuck. Now, it's being described as something that slots into a PipBuck. Is it like an SD card or something now? I am now officially suspecting that k "this isn't all I've got up my ass, not even by a long shot" kat is just pulling most of this story out of his well-traveled ass.

Oh yeah, one last thing:

>How could I have been so stupid as to not realize that would happen.
This is a question and it should end with a question mark.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ6flOet6qc
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294753
294771
gay.jpeg
>>294745
>Also, I am now more confused than ever about what exactly a Stealth Buck is. I mean, it's clear enough what it does at this point, but literally what is it? Earlier, it was described as a wrist-mounted device similar to a PipBuck. Now, it's being described as something that slots into a PipBuck. Is it like an SD card or something now? I am now officially suspecting that k "this isn't all I've got up my ass, not even by a long shot" kat is just pulling most of this story out of his well-traveled ass.
All I've got to go on here is that it's most likely meant to be a horse pun version of the StealthBoy from the Fallout series. In those games it's a single-use device which grants the wearer a temporary bonus to their ability to evade detection - a bonus to their sneak skill (Fo1) or a Predator-style cloak (Fo3). Neither is infallible, but Kkat seems to be treating his horse version as total invisibility. Because Pip needs more unbeatable powers on top of hulk telekinesis and autoaim, apparently.

In Fallout, the Stealthboys are small devices similar to the PipBoy, worn on either the wrist or the belt depending on the model. Kkat seems to have made them into a sort of disposable PipBoy peripheral here, which at the very least streamlines their use and storage - not that he's actually taken the time to establish this. They also cause dementia if overused, so that's fun.

Another divergence from Fallout - in Pip's favour, naturally - is her apparent ability to hack turrets simply by getting close to them. There's a perk in Fallout 3 that lets you shut down turrets and robots by sneaking up on them undetected, but it requires a fairly advanced level and a reasonable investment in the Science skill. In other words, we're now supposed to assume she's a competent military software technician on top of all of her other skills and powers. Methinks the actual reason this is an ability Pip has is simply that Kkat got a bit of a boner from playing sneaky hacker with his Fallout 3 character and decided he wanted his fanfic character to do it too.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294755
294756 294883
1608319545602.jpg
>>294745

>We found ourselves creeping through caves converted to storage, piled with crates emblazoned with the name Shattered Hoof Re-Educational Stockyard.
See, this is what I don't get about this author. The gun turrets in the hallway are a little implausible to say the least, but they at least present a challenge to LP and her group. Sneaking past machine gun turrets has to make for a somewhat interesting scene, right? And yet, instead of writing a scene for it, he just has LP throw out some half-assed "oh, I'll just use my Stealth Buck to sneak around it or something" to get past it, and then doesn't even bother to write it out; he just throws in a page break and resumes the story once the characters are past the obstacle, leaving us to assume that they must have made it through the trap without incident. What was even the point of having gun turrets in there? It doesn't make much sense but it could have at least been interesting to read about; here he's just introducing something that makes no sense and then not even doing anything interesting with it. Why, for God's sake?

Honestly, as much as I bitch about the implausibility of the gamelike setting, I wouldn't mind it so much if the author could just make it interesting. You can write the most logically preposterous story you can dream up if you want, so long as you maintain some level of consistency with whatever "rules" you devise. Alice in Wonderland is not just nonsensical, it's deliberately so, and it's a great story that people love. This isn't bad because it's nonsense, it's bad because:

A) it's not intended to be nonsense
B) it's poorly written nonsense
C) it's almost excruciatingly dull nonsense most of the time.

At almost every turn, the author manages to do the exact opposite of what he ought to do. He inundates the reader with detailed trivia about characters and events from the past that have nothing obvious to do with the story, but leaves out information that could be helpful for understanding what's going on. The StealthBuck and the mysterious audio recordings LP finds lying around are good examples of this. He introduces preposterous twists like "there are machine gun turrets in the walls" and then not only does nothing with them, he purposely skips over them after introducing them, leaving the reader to wonder why they were ever mentioned at all.

This most recent scene, with the concert, was actually not bad in and of itself. Having an assassination take place during a concert scene could make a vivid scene, and the scene here was decently executed. The problem is that the setup made no sense at all; there was no reason for LP to go to such lengths just to assassinate Deadeyes, Velvet Remedy should logically have objected to participating in such an event on moral grounds, Gawd should not logically have agreed to attend a concert that could potentially have gotten her killed when there were any number of more sane options available for killing Deadeyes, and finally, it makes no sense in the first place to hold a concert at a military fortress on the eve of a fucking battle. It's almost as if the author just wanted to write that scene so badly that he didn't care how badly he had to bend the logic in his story so long as he could include it. But if the object is just to have a scene where Velvet is giving a concert and LP has to snipe someone from the balcony, there are probably any number of smarter ways to set that up.

Since the author has an established pattern of directly plagiarizing events from Fallout 3, and since it also looks like most of the decent scenes and ideas in here have been the parts that were plagiarized, I'm curious if any of our Fallout players can confirm whether or not a scene exists in any of those games where someone gets assassinated at a concert.

This author is so meticulous about doing exactly the wrong thing at every turn, that I could almost believe he's actually someone famous writing under a pseudonym, and that this is just some kind of avant-garde experiment in writing the most intentionally awful novel ever written, solely for the purpose of pissing off anyone who tried to analyze it.

Anyway, they're walking through the caves and they find some boxes.

>A few were marked with a circle proclaiming them Celestial Tier Priority and branded with either the initials M.A.S. or M.W.T.
>“Well,” I whispered conversationally to my companions. “I know M.A.S. is the Ministry of Magic, but I haven’t heard of the other one.”
Oh goody. Here I was worried about this story starting to drag. A long infodump about some long-defunct governmental organization from the distant past would be just what we need to liven things up.

Velvet informs us that M.A.S. stands for Ministry of Arcane Sciences, but before she can give us the awaited long infodump, a booming voice suddenly interrupts her:

>“So! You’re the little ponies who have come to my town and made such a mess of things. You’ve killed my lieutenant, and now you’ve come for me.”
So we're actually doing the "Mr. Topaz was hiding in the basement the whole time" schtick? This author really does seem to have a pathological need to do the exact opposite of what he ought to.

>“Mister Topaz?” Calamity asked, echoing my own thoughts. Either he was using an impressively well-hidden speaker system, or he was using magic to augment his voice. I suspected the latter. And that probably meant a unicorn. Or... a worse idea struck me... one of those pseudo-goddess things like the creature from old Appleloosa.
Yes, I think we can all agree that the most pertinent question here is "how is he amplifying his voice?" Also, the idea of alicorn-Topaz hiding in the basement is even dumber than regular-Topaz hiding in the basement. I've completely given up trying to predict where the author is planning on taking this clusterfuck.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294756
>>294755
>Since the author has an established pattern of directly plagiarizing events from Fallout 3, and since it also looks like most of the decent scenes and ideas in here have been the parts that were plagiarized, I'm curious if any of our Fallout players can confirm whether or not a scene exists in any of those games where someone gets assassinated at a concert.
There aren't any concerts in the Fallout games as far as I recall. The closest parallel I can think of is the attempted assassination of the New California Republic's President Kimball in Fallout New Vegas. A battle is due to take place soon and the president vists Hoover Dam to give a speech to his troops. The opposing side send assassins to murder him by way of a sniper and by placing a bomb under the stage. The player can thwart these attempts (or not), with repercussions for the game's story going forward. FoE puts the assassination target in the crowd and a secondary character on the stage, makes the main character the sniper, and tweaks the context a bit.

This is one of those bizarre moments that makes me think Kkat planned a lot of this story in advance and actually thought himself very clever for it, as Gawd, one of the potential assassination targets, winds up becoming the president of the New Canterlot Republic faction at the end of the story. This is either galaxy brain foreshadowing or a happy coincidence he jumped on when the opportunity arose.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294771
294780
>>294753
>They also cause dementia if overused, so that's fun.
Only in Nightkin, who almost all have some kind of cartoon schizophrenia. At least that's how it worked last I checked. Knowing BugthEAsderp they probably retconned that twice for a lazy half assed joke like the magic ghoul from Nuka World.

>was this ripped off?
The president saving or assassination quest from FNV. Hilariously this was the NCR sending out one vital easily sniped guy to give a speech and award some medals to "boost morale". Everyone smart involved hates this and wants you to help save the president unless the NCR hates you. The Legion also wants the president dead and you do that for them if working for them.
Kkats attempt to one-up that moment in FNV robs it of the context that made it work. This would be like if Caesar and House and Kimball all went to see an idol show performed by Veronica "left my wife at the Sierra Madre" McBrotherhood all because you shakily passed one speech check.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294780
294781
>>294771
>Only in Nightkin, who almost all have some kind of cartoon schizophrenia. At least that's how it worked last I checked.
If I remember right, this was because the nightkin used stealthboys near-constantly to hide from the outside world, what with being hulking nine foot mutants and all. Then again, it's been ages since I last played Fo1/2.

A pity that FoE's equivalent of the super mutants ie. the alicorns are so badly written. They're one Fallout concept that I'd say Kkat actually did a fairly good job of adapting into something new, at least conceptually. But I'm getting way ahead of things here.
Anonymous
38be94f
?
No.294781
294783
>>294780
Oh yeah, most Nightkin hate being seen.
It's cool how Nightkin were originally just Super Mutants but invisible and in blue. Basically like those pallete swapped stronger versions of Dragon Quest enemies. Then a later game did more with the concept.
Was 2 or FNV the first game to give them their distinctive hates-being-seen skitzobullshit?
when do we get to the alicorns? I think it will be fun to see Glim tear them apart harder than Kratos and The Doomguy could while working together.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294783
294791
>>294781
>It's cool how Nightkin were originally just Super Mutants but invisible and in blue. Basically like those pallete swapped stronger versions of Dragon Quest enemies. Then a later game did more with the concept.
>Was 2 or FNV the first game to give them their distinctive hates-being-seen skitzobullshit?
In Fo1 the Nightkin were simply an elite caste of the super mutants who were better equipped than the rest, including Stealthboys. They didn't appear again in any real capacity until NV, which was what introduced their schizophrenia and explained it as the result of repeated Stealthboy use over the intervening decades.

Again, I'm of the opinion that FoE's adaptation of the mutants *in concept* is pretty neat since it twists Fallout's take on them in interesting ways, but their role as Enemies of Littlepip means that their intelligence and competence are hard-capped at roughly the level of a broken toaster.
Anonymous
02d6159
?
No.294787
>>294048
heh
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294791
294793
>>294783
It's fascinating how so much of Fallout came from rejections of pulp scifi tropes and post apocalyptic action movie cliches. This is a terrifying world of doom and gloom where what would be sick in an action movie becomes a terrifying part of daily life. The greatest heroes are not guaranteed glory or recognition. Even the Super Mutants - who represent the idea that humanity can overlook racial differences and mutate and mix themselves into abominations while being religiously indoctrinated and forced into it by the mixed hive mind - end up sterile because that type of humanity has no future. A rejection of the idea that forced transhumanism can prevent what human error enabled.
Fallout 2's Enclave can be read as a rejection of the idea that a post apocalyptic world can only be saved once the terrible old governments partially responsible for the state of the world take over once again. As if a functional post apocalyptic country in america cant truly be called whole until the map looks like it did before the nukes flew.
Fallout NV...
The NCR continues their attack on the idea that America can be reunited through force. The NCR is full of corruption and cronyism but it could be reformed and redeemed if it had just one President who wanted that enough. The NCR could survive the death of its leaders and half of its followers and still remain functional because while they love the aid of elite Rangers they don't need micromanaging Elites to get everything done.
The Legion rejects the Wasteland by seeking to become the worst part of it. They seek to purge this terrifying world of its sin by being tougher and crueller than the nastiest tribes or beasts out there. But they at their best can barely compete with the NCR at their worst. The uncompromising Bandages The Mormon walked his units into a trap. While Caesar and the Legate made plans that only work if he has a sufficiently competent spy to enact them (you) while House has Securitrons and the NCR has the facilities to manufacture guns and armour and more. The Legion doesn't train replacements for their best and brightest like the NCR and Boomers do. House attempted to raise a successor but it backfired with Benny and could backfire harder with you.
House could save the world if everything went his way. Or he could be betrayed and robbed and ruined if things didn't go his way. Gambling's always a risky bet. If the Courier died at Goodsprings the NCR would win the Dam and House would try his hardest not to lose the Mojave as he clings to Vegas. If he couldn't do something unexpected like successfully apply to become a state of the NCR without giving up too much control over it and then begin a slow plan to become president.

The Alicorns in this story have none of this depth. I don't think it's possible to see any depth in them no matter what angle you view them from. They are just evil cunts because they are evil. Just like Raiders and Slavers, they are another type of target to shoot at in this firing range. They don't represent man's scientific hubris or blind religious zealotry and mandated ignorance of science or a muddy mixed mob. They don't repeat the sins of the past in an effort to prevent them. And they aren't even any form of meaningful social commentary on pony OCs or the inherent folly of making a "badass oc" in a world never meant to be this dark or violent.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294793
294802
aliderps.png
>>294791
>>294791
>The Alicorns in this story have none of this depth. I don't think it's possible to see any depth in them no matter what angle you view them from. They are just evil cunts because they are evil. Just like Raiders and Slavers, they are another type of target to shoot at in this firing range. They don't represent man's scientific hubris or blind religious zealotry and mandated ignorance of science or a muddy mixed mob. They don't repeat the sins of the past in an effort to prevent them. And they aren't even any form of meaningful social commentary on pony OCs or the inherent folly of making a "badass oc" in a world never meant to be this dark or violent.
Respectfully disagree. I'm not going to any particular depth here since it won't be relevant to the story for at least a few chapters yet, but there's a lot of potential - and I stress that word - in FoE's alicorns because their main divergence from Fallout's super mutants is that they're a true hive mind, united by the controlling persona of a specific canon character rather an an OC. This allows them, at least in theory, to act as a sort of character exploration of Trixie, whose overriding arrogance and self-image were all she had left after mutating into a hideous monstrosity. They could also have served as a sort of "Starlight Glimmer but four seasons early" by posing the question of whether harsh circumstances justify giving up one's individuality for power or security. They also sidestep the "mutants are sterile" problem that the muties have in Fallout, which gives them a long term goal aside from "lol conquer the world just because".

Kkat writes them as idiots and squanders any hypothetical value they might have had from a narrative perspective, granted, but that's how he writes EVERYONE.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294802
294808
>>294793
But this story was written during S1. Trixie was just a travelling performer whose big talk convinced two local idiots to put her to the test. She could have fled town when the Ursa Minor they thought was an Ursa Major showed up. But instead she stood and fought. And got her home destroyed for it. Nopony thanked Trixie for trying to help. Spike and Snips and Snails ended up rewarded with moustaches for bringing this monster into town while Trixie left town. She has at least some good inside her. And did not yet willingly seek out an evil amulet of power boosting and let it corrupt her into a vengeance obsesed torturing tyrant umable to express much of any horror at what she did once the amulet was removed. To this day I still consider this and her return some of FIM's worst episodes but certainly not the worst. This character is a Unicorn who professionally performs the kind of stage magic a goddamn Donkey could do. There is so much opportunity for depth and analysis here. She could have been FIM's first ever well written redeemed villain if they just gave her episodes more drafts. She works well in a "manipulative schemer magician" role but to reduce her to a mindless brutish egotistical Power Rangers villainess is a massice disservice to her character.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294808
294810
>>294802
Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with virtually all of this, but I'm only talking about what the character could have been in the hands of a competent writer. Kkat's writing ability (or lack thereof) is the point of fault here.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294810
>>294808
True.
In the fandom's early years a lot of people projected new villainous traits onto existing minor villains when they didn't feel like making anything new. If this character archetype had been used as a baddie before, it became that baddie but again. Suddenly Prince Blueblood becomes a politically powerful evil bastard able to abuse mares however he wants and force them to be with him. Suddenly Trixie becomes a schemer obsessed with destroying or stealing everything Twilight has that she doesn't. Gilda becomes evil too. Sometimes they even got together in a stupid "elements of evil/insanity/disunity/chaos" band with any empty "evil counterpart of this mane six member" slots filled with background ponies given stupid fandom names.
Never saw anyone write this seriously, exploring the characters of some assholes brought together to destroy some heroes lives only to end up forming actual friendships with each other and finding the companionship and acceptance they needed.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294873
294874 294881
Littlepip and her friends should have evil counterparts. People who are almost entirely like the heroes only slightly different in a way that makes them evil. It would also call back to your ability to play a self-interested asshole or malevolent puppy-kicker in Fallout games.
Just imagine showing this team of "evil protags" who run around robbing and lying and carelessly murderhoboing despite the horrible consequences this "I must be the biggest baddest baddie. I will solve all the world's problems with power and a bullet" mindset create. The real heroes could sometimes do their own quests and sometimes clean up the consequences of Team Littleheart's Evil
What do you think Team LP's evil counterparts would look and act like?
Anonymous
2f33206
?
No.294874
294878
>>294873
I didn't read the end of the story so not sure if it goes down this way but feel like considering what you said about Red Eye and his opinion on the alicorns it would make an interesting dichotomy between him and Little Pip. Got LP who believes in the idea of the Princesses and what they represented, thinking ponies as individuals should strive to follow the teachings they provided. Then got Red Eyes who only sees the raw power the alicorns possess and think they should rule the wastelands with an iron hoof simply due to the fact they are as powerful as they are.

Would allow for some interesting banter between the two and give them both some internal conflict trying to think of the benefits behind their beliefs wondering if memes are enough to make ponies try to rebuild and be better or if unfettered power can be trusted to build anything worthwhile.

I'd say currently it might not be the best to have an evil counterpart to our band of misfit heroes considering how little the current cast is fleshed out. Each only have 1 or 2 traits to distinguish themsevles so their evil counterparts would just be as equal of caricatures.

If the story was more video game-y I'd say it'd be a really funny idea to do giving a little meta wink at the fans of the Fallout games. I really liked that idea Glim had of this story just being the CMC and some others playing a Fallout Equestria tabletop rpg and a bit shocking how well it fits so far. As is the story keeps skirting this line between the two trying to be dark and serious but also want to be quippy and meta about MLP and Fallout game mechanics and Bethesda AI programming. Makes it hard for the dark stuff to stick when characters have to crack a joke or LP comments on how thick Velvet's ass is and hard for the comedic stuff to land when it feels like LP looks at the camera while the actions pause for a bit so she can wink and tell a joke about how goofy the situation is.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294878
294879 294899
>>294874
I suggested this game might be the CMCs and Spike playing a Fallout DND game and started thinking this as I went through the story. I had this whole journal theory post full of what I thought were hints at the last second twist I thought the story would take. But the journal was on deviantart and my deviantart account was deleted by the commie bastards.

If I recall some of the theory was...
Apple Bloom is Littlepip. She's the leader of the bunch. She's in pony hell. She's finally back to kick some tail. Her scoped handgun can fire in spurts. If she shoots you, you'll fucking die. Hoo. L! P! Littlepip! L! P! Littlepip is gay!
Just kidding. Basically they both have goal oriented mindsets and a tendency to forget the small steps leading up to the big goals. Both are small and female. They are both leaders of their groups but AB knows little about magic and couldn't be bothered to deal with the magic system so she asked to swap spellcasting for overpowered telekinesis instead.
Sweetie Belle is Velvet. Sometimes she remembers she is supposed to be a Lawful Good Bard and tries to make her character act even more noble and moral than LP. Sometimes she forgets that and gets caught up in the singing and gay flirting. AB isn't gay but likes getting Roleplaying EXP for acting gay while SB loves it when people treat her character like she's pretty. SB initially started writing the Silver Belle character, using a name she wanted to use for Velvet, but eventually decided she was too sad and needed a happy ending RIGHT FUCKING NOW even though Spike just finished working parts of her backstory into the plot and world by making Deadeyes responsible for her home burning down.
Scootaloo is Calamity. She designed him stats first and then forgot to give this cowboy plank of wood a personality or meaningful history. Eventually she gets bored and designs another character with a different gun and different highest stat and different backstory. And proceeds to play him like a boring plank of wood. Also the best she can do when trying to think of an Apple name is Applesnack.
Spike is the Dungeon Master. He's trying to write a grim dark edgy pony hell world for the heroes to adventure in but he gets way too obsessed with dumping lore on the heroes so they tend to forget about it and focus on the looting and shooting. He even does GM sin number zero introducing an invincible self insert GMPC with a flimsy excuse for not saving the world himself for the sole purpose of infodumping lore on the heroes and handing them a direct path to their vague objective only for the players to pretty much forget about it and focus on fun murderhoboing instead. Spike is The Watcher aka those random spritebots aka pure motherfucking plot convenience and that is cringe.
Twist showed up for a few sessions and didn't like the backstory for the world so she made her character an Obligatory Good Zebra with a super tragic backstory and nothing else and then got tired of the game and quit. This shallow character has nothing to say or do but is still a part of the party anyway now controlled by Spike. This gives her the power to melee the most dangerous enemies possible to death.
Anonymous
2f33206
?
No.294879
>>294878
Ah been a bit since we last talked about it so forgot who said it initially but man that had me cracking up reading that and would vastly improve the story if that was the case. Could make one of those big sequence jumps like the epilogue of Sun and the Rose work super well with an exhausted Spike watching his campaign derail while the CMC are oblivious to his plight and decide a cutie mark in role playing isn't that neat and just wander off learning nothing from the experience.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294881
294899
>>294873
>What do you think Team LP's evil counterparts would look and act like?

Excessively Large Pip
This huge, hulking Pegasus pony is a distant descendant of Bulk Biceps. Remarkable even amongst large ponies for his excessive size and strength, Pip is also an adept Pip-Buck technician, hacker and locksmith, who specializes in being able to break nearly any lock known to ponykind. In addition, he is a notorious kleptomaniac who is also famous for cutting a long, bloody swath across the Edgequestrian Wasteland. This pony will ruthlessly and gleefully slaughter nearly anypony who crosses his path. While this may sound exactly like Littlepip, the difference is that this guy does Bad Guy Stuff for Bad Guy Reasons, whereas Littlepip does Bad Guy Stuff for Good Guy Reasons. This is a very important distinction to both LP and ELP. Also, he's big.

Scarlet Pumpernickel
This in-your-face Earth Pony likes to dress hood and talk trash. She always wanted to be a gangsta rapper, and will bust phat rhymes at anypony who cares to listen, as well as anypony who doesn't. Unfortunately, the strict Asian Overmare of her Stable insisted that she become a doctor instead. She takes out her frustration on her patients, intentionally giving them the wrong medicine so that they die slowly and painfully. When that doesn't work, she makes them listen to her raps, which are terrible. As such, she is known as the world's shittiest doctor as well as the world's shittiest rapper, and was subsequently kicked out of her Stable. While one might suspect this would be exactly what she wanted as it would allow her to give up medicine and pursue her rap career, one would be wrong, as she has an irrational terror of the outside world. Highly opinionated, she will cling stubbornly to her beliefs even when presented with incontrovertible evidence that she is wrong.

Lord Wimbledon III
A descendant of Fancy Pants, this Unicorn hates all things country with a passion. He goes out of his way to use proper diction, pronouncing all words slowly and carefully. He usually wears a top hat and monocle everywhere he goes, so ponies will see him and know how dainty and fancy he is. Having a particular disdain for big, over the top displays of firepower, he refuses to arm himself even while wandering the Edgequestrian Wasteland. Instead, he carries a set of single-shot dueling pistols, and instead of fighting will challenge his enemies to an old-timey duel. By the time he has finished explaining all of the complex, archaic rules by which the duel is to proceed, his enemies have usually lost all interest in killing him.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294883
294884 294897
1608571327353.jpg
>>294755

Continuing.

>And here I was, all out of boxcars.
Durr hurr hurr.

>I quickly passed out the magical ammo, giving a prayer to Celestia and another to Luna.
What magical ammo? Where and when did she get magical ammo? How does magical ammo differ from regular ammo? I suspect that if I went back through the text with a fine toothed comb, I'd probably find some point in the story where LP picked up some sort of magical ammo, so it's probably legal for her to have this right now. However, as I've often complained, it's annoying to have to constantly search for stupid details like this. Also, while I don't doubt that she legitimately picked up the ammo, I am also fairly certain we have not had any sort of explanation as to what it is or what its capabilities are.

Anyway, in what I'm assuming is an attempt at channeling Fluttershy's angry-mom routine from the series, Velvet begins yelling at the mysterious voice. She tells it that she is "not impressed," and demands that the speaker show himself. There is a completely unnecessary page break, and then it turns out that Mr. Topaz is a dragon. Yep, this autism is actually in the text.

The first few paragraphs of the next scene are dreadfully incoherent, and it took me awhile to figure out what exactly is going on. As far as I can tell, they pissed off the dragon, and now it's chasing them. There was a clear attempt at humor here, but a visual gag in a story needs to be described clearly and concisely enough that we can see what's happening without the timing of the joke being ruined. Here is my best guess as to the exact sequence of events:

>Topaz the Dragon makes a big, scary speech
>Velvet Remedy is not impressed, and begins scolding him, admonishing him to show himself
>As soon as it becomes apparent that Topaz is a dragon, Calamity fires a shot
>The dragon begins to chase them
>Velvet makes some snarky remark about how they could have talked it out

Now, they are running through the tunnels of the underground vault, with LP recklessly tearing out support beams behind them in an effort to trap the dragon, apparently not realizing that causing a cave-in would not benefit them in the long run. Oh, also, the magic bullets, whatever the fuck they are and wherever the fuck they got them from, apparently work well enough, but the dragon is large enough that they don't do much actual damage.

>Without slowing, Velvet laughed as we ran past a large metal door. “Well, there’s your vault! Anypony want to stop and open it?”
Wait, aren't they in the vault already? I thought this location was the vault. I have completely lost all track of what the fuck they are even supposed to be doing at this point. Maybe this door is what the key they took from Deadeyes opens.

Anyway, now, after all this bullshit, they run back out of the treasure vault and are now where they started, in the backstage area behind the auditorium of Shattered Hoof. Apparently the tunnels that LP collapsed by knocking away support beams were not the tunnels that they needed to get out. So now, they're right back where they started. Wait, aren't there machine gun turrets in the walls here? Oh wait; Littlepoop disabled them or something.

>The turrets opened fire as I raced through them.
No, wait; actually she didn't I guess. Then how did they get past them initially? Oh, who even cares.

The next few paragraphs are also very poorly written, and it's again difficult to follow what's happening, but here is my best guess:

>Calamity runs out of the treasure vault, followed by Velvet. For some reason, the gun turrets in the wall don't fire on them.
>Littlepoop runs out. The dragon is right on her heels, and she can feel its breath on her neck.
>The gun turrets don't fire on Littlepoop either for some reason. However, as soon as the dragon enters the hallway, the turrets begin to fire.
>The dragon gets mad and breathes fire on the turrets, which destroys them.
>Littlepoop is close enough that she gets caught in the blaze. One of her saddlebags is destroyed, and she is badly burned.
>Despite being badly burned, she is still able to escape the hall and run off down another hall that is apparently too narrow for the dragon to fit through.
>She looks back over her shoulder and sees the dragon burning the crap out of the cafeteria or auditorium or whatever the fuck, attacking slavers and raiders alike.
>Then, suddenly, for no apparent reason, the dragon disappears.

There is another page break, and the next scene opens with Littlepoop in one of the bathrooms, treating her third degree burns by pouring cold tap water on them. The whereabouts of Calamity and Velvet Remedy are not known.

>The dragon, I assumed, had headed back into the mines. He could fly around the mess hall all he wanted, but the rest of the halls were too narrow for him. He was probably born down there or...
I have completely given up trying to figure out where the author is going with any of this. I guess Mr. Topaz was a dragon the whole time, and he lived down in the mines and apparently must have been born there because he is physically too large to pass through any other part of the building so it would be logistically impossible for him to enter or exit the mines. Oh, also, I think I've figured out that the mines and the treasure vault are two separate yet connected locations: the mines are below the fortress, and the treasure vault is accessed through the mines.

>Velvet Remedy collapsed next to me, breathing heavily.
Oh okay, I guess Velvet Remedy is in the bathroom too. Good to know.

However, it appears that Calamity is still missing. Neither of them know what became of him. If he has any brains, he is probably high-tailing it the fuck out of there and will want nothing further to do with Littlepoop and her dumb ideas; however, I suspect he does not and will not.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294884
294885 294887 294898
1608565059425.png
>>294883

>I had realized that the giant hole torn in the razor wire over the yard must have been the work of the dragon. And that led me to: “The cargo elevator! The dragon’s going to come up through the rock yard!”
Several things here. First of all, I don't recall hearing any previous mention of a hole in the razor wire or a cargo elevator. As ever, this probably means that the author did in fact mention them at one point, but without placing any special emphasis on them that would mark them as significant details.

Second, this seems to be yet another example of LP making leaps of logic that don't necessarily follow each other. A moment ago, we had LP speculating that the dragon must have been born in the mines because he is too large to physically maneuver through the halls of Shattered Hoof. Now, she is apparently speculating that he must be able to get in and out via a cargo elevator that I don't remember ever being mentioned, and cites as evidence a hole in the razor wire that could have been made by just about anything.

Third, if a cargo elevator exists that leads directly from the rock yard to the mines, it only makes the design of this place even more absurd. The entrance to the mines was protected with a locked gate, a hallway full of machine gun turrets, and a second locked door. What is the point of all of this ridiculous security overkill, when anyone who wants to go down there can just use the goddamn elevator in the yard?

Anyway, Velvet treats Littlepoop's third degree burns with a syringe and some bandages. Despite not having the slightest idea where Calamity is or whether or not he's in any actual danger, LP determines that she needs to find him and help him. However, her third degree burns are apparently severe enough that the usual bullshit medicine doesn't 100% cure her at this point I'd like to remind my readers that this pony's leg was literally severed at one point in this story, and iirc was healed with a potion.

>“Do we... have any Buck in our supplies?” I bit my lower lip, hating to ask her for such a thing.
What the buck is Buck? The name has been mentioned once or twice, and from what I can tell it's an illicit substance along the same lines as the crack mints she may or may not have an addiction to, but we've never had an explanation of what it is or what it does. However, it's a moot point; they apparently do have it for some reason, and Velvet gives it to her. For anyone who cares, it is apparently an orange pill.

Now that the pesky matter of having third degree burns has been attended to, Littlepoop now turns her attention to what's really important. She orders Velvet to go look for Calamity, and then informs her that she will be going back down into the fucking mines to try and get to the fucking treasure vault.

>“But...” Velvet Remedy frowned, “Littlepip, you don’t have the key!”
>With a smile, “When have I ever needed a key to get past a lock?”
Have I mentioned lately that I really, really hate this character?

Page break. LP is now running back through the charred remains of the auditorium, or cafeteria, or whatever the hell it is. And needless to say, being third-degree-burned doesn't stop her from looting a few corpses along the way.

As she reaches the entrance to the mines (here described as the vault, despite the author's earlier clarification that the vault is a separate location within the mines), she is challenged by a pony of unknown allegiance who attacks her with some kind of magic lance or something. Blah blah blah, they fight, LP gores the pony with her horn. The pony is now lying on the ground, dying in agony and whimpering about how she doesn't want to die. LP does this:

>I contemplated breaking her neck. She was already dead -- why make her suffer? I raised my hoof...
>...And stepped over her. I just couldn’t do that. No matter what I was allowing the wasteland to make me, I hadn’t changed that much yet.
This pony picks the weirdest moments to remember that she is supposed to have a conscience. Wait a minute; is she supposed to have a conscience? Wait a minute; shouldn't her conscience compel her to put this pony out of her misery, since that would be the humane thing to do here? Again, I get the impression the author is trying to show LP as morally conflicted, but again he's doing a piss-poor job of it.

Anyway, she drapes her blanket over the dying pony. Since we have not heard about her having any blanket besides the raider blanket she's been using as "camouflage," I can only assume this is the one the text means. So, as her sudden pang of "conscience" precludes her simply putting this poor pony out of her misery, she instead throws a jizz-crusted blanket over her face and leaves her to die alone and in agony. In the author's warped imagination, I'm sure this counts as a gesture of kindness. Also, for some reason or another, she drops the magic rifle she was carrying and swaps it out for the pony's magic lance.

Despite the fact that the fire-breathing dragon that nearly killed her had returned to the mines and would reasonably still be around, we are assured that Littlepoop does not encounter any trouble on her way to the treasure vault.

After a page break, we rejoin her at the door of the vault. She is once again plying her obnoxious lockpicking skills, proving that she does not, in fact, need the key that they went to all the trouble of obtaining. However, she does trip some kind of alarm system when she picks the lock.

>I planted my forehooves on the heavy metal door and, straining, pushed it open. (Something I almost certainly couldn’t have done if I wasn’t hyped on Buck.)
It's clear enough from context that Buck is some kind of amphetamine similar to the crack mints she was munching earlier. Again, it might have been helpful for the author to clarify a few things here; we have absolutely no idea why the party has this stuff with them, and it's also unclear how LP would know what it is in the first place.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.294885
294900 295077
1608572101153.png
>>294884

Anyway, she gets inside the treasure vault finally.

>The room was filled, top to bottom, with shelves of memory orbs. Each orb was tagged with a date and a “guest number”. There must have been hundreds of them.
While we're on the subject of shit the author hasn't bothered to explain, did we ever find out what exactly a memory orb is? I remember they found one somewhere, in a safe near the ruins of Cloudsdayle as I recall, but I don't think we ever found out what it is or what it does.

Then, suddenly, the dragon appears. He is too large to get inside the vault, but he is able to effectively block the exit and prevent her from escaping. I don't know if there is any significance to it or not, but all of Topaz' dialogue is in boldface for some obnoxious reason or other. I think it's meant to signify that he has a loud and booming voice.

Anyway, it sounds like he was on his way to go and eat up all of Littlepoop's friends, but then she set off the alarm and that made him decide to come down here and eat her instead, because he's a dragon and eating ponies is what dragons do I guess.

>“The gemstones are dessert, of course. You ponies, you’re the main course.” The dragon scowled, making me want to scream. “Of course, you went and mucked everything up. I spend all this time and effort ensuring a harvest perfect for a final pre-sleep meal, and now most of them are dead!”
I'm not entirely clear what the hell he's talking about here. I'm assuming the implication was that he was going to eat the invading slavers, or maybe he was planning to eat the soldiers on his own side too. As to the gemstones, I have no fucking idea. From what I understand the purpose of Shattered Hoof is more or less to harvest gemstones by breaking them out of rocks, but I assumed the gems were being sold somewhere or used for something. If the purpose of the entire operation was just to provide food for this one faggot dragon then that is beyond retarded, but I'll reserve judgement until we see where the author is going with it.

>The dragon’s gaze was drawn momentarily to one of the rolling balls. “What exactly were you expecting to find in here anyway? Mountains of gems? Because you thought I’d enjoy needing to call down that imbecile Deadeyes every time I got a bit peckish? Did you even look in the crates?”
I for one have no idea what she was expecting to find down here, or even why she bothered to come down here at all, since Calamity has the key and it would stand to reason that finding him would take priority over breaking into this stupid vault anyway. So little of this story makes any damn sense. Also: what crates? There are no crates in this room that the author has mentioned.

Anyway, I guess she's trying to keep him talking or something until she can think up a plan. The dragon helpfully explains that all of the memory orbs contain "confessions" extracted from the various prisoners of Shattered Hoof back when it was a prison. The question of why an old storage room full of dusty old criminal records from 200 years ago would have been important enough to Deadeyes that he'd keep the key on his person at all times is left unexplained. The question of how the dragon knows what the memory orbs contain is also left unexplained. For that matter, the question of what the memory orbs are exactly, how they work, and what sort of magical ability is a prerequisite for reading the information on them is also left unexplained.

Instead, the dragon rattles off a bunch of cliche villain bullshit about how the pony race does terrible things to each other and they clearly don't deserve to be anything but dragon food and blah blah blah.

>The dragon was going to eat me. There were no options, no tricks, no other ways out. I was going to die here. Like this. Alone in a tiny metal room underneath a prison.
Sucks to be you, bitch. Maybe you should use your final moments to reflect on some of your recent choices.

Anyway, there's some more inane dialogue, mostly consisting of dumb jokes about eating ponies (the dragon seems to think of little else), and then suddenly Calamity shows up out of nowhere and rescues her from the clutches of certain death.

For some reason or other he went all the way back to Junction R7 to pick up some kind of plasma cannon that I guess they had there, that was probably mentioned earlier but I've forgotten all about because I can't be fucked to keep track of all the different kinds of ridiculous weapons that exist in this story and where they are kept. However, it seems that even this was not enough to kill the dragon, because it gets up and starts coming after them again. Calamity blasts it again, it survives but just barely, and then he dumps the cannon, puts LP on his back, and carries her up out of the mines through that elevator shaft that I guess exists.

The dragon is still alive for some reason, and chases them for some reason. Littlepoop throws some grenades down his throat, and that seems to finally do the trick. Calamity flies LP back to the Junction, and then informs her that Velvet Remedy is at the Visitor's Center and he has to go back and get her. He departs, and LP goes to sleep. End of chapter.

If anyone cares, she also got some perk that improves her ability to land headshots or something.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294887
Buffout.jpg
Cumrag.png
>>294884
>What the buck is Buck? The name has been mentioned once or twice, and from what I can tell it's an illicit substance along the same lines as the crack mints she may or may not have an addiction to, but we've never had an explanation of what it is or what it does. However, it's a moot point; they apparently do have it for some reason, and Velvet gives it to her. For anyone who cares, it is apparently an orange pill.
Another thing for the Fo3 fans. Buck is most likely a ponification of Buffout, an anabolic steroid that boosts strength and endurance. So in other words, she spends the latter part of this chapter roided up on top of all her other endearing qualities.

>So, as her sudden pang of "conscience" precludes her simply putting this poor pony out of her misery, she instead throws a jizz-crusted blanket over her face and leaves her to die alone and in agony.
GOD. I'd forgotten about this. Littlepip really is an absolute self-righteous shit. If I recall correctly, the scar she picked up in the fight with this random mare causes her more long term angst than leaving the poor pony to bleed out under a filthy blanket. And this isn't the last time Pip behaves in an absolutely abhorrent manner towards the dead and/or dying. Just wait until the scene much later with the cola bottle.
Anonymous
2f33206
?
No.294897
295072
>>294883
Still got to read the other posts so may have clarified it there but LittlePip went and reprogrammed the turrets after sneaking up to them with the Stealthbuck. Didn't explain how since you said there was a page break but after the scene resumes she talks about how they are programmed now to let LittlePip and her party pass while any of Deadeyes'sss's goons will be shot at now.

Very video game-y type thing and would have been interesting had it been explained how she understands programing centuries old tech like that but I'm guessing she probably did something like the EFS where anything green it'll avoid and anything yellow or red it'll fire on. If not that then I'm guessing she's have just made a quip about reading a magazine on hacking military grade turrets at some point during their travels.

Will have to call a mulligan in favor of Kkat this time. He didn't mention how any of it happened but did say what LittlePip's plan was with the turrets.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294898
>evil counterparts
This is fucking perfect.
Hey, wouldn't it be funny if to contrast with Littlepip's ezcessive wordiness
And occasional tendency to make things overcomplicated despite the one track mind she usually has
And frequent scenes of trying to justify her evil deeds to herself
He was an immensely and comically straightforward guy able to find the easy solution and achieve it easily with his overwhelming might? The kind of cut-the-knot motherfucker who calls himself a "master lockpicker" because he can smash any key or safe door open. Plus while she simps for her lesbian girlfriend, he is awash in mare pussy and canonically ploughs numerous bitches. Bitches will literally offer their goods and services to him in return for a night with his turboner supreme. And while LP uses the guns of dead people and scavenged shit he makes it a point of pride to construct his own mighty bullets and oversized guns for a unique brand of overkill only one as big and strong as he could control.
Speaking of sex this story's sex scene is worse than My Immortal's.

>>294884
>lp's amazing disappearing injuries
The author uses Littlepip taking horrible injuries, and then recovering from them almost immediately with the aid of plentiful overpowered supplies, as a substitute for the author's reluctance to meaningfully wound or hurt or hinder Littlepoop the overpowered god moder.
I'd accuse the author of taking videogame "if you have more than 1 HP a health potion can fix anything" logic too far but videogames, especially RPGs, double especially Fallout, solved this immersion problem with Limb Condition and Status Effects.
If your only meaningfully different health states are "alive" and "dead", anything dangerous that can't instakill you is meaningless. Who cares about losing 40hp out of 200?
Crippled limbs slow you down and can fuck you up, Fallout has that, but almost all RPGs have status effects like Confused and Burned and Frozen and Asleep. Ideally this keeps encounters tense because you never know when you'll need to spend a turn that could be spent attacking or healing using a Status Effect-removing spell or item instead.
What good is a poison when everyone has enough antidote or temporary immunizations? What good is burn salve and poison antidote and smellingsalts when everyone carries enough healing potions to keep a reckless murderhobo alive?
A heroic soldier in a realistic setting full of heroism and pride marching despite the pain of his shot and bandaged leg is more heroic than some overpowered action movie god slaughtering puny humans in a setting where bullets never kill anyone named.
>buck
Guys I forget is Buck supposed to be the Fallout drug Buffout or Psycho? One of them makes me angrier than the other, no pun intended.
Buffout temporarily makes you stronger and fitter. Psycho makes you angry temporarily which increases the damage you deal by 25%. Neither of these are used for or could reasonably used for used for curing burns. It's not like Littlepip's an old hag taking a shot of Buffout so she can temporarily gain enough fitness to become likelier to survive some risky medical operation. That's something smart only a genius would think of, and whoever thought of that must be very handsome.
>LP can SPARE/KILL
The first time I saw this scene I expected LP to give the dying poner some healing potion in return for intel amd/or a party member. Instead she lets the pony bleed out horribly and loots the magic lance while forced to endure this fucking cum rag (imagine the smell!) for fuck's sake. This is like something out of a goddamn parody of itself except it is the joke and not even an Abridged Series-style take on this thing could make it funnier than this.

A moment like this, when done right, would have been better earlier on in the story. Imagine the party encounters a wounded merchant and saves her from raiders but the merchant got fatally wounded and her choices are get her neck snapped now or die crying. Velvet would be all "I wanna try healing even though we have no medical supplies strong enough to save her!" and Calamity would say to give her the easy way out. Calamity kills the Merchant because LP couldn't bring herself to kill an innocent pony, Velvet gets mopey and whiney over this, Littlepip gets sad but also tougher.
Alternatively she could have a Conscience Moment when trying to play Good Cop to Calamity's torture-loving bastard cop with some assassin they captured alive and need intel from.

>they never established buck
Would it have killed Kkat to write Gawd giving Littlepip some items that could be useful on her little murderhobo quest followed by explanations of them? You know, some Bond Movie/Spongebob The Movie/Monty Python and the Holy Grail shit.
The StealthBuck and Buck the drug and the magical lance/magical bullets that should have buck in their name somewhere to keep the theme going... this would be the perfect place to seamlessly introduce them to LP and the audience before they are used to-
Yo what if Team Littlepip separated heist style during the concert?
3 separate factions. Gawds griffons and Deadeye Deadeyes's Dead-Eyes, two rival merc groups working for Red Eye, are scheming against each other and LP arranges the concert in Mr Topaz's Dragon Hoard Casino. Topaz the dragonfurry spellcasting unicorn also works for Red Eye but is being blackmailed by Gawd and Deadeyes.
Gawd thinks LP will shoot DE. DE thinks LP will shoot Gawd. MrT thinks LP will shoot both Gawd and DE.
LP's real plan?
Velvet sings the longest songs she knows and this stalling gets funny fast because she's been drinking the Schezerade, LP tries to rob the vault and deal with security that requires some lead security guards severed head to bypass but she KOs him out of morality after a bossfight, and when the singing stops Calamity shoots Deadeyes to buy more time for LP's secret heist on the Casino
Then Topaz finds out, Dragons Up with a single spell, and gets killed by LP
Heist mission stylishly accomplished
Anonymous
f04e0e0
?
No.294899
>>294878
>>294881
Kek
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294900
294903 294976
>>294885
>memory orbs
You know that movie Strange Times with the rioting nignogd and memory device that can let you store and replay memories for the viewing pleasure of yourself and others just like the memory balls from Imside Out or the Pensieve from Harry Potter? Kkat must have seen one of those before writing this.
I want to give Kkat credit for putting something in this story that isn't stolen from Fallout even though it's literally just a pre-war flashback justification device that's been done a million times in other media and never gets used for anything smart. An exercise VHS tape or training manual VHS tape would work better if that VHS was actually a memory ball that lets you experience its stored flashback to let you remember its skills instantly. Those are the kinds of memories that would sell well enough to be found after the apocalypse. That and sex. Maybe happy convincing but fake wholesome memories too, but I doubt Kkat would think to poopoo Ponyland's cutesy kiddie cartoon character-sryle immaturity and childish "wholesome 100 haha my house looks like its made of gingerbread" tastes by saying they only read books with happy endings and hated hearing bad and sad news on the radio. Fallout took massive shits on the aspects of American culture that supposedly caused its nuclear downfall but Kkat's attempted moments of "satirizing" of pony culture is muddled and aimless. Canon ponies never put up "Better wiped than striped" posters. Those who might would never allow pony cities to be swamped with Zebra refugees.

>bolded text
Only thing worse than quirky text tricks like this is when some words get bigger or a fancy font to represent how they are said, or the author arbitrarily decides some characters never use capital letters or speech quotes. Motherfucker, Kkat, you ain't Sans Undertale.

>mucked up
Did kkat forget this is rated R? I don't think this is supposed to be a mothertrucking "affably evil guy never swears because he wants to feel above his vulgar coworkers" character trait.

>final pre-sleep meal
Everyone in this world talks exactly the fucking same aside from crude forced gimmicks. "Final pre-sleep meal" sounds awkward because it is ham fisted exposition shoved into too few words for any personality to be expressed here. Nobody realistically talks like this and it doesn't sound right in fiction. Shouldn't this massive motherfucker who's threatening to eat ponies talk in a more grandiose manner befitting of an arrogant bastard who thinks he's invincible and has all the time in the world to talk and sadistically savour the fear of his prey between hibernations?

>one mine for one Dragon?
Establishing Topaz as an evil casino owner working for Red Eye and making Topaz a Unicorn who turned an old mining oenal labour prison(shut down by Flutters because she is now a cuck who thinks prisons should not be punishments) into a casino that passes for fancy in Edgequestria would make it less retarded that LP is able to get a concert together so quickly. Making him secretly skim gems off the top to fuel his Dragon Form feasts while he supplies gems for some Red Eye Weapons Factory the heroes can raid later, this would clear shit up and keep things more believable. If there's a motherfucking dragon here under Red Eye's control why would it be here and not conquering somewhere else for Red Eye? Why would this motherfucking Dragon be a myth or mystery? Why would he take orders from Red Eye unless sufficiently big guns fired by big bads could hurt it?

Also if LP saved Whatshisface the Magical Lance User, now would be a great time to be saved by that poner to prove mercy and sparing can be good too.

I forgot to mention this but no matter what type of roid Buck is supposed to be, LP doesn't act like a pony on drugs. Doesn't act hyper brutal and then get shocked at how brutally she beat a Raider to death. Doesn't act like she feels invincible right until the drug wears off at the worst possible time for her like the Berserker Powerup from the Doom Comic. She fucking lets an enemy bleed out when she would normally execute enemies without a second thought. She sucks at mercy. But being on roids canonically makes her try to be more merciful than usual. Gee its almost as if Kkat writes drugs like they're videogame powerups and forgets all about the story effects they should have beyond strength buffs.

And does anyone else think LPs ability to easily turn turrets to her side is way too convenient and powerful? It should backfire horribly at least once.
Anonymous
897410f
?
No.294903
294907 294976
>>294900
I noticed that LittlePip's drug addiction aspect seems to appear and disappear at random. Tried to establish she got addicted to those Mentats or whatever the pony version is but she hasn't shown any withdrawal symptoms for awhile and Kkat hasn't used that addiction as a way to explain why she is such a kleptomaniac trying to find more drugs or stuff to sell to buy more.

In my earlier post I hypothesised since LittlePip is a Pip-Buck technician maybe she knows how to program or troubleshoot the Eyes Forward Sparkle. Granted we have no idea how that works and the actual act of her hacking the turrets was skimmed over but perhaps she was able to code it to be synced with her EFS so any blips registered as her friends will be spared and any pony else is fair game.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294907
294976
>>294903
"She connects the turrets to her HUD's perfect display that displays whether someone is a friend or foe to get the turrets on her side" is the excuse for how it works, but it's unsatisfying for this to be in this state. Turrets are just one of many things, like locks and landmines and most traps, that can't truly be a problem for her.
Imagine if LP relied on turrets and carried a portable one that's immobile when fully expanded. Relies on her hitting it with a magic wrench to fix it during fights, otherwise enemy bullets will easily chew it up.
Her HUD EFF is never wrong and that just seems stupid to me. LP can see foes through walls using her HUD and the Friend/Foe Indicator is so perfect that at one point... mild unimportant spoiler... Littlepip is able to tell that when a baddie is threatening LP with a minigun by revving it up, the baddie isn't actually going to shoot because the baddie's marker and name didn't change colour from Neutral Yellow to Hostile Red. LP has a minigun revved up in her goddamn face and doesn't flinch specifically because her HUD is so utterly perfect in the information it grants.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.294976
294978
thisisntevenmyfinalform.png
>>294900
>>294903
>>294907
>memory orbs
Another thing that could have been written much better. In theory they're a fun idea, a way to look directly into the setting's backstory and learn what actually happened to the canon characters and how that relates to the present situation. But well, they're written by Kkat, so...

>In my earlier post I hypothesised since LittlePip is a Pip-Buck technician maybe she knows how to program or troubleshoot the Eyes Forward Sparkle.
Many of Pip's apparent skills and abilities would be a lot more tolerable if they were well established *before* they became relevant to her quest rather than the moment they happen to be needed, she wasn't the undisputed master of all of them, and she didn't have so damn *many*.
Telekinetic savant? Okay - it's a fun gimmick for a unicorn.
Capable lockpick? Okay - she's a klepto.
L33t H4x0r? Maybe with some training - she's a technician by trade, so at the very least she knows her way around a (specific type of) computer.
Master marksman? More dubious; the pipbuck gives her autoaim but at the very least a wasteland veteran like Calamity should be able to outdo her.
Devious sociopolitical manipulator? Ehhhhh. Her entire backstory is that she's that one borderline NEET who nobody likes, even herself.

All of the above, with no comparable peers in any of those fields? Nah. Fuck off. Her horn is a gravity gun, she's the only lockpick in the world, computers always do what she wants, she can outfight seasoned killers after a couple weeks of running around outside, and everyone else seems to have an IQ 50 points below her own, which is hardly stellar. She's a sue of the most obnoxious kind.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.294978
295015
3cf1d61329308e39ec2fb48a823f55dc.jpg
6d71aadee7d519b9729263cd5b665241.png
7357b2b7a51d5a060818a956a07d476eb163e217v2_hq.jpg
>>294976
True. Despite all the shit stereotypical Shonens get for their stereotypical big-hearted empty-headed hot-blooded hero boy protagonists, putting gaps in your hero's skillset is a a smart writing choice that lets other characters become useful whenever they need to be. Would One Piece be as beloved if Luffy could do alone what his entire Straw Hat Pirates crew could do together and then some? What would be the point of the party's Thief, Swordsman, Sniper, Cook, Musician, Shipwright, Doctor, or Achaeologist if the hero Luffy could do all of this and more on his own? Are you really writing about friendship if it is easy and pointless amd meaningless?

If Littlepip is supposed to be an underdog valiantly struggling in a doomed quest against the evils of this absurdly dark hell world, she shouldn't be overpowered enough from day one to outperform all her friends. What's the point in giving her Calamity so early if he barely matters? Why write one edgy veteran who says no to joining Team LP because her Speech Skill is too low and then immediately write a new edgy veteran who says yes to joining Team LP? If you make her a combat goddess from day one, where can she go from here? How can she grow? Giving her even more guns with even bigger damage numbers? Giving her extra party members who are meant to contribute three skills that can be combat or noncombat skills? What's the point in Velvet's silver tongue and Calamity's battle saddle and any other party members and the flavour of DPS big damage they can shit out with their favourite weapon type when LP can already sneak whenever she needs to and talk her way out of and into anything and shoot any weapon perfectly and psychically lift boxcars? Hell, I'm surprised she doesn't carry that boxcar around with her! Except I am also not surprised because Boxcar isn't a weapon in Fallout like the Scoped Hunting Revolver is.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.295015
trainhat.png
>>294978
>Hell, I'm surprised she doesn't carry that boxcar around with her! Except I am also not surprised because Boxcar isn't a weapon in Fallout like the Scoped Hunting Revolver is.
Funny you should mention. Bethesda being Bethesda, in FO3's Broken Steel DLC they had an NPC run underneath the level 'wearing' a train instead of putting in the effort to implement a functioning one. As a result Fo3 does, technically, have an equippable train car if you're willing to dive into the code for it.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295072
>>294897
>Will have to call a mulligan in favor of Kkat this time. He didn't mention how any of it happened but did say what LittlePip's plan was with the turrets.

Here is exactly what the author wrote:

>I lifted my PipBuck and looked at it. “Okay, we’re in luck. I’ve got one more Stealth Buck. I can use it to get up to the turrets and reprogram them, just like the ones back at that pegasus convoy. That way, they’ll let us through, and keep anypony who gets the idea to follow us out.”
In light of what you pointed out, it's a little easier to see what the author probably had in mind. I'd forgotten about the earlier scene where she reprograms turrets, but when we go back to Chapter Nine we find this:

>I was trained to reprogram the spell matrix of a PipBuck. Tweaking a turret to run off my PipBuck’s definitions of friend and foe was comparatively easy! Especially right now!
As absurd as this is, the author technically establishes a precedent for LP to be able to reprogram gun turrets to shoot at her enemies, and provides an explanation for how she does it that makes sense in-world. As far as a story's internal logic is concerned, this is all you really have to do. Whether or not it's a good idea is a whole other conversation, of course, but now that I see this I think I have to agree with you that the behavior of the turrets are within the scope of this story's logic. So, I will grudgingly give k "just ignore that poop smell coming from what I generously call my vagina" kat a pass here.

My confusion was partly that I'd forgotten about the earlier scene, and partly that the whole idea of gun turrets being programmed to detect "friend" and "foe" is so bizarre that I missed what she actually did. Now that I read it closely the meaning is clear, but when I read it the first time I just assumed that she had used the stealth buck to sneak up and simply disable the turrets, rather than reprogram them to target different enemy types.

This really illustrates how far my thinking is from the author's, and is probably a big part of why I am having so much difficulty following his logic most of the time. As you say, it is very video-gamey. In a real-world setting, I can't even imagine what criteria one might use to program automated gun turrets to only shoot "bad" guys; even in a world with magic this is a very tall order. Unless the spell is sentient and capable of making moral decisions on its own, you'd need to specify some concrete group of traits it could use to identify who gets shot and who doesn't. Having it target based on something visual, like only shooting at combatants wearing a particular uniform, could work; similarly, you could program it to target a specific type of creature (pony, griffon, zebra, etc) and that would make sense. But the logic problems inherent in trying to write a spell and/or computer program that could look at any given individual and somehow sort them into "friend" or "foe" is so complex that I wouldn't even consider putting it into a story; it just doesn't make any sense.

However, in a video game, it's not a complex idea at all. You've got a player character controlled by a human and a bunch of NPCs controlled by AI. The NPCs can be tagged PlayerTeam, EnemyTeam, NeutralTeam, etc, and each type of NPC can be easily programmed to only target characters of a specific type. Thus, concepts like an auto-targeting system for the player that only targets baddies, or an AI-controlled gun turret that can be programmed to target EnemyTeam instead of PlayerTeam, is very simple.

So, while the author isn't technically violating his own in-world logic here, he has inadvertently shown us yet another example of why video game logic doesn't necessarily translate to real-world logic, and why it can be tricky attempting to convincingly novelize a video game environment.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295077
295098 295139 295417
1608557356993.jpg
>>294885

Chapter Thirteen: Voices of the Past

Today's Fortune Cookie:
>"It is a ghost story. They're all made up."
Honestly, I have no idea what to make of these epitaphs at this point. This out-of-context quote from some unknown speaker could signify that there will be ghosts in this chapter, or it could just be the author expressing his remorse at having paid thousands of dollars to have his penis cut off. Time will tell, I suppose.

>"Relinquish your rights to the contents of the vault, and she's all yours," Gawd explained as she pointed a wing at Junction R-7. "Do you accept?"
As far as I can tell, what's happening here is that Gawd is going to take over Shattered Hoof as LP wanted, and since she won't need the junction-fortress anymore, she is offering it to Littlepoop. However, LP has to give up whatever claim she might have on the memory orbs inside the vault. I'm assuming since Gawd promised her the vault as payment for killing Deadeyes, but now wants the memory orbs for some unknown reason, she needs to trade her something for them in order to make things all squaresies as far as her goofy contract-logic is concerned.

Basically, then, LP's choice of reward for killing Deadeyes is this: she can either have a vault full of crap from 200 years ago, or a defensible structure she could live in and/or use as a home base. Since LP has no reason beyond idle curiosity to give a fuck about the memory orbs, this decision should be a no-brainer, but the author prefers to draw it out as if it were difficult for her.

>I looked at the disabled train and scrap metal shacks, seeing it in an entirely new light. This could be my home. Our home, if Calamity and Velvet Remedy were willing. A place to rest. For Calamity to hang his hat.
Technically, Calamity already has a home, as it was established earlier that he has a house or something outside New Appleoosa. I'm still curious why he doesn't just return there.

Anyway, there are a few more paragraphs of her daydreaming about what she could do with the property, but ultimately she accepts the offer.

>Any hesitation (or concern about why Gawd suddenly wanted a vault full of memory orbs), was washed away by that wonderful “we”.
I'm a little curious why Gawd would want the memory orbs as well, seeing as she has even less use for them than Littlepoop does (as far as I can tell, they require some level of magic to use, so it would stand to reason that only a unicorn could do anything with them). In this story, there could be any number of reasons for this, ranging from decent to utterly retarded, and we won't know if any of them actually apply unless the author decides to tell us, so for now we'll just note it and move on. In any event, Littlepoop is at present more interested in the fact that Velvet is using words like "ours" and "we" to describe this new domicile of hers, which predictably has her nether-regions all atwitter. Littlepoop accepts Gawd's offer, and the scene ends in a page break.

>"Ah don't get it," Calamity muttered. "She's helpin' raiders now?"
I have completely lost track of where all the allegiances in this story lie. As far as I can tell, "raiders" in this context refers to the group at Shattered Hoof that was working for Topaz and Deadeyes. Since Gawd's contract was with Topaz as I understand it, this means that she was technically helping these raiders the entire time, or at the very least they were all on the same side. I am therefore unsure why Gawd helping this group should surprise Calamity, as Gawd has never expressed any particular antipathy for this specific group of raiders or for raiders in general; as I understand it her quarrel was with Deadeyes himself, and the only reason she had an issue with him was because she suspected him of plotting against Topaz, with whom she had a contract.

Anyway, the short version of what's going on here is that now that Topaz is dead, Gawd's contract with him is null and void, and with Deadeyes also gone Shattered Hoof is leaderless. Gawd has decided to step in and take over the operation, although now that Topaz' real identity has been revealed, it's unclear why she should want to do this.

This story has a well-established pattern of setting up a potentially interesting plotline and then taking it in a very stupid direction. My original assumption for Topaz was that he would turn out to be some kind of gangster or local big-shot who was running this gem-harvest business as part of a larger enterprise, and Red Eye was invading because he wanted to take it over. Gems presumably have some kind of commercial or practical value in this world, so this would have made sense and I think this is the direction most authors would have chosen to go.

However, I seem to have once again underestimated just how pantsu-on-head retarded this author really is; what was actually going on is that Topaz was just some fudge-packing dragon who lived in the mines for some reason, and was harvesting gems because he wanted to eat the gems. And, as if that were not pantsu-on-head-retarded enough on its own, the dragon apparently also intended to eat his own workforce. Yes, you read that correctly: Topaz the rump-rollicking Dragon organized an entire commercial gem harvesting operation, consisting of a network of rock-farms, a dedicated rock-breaking facility, and an entire private army of enforcers, for no better reason than that he wanted to prepare and consume a single fucking meal.

Even if you completely ignore how stupid this is, there are still any number of logical holes that need to be addressed. One of the bigger ones that jumps out at me is the question of how or why Topaz bothered to hire Gawd's Talon group in the first place. What did he expect them to do exactly? Literally what was their job? Was he just going to eat them or did he actually have some larger plan here? Kkat has actually managed to make even less sense than usual, which is an accomplishment in itself.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295098
Eo5NRYbXYAIZMlP.jpeg
>>295077
It just dawned on me that this story is really bad at working pre war stuff into the post war world. It cannot mix Setting and Plot.

Littlepip left her vault and went to Ponyville aka Poopyville
she escaped
And learned that Sweet Apple Acres is shit and full of poisoned apples
the GM aka DM aka Watcher tells her to get back into town and recover some books
She just does because lol why not
LP frees slaves along the way and kills a sniper and many other baddies
then goes to a random factory full of killbots and finds a gun
here she learns a relative of Applejack had a gun once I guess
she fucked around in a sewer full of RadGators at some point even though ponies should not know what radiation is and radiation never factored into mutations or the apocalypse
then she went to New Appleoosa and was told to save it from some nearby vaults monsters so she goes through the vault. She could close the door but the vault was misoginist so she loots it completionistically while someones poisoned and dying then blows it all up
Crane the NPC gives her lifting training she never needed and the author could take this opportunity to explain magic and its limits and use and how to train it but nah lol.
oh and she befriended a cowboy with a shotgun and wings
then she goes to Old Appleoosa to free more slaves
she does so
encounters an alicorn and fights it and kills it by dropping a cow on it- haha just kidding this isn't earthworm jim it's "kkat never set foot in a gym"
moves on to a random rock farm and almost gets killed by a small child Pinkie Pie fangirl who's out of this story faster than fuck
Oh also Velvet Remedy joined the team
and The Watcher showed up to give some exposition about the pre war world
now Team LP is going to a slaver infested city far far away for more murderhoboing and they might stop at a nearby radio tower at some point
Along the path...
the heroes get involved in an incomprehensible power struggle over a rock farm mafia or rock breaking plant or something
the heroes kill a dragon unexpectedly after putting on a backstreet boys all-girl cover-band show
while here they learn these baddies were responsible for the tragic backstory of one who is no longer in the story. And listen to some quirky audio logs about Diamond Tiara and the horrible fate she met here in this skeleton filled shithole.

Nothing pre war meaningfully influences the choices these post war ponies make.
So far there is no light flung into the future by the Mane Six to try and give future poners a way to fix things.
The heroes are not on a quest to uncover what really happened to their world.
Nor are they on a quest to avenge it by destroying those they blame for its destruction.
They are not trying to rebuild a better world by befriending factions that can be reformed and crushing those maintaining the evil state of this world.
They make no effort to learn everything possible before choosing sides and deciding who to kill. They are on a quest to slaughter mean ponies for trying to make the best of a bad situation forced on them by ziggers. Who did everything wrong.
It's like they know they are in a tabletop RPG where if they just keep killing baddies and leaping on whatever sounds important like Crane The Lifter or that slaver filled pony city they are gunning for, they will eventually get to the main plot.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.295139
295141
verydramaticmuchchallenge.png
>>295077
>However, I seem to have once again underestimated just how pantsu-on-head retarded this author really is; what was actually going on is that Topaz was just some fudge-packing dragon who lived in the mines for some reason, and was harvesting gems because he wanted to eat the gems. And, as if that were not pantsu-on-head-retarded enough on its own, the dragon apparently also intended to eat his own workforce. Yes, you read that correctly: Topaz the rump-rollicking Dragon organized an entire commercial gem harvesting operation, consisting of a network of rock-farms, a dedicated rock-breaking facility, and an entire private army of enforcers, for no better reason than that he wanted to prepare and consume a single fucking meal.
There's a flimsy logic here in that Topaz alludes to it being a pre-sleep meal - later in the story, around chapter 20 or so, it's established that in Kkat's conception of Equestria dragons hibernate, implicitly for many years at a time. None of this is in the text, which is entirely to the story's detriment, but if you really wanted to reach in the story's defense it makes just a tad more sense if Topaz is preparing to turn himself into a proper thicc boi so that he can sleep for a decade or two. Once again, Kkat fails to communicate what's in his own mind through the text. With that all said and done, consider Topaz's methods and diet when another dragon shows up later.

Topaz is... well, an FoE villain. He's the boss of the tutorial dungeon and the "get your own place" quest. We can add "killed a dragon in the same chapter it appeared" to Pip's list of accomplishments before even reaching the main plotline. A truly engaging narrative, this is.

Unrelated, but merry christmas everyone.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295141
>>295139
Merry Christmas to all of you beautiful bastards, I motherfucking love you all for reigniting my passion for writing.
Regarding Topaz there are probably some villains out there in fiction who have their words/deeds re-examined in a new light by the heroes and audience after new information is revealed. But never before have I seen a villain who only makes sense 10 chapters after the chapter in which he is introduced and killed. Time Topaz wasted on "Git in mah belleh!" could have been spent villainously monologuing about his motivation for being the way he is. You know before he is introduced and killed in the same chapter like a goddamn afterthought.
What bugs me about the story's inability to marry pre-war lore and current year plot is that I've seen so many stories do it better. The locations LP finds are not remnants of pre war Equestria usually. When they are, they are never linked to the past in a relevant and deep writing ironic way. Ponyville got taken over by Raiders who pooped on the floors and put spikes on sticks, but... why? It's not as if they all became assholes overnight once the Mane Six left Ponyville to take charge of their own Ministries and the mid-war govt started rationing sugar and bananas and other nice things.
New Vegas is made of House's attempts to recreate what was destroyed long ago. It's an old snowglobe of a city ruined by nuclear hellfire and transformed by genetic and cultural shifts.
New Appleoosa exists because I guess not everypony at Old Appleoosa was fine with slavery. But if this Old Appleoosa is supposed to be the canon pony Appleoosa after centuries of nukes... how can you tell that from anything besides the name? It's not like they're still dealing with Buffalo bullshit. Or home to a cherry factory full of automated robot workers that became frenzied killbots once angry saboteurs who lost their job started destroying machines and taught them to hate. There's Pinkie Pie's house and a random rock-breaking gem miner prison but it's not like the sins or follies of the past created the arbitrarily "Fallout-ish" tragedies and monsters and factions who call this world their home. The heroes of today are not cleaning up the messes of the earlier years that created the villains of today. They are simply travelling around slaughtering villains today while barely giving a fuck about the backstory behind it all or whatever the author calls the causes of the villain's existence.
Remember Diamond Tiara's stupid audio logs? Imagine if Topaz made them. Imagine if Topaz wrote audio messages to himself and scattered them around the facility talking about his life as a pony and the events that led up to him taking an experimental Dragon transformation potion. Imagine him scattering these logs around the place so he can get to a safe and listen to his own voice - calming himself - if he ever starts transforming into an uncontrollable dragon Hulk-style without wanting to. Eventually Topaz becomes a full-on Dragon and embraces eating gems and ponies. Gawd and Deadeyes are specifically fighting because Topaz promised the place to Gawd and then his underling Deadeyes took over once Topaz was unable to lead effectivepy due to declining mental abilities. The fight begins when LP meets the Dragon but LP's already feeling bad for the guy and saying "With your strength you could help us save lives" but he doesn't give a shit and LP kills him. He finally gained the power he wanted but lost his mind and his ability to do anything with it, becoming a feral beast Deadeyes keeps locked up in the mines.
I reckon that would be cool.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295142
Fuck me for saying this but at least Assman tried to justify the whole world minus one dying mudslime abandoning reality for pony AI waifu buttfuck matrix simulator Cyber-horsejunk 2069 by making it pony themed. Even though his fantasy novel about a fantasy AI goddess was pure wish-fulfillment nonsense on two levels (he wants to be the loser gamer solving puzzles for AI god. And live in a universe where AI god ate everything)
That said, the story's still fucking retarded. The AI goddess can manipulate any humans copy on any level with their consent or control their entire environment to manipulate them without their consent. The AI was able to modify everyone to be able to break the theoretical Dunbar's Number limit but didn't think to delete all other AIs and modify everyone that can be called a former human to have their values permanently satisfied by being reduced to mere brains trapped in separate slow-existing boxes plastered in low-ponygon ponies. Doing this would massively reduce computing costs for humanity instead of simulating extra AIs for the grandchildren's children of AI and human children and letting resource costs balloon exponentionally until IT ALL COMES TUMBLING DOWN TUMBLING DOWN TUMBLING DOOOWN and the AI starts eating all the planets.
That story tried to connect its shitty shallow mockery of humanity to the MLP franchise even though it was effectively just a pony label arbitrarily slapped on a low-quality sci-fi magazine short story.
Despite all of Kkat's lines like "Twilight Sparkle invented batteries and laser guns" and "Applejack invented shotguns" and "Fluttershy's Bunny invented steroids and was a mass-murdering war criminal on the battlefield who struck fear into the hearts of Zebras everywhere" he is utterly unable to properly marry Ponyland and Fallout in a way that is consistent, logical, and emotionally impactful. In fact those lines and attributions only serve to make his choices look arbitrary and desperate. Personality flaws didn't kill Equestria. Apathy didn't kill Equestria. Bad ideas didn't kill Equestria. A loss of culture or a degradation of culture didn't kill Equestria. Pride and Greed and Gluttony and Envy and Lust and Sloth didn't kill Equestria so how can the heroes wield the seven holy Christian virtues or the six Elements of Harmony to fix it? Nothing Team Littlepip can fight against today in a literal or moral or emotional or philosophical sense is responsible for the death of Equestria or the existence of Team Littlepip. They cannot save the world by choosing some new path. They can only slaughter the enemies along their own path until the author drops the solution right onto Littlepip's labia.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295325
295327 295429
>be Littlepip
>fight some baddies and slaughter raiders while breaking some ribs
>pass out from the pain of your broken ribs
>have weird dreams on painkillers while Velvet Remedy heals you
>live through a Sonic Sez episode compilation where Dream-Calamity tells you wasteland survival advice he's already given you except every piece of info comes after a skit where everyone's stupid, especially Raiders, and their folly demonstrates the value of this advice given by a super-fast Calamity armed with Pinkie Pie/Looney Toons cartoon physics
>sometimes Velvet gives you stupid and unwanted and obvious childish moral advice during skits instead
>awaken hours later thinking you need to lay off the steroids and painkillers and beer-basted mesquite pod honey-fried crack mints

What do you think of my greentext? Showing LP's dreams could be a perfect consistent source of comic relief without compromising the bleakness of the grim dark setting. Also merry christmas everyone, I love you.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.295327
295375
>>295325
>Showing LP's dreams could be a perfect consistent source of comic relief without compromising the bleakness of the grim dark setting.
Hard disagree. In principle, sure, dreams and imagination can be a source of humor in an otherwise bleak setting. But in FoE, this apprach actually working would depend heavily on the premise that "inside Littlepip's head" is an entertaining place to be.

This actually comes up later as memory orbs become more important - the events that take place in the memories themselves are all filtered through Pip's first person perspective rather than objective narration, so she's constantly interjecting with "witty commentary" and "unga bunga she female, me horny" and "ew a penis".
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295375
295429 295432
>>295327
You're right that does sound like shit.
>ew a penis
Lesbians are pure cringe. Who looks at a decent cock and considers it unappealing? Surely they just feel insecure about an inability to please a cock. There are futafags out there specifically because cocks are so great. Cocks inspire architecture and symbology, they can be found in the upwards points of military shoulderpad chevrons and the wide thick shafts that hold up ceilings.
Littlepip's conscious head isn't an entertaining place to be because she is annoying and unfunny. Just like the author. But watching her trip on weird shit in the realm of dreams sounds fun to me. Only a good writer could pull that off though.
Speaking of flashbacks do you think this story made the right call when "Connecting the present to the past" by putting Flashback Balls in the present for Littlepip to experience and react to?
I think filtering those flashbacks through LP's lesbian gigafaggot lens was a mistake because it stops the author from trying to get into the mindset of pre-war ponies and write the story so that you can get into that mindset too. We don't get to feel enough of the terror and loss and other strong emotions of the pre war ponies, we just see a megafaggot's reaction to it.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295417
295423 295424
1609030803833.jpg
>>295077

Merry Christmas all, hope everyone had a fun holiday. I personally spent a fair portion of mine reading better stuff than FoE, and I hope you all did the same. But now, alas, we must get back to the grind.

>I watched her, admiring her words and the way she moved. I didn't like Gawdyna, but I couldn't help but respect her. And yes, she was sleek and powerful and very attractive for a non-pony. (And so what if she’s a griffin? There's nothing wrong with just looking.) Gawd herself had taken on both of the enemy griffins, felling them with her magical energy shotgun and her talons. She'd picked up a few new scars in the battle. I thought they only made her look more impressive.
In case you've forgotten that Littlepoop is a lesbian since the last time it was mentioned, the author is kind enough to remind us here.

Honestly this kind of thing feeds into what I don't like about the author's attempted romance angle between LP and VR. LP seems to be pretty indiscriminate as to whose flanks she admires, and while that's normal enough (for a guy at least; not sure about a dyke), she doesn't seem to regard VR any differently than anypony else she salivates over, so it's hard to take her "love" seriously.

Anyway, LP goes on to remark that she has picked up a few scars of her own, which I'm sure she secretly loves since it probably makes her feel like more of a badass, and meanwhile Gawd has been droning on about how she intends to take over Shattered Hoof and run it differently. She is guarded about giving away details, but it seems as if she intends to run it as a commercial gem harvesting operation, and will trade the gems with Manehattan and other nearby settlements; basically what I assumed Topaz was doing already, back when I assumed the author had something sane in mind for that plotline.

It actually sounds as if Gawd is planning to run her operation completely in line with how I imagined Topaz already did: a legit trading operation that is backed with the muscle of Gawd's mercenary group, who are presumably not averse to playing hardball when it comes to protecting their financial interests. I'm assuming she intends to train some of the raiders to this occupation as well. All of this makes it even more suspect that LP would place as much blind trust in her as she does, actually.

LP asks about the memory orbs and is flatly told that it is none of her business. I'm assuming the author is going somewhere with this, and it has a lot of potential, but at this point I am expecting to be disappointed.

>As we reached the end of the yard and stepped into the guard tower, I could hear a radio playing. The ending of an ancient song by Sapphire Shores gave way to the voice of DJ Pon3.
>“Good evening wastelanders! How’s every pony doing? Got some great news for you today! Remember that little Stable Gal who took on the slavers of Appleloosa and saved all those ponies? Well don’t ask me how, but she survived takin’ a nosedive off a cliff in a speeding train. That’s right, fillies and gentlecolts: she’s back!“
In traditional video game style, only the actions of le player are important enough to be newsworthy. Even if LP is attracting enough attention at this point that the local news is mentioning her various deeds, it stands to reason that other things would be going on that the DJ would report about.

In a video game, the world is generally static and will not change until the player begins completing objectives. This makes sense from a technical perspective: the game revolves around the player and it is assumed that the player's actions will be the primary driving force that moves the story along, and it would also be a programmatic nightmare to try and create a complex world that moves on its own regardless of what the player chooses to do although it has been done before; one of my favorite games is The Last Express, and in this game events will move on their own in real time, and the story's direction will only change when the player takes action. In a novel, though, there is no reason for the world to revolve entirely around the main character in this way, unless your story is about a king or something.

>“And what’s she been up to now, I hear you ask? Well, sit down an’ put on your listening ears, cuz it’s time for DJ Pon3 to tell you a story. Ready? Good. This is the story of a little filly named Silver Bell…”
This is completely absurd. How or why would the DJ know anything about this? Silver Bell's story was could have been a nice little side-arc, but the events and their aftermath were mostly personal for LP. Nothing that happened there had any impact on the wider world, and I see no reason why the DJ should be reporting on it. The only newsworthy thing there might be the megaspell in the barn, but seeing as how they just left it there unguarded, it would actually make more sense for the DJ to keep quiet about it. Presumably raiders, Red Eye, and other bad actors have as much access to the radio as the Good Guys™ do, so announcing on a public channel that a weapon of mass destruction is just sitting unguarded in an abandoned barn somewhere would probably not be a good move. Then again, we don't really know anything about this DJ, so it's entirely possible that this guy is either a baddie or just an oblivious attention-whore.

>I looked to Calamity in distress. I did not like getting credit for what was really Velvet Remedy’s good deed.
What exactly did Velvet Remedy do here? I remember she was the one who calmed down Silver Bell, but apart from that...you know what? That whole story was so poorly executed that I don't think anyone really deserves credit for a "good deed" there.

>DJ Pon3 didn’t mention my pegasus friend at all, and Calamity seemed unduly pleased by that.
This also doesn't make much sense. Why is Littlepoop famous but not her friends? Because she's le hero and as such is entitled by birthright to all glory and recognition, deserved or otherwise?
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.295423
smashy.png
>>295417
>Even if LP is attracting enough attention at this point that the local news is mentioning her various deeds, it stands to reason that other things would be going on that the DJ would report about.
This is another holdover from Fallout 3 (surprise!). One of the relatively novel aspects of Fo3 was being able to tune into various radio channels with your Pipboy which would then play in the background as you carried on with the game. it ranged from ironic old-timey music about how great the apocalyse is to propaganda and local news. One channel will periodically report and opine on your character's exploits, be they heroic or otherwise. You meet the DJ as part of the main plot and can even kill him if you find him obnoxious, putting a stop to his reporting for the rest of the game.

As for how the FoE equivalent of this character knows so much about what's happening and why he focuses so heavily on Littlepip's actions, I will credit Kkat with giving both of these in-universe reasons where Fo3 didn't even bother, which will be revealed once Pip gets to know more about the DJ.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295424
295428
fallout_equestria.jpeg
>>295417

Anyway, Littlepoop has some plans for her junction boxcar fortress I guess; she's planning to put turrets on the walls or something. The text begins to ramble a bit here, and I suspect this is another point where the author was just thinking out loud while typing. As ever, the progression of time is unclear.

>Calamity was already getting restless. He had joined me because, like him, I wasn’t content to do nothing while others were being abused and murdered.
"I wasn't content to do nothing" is a double negative. Also, I'm going to complain again that this is a lazy motivation to assign to even one character, let alone two. "The hero is a good guy who does good because he's good" might work well enough as a motivation if you're writing an Adventures of Captain Blaster cartoon aimed at 5 year olds, but if you want to attempt anything with real depth it's usually better to put a little more thought into it than this.

>He respected the idea of Junction R-7 as a base of operations, and was already drawing up plans for a workshop in one of the cattle cars, but my pegasus friend was never going to settle down and play happy homemaker.
This clashes with what we already know about Calamity. When he and LP met, he was living outside New Appleoosa but was basically associated with the town. He worked as a guard protecting their trade caravans. While we don't know much about his broader history, he doesn't convey the impression of being a restless wanderer or anything like that; he seemed fairly settled-in when LP found him. As I've often complained before, I find it a little odd that he even joined up with her in the first place, instead of simply returning to his old life once their initial quest together was complete.

>Velvet Remedy was still fretting over the most gravely injured whom she had been able to save, but I could tell she was beginning to accept there was nothing more she could do which other ponies were not capable of. Soon, she too would desire to leave this place. The nightingale wasn’t done flying yet.
As long as I'm complaining about how all of these characters' motivations are dumb, Velvet Remedy's motivations are dumb. On the one hand she seems to have some vague desire to help others and to be a doctor, which she could easily do from here, but at the same time she has this weird "I don't want to be in le cage, I must be le free as le bird" motive crudely grafted onto her hindquarters like an unsightly appendage. What the hell does this pony even want out of life? Does she even know? Does she even have a vague idea? Do any of them?

>I, myself, wanted to stomp out the cruel shadow of Red Eye’s slavery that darkened the soul of Equestria -- but that was a goal both vague and absurdly ambitious.
Admitting it to yourself is the first step.

>In truth, the only tangible goal ahead of me was meeting with DJ Pon3.
Still not understanding why this would be. Nigel II has thus far assured us that "because it happened in Fallout 3" is the driving force behind most of the plot for this, and I agree that this is probably the actual case. However, I will continue to protest that it makes little sense according to the story's internal logic.

Though, to be fair, this DJ has been weirdly focused on reporting LP's actions, which as I've noted is pretty bizarre. I suppose seeking out the DJ simply to ask "why the fuck are you so interested in me" would make sense at this point; however, I don't get the impression that this is why she wants to see him. I'm not even sure the author actually picks up on this whole thing being weird. He seems to think that LP going to meet this DJ would be a natural next move for her, and seems to assume that all of us are on the same page, and as such doesn't seem too interested in explaining the particulars to us. And yes, I ask all of these questions knowing full well that the answer, most likely, is "because Fallout 3."

For my part, I would assume that her next move would be to go to Manehattan and thence to Fillydelphia, since that was what she was supposed to be doing before she got sidetracked by this whole Gawd/Deadeyes/Topaz arc. However, it's clear at this point that she is headed to the radio station, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

>I was rather counting on him to point me the way.
Why? Why would you assume he would know anything? Oh, why even bother? I'm sure the answer has something to do with Fallout 3.

>Plus, after listening to his radio broadcasts for the last few days, I really did fancy the idea of getting Velvet Remedy’s music onto the airwaves.
As far as dumb side quests go, this one is definitely up there on the dumbness scale. Does Velvet give a shit about her music being played on the radio? Will she be willing to travel all the way across the Wasteland, braving whatever dangers might be lurking in their path, just for the opportunity to sing a few songs on the radio? I'm assuming she'll have to sing live, as we haven't had any indicators that Velvet has made any recordings they could leave for the station. I thought Velvet didn't want to be a singer? This story is all over the fucking place.

>By the end of the week, it would be time to go.
After a quick page break, it's the end of the week and it is therefore time to go.

They are apparently all saddled up and ready to set out, but for some reason Velvet is moping in her boxcar, batting the Memory Orb around. LP asks her why she still hasn't viewed it yet (do we even know how these things are viewed?), and she basically blathers out that she's worried about what it will contain. If I remember correctly, they found this thing in a locker with a bunch of other random crap, scattered about the ruins of Cloudsdayle. For all she knows, it contains someone's shopping list.

>I’ve been hoping that it’s about Fluttershy… but now.
Literally nothing about where this object was found or the items around it would suggest it has anything to do with Fluttershy.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295428
295452 295482
1608927917384.jpg
>>295424

Addendum to my last post: I went back to the point where Velvet and LP found the first memory orb, and I found this:

>Inside: numerous scrolls, ruined when a bottle of something had shattered, and the glass shards of said bottle, a framed picture of a bunny rabbit, a small crystal orb sealed in a clear bag (Property of the Ministry of Peace -- Restricted Viewing Only -- Unauthorized Viewers Will Be Prosecuted!), and a book (Supernaturals).
Once again, we have a situation where some completely obscure detail that the reader would have no reason to remember is being suddenly referenced. In this case, the "framed picture of a bunny rabbit" probably would suggest Fluttershy to the observant reader; however, within the story's internal logic, this is still a stupid connection for Velvet to make. Nothing about the circumstances under which this object was found would suggest Fluttershy; it was simply found in a delivery wagon. It could have been literally anypony's shit that Derpy was transporting when her wagon was shot down.

Moreover, while the bunny would be a dead giveaway for most MLP fans as to whose belongings the party had chanced upon, it's not clear why Velvet would know that Fluttershy had a pet rabbit she was fond of. There have been vague implications made that Velvet is some kind of Fluttershy fangirl, but it's only been mentioned once or twice in passing and hasn't factored into the story at all. Therefore, it's unclear how much information about Fluttershy Velvet would actually have.

Assuming the lifespan of pet rabbits in Equestria is similar to their lifespan in our world, it's extremely unlikely that Angel would have lived much longer than a decade, and most of the significant events in this world's backstory seem to have occurred when the mane 6 were much older (middle aged or later from the way they've been described, and I'm assuming they were in their teens or early twenties during the events of the show). Fluttershy might have kept a picture of her long-dead pet from her youth as a memento, but it's unlikely that this would be a widely-known fact about her.

I'll also mention that from the reader's perspective, it would be impossible to make this connection at all without prior knowledge of MLP. The character of Fluttershy has barely been mentioned in this story, and in the world of FoE we only know her as some vague shadowy figure from the past. Again, the bunny thing would be a dead giveaway for a fan, but someone coming into this story fresh wouldn't necessarily make this connection.

Anyway, Velvet is currently agonizing over what might be on this memory orb she found. She's worried that it might show her a side of Fluttershy's personality that she doesn't wish to see.

>I could understand. I remembered my reaction upon realizing Velvet Remedy was not a prisoner of the old Appleloosa slavers. And even though that had turned out to be for laudable reasons, I knew how much it hurt to see the pony you idolize fall from the pedestal you put them on.
Again, if more had been done to establish Velvet's admiration of Fluttershy this might actually mean something; as such, we're barely even aware of it, and LP's sentiment here is mostly confusing. Why does Velvet idolize Flutters exactly? There's no apparent connection between Fluttershy and Velvet. If anything, it would make more sense for Velvet to idolize Rarity since she is apparently a descendant of Sweetie Belle, or for that matter, why shouldn't she idolize Sweetie Belle? What is it about Fluttershy that attracts her? How does she even know who Fluttershy was? For that matter, who was Fluttershy? We don't know anything about her in this world. Once again, the author is just assuming we can see what's in his head.

Anyway, LP offers to view the memory orb for her in order to spare her whatever kind of icky naughty stuff might be on it inb4 it contains porn. We have still had virtually no explanation as to what the memory orbs specifically are or how they specifically work, nor do we have any indication that either Velvet or LP would have the slightest idea how to operate one. However, since it's FoE, I'm assuming that none of that shit matters.

>I took a deep breath, swallowing back a sudden hesitation. I’d never actually viewed a memory orb before. Logically, I knew what to expect: a reliving of some other pony’s experience. I’d been told such memories were visual, auditory, tactile… even taste and smell were preserved. But would it be crisp and vivid, or blurred by age? Would I see things as they had really been, or would it be filtered by the perceptions and biases of the rememberer? Would I sense the pony’s thoughts? And would I be able to tell them from my own?
Again, there's really no reason she should even know this much about memory orbs, but again, I'm assuming that kkat considers such trifles to be beneath his creative genius.

LP puts her horn on the orb, and something something magic happens, and she is able to activate it as easily as if it were a bunch of almonds.

>A strange flushing sensation washed over me as the train car
I'm assuming that the author meant to say something along the lines of:
>A strange flushing sensation washed over me, as it had on the train car
However, that is not what this says. The way the author has it written, LP has somehow become the train car, and a strange flushing sensation is washing over her now that she has assumed this form.

>Velvet Remedy and the entire Equestrian Wasteland was obliterated and replaced with an entirely different reality.
Velvet Remedy and the entire Equestrian Wasteland were obliterated.

><-=ooO Ooo=->
This special kind of page break indicates that we are now in Roger Corman psychedelic dream sequence territory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWd-tksOK2o

What horrors shall Littlepoop uncover in the depths of the memory orb? Find out next.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295429
295432
>>295325
Nigel II is right; this is a terrible idea. Dream sequences and things like that only add extra weight to a story without necessarily adding substance, and when your story is 500,000 words long already the last thing it needs is extra weight.

>>295375
>Who looks at a decent cock and considers it unappealing? Surely they just feel insecure about an inability to please a cock. There are futafags out there specifically because cocks are so great. Cocks inspire architecture and symbology, they can be found in the upwards points of military shoulderpad chevrons and the wide thick shafts that hold up ceilings.
This is such an easy shot that I don't even think I can make a joke here.

>Speaking of flashbacks do you think this story made the right call when "Connecting the present to the past" by putting Flashback Balls in the present for Littlepip to experience and react to?
In a word, no. The present and the past are extremely poorly connected in this story. So far, much of this text revolves around the events of the past (and to be fair, the pre-war backstory seems to be a much richer and more interesting world than anything going on in the main story), but little if any of it connects to anything going on in the present. The author should have ideally written the main story so that it connected to events in the past, which would be revealed naturally as the story unfolded. If he couldn't manage that, he would have been better off just focusing on the main story, and leaving the reader to wonder about how the world got all blowed up and what happened to all their favorite characters from the show. He could always write a prequel or something if he wanted to fill in some of the blanks.

In any case, dropping the backstory into the main story as a series of disconnected anecdotes that have nothing to do with what's going on is a terrible way to write a novel. The method of delivery for said anecdotes doesn't really matter.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295432
295435 295482
nigel's senior yearbook quote.jpg
>>295375
>>295429
Okay, I couldn't resist.
Anonymous
41dc357
?
No.295435
>>295432
:'D
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295452
295462 295493
1609109798617.png
>>295428

Littlepoop finds herself watching a pony's memories through the eyes of that pony. She is unable to interact with the world or move of her own volition, she is merely witnessing the events that the pony in question witnessed. She finds herself standing on a stage in an auditorium filled with ponies.

>I wanted to take a closer look at the walls of the auditorium -- I had the distinct impression that they were not wood paneled but rather actually formed from growing trees, much like the Ponyville Library.
This seems like a bizarre thing to notice in this situation.

>She concentrated on an elder (yet adorably cute) yellow pegasus
"Adorably cute" is redundant; it's a little like saying "kkat is a mentally ill transsexual."

Anyway, a pony that is presumably Fluttershy goes out on the stage and stands at the podium.

>I was struck by the distinct similarity between this pony and the one on the billboard I had seen a week ago, although what string of fortunes could take a pony from being the spokesmodel for carrot-flavored cola to serving as one of the most powerful mares in government was beyond me.
Once again, it's virtually impossible to keep track of all the weird little details the author has dropped at random intervals throughout this story. Do we actually know that Fluttershy was one of the most powerful mares in government? Was this actually mentioned anywhere? Should Littlepoop have this information? What, if anything, was Fluttershy's role? Even if we can piece enough of this autism together from our knowledge of the show and whatever snippets of disjointed information the text has haphazardly flung at us, this shouldn't be required in order to understand significant points in the story. If Fluttershy is important somehow, we should know exactly who she is at this point in the story. If she isn't, then why is this scene even happening?

>I immediately recognized the pattern. Velvet Remedy had hung the medical boxes in her Appleloosa boxcar so their butterflies would look exactly like that.
Do the medical boxes in this world have butterflies on them? Has that been mentioned? Should we remember it if it has? Was it even mentioned at the time LP entered her Appleoosa boxcar that her boxes were arranged in such a pattern? Again, instead of dropping in these obscure clues that Velvet admires Fluttershy, the author's purpose would be better served if he would just explain why she admires her so much. If we felt the connection or at least understood it, this would make a hell of a lot more sense. If it's supposed to be this important, it should have been a major part of her character up until now. Other than a couple of slight hints here and there, it's barely been mentioned.

Anyway, the flashback scene is completely pointless. Flutters goes up to the podium and hems and haws for awhile, and there's a lot of side commentary from Littlepoop about how adorable she is. She clearly holds some position of authority, and her underlings clearly hold her in high esteem. She announces that Luna has given them a new project, and it is supposed to help end the war. After this, the scene cuts off with the same kind of goofy-looking page break device. As to what, specifically, the project they are being assigned might entail, there is nary a hint.

>Some pony (whom I had the distinct urge to buck in the face) actually asked, “If the war ends, won’t we all be out of a job?”
This seems like a reasonable question, and unless LP is somehow absorbing the emotions of whoever's memories she's viewing, there's no reason for her to react emotionally here.

>Velvet Remedy was looking up at me with big, beautiful eyes. I smiled to her, levitating the memory orb back to her, being careful to focus around it rather than directly at it so as not to be lost in the memory again.
>“It’s not bad.”
After this, a page break. Was there any point at all to this scene?

Anyway, the next scene begins where the previous scene ought to have. They are back on the road to Manehattan, because even though LP was blabbing on for paragraphs upon paragraphs about how she intended to go see the DJ for some weird reason or other, it looks like she decided to go to Manehattan after all. Her friends, as ever, are trudging along beside her, blindly following this wack job wherever the hell she decides to go, because reasons.

They come across a partially intact hut, the front facade of which was able to survive the nuclear/magic/whatever blast because it was facing away from the city. Calamity hears movement inside and goes to check it out, returning a moment later to inform them that it's only a humble (((merchant))) and that he and his owl are perfectly harmless.

>my PipBuck flashed an enigmatic notice on my Eyes-Forward Sparkle, letting me know that it had decided to label this particular ruined hut “Trixie’s Cottage”.
Is there any particular reason this device is highlighting random landmarks like this, other than that a video game radar system will generally do stuff like that, and the author wants us to know that this was Trixie's Cottage, even though there is no apparent way this information could be in any way meaningful?

>I had long since given up trying to understand why my PipBuck kept marking seemingly random locations.
Perhaps I ought to do the same.

Anyway, for some bizarre reason or another, someone apparently nailed a recording to the door of the hut, and for some equally bizarre reason it's still here after 200 years. The recording appears to be in "bad shape," although it's difficult to visualize what this might look like since we still don't know what medium these "recordings" are even supposed to be on.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295462
295482 296124
1609013662433.png
>>295452

>In the back of my mind, a voice insisted that this might be hard enough to call for some Party-Time Mint-als. I knew the voice was lying, and I tried to ignore it.
This author only brings up these quirky little character traits when he wants to use them; most of the time they're MIA. If LP is addicted, or becoming addicted, to crack mints, it should be a constant nagging little voice in the back of her brain that we hear all the time. If Velvet is obsessed with Fluttershy to the point that she rearranges boxes to resemble her cutie mark, this should be a major aspect of her character that we should be well acquainted with by now. These things need to be continually reinforced if they're important. The only trait that actually does get any continuous reinforcement is LP's being a lesbian, and even that isn't integrated into her character particularly well. If you went through this text and deleted all the derpy little jokes she makes about how this and that mare has a nice ass, the entire story could go exactly the same and you'd never know this character was meant to be a lesbo.

>As I rejoined the others, the merchant (a grizzled unicorn stallion with a dust-colored mane and wearing trader barding) was telling Calamity and Velvet Remedy tall tales of the Manehattan Ruins.
What is "trader barding?" Is "trader" another one of those common occupations that in this universe denotes membership in some rigidly-defined social caste, along the same lines as "raider" or "slaver?" Do each of these groups have their own special designated barding that denotes their caste, so anypony can take one look at them and immediately know which group they belong to?

For being an anarchic, post-apocalyptic wasteland, this world seems weirdly organized and well structured. How formalized is any of this? Are these designations enforced somehow? Like, let's say a "raider" figures out that everypony avoids him wherever he goes, because he wears the official raider barding that designates him as a raider. He, being somewhat sharper than most of the other raiders in his local raiders chapter, decides he's going to put on "trader" barding instead, and is able to walk among ponies disguised as a trader. Then, when some unsuspecting pony approaches him to trade, he can spring his trap and say "Aha! I have fooled you! I am actually a raider! Now prepare to be raided!" And then he would proceed to raid the shit out of him. Would that be allowed? Or would he be fined by the raiders' guild for impersonating a trader?

Like, does it ever occur to any of these ponies to break out of these predefined roles just a weensy little bit? Maybe a slaver decides he wants to do a little trading and raiding on the side? You know, diversify his portfolio a little, learn some new skills? Maybe one lone, iconoclast raider decides that hanging entrails on his bedroom wall is unsanitary and gross, and decides to just hang up an old Milli Vanilli poster he found instead? Maybe spruce the place up a little, burn some incense, see if he can't convince some girls to come over? If he pulled that off he could change his name to Panty Raider.

What I'm getting at is that it's completely unnatural for individuals living in a chaotic wasteland with no rules or societal structure whatsoever to just spontaneously sort themselves into a handful of rigidly defined groups like this. Even if the characters the party is supposed to encounter on their journey are just generic throwaway bad guys or good guys, that doesn't mean they all have to fit specific archetypes from the Fallout games. You can humanize them a little poninize, whatever; give them their own little individual quirks, make them complicated. It would go a long way to making this story feel a lot less ridiculous.

Anyway, the merchant appears to be warm for Velvet's form, and also he warns them that there are ghosts and manticores in Manehattan. Velvet is skeptical about the existence of ghosts. They are in the process of arguing about it, when suddenly the merchant notices Littlepoop walking in.

>The pony finally noticed my approach and gave me a big grin. “Ah, and another customer. Welcome to…” he waved a hoof at the collapsed building around him, “…the Luna-Damned Shithole.”
Something tells me this guy isn't exactly salesman of the year. Is there any particular reason he chose this crumbling hut to be his storefront, out of all the other crumbling huts along the road to Manehattan? Is there any particular reason he didn't try to fix the place up a little if he was going to be living in it and using it as a store? Did it ever occur to him that maybe some customers would be put off by the idea of doing their shopping in a crumbling hut called "the Luna Damned Shithole?" For that matter, how many customers could he reasonably expect to see coming this way? Seems like if Manehattan is haunted and populated by manticores, it's not exactly going to be a hot tourist destination. Has his shop ever been raided? Have any passing bands of slavers ever tried to abduct this lone weirdo living in a ruin surrounded by absolutely nopony? Mightn't this guy be a little better served by going to one of the more populous regions and setting up shop there?

>Behind him, a robotic owl whirred and hooted from the top of a doorless cabinet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzKhqt5IRnM

>I nodded. I passed Calamity the magical energy lance to add to his bartering load and sat down to work on the recording. These things were designed to be ridiculously hardy, but this one had taken one hell of a beating.
Again, it might be helpful to know what exactly we're dealing with here in terms of this recording. They're "designed to be ridiculously hardy?" Alright. In what way? What is this exactly? What should I be imagining? Is this like a cassette tape? A floppy disk? A game cartridge? "Recording" doesn't exactly nail it down.
Anonymous
18a76ce
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No.295482
>>295428
>I'll also mention that from the reader's perspective, it would be impossible to make this connection at all without prior knowledge of MLP. The character of Fluttershy has barely been mentioned in this story, and in the world of FoE we only know her as some vague shadowy figure from the past.
could fix this with a flashback scene where child LP is studying alone in the library for an upcoming history test on the Mane Six Ministries and struggles to ignore the noise of a nearby study group full of friends loudly MST3King all over the history book and arguing over which historical figure failed the hardest and bears the most blame for the downfall of Equestria.
one filly could say "Celestia did everything wrong" and that could trigger Littlepip, since she's such a devout Celestrian.
If LP grew up idolizing the alicorns and mane six and exclusively read propaganda schoolbooks it would shock her to learn that they fucked up sometimes.
Come to think of it... Littlepip is from a vault. Velvet is from that same vault. Fluttershy and Celestia are historical figures who were alive at the same time. If anypony should turn these figures into deities it should be a dumb Wastelander like Calamity. Making him a badass preacher would certainly help make him more than Yeehaw the Pegasus with a Shotgun.
Establishing Littlepip as somepony who thinks she had no friends as a kid for being short and uncool and having an embarassing alcoholic mom but actually lacked friends growing up because she was a violent opinionated manipulative creepy thieving little shit would be an interesting character trait.
>>295432
Lol nice one. Walked right into that.
>>295462
You'd also have to erase the sex scene
>trader barding
Kkat is a faggot and here's another reason why
yes there is an outfit called "wasteland trader outfit" or something like that in fallout 3 but it should be described better. Kkat just lazily namedrops it and changes outfit to barding because hurr durr horses.
It just doesn't make sense to look at a specific suit of metal armour and immediately know its name in the game data and say "that's some nice Raider Ravager Armour you've got for sale, last week I killed someone in Raider Painspike Armour. I'll trade what's left of it and two grenades for that armour and this Trader Barding and some Plumber's Gloves".
Nobody fucking talks like that. LP might have a videogame excuse device bolted to her arm but she still shouldn't be able to identify clothes based on what role they serve in this "200 years after the nukes fell" social order now. I thought it was a fucking plot point earlier on that she couldn't guess the fact that only raiders would be caught dead or alive wearing raider clothes! If she looked at some Caesar's Legion niggers from FNV would she identify their clothing instantly as Caesar's Legion Futanariius armour despite having no idea what that is or who they are, or would she identify the pseudo-roman armour they wear made from American Rugby armour as customized American Rugby armour in poor condition?
"From the thick brown clothing he wore, utterly coated in buttoned pouches and zippered satchels, not to mention his large backpack and two saddlebags, this pony was either a travelling trader or a hoarding-obsessed hobo with no fashion sense. Then again, considering how I once wore Raider armour unironically and got shot on sight for it, did I really have any room to judge?"
There we go. Physical description first followed by LP's guesses at what it means and a joke at the end.
>raider's guild
If any group would unionize for the sake of extortion and illegitimate power first in this world, it would be the raiders. A literal Thief's Guild.
Anonymous
4327fc8
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No.295493
295495 296124
>>295452
>Do we actually know that Fluttershy was one of the most powerful mares in government? Was this actually mentioned anywhere? Should Littlepoop have this information? What, if anything, was Fluttershy's role?
Logically speaking, this should all be common knowledge in-universe. Minor spoiler, but it's been hinted a few times now in-story - the main six were all elevated to significant government positions second only to the princesses. Their names and roles would be part of fundamental history lessons in the stables, considering that the nation they administrated was the one that built the stables in the first place. Velvet and Littlepip ought to be intimately familiar with Fluttershy, by reputation at the very least. This, obviously, isn't communicated well in the text, because Kkat doesn't know or care that the reader can't read his thoughts.

>Anyway, the flashback scene is completely pointless. Flutters goes up to the podium and hems and haws for awhile, and there's a lot of side commentary from Littlepoop about how adorable she is. She clearly holds some position of authority, and her underlings clearly hold her in high esteem. She announces that Luna has given them a new project, and it is supposed to help end the war.
Funnily enough, this project turns out to be vitally important to the wartime side of FoE's plot. It's also one of the pants-on-head dumbest parts of the story.

One small thing I will give the story credit for in its portrayal of Fluttershy - medical supplies bear her cutie mark in much the same way that real life ones have a red or white cross. That's a cute little detail.

>The recording appears to be in "bad shape," although it's difficult to visualize what this might look like since we still don't know what medium these "recordings" are even supposed to be on.
Yet another Fallout 3ism. In the Fallout games you can come across 'holotapes' left over from before the apocalypse, essentially a more advanced form of tape cassette in the style of VCR. They typically contain data or audio recordings. Don't ask me how one survived being nailed to a door.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295495
295502 295544
>>295493
Wait a second, the story has shown us Big Mac's fate twice but failed to explain any of the context behind it. We know he died protecting Luna but we have absolutely no idea why Luna was there or what this war was about. We don't know what caused the war or who started it. We know the mane six were involved in different Ministries but we don't know why this choice was made yet.
Our first glimpse at pre-war Fluttershy in this memory orb shows her deciding to end the war with the Pre-Retcon Hashirama Senju Option (Hashirama gave most of his nukes away to rival nations for no reason other than they had to be there for the plot to happen. 600 episodes later this is retconned, now those nuclear magic monsters of his were payments for a peace treaty with those nations and the peace treaty didn't last long. If he wanted world peace he should have threatened the world with his nukes to get it instead of giving those things away to "maintain the power balance") when it would be more world-buildy and emotionally resonant to show her miserably suffering as she and her medical guys try to save lives and fail.
Or do a public "don't look back in anger" speech shortly after a zebra terrorist attack and get booed off the stage by a propagandized crowd hungry for zigger blood.
This is somebody's introduction to the Fluttershy character. Someone is reading this fic and has never watched FIM before probably. Kkat should try and get us to feel something positive for the character before she fucks everything up.

It doesn't particularly matter whether Cartoon America or Commie China fired the first nukes in Fallout because Fallout isn't really about those pre-war nations. It's about the people alive today and choices and deep shit like that.
But Fallout Equestria? Everything happens in Equestria. The heroes are trying to piece together parts of an Equestrian history they should already know, and sometimes they use information they learned offscreen or even before the story's start to fill in the blanks between pieces of information they gain in today's chapter.
The heroes want to bring back pre-nuking pre-war Equestria despite having no idea how to do this and at the story's end everything gets wrapped up so goddamn neatly by a deus ex machina that the next generation of ponies seen during the epilogue openly doubts that the stories of their parents could ever be true even though motherfucking memory orbs still exist. The author just forgot about those during the epilogue.
Equestria and information on it is central to Fallout Equestria but even at the story's end we still don't get a complete picture when it comes to Equestria's history. There are still massive holes in the story like "why did the fighting start in the first place?" and "but what did ponies/zebras learn from this?".
But if you point this out to a blind fanboy he'll say "Surely Equestria was being too white and imperialistic and therefore deserved nuking since they're white-coded and they were scared of Zecora at first in one episode. Equestria is better now in FE because it's less racist and its president is a Griffon and there are tons of alicorn waifus for me to fantasize about". He just fills in all the gaps with the propaganda he was raised on, and doesn't realize his assumptions and headcanons and biases make him a retarded niggerlover.
Kkat never made any of pre-war Equestria matter to post-war Equestria and to compensate for that he eventually makes post-war Equestria into a deus-ex-magically-undone afterthought for the post-post-war Equestria era.
At the end of the day... Fallout Equestria is devoid of substance and themes. Past Sins wanted to be about the sins of the past and that knight love story wanted to be a love story and Friendship Is Optimal wanted to warn the world about a magical god AI tricking humanity into permanently shoving their brains into My Little Pony brand bad dragon horse vaginas. But this story can't be called a story about LP struggling with morality or addiction or even love. She is a murderhobo who clears deathcourses and slaughters enemies until she is rewarded by the author with the sappiest shlock imaginable. Despite all the time this story spends on unimportant details it fails to figure out what details are so immensely important that they need to be in the story above all others. I'm tempted to joke that Littlepip missed some important memory orbs somewhere and that's why the audience never gets to see the most vital parts of the lore that give all this suffering and tragedy some kind of meaning or lesson to learn. It is fundamentally incomplete as a story despite spending over 500k words on its dismal tale of pony gore and mass murder and failure and gunfights and schemes and war and pony characters saying "Damn" like they're Shadow The Hedgehog.
Anonymous
4327fc8
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No.295502
295519 295524
tfw.png
>>295495
>Fallout Equestria is devoid of substance and themes.
Gotta disagree there, but this isn't a defense of the story. FoE has themes, they're just morally and logically awful on multiple levels. It gets particularly explicit towards the end, when the intended messages and emotional conclusions of the story are stated outright. But OH BOY, we'll get to that...
Anonymous
1bf5cdd
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No.295519
>>295502
that face x)
Anonymous
4327fc8
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No.295524
295558
>>295502
I'll elaborate a little, since one of the major themes has actually come up already. FoE spends a lot of time paying lip service to the old adage that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". A lot of FoE's major events, past and present, are made out to be failed attempts at doing good, which go/went wrong due to ignorance, incompetence, poor information or the like. This specifics are often either very silly or completely contrived, but it's at least fairly consistent throughout as a recurring theme. The story never settles on an actual functional solution to the problem of well-intentioned ideas going wrong - well, aside from "be Littlesue and have the favor of the author", but the question is at least posed.

This theme is flatly contradicted by the story's other primary theme, "sometimes the correct moral choice is actually horribly evil" which essentially exists to give Littlepip an out for being an enormous murderhobo, but I'm getting way ahead of the story so far.
Anonymous
8a6cbd8
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No.295544
295558
gondola centurion.jpg
Throwing my hat in the circle.
>>295495
>It's about the people alive today and choices and deep shit like that.
Not quite. It's more closely aligned towards the inherent evil of humans and exemplifying the worst the world has to offer while showing good still exists in people, albeit in a smaller magnitude within men but there is still hope left even if it is all lost, life still exists in the most bitter conditions although vigilantes are not the heroes they make themselves out to be even when faced with choices that defy morality they still seek to do what they believe is right while all hope is lost, rape murders are a common theme as it exemplifies the harshness of unsympathetic psychopaths that revel in anarchy.
All in all, humans haven't changed and still do what they think they should even if it isn't always right, they still continue to exist in a world of perpetual hell while seeking to help others for the sake of it or giving into personal freedom and living a life of inflicting misery upon others, basic human emotions never change and won't, along with war.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295558
>>295544
That makes sense, your interpretation is valid. And nice Spurdo SPQRde!
>>295524
Funny how the mane six's "good intentions" couldn't save the day in a setting where you can fire rainbow lasers of friendship by being nice enough. But even when Littlepip's "good intentions" manifest in the form of shooting first and asking questions never or toppling two unknown criminal figures so a third unknown will rise to fill the power vacuum, her actions don't ever result in disaster except for that one really retarded and forced and artificial scene much later, you know the one.
Hell, Littlepip literally took multiple buckshots into her body from Calamity because he assumed wearing raider "uniform" must mean kill-on-sight. So you'd think this would influence her decision-making at least a little. But no, this annoying invincible murderhobo with infinite health and ammo is going to raider and slaver places specifically to war with them and slaughter them all. But at the same time she lets Velvet give away the group's highly limited medical supplies to "bandits" who shot at Team LP and got defeated for it!
A raider is a bandit that wears ugly spiked clothing and acts edgy! A slaver is a bandit that won't stop at stealing your wallet and will steal you away to sell you into slavery! Stealing is wrong no matter how you're dressed! Stealing only becomes moral if you're taking back what's yours from thieves. Sometimes these three robbers wait around on roads and attack ponies and sometimes they attack settlements. These shouldn't be treated like three separate categories of villain badness or three separate monster races.
Kkat's attempts to make Velvet look more "admirably moral" than the protag makes her into a goddamn liability who's typically there to be wrong except when she's got the author on her side.
Something just feels wrong about saying ponies can't win a war or stop a war with pony magic or friendship or kindness but they can slaughter random baddies in your nuked country with a glock and magic flaming 50cal until the only smart thing pre-war ponies ever did is finally allowed to instantly save the day and undo all the damage inflicted by the war. I can't put my finger on the word for it. It's self-indulgent on an incomprehensible scale. The heroes of Equestria fail it in the face of a threat they should be able to stop and their methods and mindsets change at random with each chapter because the author's trying to force "racist Fallout america" attitudes into cutesy cartoon ponies who unironically don't know what PTSD is. But this stupid fucking murderhobo can save the day by wasting time until she eventually finds the Dragon Balls of magical wish-granting bullshit. I'm joking because it's a different deus ex machina device I don't want to spoil. Come to think of it, the nuked world was eventually un-nuked by magical bullshit made by pre-war ponies with good intentions so what's the "theme" there?
If there's one consistent thing about the author, considering his love of ripping off unrealistic videogame "tropes" and then mocking some of them while playing sillier ones straight, and his love of giving canon ponies horrible fates completely disproportionate to what they did in life and what they deserved, it would be his motto of "X is only okay when I say it is".
Anonymous
18a76ce
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No.295576
295632 295759 295844
I think I've been too negative with this fic so...
What is your favourite part of the fic so far, and what one moment sticks out as a missed opportunity to you?
Personally I really enjoyed the creativity of using an idol concert to draw in assassination targets even though the setup for it was retarded. If this was a movie, this part of the movie would probably look great.

As for missed opportunities... Remember when Littlepip went through that robot factory and fought some robots and got a gun?
She was all "haha robobrain go splat". Even after she learns that the robots are alive and powered by brains that have gone mad. The fact that these were once ponies and she is technically sort of a murderer now since she entered into their turf and killed these guys to loot a gun just doesn't bother her but it should.
There was a missed opportunity here to turn one of Fallout America's weapons into a tragic tale of Equestria trying to use tech to solve their problems like they once used magic and failing. And start with Littlepip being all "quip pun haha squish oneliner, god you're fucking stupid and I need a drink" but when she finds out these robobrains were once ponies and are still alive and conscious while having the actions of their robot bodies controlled by GuardBot programming it should shake her greatly. Reveal that her "generic action movie heroine" personality is just a front she puts on - a mask she wears - to feel more confident while scared and in combat. Make her cry and whimper and beg the robots to go away as they march on her position with melee weapons readied, forcing her to reluctantly shoot and squish all the bots. It could be a moment that kicks your heart right in the balls and shakes LP to her core. She officially becomes a killer of non-raider ponies and practically raided this destroyed robot factory. Her "little macintosh" goes from some random scoped revolver she found to a tragic reminder that she was forced to mercy kill these robots.
sage
sage
ba8b9bc
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No.295632
295752 295756 295759 295761 298005
2379301.png
>>295576
Shut the fuck up (((Nigel))). Stop going off topic for those literally retarded narucuck/bleeech/whorey potnigger inspired rants that you desperately hope will bring you acceptance. NO ONE WANTS YOU.
Anonymous
18a76ce
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No.295752
295756 295821
>>295632
I don't see any Naruto/Bleach/whatever references in my previous post, but I'm not surprised you see shit that isn't there. Your bitching never was grounded in reality. I'll never be able to please someone as entitled and irrational and whiny as you, and I don't really want to. You are nothing to me. You have no idea what you're talking about so why do you feel entitled to my respect? Why do you feel I need to take what you have to say seriously? This is a thread for writing discussion and I'm tired of faggots who want to start petty fights here. I've seen youtube commenters with more to contribute than you. This thread would improve if you kept quiet and stopped being such an entitled crybaby.

Lurk moar and act less like a redditor.
Anonymous
691d39b
?
No.295756
295761 295821
>>295632
I actually think that the post you're refrencing is on-topic. Its about missed opportunities and it brings up an example from the story and then explains itself through that example. Now, if it's good or bad point is up for each person to decied. I think it was servicable.
Nigel has been much better in this thread than in the previous one. And while I haven't check out every post of his in this thread, everything seems adaquate so far.
>>295752
Yeah, I agree you were on-topic.
>I don't see any Naruto/Bleach/whatever references in my previous post
His post uses the phrase "inspired rants" meaning... Well, I'm not completely sure what it means but it doesn't mean that there necessarily has to be any refrences of these things in it.
I don't really mind where your inspiration comes from so long as you make good points or, really on-topic ones.

Even with all my complaints towards you, I still do want everyone here to still be here. I believe you all are geniune souls that I share a lot of intrests with. At the end of the day, we do not have many allies. We should not burn bridges with potential ones over minor diffrences in beliefs when our enemy is what it is. I guess, that only tangentially applies here since, we're talking about books and forum conduct not the fight against jewry.
I will just express my opinions without compromises towards anyone here because I care for you and I expect the same in return.
Anonymous
b996c97
?
No.295759
295761 295821
>>295632
Sorry fren, but I'm gonna have to disagree with you on this one. Not only is the post on topic, but I agree with his post enough to reply. His phrasing could still use work, but that's not an expectation that can be asserted, though in this case suggestions are still perfectly reasonable.
>>295576
I agree with this point about the robot brains and missed opportunities. Thesis statement
With a little bit of effort, this could have been turned into a very deep and dark moral quandary for Little pip and anypony who was along for the ride (was anyone along for the ride? I'm not actually reading the story). One sentence expounding of thesis statement
In the end, it needed not have changed anything about the direction of the storyline; "robot brains go wrrrrr and then splat" is the appropriate outcome in the end, but at least Gaykat could have tugged at heartstrings a little bit.hypothesis and conclusion
Compare it to a series like Bleach or D Gray Man where the soul of the Hollow, or the trapped soul of the Akuma is given consideration. This doesnt prevent Ishida or other Quinceys from destroying Hollow souls in the one, while the other example emphasizes the torment of the trapped soul and the importance of freeing them, even unto death. The memories inspired by the revolver dont even need to be guilty, as LP doesnt have the skill or means to change or fix the robo-brain's situation, but ffs GKat could've paid lip service. Succinct examples that relate to hypothesis, and validate the conclusion
All in all, a huge missed opportunity to develop LP and thiat particular section of the story with depth and emotion that would significantly increase the quality of the instance reiteration of thesis statement and conclusion after the facts

Please pardon the spoilers, this is to help our friend with his phrasing.
>>295576
This is the best example I can give of how to make short, succinct, yet effective references to other media. I dont meander at all, because my purpose is to stick to the facts and info when conveying the idea. I also dont emphasize "I" or "my opinion" because for one that would be redundant; it's all my opinion that I'm positing to be agreed or negated by discussion. Additionally, emphasizing the opinion makes me the subject of discussion versus the idea/info. I am virtually irrelevant to the discussion, whereas the info/idea is paramount to the discussion. This is something I feel you could improve on, and will significantly aid the quality of your writing
Anonymous
18a76ce
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No.295761
295762 295821
hitlersword.jpg
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>>295759
>>295756
Thanks mates!
I dropped bleach about seven-ish episodes in (Fisher King's introduction was the last ep I saw) so I've got no idea if anything I said has anything to do with bleach.
Still I don't think Bleach is likely to have robobrains or pop concert assassinations, it just seemed like a gloomy pretentious Danny Phantom/DBZ knockoff but with goofy swords. Though I hear Ichigo's got a Hitler Swastika on his sword and starts hitting people with a giant swastika named Fullbring?
Anyway I've seen all of Naruto so I can confidently say absolutely nothing in my recent post has anything to do with Naruto.

If Equestria invented RoboBrains to try and give a body to terminally-ill/disabled ponies only to fuck up and put the robot programming in control of the body while the brain is used as a backup processor by the machine, it would be really tragic.
Double-tragic if the robot AI acts like a convincing replica of the terminally-ill/disabled pony while the real brain is trapped and screaming inside the metal body!

And a neat contrast to Fallout-America, which built the Robobrains that way on purpose because they wanted a smart and mentally-flexible killbot still forced to follow orders. America initially used chimp brains in those robots until realizing human brains worked better. Then it took brains from executed criminals, military prisoners, and so on. Obedient brains that are smart but lack personality/individuality were preferred, then they had their memories wiped anyway and tried to brainwash the brains further.
(why select for obedience/lack of personality if you're brainwashing and memory-wiping the brains anyway? how do you have any sort of selection process when your brains only come from executed criminals and military prisoners? goddamn it bethesda stop being so bad at writing lore)
These "RoboBrain" bots never reached full production status because they kept having problems with RoboBrain aggression and violence. (which doesn't fit the lore because Fallout America put ads on TV featuring their power-armoured troops executing kneeling Canadians in Fallout 1. Bloody hell, it's like Matt Ward of Warhammer 40K fame but dumber)
There's no Naruto stuff there. Captain "One post thread-wide by this ID" over there >>295632 can go fuck himself.

As it stands, Littlepip's robobrain encounter is basically:
>"I am Littlepip and I went into a factory and squished some robots and liked it and then I found a sick gun and then I read some computer terminal entry to learn the gun's backstory and then I fucked off out of the factory and moved on".
The only meaningful change this has on the status quo?
Littlepoop gets one new gun, a scoped revolver that could have been found anywhere else.
This scene could have been cut. It probably should have been cut since this story is over 500,000 words long.
If the revolver was put on a corpse Littlepoop found when fleeing "Rad-Gators" or found it while looting the Raider-infested Ponyville Library this entire factory could have been skipped while still keeping its only change to the status quo (+1 gun) intact.
This early on in the story we've got big questions like "Why did the world end?" and "Whose fault was the world's end?" and "why are Raiders like this?" and "Who's in charge of this shitshow?" and "How will the hero fix things?" and "Why did we see a statue of Big Mac?"
So a question like "Where did the guns come from?" is high on the question list but not the highest-ranked question.
a detail like "The apple family ran a gun-making company and Applejack was in charge of it plus a gun-making ministry also she commissioned a big revolver named Little Macintosh in honour of his death and kept it here" seems too inconsequential to the world to have this short story arc and location dedicated to it.
It also seems like too big an answer for it to be revealed so early on. Shouldn't we still wonder where all the guns and grenades came from?
We learn the backstory of this revolver in particular in such an awkward manner, too. Has Littlepip met even a single friendly face at this point if you don't count The Watcher?
Is this really the time to drop those super-special named "Unique Weapons" with their own special effects and short backstories into Littlepip's lap and on the audience when there's so much the author hasn't established yet?
Unique Weapons in Fallout 3 are better than their non-unique non-named counterparts, but that's a stupid videogame effect and it makes no sense to copy that in a book when this ordinary-ass gun is firing the same bullets as all other guns of its caliber.
If Littlepip is supposed to be an underdog, how come she's the only one who gets to find and unlock all these safes, why does she get special super-gear that's nonsensically better than average, and how come she's better-equipped than most of the Raiders/Bandits/Slavers she slaughters effortlessly?
The only way to turn this stupid side-story distraction Filler Moment into a meaningful part of the story (that I can see) is to make it emotionally significant to Littlepip and her development. She goes from "I've literally never seen or operated a gun before" to "Haha squish mmf that sound of crushed robobrain is so satisfying" way too fast, and this could be reworked into a stepping stone on the path from scared stressed terrified pissed-off newbie who needs a hug to snarky seen-it-all pro murderer. Better books make a hero's transformation from bloodshed-fearing rookie to hardened killer/sadistic hardened killer a slow and gradual process for a reason.
Anonymous
b996c97
?
No.295762
295770 295777
>>295761
The point of the references were to establish that LP's motivations after exploring the moral implications of murdering otherwise alive robots ponies didnt need to devolve into sadistic hardened killer' territory. It could as easily have resulted in the determination that while technically alive the robots weren't either 'really living' nor 'themselves', by way of the madness. In this sense, LP could be performing something of a service of freeing the robots from an otherwise hellish existence that was the result of best intentions in the interest of survival.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295770
295771 295777
>>295762
That's a good point.
Littlepip started her murderhobo adventure by killing "Raiders", the most cartoonishly evil ponies imaginable. They smear gore and poop over the walls of their own homes and abuse captors for fun, and Littlepip thinks "I am a good guy because I am killing baddies who must die" every ten seconds to help her get through the stress of her first fight.
She can reasonably claim "These baddies must go" even though she wandered onto their turf (well, was brought to it by her captors) and ended up robbing them anyway. Not sure if she can claim self-defense until after they started shooting at her though.
But the robots... That's closer to killing a pony, even though RoboBrains (unless the author does something new with them) are angry guard robots that use the still-alive insane mind-wiped brains of assholes for talking graphics cards. She can't claim "These guys morally needed to go" here because the bots guarding this abandoned factory are still just doing their jobs. She can call taking these things out a necessary mercy kill and claim robbing this ruined factory is necessary because it could contain resources useful to the Wasteland or traders or her Make-Equestria-Great-Again plan, but Littlepip shouldn't show such glee when taking these bots out after learning what they are.

While we're talking about moments Littlepip enjoyed but shouldn't have enjoyed, that "Hahahaha dumb Earth Ponies never think to look up" moment when she was escaping her Stable and telekinetically clubbed them unconscious was cringe too. Leaving the home she grew up in and the society she was raised in, saying goodbye to everypony she ever met or knew of... Even if she hated them all, there should still be at least a little hesitancy or regret or sadness here. She's leaving her bunker and entering a deadly world to bring back a pop star who might not even want to come back with her, and she's fine with living out here in The Hellhole Formerly Known As Equestria with the target she was seeking, the reason she had her reputation and stable life ruined and ripped away from her, the reason she might never get to take a warm shower or sleep in a warm safe Stable bed again.
You'd think there'd be something like that scene from Madagascar when the Lion and Zebra ran to each other while yelling each other's names, only for the Lion to get increasingly pissed as he realizes everything going wrong right now is this Zebra's fault, so the Zebra ends up running away. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQ2DAA-i8l0
A scene like that would be perfect for when Littlepip realizes she came all this way, risked death all these times, and killed all these ponies for the sake of a stupid fucking singer who's singing her heart out willingly to literal goddamn slavers.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295771
>>295770
Come to think of it...
Right after Littlepip escapes from Raider's Ponyville for the first time, "The Watcher" aka the author floats right up to Littlepip and clumsily says "You must go back into that town because you were supposed to kill all the Raiders and get a certain book from the library".
She "has" to have the book so that she can say "Now I have the Wasteland Survival Guide"
and all the people who played Fallout 3 will say "Whaaat? The book was already made? In Fallout 3, the player had to make that with some possibly-ghoul NPC's help! Who made this book?"
and those people will nut uncontrollably when they find out it was ghoul Derpy Hooves.
But that's an out-of-universe reason for her to go back to Poopyville. She has no in-universe reason to go back there besides a robot telling her to and claiming it's got good loot.
And Littlepip just... does what the robot questgiver says.
This really stands out as a stupid videogamey moment because aside from "lmao what else would I do today? at least he told me there's sick lewt in that raider hellhole. I guess I'll trust this weird robot hacker guy and risk my life because he tells me to" she doesn't have any reason to go back into that raider hellhole and has plenty of "I don't want to go into that zone of almost-certain death! I just escaped it, and you're telling me to go back in?! I'd rather go anywhere else even though I have no idea where anything is! Fuck you and fuck your book!" reasons not to.
Is any intel he could give her for completing his quest worth risking her life? Possibly, but Littlepip shouldn't think she's invincible from day one! And if she does, any dark world worth its edge should pin her to a wall and fuck her over for such arrogance! Did he even think to mention the captives in Twilight's Tree Library? Gee, it sure is convenient that despite all the damage done by these Raiders for fun, all of these captives can easily fuck off without needing food from Littlepip. Or needing any help to stand/walk. Fuck, one featherless ghoul Pegasus can even fly!
If Littlepip is a danger-loving thrill-seeking loot-hungry murderhobo who loves winning (and squishing) from day one, why was she loathed back in her Stable for being a small weak wimpy coward who canonically had a nightmare at a slumber party about falling upwards into the endless sky outside her vault, causing her to scream like a little bitch?
How Littlepip thinks and acts outside the Stable doesn't fit the character he spent all this time setting up inside the Stable, meaning all that time spent inside the Stable was pointless too, along with everything established during that point including who Velvet is and LP's "relationship" with her.
First he establishes Littlepip as the type to think "Fuck, I'm boooooreed. Somepony should paint a mural on this boring-ass wall" for 10 hours instead of trying to paint one herself, and then after leaving the Stable he writes her as somepony who goes above and beyond the call of duty whenever there's the promise of loot and EXP even when she has no guarantee that doing things the explosion-loving murderhobo way will result in more EXP/reputation/good impact on the world/Loot gain.
Despite never seeing a gun before and having absolutely no idea what one is (fucking somehow?) she can immediately figure out what it is and how it works and how to threaten somepony with it just by watching it get fired once or twice. Even learns how to reload and knows what reloading is, and gets a chance to use her new knowledge "intimidatingly" almost immediately because Monterry Jack's retarded.
She escaped from Raider Ponyville and went back in for the loot while slaughtering and intimidating all the baddies she could just because a hacker's voice coming from a robot told her to.
She solved a "Go close the door to this monster-filled vault" quest by locking herself in it, stealing everything that isn't nailed down, getting her friend poisoned, saving him and getting the antidote, blowing the place up to kill all the enemies, and escaping!
She single-hoofedly (ok Calamity helped and she found Velvet along the way) slaughtered an entire Slaver settlement on their own turf and LIFTED A FUCKING BOXCAR to squish an Alicorn guard she didn't expect to fight.
She also derailed a train during a fight and there was some other shit and right now her goal is to put her pal's music on the radio or slaughter everypony at Slaver City on the other side of Equestria just because it's there, whichever comes first. Point is, she's so destructive and violent and reckless and overpowered and unnaturally hungry for bloodshed and loot, yet the world and the characters within the world and the author never seem to notice this isn't a scared little pussy newbie struggling to survive. This isn't an underdog. "her limbs get crippled sometimes" but that never fucks her over or significantly impacts her. No matter how often characters jack the world (and the author) off by calling this world the saddest edgiest thing ever, it's a lie full of easily-duped, easily-intimidated, and easily-defeated cardboard cutouts for Littlepip to knock down one by one.
Characters speak as if this world of pure edge is infinitely bleak and utterly unchangeable and truly forsaken and she's a tragic hero on some doomed quest of folly for trying to make this world a better place, but not only can she solve all the problems in the world with a handgun and "sufficient determination"(guess nopony else had enough determination, not Big Mac or Twilight or Fluttershy or anypony else without plot armour!), she will fucking enjoy it whether she and the author realize it or not, no matter what inconsistent scenes of angsting the author sometimes writes.
The tale of a world of failures and monsters getting consumed by a bigger and badder ever-growing monster who seems like a cute little girl at first would be improved if Kkat realized that's what he's writing and started writing it better.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.295777
295853
Fo3Robobrain.png
Robobenis.png
>>295762
>>295770
I may be wrong, but going purely by memory I don't recall the robobrains ever coming up again in any meaningful capacity for the rest of FoE. They're essentially a disposable enemy in the same vein as the raiders. This makes sense *if* you assume this conception of Equestria works the same way as Fallout 3 the videogame, where raiders and robobrains are disposable recurring enemies that one can kill without thought or consequence. Considering that this is *supposed* to be the Equestria we know from FiM, just 200-odd years down the line, and that Littlepip isn't *supposed* to be a sociopathic murderhobo who exists to kill and loot, this is simply bad writing.

In Fallout, the robobrains were a highly unethical top-secret military project that used the brains of prisoners to create perfectly obedient (in theory) military cyborgs. This is consistent with Fallout's presentation of America's government as jingoistic and deeply corrupt. Their mere existence in Equestria, wandering around a random factory, ought to raise a dozen red flags about what went on during the war. The existence of combat-capable robots makes sense - if a technologically advanced Equestria went to war it's understandable that they'd use artificial soldiers instead of risking pony lives, but this goes a step further. Why were these things made? Who signed off on their creation? Where (or who) did the brains originally come from? Even if we accept the premise that Equestria had reason to create these things, there's entire potential stories to be told about how and why. But nah. They're just mooks guarding treasure.

>Right after Littlepip escapes from Raider's Ponyville for the first time, "The Watcher" aka the author floats right up to Littlepip and clumsily says "You must go back into that town because you were supposed to kill all the Raiders and get a certain book from the library".
I can kinda accept Watcher as a sort of mysterious mentor figure, given what we learn about them later. Enigmatically guiding people to perform small acts of good like saving Derpy makes sense in their situation, setting aside the question of whether Pip should logically be up to it. The real author avatar in this story is Homage, the DJ and oh jesus christ is it both obvious and insufferable.
Anonymous
ba8b9bc
?
No.295821
295846 295853 298005
1243261.jpg
>>295752
>>295761
Okay muttnigger. Good job continuing to gaslight and QQ'ing about your oh-so-nuanced exposition dogshit being called out even though it's the same verbatim trash. Again. Like usual. For the 1,000th+ time. Your retardation is so old the dinosaurs are tired of your whinging and kvetching at this point. Keep on winning all those Social Darwin Awards over there, they still do not make dealing with you worthwhile. Also poor job with that low quality plebbit/jewt00b b8, your "b-b-but it's not me it's all U" meter is still pounding somewhere around the 100 out of 10 mark. Go hang yourself, you worthless inbred mutt.

>>295756
>>295759
Not one bit. Nigel is still poorly disguising [aka: shoehorning] his retarded, old animu rants as "new content" by using a slightly different stench of bullshit to mask his brain damaged 'tism outbursts. Not only that, as a so-called 'writer' he has not changed enough to warrant being treated differently from the crybaby douchebarge he's been, especially for being unable to accept ANY form of critique or criticism without it becoming a !!PeRsOnAl InSuLt!! which makes him a fairly reliable lulzcow.

On the Robobrains, they featured in Fallout 1 & 2 as a specific type of cyborg. Some regions, particularly in The Glow (Fallout 1), Mariposa Military Base (Fallout 2), and the Sierra Army Depot (also Fallout 2) harbored anywhere from 10-80 of them. Only being vulnerable to EMP, the fairly to extremely rare rare coilguns [and their much more rare ammunition], and a few unique weapons which could be nearly impossible to get without knowing how, made them a major threat. Drowning them in bullets, shells, grenades, laser bursts or plasma is an option, although they're generally too durable unless you specifically toss every companion 40+ Stimpaks and give them 40+ pounds of ammunition. The one 'friendly' Robobrain was part of a sidequest in the NCR during Fallout 2, where it was a helpful technician/mechanic for an NPC. Another one, however, was MUCH more prominent (especially if one used the Fallout 2 Restoration Patch). It's name was... of course, Skynet. The PC could transplant any number of brains into it, which would greatly improve skills and combat abilities, also improving the number of action points. However, pissing off the Skynet A.I. before attempting to transplant would cause it to shut down the Sierra Army Depot through the use of extremely lethal biological weapons. From it you learn that a large number of Robobrain cyborgs were willing subjects from a large pool of severely wounded and/or crippled soldiers, although a small 'test' population of lizards, cats, dogs, chimpanzees, pigs, and a few other animal species were also available. In particular there were NO prisoner brains due to "one incident" mildly referred from a holodisk log.

Long version: Robobrains were intended to be used as an extremely cheap, efficient stopgap measure between soldiers without power armor, and those with T-45 power armor. Robobrains were capable of utilizing nearly any weapon, especially the PPK12 Gauss Pistol and the M72 Gauss Rifle, reload most weapons quicker than any human could, have armored storage compartments for ammunition/grenades/etc., and be easily & cheaply repaired using commonly available components from hundreds if not thousands of vehicles and machinery. They would have been vastly superior even if they weren't cybernetically improved like Skynet was... but there was juuuust one huge problem: production for the medigel necessary to transplant a human brain was completely halted, In Fallout: New Vegas we learn why the previous occurred: nearly all medigel was sent to the Big Empty where the Think Tank robobrains used it for a number of dipshit experiments. Thank them for the Cazadores, too. There were hundreds of thousands unfilled throughout now-derelict, lost, abandoned, or merely buried bases, which could have swung the various wars into positive outcomes.

In FoE: Robobrains are simply a "m-muh danjerus enemih!" emote moment that falls flat.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.295844
295853
>>295576
>Personally I really enjoyed the creativity of using an idol concert to draw in assassination targets even though the setup for it was retarded. If this was a movie, this part of the movie would probably look great.
I actually agree with you that this was a good scene. Velvet singing before an assembled crowd of wastelanders, belting out some heart-wrenching old song, until suddenly a shot rings out from the balcony and Deadeyes goes down, is great visually, fits the setting perfectly, and is an all-around great idea for a scene. If it was the honest product of the author's imagination and not something he plagiarized directly from one of the games then he deserves all the more respect for it.

Unfortunately, as you say, it was poorly set up. My guess is he had the scene thought out well in advance, possibly before he even started writing the actual story, and intended for this scene to go in somewhere. His choice of where and how to work it in worked heavily against him, and mostly negated whatever impact it might have had.

The existence of the robo-brains had a much darker implication than the story ever dealt with, which is odd because the author was clearly trying to make it dark. Unfortunately this was a definite missed opportunity, as the purpose of the factory invasion scene seemed to be nothing more than "Littlepoop finds a cool gun."
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.295846
295853
>>295821
>On the Robobrains, they featured in Fallout 1 & 2 as a specific type of cyborg. Some regions, particularly in The Glow (Fallout 1), Mariposa Military Base (Fallout 2), and the Sierra Army Depot (also Fallout 2) harbored anywhere from 10-80 of them. Only being vulnerable to EMP, the fairly to extremely rare rare coilguns [and their much more rare ammunition], and a few unique weapons which could be nearly impossible to get without knowing how, made them a major threat.
Contrasted to their appearance in Fallout 3, where they show up anywhere vaguely associated with technology, wield only a weak laser, and can be easily dispatched by small arms fire. Big think.

>In particular there were NO prisoner brains due to "one incident" mildly referred from a holodisk log.
The Fallout wiki references an old interview with Chris Taylor where he supposedly stated that the brains came from prisoners, though granted this is a pretty dubious source. Whether the brains were from willing volunteers or "volunteers" is largely moot, since the process of creating a robobrain involved wiping the original personality and artificially fostering obedience and compliance. If the subject wasn't lobotomized or simply killed in the process, that is. However you slice it, there are massive ethical questions involved in their creation and their sudden, meaningless appearance and disappearance in FoE would be shocking if such a level of hackery weren't already firmly established as the norm.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295853
>>295821
You are a very angry baby. Delusional, too. Ain't no anime repackaged in "killing robobrains should make LP cry".
Still, you actually posted something related to Fallout this time instead of just trying to restart long-dead drama so it seems you're improving. Maybe with your third post, you can leave the whining at home and focus on the thread's topic? Then again I'll ignore your whining from now on anyway because I don't respect you or your opinion of me.

>>295777
That's a good point. Why the fuck are Robobrains in Equestria? What pony would make a killbot with a brainwashed fleshy brain for a CPU instead of something more magical like a lifesized metal or wooden pony puppet possessed by a pony's soul?

While I like the idea of LP having a mysterious mentor figure, Watcher is too powerful. He can control any spritebot and send any message anywhere in the Wasteland to bring help whenever it's needed, but only when the author remembers he exists. He also feels redundant because Littlepip already has Calamity for an experienced friend and mentor figure. He would be teaching her about gun use and wasteland survival if she wasn't already instantly an expert at those. What has Watcher really taught her? I've said he feels like a GMPC before but by that I mean he doesn't feel like a character that truly exists in this world and makes himself a part of it. Instead he feels like a tool of the author who shows up conveniently whenever he is needed and fucks off once he has deus ex machina'd things away. And it makes no sense that he would fuck off whenever his work here is done. Why doesn't he join Team Littlepip? The answer eventually given for this is retarded.
Perhaps it would be better if Watcher started out as a voice in Littlepip's PipBuck who can only tell her things and hack things for her. But only when she wirelessly connects her Pipbuck to those things. Then Watcher sends her on a quest to "Free me" from an abandoned robot factory that turns out to be metaphorical. Watcher is an AI that wanted LP to repair this factory and build a robot body to his exact specifications, because he was the AI of this factory that has been protected from scavengers by out-of-control killbots for 200 years. Now Watcher is just a robotic friend in Team Littlepip. A hacker robot with a laser pistol or some shit that can only be in one place at one time. Not a mysterious omnipresent ghost that can possess any spritebot anywhere to send any message or get help from anyone anywhere. That would give Kkat the opportunity to make Watcher into a character with a personality and motives and a character arc. What does the artificial intelligence who abandoned his lost post and watched Equestria fall have to say about the places he encounters while travelling with LP? Could be interesting. Or Kkat could be a faggot and rip off E123 Omega/HK42 and make the robot call everybody "MEATBAG" every ten seconds.
>>295844
It's weird that even though the author tries way too hard in some places to make things as artificially dark as possible, he misses obvious opportunities to make things dark in a tragic way that fits the "good intentions aren't enough" theme he thinks he's writing. If Robobrains were an attempt to help disabled ponies walk in better bodies that went wrong it would be really sad.
Or it could be an attempted PTSD cure. Let's say prewar ponies tried curing the bad memories of shellshocked soldiers by magically removing them but they fucked up and lobotomized them. So the soul is fine and alive but trapped in a body that can't be moved by the nonfunctioning brain and shoving their souls into puppet bodies while burying the real bodies was the only way to save the souls and keep the ponies "alive". But over time the puppet ponies went crazy because they missed being able to eat food and feel sunlight and sleep and shit and fuck. So they became magically controlled and used as rentable/buyable guards because prewar ponies just didn't have the heart to mercy kill these things since magic couldn't tell them if there was an afterlife or not.
>>295846
That's another problem with Fallout 3's "go anywhere at any level" mindset. For that to function the player needs to be able to beat any enemy he encounters and clear any enemy den he wanders into, even if he is weak and low-level and has terrible weapons/armour. Rewards can't be too big a deal or they make areas designed for gearless newbies even easier, but some rewards are OP anyway because lmao fuck game balance here's a perfect invisibility device and a perk that makes you immune to traps that are too wimpy to really hurt you anyway and a robot friend that gives you free water sometimes and a giant invincible stupid mutant with a goofy name and an infinite ammo laser minigun. It's weird that the author reflects this in his story by making LP more than a match for any enemy she runs into even though LP is supposed to be a weak undergeared newbie at the start. And it's weird that LP seemingly knows she's invincible but only sometimes.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.295872
Wait a second, we must be at least 80k words into this story by now. Almost a fifth of the way through these 500k words, and despite how much exposition the author has dumped on us involving backstory and lore and setting wankery, so far the only hint of a plot for the future and the characters we're reading about now is "Littlepip heard there's a slaver town over in that direction so she's going to go fuck it up. Also she might stop at a radio tower to get her friend's songs on the radio and possibly meet the DJ".
Littlepip's goal is to slaughter Evil(tm) NPCs for being there and get Velvet's music on the radio, and Velvet's going along with it plus she might want to be a doctor. Calamity's got no dreams besides keeping these two girls alive. There's something inherently cool about wanting to protect your friends with your life. And he's so simple that the author can't fuck him up like he fucked up the murderhobo and singing doctor. I wish Calamity got cooler moments and I wish the author didn't treat him like an afterthought. When the trio got banned from New Appleoosa, did he say anything about the home he had there?

Anyway, the author's pacing is absurdly slow. All this time spent lingering on this and diary/terminal-entry-reading about this and backstory-expositing about that doesn't help the story because Kkat can't tell what to focus on and explain and elaborate upon from what to gloss over and leave behind in Fallout and skip.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296029
296135
Trying to be more positive now as part of another new year's resolution.

While reading great real books made by professionals, it dawned on me that the prose is usually really fucking good.

The specifics of the prose depend on the author but it can be be tight, refined, and focused. Nobody's afraid to end a paragraph after less than three words or let some dialogue float on its own without some accompanying text outside the quotation marks. Some authors do it more than others but it's rare for an author to clutter up their story in an attempt to get you to visually understand the movie in their heads.
A good book can be more than "a movie in your head", senses are mentioned besides what the "camera" sees.
There are conversations with brisk and snappy paces. And quick arguments from motivated characters who speak for a reason feel like dances, even sword duels at times. The value of brevity is known, whether the author lets you watch the dueling lines without commentary or postfaces every line with some narration that tells you what the character thinks and how he formulates his response. It's not a competition of kitschy speeches that instantly sway someone just for sounding nice enough.
When characters speak, how long their sentences take to get to the point depends on the character and how complex the point is to explain. Characters really do speak differently from one another, and not just in the sense that some characters speak "normally" in the author's eyes and some say a word over and over like "Darling" and some have funetik aksents and apostrophes where letters should be.
Even if some shit doesn't matter, everything important feels like it does to the plot or characters. Characters go through arcs, characters can be wrong, characters can have their whole world turned upside down. Characters can be broken and brought to their lowest points. Characters can do morally questionable things because the author isn't afraid of some audience member saying "I don't like this character as a person so I loathe this story and author for inventing him/her".
If the prose lingers on one subject for a while, it is because the author or some character has something to say on that subject. So when sentences get long, it stands out among the short sentences.
But while prose can be short, it can be long, flowing, and flowery. Instead of showing off Said-Book thesaurus fuckery like they're trying to impress someone, good authors can precisely use fancy words and clever metaphors/similes to elevate their text in indescribable ways. They can make you feel shit, man.
And instead of hiding vital information from the audience for a big reveal or stupid "once more with clarity" flashback later on, good mystery writers can let you figure shit out along with the characters, or even before the characters have figured out information that confirms your educated guess!
And when authors do enough research to make the facts right, it makes the world feel plausibly realistic and the story feel believable. Even if the "science" is just impossible magic bollocks disguised as science.
I've seen shit authors fuck their prose up, but I'm glad I read the prose of good writers in my lifetime. Even though prose is not one the most important thing out there, it's still a vital part of the book-reading experience.

How great prose can be contrasts with this story, because this story's prose sucks gay asshole. It feels like an un-edited rough draft that has yet to be seen by a single editor, even though Kkat probably had more proof-readers than Nyx's stupid story.
What's the point of a proof-reader if your editor can't tell what to cut from what to elaborate on, or point out when the author's assumption that everyone already knows what he knows renders a story arc borderline incomprehensible until it's over and everything's spelled out after the fact?
When Littlepip talks and thinks, it is with the author's train of thought. She's familiar with shit she shouldn't be whenever the author forgets her backstory and any prior characterization as anything other than a blank-slate murderhobo whose only consistent traits are "Lockpicker", "Moralizes", and "Lesbian". This whole story feels like one big stream of train-of-thought vomit barely reined in by a vague outline of what "sick loot" Littlepip needs to find and where, along with a word doc full of setting backstory the author isn't sure where to put or what to do with. Keeping the chunks of Canon Pony backstory directly (or at least thematically) relevant to what's going on now would improve these exposition dumps about long-dead characters the author killed off and didn't create or get.
Everything's so long and drawn-out when it doesn't need to be, except when it's skipped over even though it shouldn't be. Sometimes LP's looting sessions are needlessly detailed and sometimes they're skipped over, only for something LP picked up "offscreen" (during a skipped scene) to be vitally important later. You can't keep track of LP's loot-katamari so why ever narrate her picking ammo from corpse pockets and swiping shotguns from safes as if the reader could? Littlepip's limbs might break often but that never significantly impacts her and only exists to make her seem tough for "fighting through the pain". Littlepip might struggle to lockpick one particularly dastardly safe but she'll eventually get it open after enough lockpicks, not that the author keeps bobby pins limited so LP must think+weigh possible loot vs the risk of breaking her only bobby pins.
Characters under-explain who they are because they're NPCs who only exist as far as their role in the story allows, except when there's some backstory unrelated to who they are and what they do in the story. You can't work things out with the information you're given to guess shit ahead of time, unless your guess is "The oversized 8-ball Guybrush Threepwood picked up at the Mêlée Island theater will be used later like that dress from chapter 2 was".
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296124
296134 296135 296138
Mousse.jpg
>>295462

Alright, holidays are over, so I suppose it's time to get back to this in earnest.

Littlepoop pulls out some tools and starts working on fixing the recording (which from >>295493 I am now imagining as something akin to a VHS cassette), while Calamity barters with the merchant. I might have found something interesting here:

>I had just started working when Velvet Remedy gave a stomp. “No, no, no.” I looked up, wondering why she objected to my efforts, only to realize she was neighing to Calamity. Lowering her head, she pushed him away from the merchant.

>“What’s got yer tail in a twist?” he huffed.

>“You’re letting him rob you, that’s what,” she retorted. “Here, let a pony who knows a thing or two handle this.”

>I watched my companions, bemused. The merchant pony was staring at them with a slight frown. Velvet Remedy returned, and while Calamity watched from behind, she ignored the pile of goods he was trying to sell the pony, not to mention everything he had been hoping to buy; she fluttered her eyelashes at the merchant, giving him a look that sparked a twitch of jealousy in my breast, and asked, “That dress over there, the one in the spring colors? How much is that?”

This is one of the few times in this story where an ordinary, mundane interaction taking place between characters is written convincingly, and what's even more shocking is that it's not just a dialogue exchange; the author appears to have actually injected some meaningful subtext. Let's take a closer look.

Littlepoop is engaged in repairing the recording she found, that for some bizarre reason was nailed to the door. From the events we've actually witnessed, Littlepoop is clearly a Mary Sue protagonist who can do nearly anything that any situation requires; however, the author has thus far tried to present her as an awkward, unremarkable, untalented pony whose only skills involve fiddling with PipBucks and other small gadgets. Working from this image of her, we can assume a couple of things: first, that she likely takes a great deal of pride in her tinkering, and second, that on some level she probably feels inferior to Calamity, whom she sees as being more experienced and knowledgeable. Please bear in mind that I am currently speaking about how the author intended these characters to be seen; obviously the reality he's presented is quite different

The group is currently engaged in bartering for supplies, and fixing the recording should be a low-priority task; however, Littlepoop whips out her tools and starts working on it while the others are bartering. Subconsciously, she is probably doing this more because she wants to show off in front of Velvet than because she really cares that much about the recording. The text actually tells us that this is her mindset:

>“No, no, no.” I looked up, wondering why she objected to my efforts, only to realize she was neighing to Calamity.
Here, Littlepoop just assumes that everypony, specifically Velvet, is paying attention to what she's doing. She is probably expecting Velvet to say something about it to her; however, she is slightly miffed to discover that Velvet either hasn't noticed or doesn't care.

Here is where it gets interesting. Velvet is not only ignoring Littlepoop, she is ignoring her in order to help Calamity barter for goods. Littlepoop confesses to feeling a "twinge of jealousy" when Velvet starts making googly-eyes at the merchant, but this is only superficial. Nobody actually thinks this merchant is a legitimate contender for Velvet's affections; even Littlepoop can see clearly that she's just using her feminine wiles to get him to come down on his price a little. The jealousy here is not because Velvet is trying to seduce the merchant, it's because Velvet is seducing the merchant in order to help Calamity. Littlepoop is trying to show off for Velvet by repairing the tape in front of her, but Velvet completely ignores her a focuses on Calamity. That she uses her feminine appeal to help him adds a sexual dimension to the exchange and adds to LP's jealousy and frustration.

What's more, the help was unsolicited, and the end it achieves doesn't serve any practical purpose. If we read a few lines beyond the section I highlighted, we see that Velvet doesn't even end up buying any important supplies, she just talks the merchant into selling her a few extra dresses at half price. Once this transaction is complete, she gives Calamity the new dresses as well as the one that LP gave her from Rarity's boutique, and asks him to use the new dresses to patch up the damage that the Rarity gown sustained during the dragon fight.

This is a bit awkward since there's been no indication that Calamity has any talent for sewing dresses (in-world it's unlikely that anypony except a unicorn would be able to sew in the first place), but the significance of the scene is clear enough: Velvet ignored Littlepoop's showboating in order to flirt with Calamity. It's not surprising that she would do this; while LP's views on pony vaginas are a matter of public record, we've had no indication that Velvet has the same appetite. Thus, if Velvet is going to develop feelings for anypony, Calamity would be the most likely target for her affections.

I was beginning to wonder if something of this sort was going to happen eventually. My original guess was going to be that Calamity would develop feelings for LP, which she would naturally rebuff, and this would put strain on their friendship and add an element of discord to the group. However, this Velvet x Calamity angle accomplishes the same purpose, probably even more effectively. Assuming all this was intentional on the author's part and I'm not just reading into things that aren't there, this short interaction, and its hint of a love triangle, is probably one of the best things we've seen in the story so far, and is the first indication that the romantic subplot will be anything more than LP drooling over Velvet's hindquarters.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296134
lovetriangle.png
>>296124
>when one of the best things seen in this story so far is a love triangle
TerribleWritingAdviceGuy_happy.jpg

Funny how The Love Triangle is a running gag on the "Terrible Writing Advice" youtube channel, where a guy gives comically bad advice like "Make your characters as simple and uninteresting as possible! Don't make them deep and multi-layered, that'd be hard! Being a good fantasy author is all about colouring inside the lines and doing exactly what thousands of fantasy authors are doing! Shoehorn a love triangle into your story even if it detracts from the story being told!"
But by giving this party a love triangle Kkat ends up livening up this party by giving it some conflict and internal drama. Even though so many people are sick of love triangles, it really is better than nothing.
Anonymous
2381de7
?
No.296135
296137
>>296029
Bit of a random tidbit really quick but I think I may have found you in a YouTube comment section. Not sure what Silver looks like besides that meme Glim made but saw a profile with the exact same pony.
>>296124
Bit nice to see some actual natural interactions between the party. When I first read through this part (which granted was years ago) I didn't pick up on this sort of stuff not only in this story but most stories in general.

I like the idea of the love triangle bit and while this is about the last bits of the story I remember ever reading I certianly wouldn't get my hopes up on that element. Talking to fans of the story to ask about reception to it at the time they mostly said how people were going gaga over the lesbian stuff since she types like it and autistic guys like it so it's a garuntied home run.

Bit interesting to see not only how Fallout 3 rubbed off on FoE but how FoE rubbed off on a lot of the fan fics for the fan fic. Seems like everyone tried to replicate it with having a spunky lesbian unicorn who is super powerful and the best and has lots of lesbian sex.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296137
296147 296159
SINNOH.JPG
>>296135
Yeah, that's my pony.
I don't want to spoil how the romance in this story goes but I find it interesting how so many "fanfics of fanfics" try to make themselves similar to the original. Some elaborate on backstory or show the lives of minor characters, but so many more would rather recreate the story "but more". They want to recapture the story's "mass appeal" (by a small mini-fandom's standards) so they make their story similar by default and rarely diverge from that templatee.
If the original tale featured a small lesbian unicorn with a big revolver and sniper rifle, here's a tale about an ordinary-sized bisexual unicorn with a bigger revolver and bigger sniper rifle and even bigger laser cannon, or a tale about a massive lesbian alicorn who keeps saying she "sucks at lockpicking" even though she just telekinetically tears locks open which always works and makes her the world's best lockpicker.
If the original tale featured a teenager who turns into a Lucario with an arbitrary chosen-one superpower tacked on that makes EXP grinding and pokemon attacks irrelevant while giving him infinite health/stamina/magic, fans make their own fics where teenagers turn into Lucarios or other primarily-bipedal Pokemon with similarly-overpowered god-tier superpowers that render actual Pokemon combat utterly irrelevant.

There's a fanfiction concept called "The Stations Of The Canon".
Basically, take any piece of media.
People might expect Naruto from me but I'll pick Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone for this.
The sequences of events in Harry Potter 1, where Harry does magic and gets a letter of acceptance to Hogwarts and meets Hagrid and goes to magicland and buys his wand at Olivander's and then buys a robe and then goes to hogwarts, the order in which he meets certain characters, the important plot beats from this story...
They are "The stations of the canon".
So a fanfic that seeks to answer "What if Harry Potter was raised by Tony Stark instead of the Dursleys?" would still show this story's "Harry Stark" doing magic and going to magicland and buying his wand and then his robe and so on and do these scenes in the same order as the original.
This fic's Harry Stark will meet Hermione on the train just like the canon Harry did, even though HS will talk and act differently from canon. Harry Stark will still meet Draco Malfoy when Harry Potter did, though Harry Stark might show off for the audience by calling Malfoy a faggot.
Despite what some say about a butterfly effect's wingbeats causing hurricanes somewhere else, the author is still using the original story as a guide and template when writing this story so it will take a shitload of changes piling up before things diverge from the familiar and comfortable Harry Potter 1 fans really just want to re-experience all over like they're kids again.

It's the same with Pokemon fanfics.
A Pokemon Trainer's goal is to catch and train strong Pokemon then visit the 8 major towns so you can fight their Gym Leaders and get their Gym Badges. After that you head to the Pokemon League, battle the Elite Four and Champion, kick all their asses in pokemon fights, and become the new Sinnoh Champion.
Looking at a map of Sinnoh for example (the red marks are cities/towns, the blue ones are towns or other locations) you might pick any town for your OC to start his journey from, and plan your own unique route around the region.
But in the Pokemon games and anime, assorted roadblocks block your path until you've completed certain objectives or found certain items.
Sometimes there's a small tree or rock blocking your path, and your Pokemon must destroy it using the Cut or Rock Smash move, and you'll need a Hidden Machine to teach that, so you must get that HM somehow. You'll need the HM for Surf to teach your water Pokemon to let you surf across the ocean. You'll need Waterfall's HM to climb waterfalls. Oh and you also need the Gym Badge connected to that HM for it to work for some reason.
Sometimes it's the arbitrary artificial NPC kind of roadblock where some prick blocks the only way out of town and says "Sorry, the bridge up ahead is broken!" until you go complete a story-event cutscene moment ten feet away, then he fucks off after you've done everything you can in the town.
So every adventure through the games is the same when it comes to where you go and what order you do stuff in.
Fanfics don't have to copypaste this limitation, but they do out of laziness.
So many rookie trainers start their journey in Twinleaf Town, get one of three approved Starter Pokemon (or an Eevee) from Professor Oak, and start doing everything exactly as it happened in the anime/videogame.
Because why be a rookie trainer from a big city like Jublife or Hearthome desperately trying to win fights with the shitty pokemon his unhelpful parents got him, when you could instead take the fatherless blank-slate protagonist's route just as literally as you take the turn-based RPG mechanics?

Even Naruto fics do this.
Naruto was born in Leafland, he did an escort mission to protect a bridge-builder from Shark-man and Ice-Notagirl, fought against Sandy Cuntman in the Chunin Exams, then Sasuke defected so he tried and failed to bring Sasuke back, then he fucked off. One timeskip later, he comes back home to Leafland and then Akatsuki shit sort of happens around him while he blathers about friendship. He fails to kick blonde bomberman's ass and his crush crushes Reverse Pinnochio with the help of an old lady who dies for King Sandy of Sandtopia. He fails to save Sasuke, who got snaked by snakeman. Eventually he gets a win against Your Heart Will Go On in the background of a story arc where Shikamaru's the real main character going through real shit. Eventually 5 kagays show up and eventually 3 dudes do everything wrong to start WW4 then assman's moon matrix then flashbacks then fucking moon-people.
AU fics change like 1-2 things tops while keeping everything else the same.

It's like a fucking game of Mad Libs.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296138
296147 296156
1609113598239.jpg
>>296124

Anyway, as with the skies of the Equestrian Wasteland, this short bit of quality writing is only a thin ray of sunlight, poking momentarily through the clouds. Before it can even be savored and appreciated, it's gone; swallowed up by the grey, endless canopy of mediocrity that is the rest of the story.

>I went back to tinkering with the recording. After the better part of an hour, I was pleased by my progress. I realized the contents of the recording wouldn’t be worth the effort, but by now it had become a challenge. The actual message didn’t really matter.
Littlepoop's brief moment of heartache is quickly forgotten, as she becomes absorbed in the maze of her own autism. What a complete retard.

>Calamity had finished repairing Velvet Remedy’s gorgeous dress. I was impressed.
She is also a cuck, or whatever the lesbian version of a cuck would be.

>Velvet smiled and gave him a small kiss on the cheek (eliciting another flutter of jealousy from me)
It ought to elicit more than that. Despite its undertones, Velvet's flirting with the merchant was superficial enough and could probably be brushed off with a quick "flutter" of jealousy; Calamity, however, is another matter. He has the potential to be a serious contender in a love battle that Littlepoop hasn't even technically staked a claim in yet. If she had half a brain in her head, she would be very worried right now.

>then took the dress and trotted around behind some rubble to put it on. (Which, truth be told, made no sense to me.)
Again, assuming this isn't just more random autism on the author's part, trying the dress on is probably a continuation of Velvet's efforts to attract Calamity's attention. LP is correct that in and of itself, this action does not make sense.

Anyway, instead of focusing on any of this, LP once again turns her attention to the recording, which she has just finished repairing. As you've probably guessed, it contains another randomly-placed chunk of backstory that has nothing to do with anything happening in the present. The references to canon MLP characters are more overt than in previous episodes; both Twilight Sparkle and Trixie are mentioned by name.

The recording is addressed to somepony named Whitelip, and the speaker appears to be Trixie herself. It's actually a little confusing, since the only direct reference to Trixie is in the third person and there are no other clues as to the speaker's identity; however, the actual Trixie has a habit of talking about herself this way, and LP's PipBuck referred to this location as "Trixie's Cottage" earlier, so it's not hard to put two and two together here.

As far as I can tell, the story is that Whitelip is somepony who delivers Trixie's groceries, and judging from the familiarity with which she addresses him, they probably have a personal relationship as well. Trixie is leaving a message to say that she has been summoned to Manehattan by Twilight to work for the Ministry of Magic, and she doesn't know when she'll return; however, Whitelip can just leave her groceries on the porch. There are several fairly obvious logic problems here that we may as well go over.

First, I really don't understand why all communication in this world is handled via these voice recordings. Some of it kind of makes sense; for instance, Diamond Tiara probably would have found it easier to verbally narrate the last few days of her life instead of trying to write it out longhand (assuming she had a convenient method of making a sound recording nearby, of course; this is another detail the story is vague about). However, it mostly seems like a cumbersome way of handling communication, particularly for mundane tasks like what Trixie is doing here. Imagine yourself in her horseshoes for a moment: you've just been summoned out of town, and you need to communicate this simple fact to the guy who delivers your groceries and possibly bangs you. Do you:

A) Write out a quick post-it note and stick it to the door, or
B) Record yourself speaking the message onto a cassette tape, and then nail the tape to the door like a fucking autist?

The nailing of the tape actually brings us to another point. It was nailed well enough to still be attached to the door after 200 years, and furthermore the nailing damaged it to the point that LP had to spend an entire hour repairing it. So what exactly was Trixie thinking here? All she really needed to do was tell a delivery boy she's not home; a simple note would have sufficed. Even if she wanted to make a recording, was there no better way of ensuring he'd find it than by physically nailing it to the door? What is he supposed to do here? Pry it off, take it home, spend an hour fixing it, and then listen to it, only to discover that all it says is "I'm not home, leave the groceries by the door?"

There's also the question of how or why this tape is still tacked to the door after all this time. We can probably assume that the apocalypse must have happened before the grocery delivery came; either that or the delivery boy just dumped her groceries in the trash and didn't bother with the tape. However, there's obviously been activity here between then and now. Even in a vastly depopulated world, a lot can happen in 200 years. This hut has probably had numerous occupants; for that matter, the merchant has probably been operating his store out of it for quite a while. In all this time, nopony, not even the merchant, has ever thought to unpin that stupid tape?

Any potential this story might have is counterweighted by all of the ridiculous crap the author expects us to swallow. As I've been saying over and over, just because you can get away with a particular device in a video game, it doesn't mean that the same device will work in a novel.

>All of that effort, and I’d salvaged an order to the local milk-buck? I’d promised myself I wouldn’t be bothered, but I kinda was.
I'm honestly not sure who is the biggest autist here: LP, Trixie, or kkat.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296147
296159
>>296137
Seriously, you'd fucking think that in an alternate timeline where Naruto was born with some kind of super-amazing power from day one, his life would have gone very differently and baddies would have planned things differently.
You'd think he'd be sent on different missions even if it does mean he doesn't get to meet Zabuza/Haku and cry over their bodies like he did in the original show. Snakeman went after Sasuke back then specifically because Snakeman wanted Sasuke's special eyes and at the time Sasuke seemed more special than Naruto. Why wouldn't The Akatsuki make their move earlier than they did in canon given their goal requires capturing and soul-draining Naruto and his living-pokeball pals?
The Ninja World's fucked because of 5 different masterminds trying to out-scheme each other at the same time, no matter how many lives their schemes cost (RIP snakefag 2 and wannabe-geass) and if anyone would do shit differently and react to the different circumstances, it's them. It's absurd that aside from Naruto becoming a buff chad with a harem and Haku lucking out and surviving his canon death, barely anything gets to change the "glorious" canon unless it gets in the way of giving Naruto more power and importance and girlfriends.

But the worst offender has to be Code Geass.
This is a series about a level twenty turbo-autist and the clusterfucks that happen when he and other turbo-autists play speed-chess with human lives and giant mechs and supernatural powers. The only times he ever lost at anything was when something unpredictable happened and there was nothing smart he could do in time. And he canonically hates people who "Play chess by the numbers", doing wacky suboptimal shit during chess games just to make people adapt. Fucker makes his King chesspiece walk ahead of his other piece just to expose it, even though it's an illegal move, just to flex.
So if he was sent back to episode one for a "Re-do" of his life with all his memories intact, he would make MANY changes to his life.
He wouldn't waste this opportunity to fix everything or die trying. Or fuck everything up harder trying. He'd throw things off the rails just to prove to himself he can win when he doesn't know what happens next.
But every goddamn fic like this is just a retelling of the show except every 5 lines the main character tells himself "This is the part where ___ happened so I need to ____ just like I did last time" right up until the moment the author decides to finally start making changes, whenever that is, if that moment ever comes.
There is never any excuse given for this kind of slavish devotion to canon like "Death said I can only change one moment in my life and I'm saving that for the Euphinigger Moment" or "I'm a doomed old-man time-traveller trying to subtly help my past self win my own life without alerting The Bureau Of Hostile Canon-Obsessed Time-Travelling Faggots In Black by making massive changes".

>>296138
Kkat could have made this "Tape pinned to the wall" moment less retarded by making Trixie's tape say "I left this tape on my doormat for you, so if you're listening to this and you're not Whitelip, put it down and fuck off. Whitelip... leave the groceries here. Also I'm breaking up with you, by the way, and I'm already halfway to Canterlot by now. Sorry but I'm just too important to be your housewife, also fuck you, you're too much of a boring doormat for me"
So Whitelip finds this tape on her doorstep, listens to it, drops the groceries, and then comes back with a hammer and nails so he can angrily nail this tape to her doorframe before stamping his way back home and crying into his pillow as his mommy tries to soothe his broken heart and his dad calls him a faggot and tells him to move on.
It becomes an emotional moment of "Fuck you" aimed at Trixie.
It's still retarded but a little less retarded, as the tape was never meant to be repaired. It was meant to stay on her door and look really dramatic. A sign that he accepted her rejection letter, and now hates her forever. He might move on some day and consider this a cringe moment in retrospect but the tape can't reveal that.

Being able to find a 200-year-old tape nobody's touched in over 200 years just as easily as you'll find unused ammo nobody manufactures any more and dead bodies with unpicked pockets nobody even bothered to move and mint-condition guns in gun safes nobody else knows how to pick is a fallout game thing, but Kkat should have updated this to fit a literary world of cause-and-effect better.
Writing as if Littlepip's the only pony in the world who knows how to loot doesn't make the world feel "Desolate and isolated", it makes the writer seem retarded. Stops the author from writing an interesting morally-grey conflict scene where LP and some rival scavenger want to scavenge the same territory, too.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296156
296171 296460
vector-illustration-cartoon-cockroach-funny-sunglasses-91078776.jpg
>>296138

Anyway, after LP finishes with the tape, Velvet reemerges wearing the gown from Rarity's. She resumes haggling with the merchant, this time attempting to sell off the goods that Calamity was trying to sell earlier. She talks him into buying the magic lance, and some other shit as well. Both LP and Calamity are visibly impressed by her ability to fleece this poor, retarded middle-of-fucking-nowhere shop owner. The scene ends with a page break.

>The body of the radroach crunched grossly under my hoof. I quickly scraped the radroach gunk from my hoof using a collapsed road sign. We’d slept at Trixie’s Cottage the night before, and had made good time over the course of the morning.
As with the "radgators" we met earlier, which the author also didn't bother to explain, I am assuming that a "radroach" is just a more "rad" version of an ordinary roach. See pic related for visual.

>We were taking it slow; such a large area meant that there were still a dusting of scavenge-worthy items to be found, even outside of locked safes and trunks.
I've completely forgotten what they are even supposed to be doing right now; they're either going to Fillydelphia to beat up slavers because reasons, or to the DJ tower to get Velvet's music played on the radio, also because reasons. Either way, their task can't be that urgent if they're willing to take the time to explore every single house they come across, just so they can pilfer more random junk for their collection.

>Velvet Remedy squealed happily as she opened up an old refrigerator and found several bottles of still-pure water inside. Our canteens were almost empty, and the few working faucets I had found made my PipBuck clickity-click at the radiation levels in the water. Her find was a blessing straight from Luna.
I know that radiation is some kind of a factor here (albeit a vague one as the author has not even made the slightest attempt to explain it yet), so potable water may be hard to find. Still, I find it a little hard to believe that conditions are actually this harsh. Uncontaminated water sources would have to be common enough that life on the planet could still be supported; it's virtually impossible to imagine a large population sustaining itself for 200 years just on whatever bottled water the previous civilization left lying around. It's even harder to imagine that in such conditions, an entire refrigerator full of the stuff would have been left unattended for this long. If there are literally no uncontaminated water sources, then bottled water would be the most precious commodity on the planet, and its value would exponentially increase as the supply inevitably diminished due to consumption. Forget about gems and bottle caps; bottles of water would be the most valuable thing in Equestria.

Part of the problem, again, is that k "don't stare too long into my gaping taint wound or you'll go mad" kat has obviously created a fairly complex world here, but there are any number of essential details about it that he either hasn't thought through or hasn't bothered to explain. It's well past time that he at least supplied us with some cursory explanations about radiation and magic and how badly fucked Equestria actually is as a result of whatever the fuck happened exactly. Other than some vague references to "the war," we don't even have the slightest idea what happened, and without knowing the capabilities of weapons like "balefire bombs" or "megaspells" that the text also makes vague references to, it's impossible to ascertain their effect on natural resources.

How does water work around here? Is the groundwater contaminated everywhere, or is that limited to urban areas that suffered direct attacks? Can wells be dug anywhere? What about rivers and lakes? Has magical-radiation-whatever made those sources unusable, or has that problem run its course by now? Can they drink rainwater? Even if it's not directly explained, the author needs to have shit like this thought out, and it needs to be implemented in the text consistently enough that we don't wonder about it.

I'd also like to restate my complaint from earlier, that this whole vision of the apocalypse is the kind of scenario that only a modern mind could produce. In the immediate aftermath of an apocalypse event, presumably most would survive by scavenging and would live in repurposed old houses and RVs and what have you, but this would pretty much have to be a temporary situation. Sooner or later, people ponies, whatever would have to come to grips with the fact that the old civilization was gone and it wouldn't be coming back. For someone who has lived their entire life in a world of grocery stores and running water and for the record I include myself in this group, it would be immensely difficult to adjust to life without all of that. However, eventually people would have no choice but to adapt. Water sources would have to be found, food would have to be grown, new houses would have to be built, new weapons would have to be made. In the absence of civilization, the world would simply revert to a pre-civilizational state; those who can adapt would do so, and those who can't would die out. Eventually, civilization would return. The idea that 200 years after the fact, people ponies, whatever would still be fighting over old cans of creamed corn, because nobody remembers how to grow corn, is either extremely implausible or extremely depressing. Anyway.

>There was no shelter to speak of, and red spots were always crawling across my E.F.S. compass. Mostly radroaches or the occasional giant mutant hedgehogs.
I'd think "giant mutant hedgehogs" would deserve more than just a casual mention.

>The magical radiation that had soaked into the water had twisted a multitude of wasteland’s animal inhabitants into grotesque and often monstrous versions of their original species. Most creatures had not survived the transformations.
This at least kind of explains things.
Anonymous
a69fb74
?
No.296159
296160
>>296137
>>296147
>The Stations Of The Canon
>Harry potter
>Pokemon
>Naruto
>Code Geass
Why use more than one example when the concept was explained in the Harry Potter paragraph and why is there so much unecessary text in this?

Literally, Pokemon paragraph but short:
"In Pokemon, the games, you have a map over the region the game plays out on. It looks like you can take many different paths to complete yor goals but, it's actually quite linear since only some many paths are open for you to explore. The others are not avialable until you have complete the tasks you have to preform in that paths that are.
For some reason, fanfiction writers that use this concept copy this, video game restrction and paste it into their story."

>The naruto example
>Gives synopsis for naruto and then says
>AU fics change like 1-2 things tops while keeping everything else the same.
You could have just wrote, "it's naruto with two plot relevant events changed tops.
"Since the story is about evil masterminds trying to outscheme each other, any changes to the circumstances would make them deploy new strategies."

>Code Geass
"The Mc of Code geass is a egomanic and an intellectual so he wouldn't go through the same motions if he had his whole story in his head from the start."

Your point is valid but I just don't like that this ramble of off-topic stuff. Like, seriously why are you including so much of this?

Another thing is that I don't really understand. Like, while your point is true, all I gleam from that is that there is a bunch of bad writers in fanfiction. Who really cares if some fanfiction writers are mediocre? Its all free and you don't have to read it. The people who write it are probably new to writing as well. I guess, the only ones who suffers from this are people such as myself, who tries to find the good fanfiction writers and have to scroll through a bunch of trash. Because, there are writers on fanfiction.net, for example, that really should be professional writers instead.

I suppoe this relates to this fic in some manner (I'm not sure if you specified how this point related to this fic, but whatever.) Is the point that Kkat does this as well to some degree?
.
Anonymous
a69fb74
?
No.296160
296174
>>296159
I guess, it's fine. I guess, that happens when you try to explain yourself, just try to be more concise or something in the future.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.296171
Dapperroach.jpg
>>296156
Yep, it's time for another round of "let's thoughtlessly lift things from Fallout 3".

>As with the "radgators" we met earlier, which the author also didn't bother to explain, I am assuming that a "radroach" is just a more "rad" version of an ordinary roach. See pic related for visual.
Kek. Fallout and FoE subscribe to the good old Godzilla logic of 'radiation makes things bigger'. Rad-[animal]s show up throughout the games, and are essentially scaled up, typically hostile versions of local wildlife. Radroaches are cockroaches the size of dogs. Radscorpions are scorpions as big as a human, and so on.

>Uncontaminated water sources would have to be common enough that life on the planet could still be supported; it's virtually impossible to imagine a large population sustaining itself for 200 years just on whatever bottled water the previous civilization left lying around. It's even harder to imagine that in such conditions, an entire refrigerator full of the stuff would have been left unattended for this long. If there are literally no uncontaminated water sources, then bottled water would be the most precious commodity on the planet, and its value would exponentially increase as the supply inevitably diminished due to consumption. Forget about gems and bottle caps; bottles of water would be the most valuable thing in Equestria.
This is both a massive plot point later AND plot hole throughout, and something Kkat really should have paid much more attention to. In the early Fallout games, the question of resource scarcity is addressed. In Fallout 1, securing a new water source is the primary goal of the game. The water trade guarantees the setting's bottlecap currency. Both Fallout 1 and 2 featured new settlements, farms and so forth being set up in the wake of the apocalypse at various scales and tech levels. It's not until Fallout 3 and Bethesda came along that the people of the wasteland became a bunch of squatters living in rusty sheet metal sheds and living off 200-year old junk food they happened to find in a nearby fridge. FoE subscribes to the latter logic, which is bizarre as Kkat has clearly played the earlier games and bases large parts of FoE's later arcs on them.

For reasons that will be pointed out later, Equestria logically shouldn't be able to support life at all.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296174
>>296160
Sorry about that.
To put it more concisely and relate it to this fic, "The stations of the canon" is when despite any changes certain events still happen, perhaps even in the order they happened in canon, typically because fanfics use their inspiration as a guide and template.
Some cry "stations of the canon!" whenever stuff happens in a fanfic that happened in the original story but it's only really SOTC when it defies reason.
Any new OC Hogwarts student is going to visit Diagon Alley and buy a wand and robe and other necessary shit unless there's a good excuse not to. But if that OC goes through an adventure unreasonably similar to the canon HP plot even though changes the author made to the characters and backstory and setting should radically transform the plot but doesn't it's SOTC.

In this fic, even though the hero is a unicorn and everything is supposedly in Equestria, the hero is still from a fairly ordinary Control Vault (vault without a gimmick or social experiment) even tthough the Vault is called a Stable. The hero still can't return home even though it makes little sense this time since LP's goal was to retrieve Velvet and the Overmare is just mad that LP left without consent. The hero still leaves the vault in search of a doctor. People might be ponies but they still live in Fallout 3 style homes like rusty sheet metal shacks and repurposed train cars. A Vault/Stable the hero runs into still has a mandom gimmick unrelated to how it ended in mutant monster disaster even though Fallout's vaults were mainly Enclave experiments and Equestria's vaults were actually supposed to save ponies. The hero still fights psychically linked Super Mutants and will eventually fight the overmind controlling them even though they're alicorns now. The hero is still eventually going to The Pitt in Pittsburg Philadelphia to defeat an evil slaver in charge of slavers even though Ashur has been renamed Red Eye and Philadelphia has been renamed Fillydelphia. The Talons still exist even though they've been turned into goodish guys. There's still a 3Dog on the radio commenting on the hero's actions and playing music even though the DJ is named DJ Pon3 in this fic. Stuff in Fallout 1 2 and 3 is still going to show up here on a world entirely alien from Fallout America even though it makes no sense.
Even though the existence of magic and giant dragons and Elements Of Harmony plus the lack of american guns and robots and nuclear ICBMs should make a post-apocalyptic Equestria entirely different from the Fallout post-apocalypse, everything necessary for a Fallout product to "Look Fallouty" still happens to be invented by long-dead ponies before this tale began.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296460
296462 296827
comfy hoers.gif
>>296156

>But at least it wasn’t raiders or slavers. It was a relief to not be battling other ponies.
I know that I, for one, would definitely rather fight a giant radioactive hedgehog than an ordinary human with the same capabilities and physical makeup as me.

>Velvet Remedy was beginning to develop skill with her needler pistol; her moral reservations about killing clearly did not apply to ravenous and hostile beasts.
And this is the girl who is supposed to idolize Fluttershy to the point of obsession?

Anyway, they're wandering around the decaying remains of a Manehattan suburb, aimlessly looting crap out of buildings and fending off gigantic hedgehogs. Just another humdrum day for Littlepoop and Co. After a long day of cracking safes and stuffing random junk into their saddlebags, they decide it's time to bed down for the night. In the midst of this gigantic, ruined and largely empty city that is probably chock full of semi-habitable buildings, Calamity manages to find them the perfect shelter: a rusted out passenger car filled with the charred skeletons of ponies who were caught in an explosion of balefire or whatever the hell.

>I stared at the wagon full of pony skeletons and found myself wondering who they had been. What had their lives been like? Had they been happy? I wondered if the wagon had been heading into Manehattan. Were these ponies all heading into work. Were some of them friends, chatting about the shopping they would do?
>I squelched those thoughts under a strong hoof. The apocalypse was already a daily assault of horror and sadness without making it worse by actually thinking about it. Doing that could only drive a pony to suicide or madness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdhveixpV24

>Looking away, I felt a tiny ember of joy as I spotted the flickering light of a Sparkle~Cola machine tucked into a nook just around the corner from the wagon-stop. “I’ll be right back,” I announced, leaving Calamity and Velvet to clean out the passenger wagon. Or argue about it. Whichever.
"I wandered through the crumbling ruins of this once-great Metropolis, gazing upon the charred remains of thousands of ponies; just ordinary ponies, cut down in the prime of their lives by the horrors of war. Oh, the ponemanity! I thought to myself. The sheer horror of it all! The purposeless, wanton destruction and carnage! When would the killing end? Would we ever be free of the terrors of this neverending--OOOH! Is that a 200 year old vending machine over there? I'm kind of thirsty!"

Anyway, after droning on about the horrors of war for a few paragraphs, Littlepoop goes to get a soda out of the vending machine, and runs into a manticore which she has to fight. However, she doesn't have any of her thousands of weapons handy for some reason or another, so she tries to melee fight it, which doesn't work out so well. She runs away, and then Calamity jumps in and shoots it with his battle saddle. This gives LP enough time to whip out Lil' Macintosh, and...long story short, they kill the thing.

I think I remember manticores being in MLP somewhere, and I know they're also a creature from mythology whose mythology exactly I can't remember, but I've forgotten what they are exactly. I think it was a lion with the head of a scorpion, or a chicken that with the body of a snake, or some wacky shit like that. Are manticores the things that can turn you to stone by looking at you? Or was that something else? Either way, even though "manticore" is a somewhat commonly-known creature, it would still help to provide a brief description of its appearance. Even if you're referencing a common mythological creature like a dragon that nearly anyone could be expected to know, it's still a good idea to at least paint a quick picture of it so the reader has something specific to visualize, and so that the occasional odd reader who for whatever reason doesn't know what a dragon is won't be left in the lurch. How big is it, what color are its scales, how long are its claws, does it have wings, etc etc. A short sentence or two giving a super-brief physical description is all that is needed here.

After they kill the manticore, there is a page break and we rejoin them a few hours later after they've settled into their camp. LP is roasting manticore flesh over an open fire, and Velvet Remedy is scarfing down their last can of creamed corn. An idyllic scene if ever there was one.

Calamity apparently ate a bunch of beans and then crawled under the passenger wagon for some undisclosed reason, probably either because he's afraid of a charred skeleton uprising, or more likely because he didn't want to fart in front of Velvet. Littlepoop, always the cockeyed optimist, remarks that even though she took a few knocks fighting the manticore, she managed to get some usable supplies out of it:

>the venom sacks from the manticore’s stinging tail were the last thing I needed to build a poisoned dart gun from the schematics I’d found in the old Appleloosa armory.
She hasn't built that thing yet? She found the plans like 5 chapters ago, and I'm pretty sure I remember something about her finding the parts she needed to build it a chapter or two later. Either make the gun or don't.

Eventually, Velvet pokes her head under the wagon and demands that Calamity come out from under there so she can attend to whatever wounds he still has.

>“And this time, I want you to strip completely out of that saddle and let me give you a full examination.”
Wakka chicka wokka chicka.

Anyway, it turns out that the reason Calamity was down there is he wanted to inspect the workings of the passenger wagon. Turns out I got it slightly wrong: it's not a train car, it's one of those flying skywagon things that exploded earlier. He apparently thinks he can get this one working again without it exploding. It apparently needs a new "flux regulator," though, and as LP points out, that's apparently not something you just find lying around.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296462
296463 296827
112-et-in-arcadia-ego-the-arcadian-shepherds-n-poussin.jpg
>>296460

Anyway, there is some more overt flirting between Velvet and Calamity, in which Velvet tries to prod him into taking off his saddle so she can see his cutie mark. This appears to sail right over Littlepoop's head; she realizes that she doesn't know what Calamity's cutie mark is either, and her autism compels her to see it.

>He was always wearing at least his barding and saddle bags, except when he bathed. And I’d always given him privacy for that, albeit mostly out of disinterest in watching a stallion clean himself.
Littlepoop is a lesbian, in case you've forgotten.

Anyway, quelle surprise, it turns out that Calamity is a blank flank. A full grown stallion who never got his cutie mark? Sacrebleu! Is Calamity Equestria's version of a wizard? Well, as it turns out, not quite. It seems he used to have a cutie mark, but he lost it. Or, more technically, it was "branded off" by his pegasus brothers for some strange reason, which he appears to be about to explain to us.

>How could a grown buck not have his yet.
Btw, this is a question and it should end with a question mark.

>“They say that Rainbow Dash saw what the other pegasus ponies were doing, and turned away from them just as they turned away from all the ponies below…”
>“Who?” Velvet Remedy interrupted as politely as she could.
Returning to one of my more frequently voiced complaints, the author really does a piss-poor job of laying out exactly how much of this world's history is meant to be common knowledge, and how much of it Littlepoop and the others are supposed to be aware of. By now, it's pretty clear that in the pre-apocalypse days each of the Mane 6 was the head of some kind of government Ministry. Littlepoop for the most part seems to know almost nothing of the outside world and its history, yet some of this stuff, particularly the stuff about the Ministries and the large-scale history of the war, is also presented as if it ought to be mostly common knowledge. As I've said before, these characters tend to mostly fluctuate between being weirdly knowledgeable and weirdly ignorant about various aspects of the world they live in.

Case in point: nobody here except Calamity seems to be familiar with Rainbow Dash. Both Velvet Remedy and Littlepoop seem to have already known who Fluttershy was from their days in the Stable, and yet Littlepoop has only learned who Pinkie Pie was from seeing her on billboards and such. The status of the other ponies and their ministries is unclear.

Anyway, Calamity goes on to offer something like an explanation. Apparently, Dash was appointed head something called the Ministry of Awesome I'm not making this up, which apparently didn't do much of anything. She was also an ace fighter pilot and she militarized the pegasi and so forth and so on. Seems like she ought to be as famous as any of the others, right? Well, that appears to be complicated.

At some point, the pegasi decided that they didn't want to be involved in the war anymore, so they cut themselves off from the rest of Equestria and basically declared themselves neutral to the whole thing. It's unclear where they went exactly; from what I can tell they retreated to some kind of sky fortress, and covered the entire sky in some kind of mass cloud cover which...maybe protects their fortress somehow? I'm not quite sure how it works. Either that or the "sky closing" was just meant to be a final "fuck you" to the rest of Equestria. But, in any event, the pegasi are the reason the sky is permanently overcast, and they have all agreed upon some kind of mass code of neutrality. Any pegasus that doesn't agree to be neutral, and who gets involved in whatever the fuck is going on with the ground ponies' world, apparently loses their status as a pegasus and gets branded a traitor. This process involves physically removing so to speak the pony's cutie mark, and replacing it with a crude copy of Rainbow Dash's, because I guess Rainbow Dash was the first pegasus to refuse to become neutral with them. Or something.

Seems to me that a better way for pegasi to brand one of their own as a traitor would be to chop the offender's wings off, since that's literally the physical attribute that makes them a pegasus. It would also be perfectly in line with all of the other edgelord crap this story is so fond of. My guess is that this idea either didn't occur to the author, or else it occurred to him but then he rejected it, because it would effectively mean that Calamity could not really be a pegasus, and he would thus no longer be able to do any of his cool flying tricks. There would be ways around this handicap of course; for instance, giving him robotic wings or something wouldn't be any stupider than battle saddles or mouth-mounted pistols or any of the rest of the ridiculous technology that's in here. However, for whatever reason, the author did not wish to go this route.

But whatever; the point of all this is: Rainbow Dash didn't want to join the other pegasi in being neutral, so she was cast out and lost her status as a hero to them. They took her "employee of the month" picture off the wall, revoked her parking pass, and gave away her reserved seat at the bar. Now, whenever any other pegasus wants to leave the glorious Hall of Neutrality and go down to the ground so they can run around the Wasteland shooting at stuff, they are branded a Dashite and lose their cutie mark. Calamity, for reasons we have yet to learn, is just such a pegasus. And that's the story of why Calamity doesn't have a cutie mark.

There is a page break, and the next scene opens at some indeterminate point in the future. They have moved on from the area they were in, which was called Fetlock, and are now at a place called SteelHooves Shack. Whether or not Calamity ever found his flux-whatever to fix the flying-train-car-jiggy is left unresolved for now.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296463
296471 296621 296827
1609044268889.jpg
>>296462

Anyway, the trio arrives at this place called SteelHooves Shack, and they're about to go down there for some reason, when Littlepoop notices that there's landmines outside or something and she tells them to hold up. Then, suddenly, a wild alicorn appears.

The alicorn tells them that she "remembers them from Appleoosa," but Littlepoop observes that it's not the same one she dropped a train car on. Then, out of nowhere, two more alicorns appear. Littlepoop laments that there are no boxcars nearby that she can drop on them, and then the chapter ends on a cliffhanger.

Chapter Fourteen: SteelHooves

Today's Fortune Cookie:
>The Stables were never meant to save anypony.
Something something out of context unattributed epitaphs are stupid.

In a refreshing twist, the opening chapter actually gives us the payoff for the cliffhanger of the previous chapter. The way cliffhangers usually seem to work in this story is: Littlepoop encounters some kind of horrible enemy, the chapter ends, and then in the next scene we learn that LP defeated it somehow, usually accompanied by a half-assed recap of whatever preposterous thing she did. It seems that this time around, we get to actually witness that preposterous thing.

However, it's a little difficult to figure out what exactly is going on here. There's clearly a battle going on, but the chapter seems to have begun in the midst of some kind of giant explosion, and it's not obvious what the source is:

>Time slowed to a crawl, as if sensory overload was causing my own brain to lag. Fire and shrapnel tore at me, sparks of pain igniting all over my body. The roar that filled the world died with a high-pitched whine as I lost my hearing. I was rooted in place, unable to make my body move. Blood splattered across my face as the pseudo-goddess standing in front of me tore apart, the parts of her body savagely flung in every direction.
This author can occasionally pull some decent descriptive passages out of his ass, and I notice that it mostly happens either when he's talking about characters being violently dismembered, or when he's describing some terrible, desolate scene like an old ruin or a bus full of skeletons. It takes a lot of effort to write polished prose, and the natural tendency of just about any writer is to use the best prose in their arsenal mainly when writing about the subjects that interest them, and wallpapering over the rest. So, it speaks volumes that k "I do to my characters what that third rate surgeon in Guatemala did to my penis" kat is usually at his best when he's talking about something excessively depressing or violent. Between his obsession with death and gore and his gender confusion, a psych profile on this guy might be turn out to be a more entertaining read than anything he's actually written.

Anyway, it looks like I may have jumped the gun on giving him credit for properly resolving the cliffhanger, because it appears that we are again skipping the battle and jumping right to whatever silly deus ex machina event is going to save Littlepoop's bacon this time around. As we can see from the above passage, at least one of the alicorns appears to have mysteriously exploded, thus bypassing the need for the party to actually fight it, and I have little hope that the other two will not encounter a similar fate.

>The second pseudo-goddess was turning, wide-eyed as she brought up her own magical shield. But it was too late for her; the rapid-fire explosions that were killing Velvet Remedy and me just by proximity were ripping directly into the creature. The pseudo-goddess’s shield rippled, fluctuated and died before it could fully manifest. Then she too was consumed in a mutilating blaze.
That's two down.

Anyway, before vaporizing the third alicorn, the author is kind enough to give us a glimpse of the thing causing the explosions:

>A pony completely concealed in steel-grey armor, even its tail. It was a mighty relic from the war, a “Steel Ranger”. A bright lamp on its forehead spotlighted its target, and the huge gun on the right side of its monstrous battle saddle began to fire again.
So there are cyborg ponies now. Sure, why not? At this point most of this story's entertainment value comes from its sheer absurdity, so we might as well see how far the author is able to push it.

The third alicorn has time to raise its shield, and the robo-pony's exploding apples yes, this autism is actually in the text bounce harmlessly off of it, despite having completely obliterated the magic shield put up by alicorn #2 literal seconds ago. Realizing that its grenades are doing no damage, Roboponer tries using its rocket launcher. It's not very effective. The alicorn uses some kind of alicorn voodoo magic to reverse the rockets, and Roboponer seems to be KO'd. The alicorn cackles triumphantly, then Calamity flies in and shoots some regular-ass bullets at her, which unsurprisingly accomplishes nothing.

Alright, I've decided to give kkat partial credit here. Anyone who was expecting an actual fight scene as payoff for the previous chapter's cliffhanger basically got one. However, if anyone was assuming that just because the chapter ended with three alicorns threatening Littlepoop's party, it meant that the next scene was going to be a fight between Littlepoop's party and three alicorns, well, that person would be getting something of a mixed bag: while it looks as if LP & Co. are going to have to do a little bit of heavy lifting now that Roboponer is down, it doesn't alter the fact that two out of three preposterously overpowered enemies were conveniently taken down by a preposterously overpowered mysterious ally, who showed up out of literally nowhere at the most convenient possible moment.

Lastly, anyone expecting LP to win the fight in a non-ridiculous way would be completely let down. However, I am out of space, so you will all have to wait until the next post to find out just how ridiculous a solution LP comes up with.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296471
296649
>>296463
LP's relief here is a symptom of author badness
Monsters are easier to deal with than gun-using enemies in Fallout 3, since it's easy to shoot them before they melee you but humanoid foes might use good guns on you.
But LP shouldn't know the author forgot to make monsters intimidating threats deadlier than than Mad Max cosplayers with shitty 200 year old rifles and shotguns.
In a world where all monsters are paper tigers, and all ponies are selfish dumbfucks, why would monsters survive ponies eating them? who'd raid a deadly settlement for tins of corn when a live herd of wimpy Deathclaws can give you more meat for less effort and danger?
Where's the scene where LP accepts a "go kill some raiders" quest expecting the raiders to be threatening the town, only to have her expectations subverted when she's told "actually those raiders are threatening the local wildlife by eating too much of it. You know, the 10 foot tall glowing giant animal wildlife. These giant monsters survive in the grassless and mostly-empty wastelands with devastated ecosystem and no prey creatures by feeding on magic radiation. And they're delicious. And ours."
It would be fun and explain how giant predators can exist without sufficient numbers of suitably giant prey. "What do they eat?" isn't just a meme. Starving wanderers should want to know this, in case the answer is "somewhere out there is a thriving grass-filled oasis".

>Velvet's needler
Call me a faggot but I still find it hard to tell when the author means "Tranq dart gun" or "SMG that fires long sharp thin needles".
And does it really make sense that Velvet would object to using a revolver but jump at the chance to use a crueller gun that spits long, thin, horrifyingly visible spikes that make precise puncture wounds perfect for making targets bleed out and fucking their limbs up? Come to think of it, do real needle guns make needles neatly sink into meat with superhuman accuracy that could disable specific pressure points and make needle-tossing ninjas jealous, or do needle guns just shred the shit out of meat and armour and everything else? The author should specify that here because it's important to Velvet's pseudo-pacifism and characterization. A weapon the geneva convention would want banned just wouldn't suit a doctor who wants to "do no harm" to living ponies.

>tfw a vending machine that logiclally should have been emptied 198 years ago distracts you from your internal monologue as you take shelter in a shithole full of skeletons someone probably should have cleaned out by now
Ever get the feeling this fic would be better if it was an intentional parody of the idea of shoving something like Fallout into FIM?

>manticores
Always thought they were Greek but turns out they're Persian. Anyway FIM had a manticore in S1E2, Fluttershy pulled a thorn out of its paw. Cockatrices turn you to stone, Fluttershy out-stared one in some other ep.

>eating canned food when there's a perfectly good meat source right there that will spoil eventually so you might as well eat it now
Is Velvet a veganfag or just really bad at sorting perishables from nonperishables?

>poison dart gun
I thought she already made it. I must be going blind. I thought this faggy pacifist was using a tranquilizer dart gun or was going to get one, but if you're going to use poison to make your dart gun lethal anyway why bother with the poison when lead stuck inside the body's technically poisonous? Manticore poison's probably a painful way to go. And if it's lethal enough to be painless, is it quicker than a bullet? Kkat should explain this shit by making Velvet and LP argue over the morality of using this weapons, giving him a chance to explain its capabilities!

>The Great Pegasus Betrayal That Lasted 200+ Years
For a long time I've been holding back a rant on how much I hate this plot point. But now that I'm here I can't think of a way to put it into words. Where do I start with this? I'll need to take a break and gather my thoughts before ranting about this later.

>The Stables were never meant to save anypony.
KKAT IS A TRIPLE FAGGOT AND HERE'S WHY.
The Vaults of Fallout were never meant to save anyBODY. They were secretly Enclave experiments to test social experiments and sci-fi shit like mind-control techniques. A baddie explains this to you in Fallout 2 and uses this quote. At least I think that's where the line comes from.
But the STABLES in EQUESTRIA were supposed to save ponies.
They are different settings and different characters existed in them and the author should try harder to remember that while writing! Trying to make one happen in the other doesn't work if your justification for it falls flat on its face!
The Cutie Mark Crusaders were in charge of making and designing the Stables (I am not kidding) and they wanted to save ponies. The Stables were meant to save ponies! Yes, some Stables had stupid gimmicky social experiments going on for no reason like "You will have men in charge instead of women and coat walls in propaganda as if this state of society requires propaganda to uphold" and "This Stable will be filled with Earth Ponies only because I say so and research cybernetic cyborgery" but Scootaloo's goal was to try and create a society in at least one of these Stables more resistant to Zigger corruption and maginuclear failure than the one that "died" when the nukes fell.
He is literally just copypasting shit from Fallout right now and changing Vault to Stable and changing body to pony and pretending he's ponifying it even though it would never fit canon Equestria or his bastardized mockery of it!
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296476
296481 296487
2415365__safe_imported+from+derpibooru_solo_female_pony_oc_mare_oc+only_crossover_horn_flying_cloud_derpibooru+exclusive_fallout+equestria_fanfic+art.jpg
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>The Great Pegasus Betrayal That Started Before Equestria Fell And Lasted At Least 201+ Years
First of all, the skies.
The cloud covering keeps grass from growing on land, creating a "permanent nuclear winter" effect. It's here to try and justify how non-nuclear warheads gave Equestria a nuclear winter that lasted 200 years, because I guess Kkat saw some GameFAQs user point out that after 200 years Washington DC really shouldn't be a desert and should be overwhelmed with greenery.
The lack of sunlight should obliterate the ecosystem and eliminate most life on earth and force everything to evolve in a magical "eats emotions or radiation" kind of way but doesn't because potatoes. How do the Skylanders feed themselves? Lmao I dunno. With the sky blocked it should be colder but if this Wasteland was cold, you could melt snow into water and purify it plus it would make the Wasteland "Frostpunk", meaning it wouldn't look like the classic 1985 film Mad Max starring Will Ferrel any more.

The Pegasi (The entire Pegasi race aside from a hooffull who stayed on the ground!) betrayed Equestria and all their friends and non-pegasi family members BEFORE the bombs dropped, fucking off into the cloud and creating a cloud covering Pegasi at the time thought might shield them from megaspell nukes. No idea if it worked or not since Kkat never tells us if any Megaspell(TM) ICBMs hit the place or not.

Derpy Hooves doesn't have a Dashite mark, but that's never explained. It's not like The Neutral Skyfags were fans of one newsletter who came from all over Equestria and converged into a single point to make their own ethnostate hoping it would protect them from bad decisions made by the Mane Six.

It's unrealistic for a culture to stay stagnant and devoted to absolute neutrality for 200+ years before abruptly shifting into what it becomes later in this story: The Enclave from Fallout 3. No justification for this cultural shift is given. It's stated that Rainbow Dash "Militarized the Pegasi" but what the fuck does that mean? She gave them the Power Armour and Enclave Lasers

Like you said, branding a Pegasus won't stop that Pegasus from flying. It won't stop them from seeking revenge on the Neutral Skyfags in any way, including sabotage or violence or sniping.
Fallout's got cybernetic implants that boost your videogame stats and a Cyborg perk with robot parts in its picture, so Fallout fans certainly wouldn't complain if Twilight invented robo-wings in her quest to make Alicornification available to the masses, or if one Stable had "People here fuck robots and fucking want robot limbs and think ascending into robot bodies is the one true path to salvation" as its gimmick to justify why cyber-parts exist now.
Hell, THIS STORY includes cyber-parts because it makes Red Eye a Cyborg and makes "we are earth ponies only for no reason and we invented cybernetics" his stable's gimmick!
Later on we'll meet a throwaway character who's a bodyguard for a baddie. The baddie's named after one of the most interesting characters in Fallout 1. And this bodyguard grew up in Red-Eye's stable! Despite all the intel this character could have, despite how much she could humanize Red-Eye, she is simply killed when Littlepip jams a pencil in her giant cartoon-horse eye and that's that.
Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons, a fanfic longer than the real FE and twice as edgy, gave its bisexual LITERALLY BLACK AND RED EDGY unicorn protag some knife-feathered steel mecha-wings and glowing red eyes and cyber-legs to look edgier and justify letting the unicorn fly.

Why do the overclocked and broken cloud factories that created and maintained the cloud covering still work after 200 years?

What would a lack of sunlight do to the world and ocean and what disasters would that cause? Lmao kkat doesn't know.

How good's the oxygen on a world without any plant life or sunlight? Lmao kkat doesn't know!

Whether you call yourself neutral or not, impairing someone's basic survival on this planetary scale is an aggressive act. The Skyfags of Neutral Pegasonia are choking the life out of the planet and stopping plants from growing with their cloud covering. Fresh fruit can only be grown in greenhouses with artificial sun lamps. Everyone on the ground and on every continent and even the ocean should want the skies clear and every Pegasi (even those not born into Skyfaggot Enclave Society) should want those skies cleared for moral "I want to be a hero" reasons or pragmatic "I want grass" survival reasons.

Not to mention...
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296481
296578
>>296476

Pegasi are fucking fast. Rainbow Dash has been seen with mach cones so she's at least able to break the sound barrier, and Hurricane Fluttershy showed most Pegasi can pull decently high speeds. If some Pegasus in Evil Pegasusland decided to fly away from home one night after realizing they're the baddies, expert fliers might be able to catch him but only if they can detect him before he got too far away. And if a Power Armoured Operative for the Skyfags decided to quit during a mission, how could they track him down and brand him without taking heavy losses for trying to fuck with someone in power armour? How the hell are the Skyfags catching and branding absolutely every single fucker who quits their retarded egotistical cult of pseudo-neutrality?

Why are Pegasi so rare in the Wasteland? Surely, ponies on the ground can still pop out Pegasi children. Pegasi can cover a shitload of ground, and easily take the higher ground by flying behind a building or mountain and then flying to its top. Brands aren't inherited unless the Skyfag Society's dedicated enough to keep tabs on every Dashite and brand every kid they have on the day they get their Cutie Marks.

Why is the source of the cloud covering a secret known only to the enclave, when they brand everyone who leaves them and let them live? Everypony should know whose fault the cloud covering is and want the skyfags destroyed! Don't "Individual friendless branded Pegasi probably wouldn't want to give ground-bound creatures a reason to be racist towards pegasi" me, the first Pegasus to fly up and blow up a cloud factory or bring a society together with talk of a mutual enemy or help ground ponies rebel against the enclave in some meaningful way would be hailed as a hero!

These Skyfaggot Cloudniggers don't even make for a good metaphor for anything! They aren't dumb Boomers with their head in the clouds, keeping the world beneath them out of sight and mind while narcissistically enjoying luxuries created by their branded and enslaved children as their hedonism and wannabe-green environment-destroying retardity chokes the life out of the world. And unlike Fallout's enclave they aren't a remnant of the evil American politicians and evil American military brutes that arguably contributed to the world's downfall. They're most of a third of the Equine species that one day just decided that because they can fuck off into the clouds, they should, even if it starts killing the planet everypony left behind lives on.

Why the obsession with sticking a branding iron shaped like RD's cutie mark into pony asses? It's not like this actually disables whatever magical benefit you gain from having a Cutie Mark, even though that could be an interesting way to remove the "Weather Control or Sewing or something else that's good for a peaceful life in an agrarian-ish culture" Cutie Marks any Pegasi might be able to bring with them down to the surface, forcing them to live by the gun whether for good or evil. That's some motherfucking wannabe-Evenicle shit right there.

RAINBOW DASH HERSELF WAS BRANDED BY THESE FAGGOTS. You'd think she or some other Mane Six member or Princess Luna or Princess Celestia would obliterate these retards but nope, the Neutral Skyfag Society outlasts all of them and continues branding Pegasi for over 200 years.

And then, there's The Only Sin. I don't know if people are calling this common writing mistake a trope yet but that's my suggestion for its name.
It's incredibly limiting to your potential options as a writer to say "Only". But rookie authors are practically addicted to saying shit like "This is the only Superalien left in the universe" and "This legendary magic sword only chooses the worthiest person alive and only exists for one day every ten thousand years" and "This is the legendary special thing that you must consider extra-special because I artificially limited how many of them there are out here. And the absolute best thing because I'm officially saying there is nothing out there better than this, until next week when I introduce something even better. Whoops, I'm being unusually honest about how artificial this is!"
Except later these writers realize their mistake and retcon this. Sometimes with sequels that ignore X's rareness and sometimes with prequels set before the moment X became rare.
"Oh, Superman wasn't the last Kryptonian alive, just one of twenty three still alive somewhere out there!"
"Only four Jedi are left alive in the galaxy? In the prequels there are hundreds, maybe even thousands!"
"Remember when I said Freeza was the absolute strongest being in the universe? That was before Cell and the Androids were created, and before the author thought of Majin Buu or the Shadow Dragons or Whis and Goku Nigger and Beerus or other universes or Zamasu or Goatfag or King Fagchild or King Fagchild 2 or Broly or Broly or Bio-Broly or or those dancing faggots from GT."
"Did I say there is only one Keyblade Wielder? Well there are actually 15 now and there used to be millions!"
Why arbitrarily limit something if you're not sure you can write within those limits? Why say absolutely every Pegasi is either a Dashite, or Enclave, or somepony with a good excuse not to be on the Enclave's radar?

And finally, there's the irony here.
The Dashites are forced, against their will, to wear a Brand.
It's Rainbow Dash's Cutie Mark, a copyrighted Hasbro symbol.
It's forced onto ponies by a large and immoral conglomerate of short-sighted faggots whose foolishness has been directly killing the pony world for far too long.
And this is Rainbow Dash's only appearance in the story. Her name and Cutie Mark is the closest she gets to an appearance. We don't even find out how she died. This is her contribution to the world: To be betrayed by the entire Pegasus race she "militarized" in a way that inspires their habit of branding non-evil Pegasi like cattle, and then mysteriously disappear.

aaand done.

I deleted parts that looked off-topic, how did I do?
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.296487
296515
heheweatherpenis.gif
>>296476
>The cloud covering keeps grass from growing on land, creating a "permanent nuclear winter" effect. It's here to try and justify how non-nuclear warheads gave Equestria a nuclear winter that lasted 200 years, because I guess Kkat saw some GameFAQs user point out that after 200 years Washington DC really shouldn't be a desert and should be overwhelmed with greenery.
Just gonna hop in here and correct this, but it's clarified later in FoE that the clouds aren't the reason the surface is so shitty - the pegasi use them to conceal their nation and grow crops on them (however that is supposed to work). The earth and water are literally too contaminated for anything that's not massively mutated to grow in them, which is why Pip and friends need the anti-radiation macguffin even after the sky is cleared. In Kkat's eyes, the great sin of the pegasi is trying to maintain their isolationism and refusing to share their limited resources of food and technology with the poor, unfortunate surface ponies. You know, the ones who decorate their homes with gore and kill/rape one another for fun.

Also, shame on you for bringing up Project Horizons. That story has far bigger problems than its overuse of edgy cybernetics, like its rapid downward spiral into anime nonsense, fixation with rape and recurring pedobait.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296515
296545 298077
>>296487
Thank you, you're right.
I never finished PH but I heard it ends in a literal multi-phase videogame boss battle where Blackjack the canonical child rapist fights a big evil blob monster that's responsible for everything that ever went wrong. It's a pure DPS Rush and she fires many rockets at ir. Is that true?
Anonymous
897410f
?
No.296545
296578
>>296515
It is, I had a friend who read it all tell me about it. I am still baffled how FoE and PH has such a rabid and dedicated fan base that claim it to be the peak of any pony or Fallout media ever. I want to imagine it's shit posting but some are super rabid about it. Sure I got fanfics and fan music I really like but I won't say it beats Blood Meridian or John Prine by orders of magnitude.

Also decided to sub to your YouTube channel if you don't mind!
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296578
296605
>>296481
I still find it funny how one of the most vital pieces of Equestria and the Mane Six and FIM as a whole, Rainbow Dash, somepony who gained her mark when she metaphorically saved the lives of her friends and saved the world numerous times with the help of those friends and would eventually go on to literally save Rarity's life with another Rainboom...
Her role in this story begins and ends at being blamed for some random Fallout-knockoff bollocks including how some baddies she supposedly created started using a symbol of her aerial superiority and a reminder of one of her life's greatest moments in the edgiest branding-fetish manner the author could think of. In a story that normally revels in making canon ponies get eaten alive or slit their wrists on glass to bleed to death so they can avoid being raped by approaching Raiders, the author forgot to give Rainbow Dash an ending because this is where her role in the story begins and ends: To contribute a symbol that's taken out of context and used in a way utterly contrary to its real meaning and what its meaning should be to Pegasi.
What Pegasus out there who heard tales of Rainbow Dash's heroics wouldn't want her symbol on his body? There are absolute faggots out there who get tattoos of Pokeballs and MLP Cutie Marks and Rick Sanchez's face and the Reddit mascot, so you'd fucking think that in a world where magic exists and technology depends on the episode, somewhere out there you'd be able to find a tattoo parlour with a magical tattoo gun full of magic ink that gives you convincing knockoffs of real Cutie Marks.
Why is Calamity ashamed to have Rainbow Fucking Dash's mark on his asscheeks? Sure, it's a brand put there without his consent, but having that brand means the Enclave wanted to lump you in the same category as Rainbow Dash, Hero Of Equestria And Second-Best Pony.
>>296545
Thanks! Please don't talk about that channel here, that's bad for OpSec.
The pony fandom has a lot of people in it who aren't here because they like FIM, they're here because they want to BE SEEN liking FIM. They want to look like "The biggest brony", because they think this will get them the respect of other bronies. So they'll scream their devotion to FIM from the rooftops and tell everyone they're a brony and whine about "being persecuted" when normies say publicly admitting to liking a little girl's show is weird. They'll go on these absurd neo-religious rants where they swear the brony fandom is the nicest greatest world-changing community that ever existed. They'll talk as if a cartoon can create world peace by making everyone like it. Sure, the USSR persecuted those who listened to rock music because shared identity and real unity disrupts the divisive hate-driven identity politics commies specialize in, but while media can help bring people who like it together it won't single-handedly get the whole world singing Cum By Ya.
Some made a career out of digging absurdly deep into FIM episodes to try and find something that sounds mature, like a random math equation on a chalkboard or the position of some stars or a sex joke hidden in plain sight, and making analysis videos where they rant about the deep hidden super-smart symbolism within FIM "which is actually really the super-de-duper smartest show ever you guys". This stuff helps the fake brony feel like he's intellectually and morally superior for liking this cartoon.
I can respect healthy appreciations for good media and FIM is good. But these people unhealthily obsess over this show to the point where they give themselves shitty bootleg tulpas forced to imitate ponies they like and disallowed from developing their own consciousnesses and designing their own bodies, or start hypnotizing themselves to be more like the pony they want to fuck the most, even if that's a fandom creation with no canon basis.
There are little girls out there who will say "Justin Bieber saved my life" because his music was the first good thing they ever experienced and up until they heard his music for the first time they lived in a dull mindless trance where they didn't care about or love anything or feel any reason to live. They'll ravenously defend Bieber because he was their first crush and in another timeline where their parents did their jobs right, those girls would be this dedicated to Jesus and making God happy instead. These days it's Kpop bitches who do and say that "Jungkook and Udon Dango saved my life!" shit, but "FIM saved the lives" of these faggots by being a good source of comfort and fun, and by giving them the first community they've ever felt like a part of.
But the FIM fandom is big.
It's harder to rise to the top of a big fandom full of people saying what you're saying and doing what you're already doing.
So they niche themselves. Some try to be the biggest and most important and powerful-feeling brony on a gimmicky forum exclusively for waifu discussion and pony roleplay with only 30 active members tops. Some try to pretend some crappy fanfic they started reading was actually the greatest and best piece of literature in the world, because they want to say shit that will please its incestuous mini-fandom hoping to be beloved by it. And in a fandom that loves fanfiction spinoffs of this fanfic, but rejects anything too divergent from this fanfic, it's easy to yell "This is the best fic ever!" and write 10k-150k words of a shitty bootleg-of-a-bootleg story you'll stop writing once you realize the incestuous mini-fandom will never make you famous or pay you to publish this like they adore and pay and simp for Kkat.

Project Horizons became the most popular fanfic of Fallout Equestria by basically being Fallout Equestria except everything a shallow explosion-loving cuck who loves seeing his favourite bitch get fucked would call "Great" about FE is turned up to 11. More sex, rape, explosions, edge, and trashy hamfisted exposition.
Puppysmiles's story became a close second because it's nothing but kitsh shlock.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296605
296627 296649
Puppysmiles.png
>>296578
I don't remember if we've talked about Puppysmiles and her story Fallout Equestria: Pink Eyes yet, but it sucks ass. I'll review it and spoil everything about it now so if you plan on reading all 134K words of it don't read this.

On the final day before the apocalypse one excessively "Cute" little filly was given a life support suit by her mom, then the nukes fell and rubble buried the filly.
Supposedly these suits were designed to help filles get to Stables that hadn't closed yet but what Fallout Vault by another name would open its massive door shortly after the apocalypse to let in one more filly? And others in these suits are never met. The Trauma Harnesses from FNV Dead Money were protective suits that walk the wounded back to base or return with skeletons but this up-to-11 Tauma Harness really should have changed the world but doesn't. Still, one of these abnormally effective super-suits has to exist for the story to happen and for the heroine to get her gimmick.
Pink Cloud, a hazardous material from Kkat's Fallout Equestria that artificially binds things together to create abominations 99% of the time and 1% of the time just superglues plot-armour protagonists to useful gear they'd normally never take off anyway (OH GOD HELP ME THE IRONY IS TOO MUCH AND KKAT MISSED ABSOLUTELY ALL OF IT) merged this filly with her life support suit and helps keep her alive.
200 years later this undead filly wakes up and goes around saying "Hi, I'm Puppysmiles. Have you seen my Mom?" as the author tries to make her seem adorable.
She's invincible and her soul's stuck in the suit.
She finds "Sentenza", which is a renamed Euclid's C-Finder gun from Fallout NV that summons down laser satellite blasts just like in Fallout NV. It eventually runs out of ammo (lolwut) so she trades the useless thing for a brushable Lyra plushie doll.
She also carries a EMP tank shell and a small rock named "The Rock Of Destiny", which is just a small rock. She uses it to kill enemies that normally take much more to kill. Har har har do you get the reference to FIM when Rarity found her rock of destiny? There is also a shard of Nightmare Moon inside Puppysmiles for no reason and she named it Creepy Voice.
After a lot of utterly meaningless filler where Puppysmiles meets renamed Fallout characters and does copypasted Fallout quests, Puppysmiles finds her mom's grave and is very sad. A friend Puppysmiles made said "You don't need to keep looking for your mom because you made a positive impact on the lives of so many living ponies". Creepy Voice (Nightmare Moon) takes over Puppysmiles but to stop Nightmare Moon, a friend Puppysmiles made shows PS her own mother's grave and a bunch of assorted mementos gained from a nearby safe and then that friend says "You need to move on". So Puppysmiles dies instantly and Nightmare Moon's evil plan to sort-of exist again is foiled.
Story's over, that was it.
A gimmicky filly exists, shows her gimmick off, helps some side characters, and after being sucked off by a side character for doing so many nice things in filler scenes she dies eventually in front of her mother's tombstone in the most tragic scene the author could imagine.
Was it really necessary to have NIGHTMARE FUCKING MOON invade this final moment out of nowhere despite this character's complete lack of any connection to darkness and Luna's jealousy of Celestia's bigger ass and greater popularity? Did this old relic of FIM really need to invade a long-dead filly's final moments alive? Sure it makes things seem more "Tense and dangerous" but is that tone right for a moment like this? What the fuck could a tiny magicless shard of Nightmare Moon even do in Puppysmiles's tiny filly body?


I rate this story a 3/5!
Just kidding it's a 2/10 just like Project Horizons. The original Fallout Equestria gets a 1/10 from me for having less originality than those two fanfics of fanfics and taking more "inspiration" from games than them.

Hey, Glim?

Now that Calamity has revealed himself to be a Dashite, what do you think of him personally and as a character?
Does this revelation that he has a mark, followed by an explanation of what the mark means and what backstory lore it's connected to and how he used to be Enclave until he wasn't any more, change things significantly about him and what he means to the story?

I think this would be a better reveal if we knew more about the Enclave, the Dashites, the betrayal of the Pegasi, and the branding before we learned he was mixed up in all of this once.

Arcade Ganon from FNV seemed like a snarky but nice Followers Of The Apocalypse doctor at first, until you learned of his connection to the Enclave. That fundamentally changed his character and role in the world. And all of those moments where he said "Seeing all these energy weapons makes me nostalgic" or revealed he knew too much about Vertibirds turned out to be clever foreshadowing.
A surprising number of Fallout fans shifted into NPC mode upon learning this and gunned him down while screeching "REEEE NAZIS!!! I don't care if he did nothing wrong, he's white and blonde and related to THEM!!!".
But he humanizes the Enclave, along with the rest of his Enclave Remnants. Sure, there were bad eggs who loved the bad stuff the Enclave was doing. There were good eggs who hated the bad things the Enclave was doing and wanted to bring America back better than ever before. There were neutral eggs who didn't give a shit about anything except flying.
He's just some guy trying to do the right thing, even though he doesn't get a happy ending. Closest he can get is one where he, as a doctor, constantly has shit to do.
He's like Veronica, when it comes to the tragedy of his character. The world's changing and old groups like the BOS and Enclave don't have much of a role to play in it any more. Best thing he can do is turn the Remnants into something good. Best Veronica can do is try to change the BOS, fail, and become a lonely wanderer.
Kkat can't rip this off right.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296621
296623 296652
1609001768188.gif
>>296463

Both Littlepoop and Velvet caught some shrapnel or something when Roboponer was blasting the two alicorns. In all honesty, both of them should be dead by now, but kkat has them simply wounded. Velvet has completely lost consciousness but is still alive, and LP, of course, is basically fine except for some "serious" injuries that will most probably not hamper her in any significant way. His justification seems to be that since Roboponer was concentrating his fire on the alicorns, they received the brunt of the attack and LP and Velvet were partially spared because they were only standing nearby. However, you'll also recall that Roboponer was rapid-firing grenades in a stream, so we are probably talking about literally hundreds of grenades exploding in a small area at roughly the same time. Ignoring things like magic shields and whatnot, realistically the alicorns and anything standing anywhere near them should have been blown to smithereens, and in the unlikely event that any of them survived, they would be completely deaf, and possibly have retina damage from all of those flashes going off at once. However, I've long since accepted that kkat's understanding of real-world physics is derived entirely from video game physics, so I have little choice but to ignore this problem.

Anyway, LP finds that Velvet is lying unconscious and bleeding on top of her isn't that just like a woman?. She opens her saddlebags to try and rummage around for those magical healing bandages that make literally every injury better, but she apparently can't find enough of them. Then, she notices that they apparently still have a bunch of those crack mints from before.

The scene that follows is basically like something out of an old Popeye cartoon, where he's getting his shit kicked in by Bluto until he finds a can of spinach and it magically transforms his muscles into Panzer tanks. LP downs the mints, and instantly gains coke-fueled superpowers that allow her to figure out probably the most hare-brained scheme she's cooked up to date. She takes Velvet's memory orb, the one with Fluttershy giving a speech, and floats it towards the alicorn. The alicorn apparently thinks it's a grenade or something, so she uses her magic to bat it back towards LP. However, as soon as the magic touches it, it activates the orb, which pulls the alicorn into whatever sort of trance state occurs when one of these orbs is being viewed. This causes the alicorn to drop her defenses, allowing LP to use her sniper rifle to finish her off.

I'm actually willing to give k "take enough party mints and you won't even be able to tell the difference between my Mega Bloks and her Legos" kat some points for creativity here; this is at the very least a more clever and imaginative way of defeating an alicorn than simply summoning Goku-strength out of nowhere and levitating a boxcar on top of her. The biggest problem here is that he never really clarified how the memory orbs work in the first place, so it's hard to tell if this is plausible or not. Unicorn magic is itself rather poorly explained in the MLP universe, but I get the impression that the aura a horn generates will assume different capabilities based on the intent of the user. For instance, if a unicorn is trying to pick something up, then horn magic becomes something like a physical force field around an object, that the user can then move around. Alternatively, we've seen instances where a unicorn will fire something like a laser blast out of its horn, in which case it becomes a destructive projectile. Since there don't seem to be different types of horn auras, we can assume that the horn produces some kind of all-purpose magic field, which then assumes different attributes based on whatever the unicorn summoning it is mentally commanding it to do, and presumably more complex tasks require higher mastery of magic.

What this scene implies is that the memory orbs will simply activate whenever any sort of magic touches them. This seems like a pretty serious design flaw, since unicorns will generally use levitation as their primary means of handling objects. If any sort of magic will activate the orb, this means that it would be impossible to even pick one up without getting sucked into whatever memory scene it contains. Since LP uses her magic to levitate the orb towards the alicorn, logically she should get sucked into the memory herself when she does this, so this whole trick shouldn't work.

However, since we've already seen multiple instances of both LP and Velvet handling this thing without setting it off, then it can't work this way without creating a continuity problem. The most logical way for the orbs to work would be to have them activate by intent, which means the unicorn needs to be physically touching the orb with its magic while explicitly intending to activate it. If this is the case, then what LP does here shouldn't work; the alicorn batting the orb away shouldn't activate it any more than LP's picking it up and levitating it would.

These two explanations are literally the only way I can think of for any of this to work, and either way it creates a problem. If the orb activates with intent, LP's trick here shouldn't work. If it activates at any touch of magic, LP shouldn't even be able to handle it in the first place. If the author has an explanation for all of this I'd be willing to listen; however, based on what he's given us, I have no choice but to declare shenanigans here.

Anyway, this where the scene ends.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296623
296626 296827
1609090713688.gif
>>296621

After a page break, LP is apparently still trying to down crack mints despite the alicorn already being defeated, because she doesn't want to deal with the comedown afterward. This is actually pretty accurate addict behavior; based on his writing and his hobbies I'm assuming that kkat took Ritalin as a child, so maybe he has some personal experience to draw from here.

>“But…!” I tried to come up with something that Velvet Remedy would buy. I was amazing now; I could talk anyone into anything. “At least let me hold onto them. I might need them.” And yet somehow, I couldn’t convince the most beautiful mare in the wasteland to let me keep a tin full of medicine.
Speaking of things that haven't been particularly well explained, what exactly these mints even do has not been made tremendously clear either. The mints, again, seem to basically be a powerful stimulant along the lines of cocaine or amphetamine, which stimulates brain activity but won't improve a person's intelligence or vocabulary. However, the author has made multiple references to this drug making it possible to "talk anyone into anything," which seems to imply that it somehow makes a person more perceptive, imaginative, or persuasive.

Considering this is a world based on an RPG game, where things like Perception, Imagination, and Persuasion are all skills or attributes or whatever that can be modified by ticking the integer value up or down, and considering that these "party-time mint-als" are probably yet another element ripped off directly from one of the Fallout games, my guess is that this is exactly what the author has in mind for them. This is actually completely legal; it's his world, and if he wants to invent a magical drug that does something like this he can. All he needs to do is to firmly establish that this is the actual effect the drug produces; unfortunately, though, he hasn't done this. He has only vaguely implied what this drug does, and seems to be relying on the reader's being familiar with whatever thing from Fallout he's ripping off in order to explain the rest. A person on coke might think they have become more persuasive and charming, when in reality they are just babbling like a retard. We don't know if LP's claims of being able to talk anyone into anything should be taken literally or not.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASk_ndnBD0Y

>I’d administered the last of the medical potions to Velvet Remedy. The magical liquid seemed to work achingly slowly at closing her wounds. Now she was left with just the healing bandages to aid Calamity and myself. We didn’t have anywhere near enough. She was still very weak from the loss of blood, and was having trouble standing. Calamity needed a medical brace to fix his leg; Velvet Remedy didn’t want to risk a mending spell until it was properly set. More, he needed serious bed rest to recover from the lightning strike.
And, as long as we're still on the subject of things that are very poorly explained, the way medicine works in this universe is VERY poorly explained. As far as I can tell, no injury in this world is actually fatal; these general-purpose "healing potions" that exist are basically bottles of some kind of grand panacea that will cure literally anything. In addition to this, bandages apparently have some kind of healing property as well, in addition to performing their ordinary purpose of binding wounds and blocking infections. In addition to this, some unicorns are apparently also capable of knitting bones together, healing flesh wounds, and probably healing just about anything else.

Taking all of this together, it's a wonder that anyone in this story has died at all, or that death is even something to be concerned about. If you can have half of your skin flayed off by shrapnel, lose most of your blood, and then cure yourself with band-aids and a potion, you are for all practical purposes immortal. Do the raiders and slavers and all the various enemies in this world not have the same level of access to this stuff that LP and her friends do? LP's group doesn't seem to have any kind of special hook-up; they just find it lying around. Are they just the only group of ponies in this entire world who ever had the bright idea of looking inside of all the old cabinets and safes that are lying around? Or are their enemies just too busy torturing children and decorating their bedrooms with intestines to bother looking around for potions?

All of this is illogical on the same level as the water problem I brought up earlier. There are basically two possible scenarios here: either all of this stuff was made before the war, and there is a limited amount of it in the world, or else these supplies are something commonplace that are either currently made, or are abundant enough that there is little chance of their ever running out. In the first case, this stuff should be much more valuable than it is, to the point where the entire world economy should revolve around it. Why would ponies be worrying about working for bottle caps or digging gems out of the ground? The real path to economic domination would be gathering up and hoarding all the world's panacea potions and magic bandages. Unicorns like Velvet, who have healing abilities, would also be highly sought after; this means that the slavers would have likely imprisoned her as a high-value piece of merchandise instead of simply letting her live and work among them.

In the second case, this stuff would be common enough that literally no one in this world should fear death. If you can just walk around the Wasteland opening random closets and picking up magical cure-all potions, suddenly the thought of having a limb blown off by a raider with a grenade launcher isn't quite as terrifying.

The author tries to make it sound like this stuff is scarce so the party has to scavenge for it, but at the same time there seems to be little competition for it. This makes no sense.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296626
296671 296689 296827 297836
1609099670422.jpg
>>296623

Anyway, the author has placed them in what he seems to think is a dire situation: pretty much everypony in their party was technically mortally wounded, but even though they have a cure for that now, there's only so much magic elixir and special all-purpose-boo-boo-healer bandages to go around. So, they are probably going to have to take it easy for the next few days. But will the Wasteland allow them to? Let's find out.

In the meantime, LP decides to go down to the sugar shack or whatever it's called and see if Roboponer is okay.

>I had to wave Velvet Remedy back before I approached the unmoving armored figure crumpled against the shack below. Harnessing my levitation, I could pass over the minefield safely. Velvet Remedy could not.
"No, Velvet, I know you want to come with me, but you must rest yourself! Only I can magically lift myself up by my own asshole and float myself to safety over nearly any obstacle. Only I can harness the refreshing power of crack cocaine and think up preposterous ways to kill an enemy, that logically shouldn't work but do for some reason. It's a heavy, heavy burden being the strongest and best at everything but also being tiny and weak somehow because the author says so. So rest yourself, my little lesbo crush, while I levitate myself over this field of landmines so I can rub grand panacea ointment all over the mortal bum wounds of this all-powerful killbot." Have I mentioned recently that I hate this character?

>Between the alicorn’s thought-words and the label my PipBuck had spontaneously given the shack, it didn’t take Party-Time Mint-al-enhanced smarts to realize that this had probably been SteelHooves.
So...she's saying that SteelHooves is Roboponer's name? I don't really see how that's a given. "SteelHooves Shack" is the name that the PipBuck gave this location, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a shack belonging to someone named SteelHooves. If that were the case, the PipBuck would have called it "SteelHooves' Shack", with a trailing apostrophe denoting ownership, and I know that a consummate professional like kkat wouldn't make such an obvious grammatical error. So, logic would dictate that SteelHooves would be the name of the shack itself, not the name of the Roboponer it contains. I mean, if you were exploring the ruins of post apocalyptic Orlando and found a place your PipBuck told you is called Disney World, would you automatically assume that the eight foot tall robotic Mickey Mouse guarding the place was named Disney? I wouldn't.

Here's why this matters. Earlier, when we first encountered Roboponer, here is how it was described:

>It was a mighty relic from the war, a “Steel Ranger”. A bright lamp on its forehead spotlighted its target, and the huge gun on the right side of its monstrous battle saddle began to fire again.
The quotation marks and the capital letters suggest that the proper term for this kind of thing is Steel Ranger. At the time I actually remember this line striking me as odd; this seems like another one of those weird instances where LP knows some random historical fact that it doesn't seem like she ought to know.

Anyway, next we have this:

>The great alicorn hunter… meaning there were more of these. Possibly a lot more. The thought was frightening.
This indicates that this robot is a type of thing, not a unique individual thing. Thus, its name would refer to its type and not itself; if the unit itself has a proper name we don't know it yet. So, is thing called a Steel Ranger or a SteelHooves? "Steel Ranger" is a term that Littlepoop seems to just know for some reason, and SteelHooves is something that her PipBuck gave her, which she simply assumed was the name of this type of thing even though she already gave us a name for it. Hence my confusion.

Is it possible that SteelHooves is the name of this particular Steel Ranger, and Littlepoop knows this because the PipBuck told her that this is his shack? Who knows; I'm probably spending far more time on this puzzle than it really deserves.

>The metal stallion (or, at least, I was assuming stallion based on the form of the armor) had not moved since the battle. I crouched down next to the fallen Ranger (several of my bandages shifting and coming undone as I did so, my wounds oozing blood).
Now she's back to calling it a Ranger.

Anyway, we get a closer look at the SteelHooves and/or Steel Ranger:

>Up close, the armor was even more impressive. It had its own air filtration system, complete life support, even mechanized drug injection. The damage from the rockets was far less than it had any right to be. Still, the armor had cave in at the point of impact, gruesomely crushing the pony inside.
So apparently it's not a robot or a cyborg, it's just an extremely sophisticated suit of armor. Good to know.

>I tried to find a way to remove the helmet. If there was one, it was well concealed. But I found a jackpoint that would allow my PipBuck to interface with the helmet’s own arcane technology matrix.
"I have never seen this particular piece of 200 year old technology before, but I automatically know two different names for it, and also this thing I wear on my wrist can just connect to it automatically and communicate with it because reasons." Have I mentioned recently that I hate this character?

>I pulled out a tool from my utility barding, already suspecting that the helmet included its own E.F.S. and S.A.T.S. equivalents, if not more.
Of course it does, and of course you would suspect that. If anything, you're being too modest here; you don't just suspect, you know. You are Mary Sue, the author's Chosen One, destined to know all and see all, and have all the answers and all the powers. There is nary a problem in this world you could possibly encounter whose solution isn't buried somewhere in the vast pocket dimension contained within your asshole, just waiting for you to reach in and pull it out.
Anonymous
d0aa281
?
No.296627
296689
>>296605
Actually got a physical copy of Pink Eyes. Bought it for shits and giggles at a convention after losing an auction for another fanfic book. Got about halfway through it but my interest slowly waned due to it following the filly main character and no much happening. Fallout Equestria and PH have the benefit of having a sociopathic horn dog so could be baffled at all the crazy stuff they do so can get some entertainment from it like this review we are all enjoying (except maybe Glim Glam for having to read it but he's a trooper).

Feel like the pegasus stuff should have been established earlier. Even just hints about the clouds or mysterious pegasus ponies attacking places with a lightning strike (not actual lightning but hey considering the fact they can control weather could maybe do that to) decimating certain communities with survivors terrified of them.

Figured what was said earlier to where it'd make more sense to cut their wings off so they can't fly but you'd think they wouldn't want Dashites to share their secrets or use their training to help surface ponies so would probably be keeping tabs on the surface and send kill squads to hunt down Dashites that are trying to play the upstart hero.

Would give Calamity a reason why he was loitering at Appleossa and wasn't trying to interfere with the salve trade. Could be opposed to it and respect Rainbow Dash's element of loyalty but too scared to help and have the Enclave come and kill him. Could give him some extra depth having the training and the drive to be a hero but too scared of reprisal to actually act on it and sees LP as his chance to atone for being passive for so long and want to make a difference.

LittlePip learning about all that could have made her initial shock at the open sky be a constant anxiety. While the Stable ceiling was a bland canvas it was a shelter at the least but now she is in this vast open expanse with no cover or protection knowing that there are enemies who could be watching them and listening to DJ Pon-3 and have her and Calamity worried that Enclave soldiers may be listening in.

Velvet even could have a good reaction to it thinking that being outside means she is free but now realized the irony that even outside she is still in a cage created and watched by ponies who are closer to birds and have the ability to fly freely. Would give her a new motivation to free the ponies on the surface from this ever present cage of the clouds.

Also as an earth pony fan glad to see they are shafted even further and relegated to useless idiot melee meat shield while unicorns are super wizards and pegasus ponies can grow sky crops while earth ponies have no distinguishing traits in this universe and one of their main gimmicks which is to help nurture animals and plants is not present. Swear most the community just sees them as pack mules.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.296649
296689
>>296471
>Come to think of it, do real needle guns make needles neatly sink into meat with superhuman accuracy that could disable specific pressure points and make needle-tossing ninjas jealous, or do needle guns just shred the shit out of meat and armour and everything else?
I will preface this by saying that I am not an expert in weapons nor was I ever a particularly bright physics student, so if anyone who knows more about these subjects wants to correct me here feel free, but based on my limited knowledge here is my view.

An ordinary modern firearm round contains a small amount of compressed gas and a charge. When you pull the trigger, a hammer strikes and ignites the charge, which causes the gas to explode. This creates a force inside the barrel, and since the barrel is strong enough to contain the force of the explosion, the projectile in the barrel has nowhere to go but forward. Obviously, a needle is just a needle; you can't really rig it with its own gas canister and an explosive charge, so you'd have to create some kind of force inside the barrel itself that would move the needle forward. If you were going to do this with an explosion, you'd have to put the explosive charge inside the barrel and then manually ignite it somehow, so you'd end up with something like a musket, where you'd have to put a fresh powder charge into the barrel every time you fire it. This would kind of defeat the point of a needle gun, which as I understand it is supposed to shoot multiple needles fairly rapidly.

The best way to manage this then would be to use compressed air like a BB gun. You would probably have a canister of compressed air that would go into the handle or something, and then every time the trigger is pulled it releases a burst of air that fires a needle. A BB gun is obviously not as deadly as a real gun, and my assumption is that this is because the release of air that launches the BB is nowhere near as powerful a force as the compressed gas explosion that launches a bullet. Presumably a needle gun would be similar, so the weapon's effect would come from the sharpness of the needle rather than blunt force. The effectiveness of a needle gun would probably vary based on how much pressure is in the air cartridge (or whatever it has), and the density of whatever you're firing at. If it hit you in the eyeball for example your eye would be pretty much fucked. Anything soft and spongy like flesh or fatty tissue it would probably drill through. Muscle and bone would probably stop a needle; except for a few vulnerable spots, it's unlikely a needler would be able to hit your body with enough force to hit anything vital on the inside. Most armor would probably deflect it (not chain mail obviously).

It seems like the kind of weapon that could be extremely nasty to get shot with, and would be more than enough to make someone think twice about attacking you, but unless you dip the needles in poison or can somehow produce a yuge amount of force to launch the needle, it's unlikely to be deadly.

>Ever get the feeling this fic would be better if it was an intentional parody of the idea of shoving something like Fallout into FIM?
This has been my view for some time now.

>>296605

>Now that Calamity has revealed himself to be a Dashite, what do you think of him personally and as a character?
I can't really say what I think of Calamity being a Dashite because the word "Dashite" doesn't really mean anything yet. We have no idea why the pegasi decided to break off from Equestria during the war, or why being separate from it is still important to them 200 years after the fact. We also don't know anything about why Calamity decided to leave them, or if it was even his decision to do so. For all we know they kicked him out for diddling colts or something. This information won't mean anything until we know more about what actually happened.

>I think this would be a better reveal if we knew more about the Enclave, the Dashites, the betrayal of the Pegasi, and the branding before we learned he was mixed up in all of this once.
Knowing this would make it a more significant reveal, but that doesn't mean the author is necessarily wrong to do it this way. We know something about Calamity that we didn't know before, it just doesn't mean anything yet. This shows us that there is more to his character than we've thus far seen, but we still don't know the details, which makes him mysterious and therefore interesting.

You could potentially develop a character like this rather artfully by giving the reader a blunt fact about him up front, and then filling in the details behind it as you go. For instance, if you started out a story by introducing a soldier who had sold out his platoon to the enemy, you could potentially make it interesting by giving the reader nothing except this information up front, and then gradually introducing bits and pieces of his past that explain why he did it. Why did the soldier defect? Was he a coward? Was it greed? Did he have some crisis of conscience over what his side was doing? If you tell the reader that your character did something controversial without explaining the controversy, it provokes curiosity and keeps the reader interested, whereas if you just told them up front that the soldier changed sides because he thought the enemy had cuter uniforms, the reader would just be like "oh," and then wonder why the fuck they should even bother reading all the rest of the words you wrote.

Absalom Absalom by William Faulkner is a good example of this kind of thing. The first chapter basically gives you the entire plot of the book, but it only covers the actual events, and they are colored by a particular character's opinions. As the story unfolds, you learn more about the characters involved and their actual desires and motivations. I'm certainly not saying that kkat is doing anything along the same lines as Faulkner, just that this is an acceptable way to build backstory.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296652
297342
GAME LOGIC HAHA AM I RIGHT.png
>>296621
>The memory orb trick
I guess you could fudge it and say "The memory orb only works if your magic squeezes down on the ball hard enough or pushes into the ball" but in that case it sure is convenient the Alicorn held the memory orb wrong while assuming it was a grenade and got cutscene triggered by it. You know, instead of trying to bounce the "grenade" back by smacking it with a magically conjured shield wall that could also bounce away the grenade blast if it detonated early.
Come to think of it, how do Earth Ponies and Pegasi and Donkeys/Zebras/Dragons/other S1 creatures use these things?

Anyway this moment gets dumber in retrospect. If you're cool with me spoiling something the author already blatantly spoiled ahead of time because he forgot it was a twist in fallout 1, a hive mind unifies all Alicorns. What one sees, the hive mind learns from. It's how they recognized Littlepip on sight even though the Alicorn she dropped a boxcar on died. All Alicorns are cunts and their minds are linked to the gigacunt in charge.

For this Memory Orb "That strange spherical ball's probably a grenade so I had better toss it back- OH FUCK NOW I'M IN A FLASHBACK" trick to work, not a single one of any of the many Wasteland-wandering completely-fertile-yet-daughter-creating-only 200+ year old Alicorns can have ever encountered a Memory Orb, ever. They can't've even seen one. Or heard any sort of rumors or myths about these things.

Hell, the hive mind's ruled by Trixie, who is a pony who existed during the same pre-war times as Fluttershy and the rest.
While Fluttershy and some other Mane Six members were filling a shitload of memory orbs with random scenes from their lives, and Trixie was working with Twilight on a secret project, Trixie supposedly never heard of or encountered or played with a Memory Orb even once?! This is like if some voice actress from the modern day survived 200 years yet couldn't tell her hive mind's future-people about old phones 200 years later because she had somehow never heard of or seen or tried using a Smart Phone and absolutely none of her hive-mind-buddies or their girl-only families or captured males killed by snu-snu ever ran into any Smart Phones or anyone who knew about them either.

>The healing problem
Yep. The only Health Point you have that matters is your last one.
Once you have a lot of healing items in Fallout 3/NV you can map them to a button and run around spamming that button to keep your health full no matter what dangers you run into.
Beartraps and landmines and other traps and enemy attacks can be ignored by those with enough healing items. And those games are so generous with their healing item supply, mods to make them rarer were swiftly coded.
NV's Hardcore Mode (in addition to new Food/Water/Sleep requirements) fixed a little of this by making Stimpaks heal over time instead of healing instantly. Also forces you to use the rarer-than-stimpaks Doctor's Bag items or the addictive drug Hydra to fix limb damage, so crippled legs can slow you down in fights and broken arms can reduce your gun accuracy.
Now dangerous situations can kill you faster than stimpaks can heal you, even if you've got 500+ stimpaks pocketed!
I still use a mod so Stimpaks dehydrate you and make you tired and hungrier. It makes sense, since fully healing from 5 bulletholes in 6 seconds should take a lot out of you. Also gives you a reason to carry more food/water, meaning less of your limited carry weight's spent on guns and bullets and empty space for any loot you find.
Would it be correct to say authors should do something similar to reduce the "game-breaking" (story-breaking) power and convenience of Stimpaks/Healing Potions/other analogue for the Floor Chicken that instantly restores your health points?

This is unusual for me but real book comparison time.
in Shadow Of The Conqueror by Shad M. Brooks, there are special magic people who can heal themselves and some special people who can heal others using magic.
Medical technology's shit as a result in this semi-medieval world because everyone relies on Healers for their healing, so you can survive near-death experiences with a healer nearby but without one, even simple wounds can fuck you up from injury/infection.

In a world where a third of the pony population are Unicorns who CAN learn healing spells, but any type of pony can be destined to get a healing Cutie Mark to represent how they should be doctors/magical healers/something specific, would it really make sense for them to be medical experts who know about things like bones and how they might wrong?
Would a society used to solving its problems with magic and friendship think it's worth trying to understand the body, or think it's worth performing autopsies on dead ponies?
Why would a society able to make Healing Potions not make Energy/Magic-Restoring Potions for the horned healers?
If cartoon ponies understood how germs worked, would ponies put antibacterial gel in First Aid Kits or shrinking potions so ponies can shrink themselves down to physically beat germs up like in every "shrink and go inside someone's body" stock episode ever?
Zebras invented potions and can make healing potions, so why do ponies at war with Zebrica (and Zebras in general, not that they realize this until it's too late) have so many healing potions? If ponies can make potions too, why does Kkat never do anything with that idea? Where's the racist pony potioneer who says "We make potions better than you stripey idiots! You're stripey like my mom's underwear, you zigger faggots!"?
It's supposed to be a part of this story that War-Era Equestria was full of retards who didn't know how to treat PTSD and had no idea what it was. So why would they have our modern understanding of bones/medicine/healing without magic AND magical insta-heal cheat spells AND so many different kinds of magical mass-produced insta-heal cheat items that they're still somewhat plentiful after the war?
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296671
>>296626
LP's Pipbuck gave her the name of SteelHooves on sight and his home's name, and she recognized him as "a Steel Ranger" which is also dumb.

These moments of "Littlepip sometimes knows her own kind's history and sometimes she doesn't but we have to discover it alongside her even if she already knows something and reminds herself what she already knows for our benefit sometimes" are stupid. How does she know what a Steel Ranger is, when up until this point we have no idea what one is?
If they're a pre-war thing every Stable Pony knows of, it should be foreshadowed sooner.
Perhaps during chapter 1 while Littlepip stares at a wall while on the clock at her pipbuck repair place and thinks "Needs a mural", two faggy co-workers of hers could argue with each other over whether Applejack's Steel Rangers or Rainbow Dash's Shadowbolts were cooler.
Could foreshadow or comically exaggerate the capabilities of the Steel Ranger we're encountering now, and the capabilities of the Pegasus Enclave baddies we'll eventually meet, by saying shit like... uh...
>"The Steel Ranger's armour is two feet thick and weighs 300 pounds, and they can lift 700 pounds! They carry miniguns with armour-piercing 50cal bullets on their right side, a 150mm tank gun on their back, and on their left they've got a rapid-fire auto-targeting grenade launcher on their back that can spit out six 40mm grenades a second and takes 120-round grenade drums! And that's on top of anything their mouths carry into battle, like the Heavy Flamer or Super-Heavy Flamer! Their suits literally heal them faster than a standard flamethrower can hurt them! Their suits are enchanted to absorb fire and burn it as fuel! For their journeys, no challenge is too great! They also have huge magic hardlight Tower Shields that can block enemy bullets but not their own and retractable massive 40 pound chainsaw swords connected to their asses by a retractable steel cable and commanded by their SATS attack system! Plus with their piston-enhanced kicks that can shatter concrete, a Steel Ranger could beat the shit out of any Shadowbolt!"
>"Maybe if they can catch them, which they can't. Brute strength doesn't matter when you can fly faster than a fighter jet! If a Shadowbolt gets into melee range, his vibroblade deathsteel wingblades will slice a Steel Ranger's head clean off! Or he can manipulate the wind itself with his Ceremonial Wind Saber to whip up a tornado or slice your head off from up to 1000 meters away! All they need is a clean line of sight and a second to swing that sword hard enough, and you're fucking dead, kiddo. Or their Tractor Beam can magically lift anything up to 1200 pounds! Or they can fly way higher than any unarmoured pony could ever dream of, flying so high you can't see them and everypony else's Power Armour would ice up and everypony without Power Armour would be completely unable to breathe, since a proper Shadowbolt suit stores enough oxygen for 30 minutes of sustained almost-orbital flight! And he carries enough long-range miniguns and lock-on missiles to destroy a whole army of enemy aircraft, and he has enough easily-dropped bombs to flatten a small town! First they drop a bunch of small grenade-sized bombs from bomber-doors on a secret compartment in their stomach, then the shrinking spell on that compartment wears off and the grenade-sized bombs grow to the size of houses! He can carry all sorts of supplies and extra ammo in that special shrinking compartment. He even carry megaspells and fire them at will, goddamn it! Can your stupid fucking Steel Ranger faggots survive explosion spells big enough to take out whole cities?"
"Yes! Yes, they can! Remember how the Ziggers dropped a Hellfire nuke on Fillydelphia and it killed or mutated everypony EXCEPT the Steel Rangers dancing in a military parade with their armour on? Tanks melted, skyscrapers crumbled, and the Steel Rangers still fucking stood. Fire and thunder! Blood and brotherhood! The Steel Rangers are the greatest heroes in the ENTIRE MULTI GALAXY-UNIVERSE TIMES A BILLION!"
"Ok, so Steel Rangers can survive explosive Megaspells. They can't just shrug off other magical effects put into Megaspells, like mind-control ones that make you kill your friends or shrinking ones that make you tiny or transformation ones that turn you into cows forever! Remember when we dropped the Cow Bomb on the Zigger capital, whatever the fuck its stupid muh-bongo-donger name was, for suicide-bombing our schools? The Shadowbolts could turn your Steel Rangers into fucking cows, retard! Blood and brotherhood? More like milk and chewing cud!"
"Fuck you, asshole! Even if a Steel Ranger was turned into a cow, he'd still be cooler than a Shadowbolt! Steel Rangers are honourable Earth Ponies who will proudly face a thousand enemies alone to give their unarmoured friends the time to retreat! Shadowbolts are pussy faggots who only care about themselves and betrayed Equestria as soon as Rainbow Dash pussied out of life!"
"You fucking take that back, you fucking bitch! Rainbow Dash is still alive out there somewhere, and she'll save us all some day!"
"Yeah, like the rest of her friends were supposed to? It's been 200 years since Equestria got bombed. Twilight and her friends failed Equestria, and it's their fault the world died!"
Then those two guys fistfight over this but the story mostly ignores them like they're background noise.
Meanwhile Littlepip is thinking to herself "This wall definitely needs a mural. Also these losers need girlfriends. I want a girlfriend too".
I might have gone overboard with the weaponry there, but making their in-story appearances far weaker than they are in legend could always be blamed on propaganda and the Steel Rangers/Shadowbolts (Who will become the Enclave for no reason) having already used up their best gear during the war, leaving them with the same third-rate mass-produced military gear that would eventually become the standard 200-year-old shit used by Wastelanders today.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296689
>>296626
>The great alicorn hunter… meaning there were more of these.
LP shouldn't know these guys hunt Alicorns.
Even if they did run around doing shit for Equestria and getting famous before the nukes fell, there were only two Alicorns: Celestia and Luna, who were both on Equestria's side even though they sucked.
The "Artificial Alicorns" running around 200 years later aka now were first seen by Wastelanders ten years before Littlepip left her Vault.
Yes, it's retarded that they spent 190 years doing nothing besides sitting around practicing their evil laughs and edgy fashion sense.
But unless someone told Littlepip about the alicorn-hunting Steel Rangers offscreen, she shouldn't know these guys like hunting Alicorns.

I forget, was Big Mac a Steel Ranger? If not, have the Steel Rangers had any foreshadowing at this point in the story at all? It feels like the Steel Rangers and everything about them came out of nowhere just so she could be saved by the timely arrival of someone besides Watcher.

>>296627
Bro, you're a fucking genius.
At any moment, any Pegasus including an Enclave Pegasus could pop their upper bodies down out of the clouds like a Whack-A-Mole character and snipe down at targets marked by their Pip-Bucks. That should be horrifying to these ponies. The clouded sky becomes an ever-present hazard and constant reason to seek roofed shelters... Genius!
As for Earth Ponies I've seen authors who like them emphasize their super-strength/super-toughness and try to spin Cutie Marks so while Unicorns and Pegasi typically get something specific, Earth Ponies usually get vague ones with many meanings. RD's good with the weather (her speed comes from training) and Fluttershy's good with animals. Applejack the farmer's great at all parts of running a farm, Pinkie Pie can do all sorts of cartoon-physics party tricks and Sherlock-Scan people to know what parties they like, Nurse Redheart's godlike at everything remotely medical in nature, and so on. Plus the average Unicorn's only magically strong and the average Pegasus is only fast after a lifetime of study/athleticism but Earth Ponies are always in peak physical condition, to the point where getting fat for bulking purposes takes significant effort and cartoonish mountains of food.

>>296649
That makes sense, thanks for the needle gun info. The weapon sounds like something impractical as a main battle rifle. Probably best used for precisely-aimed stealth kills but only if they're quieter than guns. If they run on compressed air, how common are compressed air tanks and perfectly-crafted needles in the apocalypse?

>Dashite means nothing for now
Oh yeah, good point. Come to think of it I've seen other pieces of media build backstory this way before. There was a lengthy Naruto example here (first we learn Kakashi's dad once abandoned a mission and was considered a pussy and killed himself, making Kakashi anal about rule-following, then we learn he abandoned his mission to protect his comrades so Kakashi becomes nicer) but I shortened it.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.296827
297322 297837
Dartboard.jpg
Powerarmor.png
>>296460
A lot of the confusion regarding the dart gun Pip's been trying to build for the past 4 chapters is due to yet another Fallout 3 reference Kkat expects you to intuitvely know about. Fo3 has a handful of weapons only available through crafting, one of which is a dart gun. It's a gas-operated miniature crossbow that shoots paralyzing poison-tipped darts. Not weapons-grade darts - pic related darts. In the game these darts greatly reduce their targets' movement speed, but do minimal damage. FoE's version put their targets to sleep instead. This makes some sense as a weapon for Velvet to use considering her alleged pacifism, or at least as a means to end fights with something other than a gorefest, but absolutely NONE OF THIS IS IN THE STORY until it becomes immediately relevant.

It's also distinct from the needler weapon, which isn't a thing in Fallout and, as I recall, vanishes into the ether at some point around here and is never mentioned again. Maybe Kkat was playing Halo for a change when he wrote that thing in.

>>296462
>Seems to me that a better way for pegasi to brand one of their own as a traitor would be to chop the offender's wings off, since that's literally the physical attribute that makes them a pegasus. It would also be perfectly in line with all of the other edgelord crap this story is so fond of.
The bizarre thing about dashites is that as the story goes on, Kkat can't seem to decide if they're a society of principled pegasus revolutionaries or just exiles with a silly name. Also, we later learn that the pegasi have a vested interest in staying hidden from the surface world and have absolutely no reservations about brutally killing one another at the slightest suggestion of insubordination. The only reason dashites exist in the first place is so that they can tell Pip that the hidden pegasus nation exists in the first place.

Later, we'll see that the other pegasi were kind enough to let Calamity leave with his own suit of power armor and cutting edge custom guns.

>>296463
>As we can see from the above passage, at least one of the alicorns appears to have mysteriously exploded, thus bypassing the need for the party to actually fight it, and I have little hope that the other two will not encounter a similar fate.
Once again, alicorns appear and are played up as a terrifying threat, only to accomplish nothing and be jobbed immediately. We're not even to the actual main plot yet and Pip's merry band is already killing wizard supersoldiers three at a time.

>>296623
>Considering this is a world based on an RPG game, where things like Perception, Imagination, and Persuasion are all skills or attributes or whatever that can be modified by ticking the integer value up or down, and considering that these "party-time mint-als" are probably yet another element ripped off directly from one of the Fallout games, my guess is that this is exactly what the author has in mind for them.
Correct. In Fallout New Vegas, Party Time Mentats increase a character's intelligence, perception and charisma stats by a hefty amount for a short time. Because your chaarcter's skills are directly influenced by their stats, this translates to a significant boost to the related skills including hacking, lockpicking, shooting and persuasion. This comes at the cost of withdrawal reducing your intelligence and perception if you get addicted.

In other words, Littlepip is powergaming. She's using a consumable to boost her stats/skills a little higher to pass the threshold of stat/skill checks she'd otherwise fail. Kkat probably imagines that this is a meaningful way of having his character surmount difficult problems.

>>296626
>The quotation marks and the capital letters suggest that the proper term for this kind of thing is Steel Ranger. At the time I actually remember this line striking me as odd; this seems like another one of those weird instances where LP knows some random historical fact that it doesn't seem like she ought to know.
Yet another Fallout series reference. The powered armor used by the games' Brotherhood of Steel is iconic to the series - it shows up on the cover of most of the games. If the Steel Rangers were founded during the war it makes sense that Pip and the others would have heard of them, though in the games they're a faction that formed from remnants of the US army *after* the war and therefore have a lot of high end military tech. If that were the case here Pip would recognise the armor but not the affiliation with the Rangers. There is absolutely no reason that Pip should know Steelhooves hunts alicorns.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.296834
297329
Glim, a while back it dawned on me that Littlepip's party can't meaningfully fight against anything responsible for Equestria's downfall, whether it's an abstract idea like "greed" or "short-sightedness" or "fear of giving up the moral high ground to protect what you love" or a physical threat like an enemy nation or an evil army or a giant enemy crab. She might be able to shoot at some baddies that set up shop within the 200 years after the megaspells fell but she can't meaningfully fight the flaws that let Equestria die or get revenge on the ones who killed it.

But is what Project Horizons did to address that - making a big physical threat in the form of a giant multi phase videogame final boss for its protag to shoot and saying it represents the abstract idea of evil that caused everything bad that ever happened to happen - a smart way to solve that problem?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297322
297362
>>296827
>Once again, alicorns appear and are played up as a terrifying threat, only to accomplish nothing and be jobbed immediately.
One of the things that annoys me about this is that even lacking any kind of depth or substance, this idea could still be an entertaining hack and slash adventure, but the author can't even manage to do that right. He sets up encounters to look like they are going to be major fights, but then either skips the action entirely or else solves it by having LP pull some asinine solution out of her ass. It's like he deliberately sets his characters against enemies they shouldn't logically be able to beat because he wants to make them look bad ass, then realizes they can't actually win, and then finds a way to end the fight before it can get started so his characters don't lose face. Doing this kind of thing once is bad enough, but doing it over and over again like this is just infuriating, particularly in the absence of any other redeeming qualities in the book.

>In Fallout New Vegas, Party Time Mentats increase a character's intelligence, perception and charisma stats by a hefty amount for a short time.
I had assumed the "party time" part of "Party Time Mint-als" was something the author had thought up, but if that's what they are actually called in Fallout I almost want to forgive him for including them. If you're transposing another universe's elements into Equestria and something in that universe is called "Party Time ____", I'm pretty sure you're legally obligated to include them and associate them with Pinkie Pie somehow.

>In other words, Littlepip is powergaming. She's using a consumable to boost her stats/skills a little higher to pass the threshold of stat/skill checks she'd otherwise fail. Kkat probably imagines that this is a meaningful way of having his character surmount difficult problems.
This is where I object to how the author handles this. It's another example of his clumsily transposing video game elements into literature. In a game everything is controlled by numbers because there's no other way to do it, and giving the player little boosts and whatnot that screw with the numbers can make gameplay more entertaining. In a book though it makes little sense to approach it this way. Giving Littlepoop a drug addiction isn't a bad addition to the story, but a story isn't a game; a story tries to paint a picture that is at least somewhat akin to reality, and in reality your ability to smooth-talk someone isn't determined by an arbitrary number that can be modified. What's doubly irritating here is that the author is clearly using some kind of game mechanic here, which is unrealistic to begin with, and to make matters worse he doesn't bother explaining any of his mechanics to the reader, so we're left guessing at whatever was in his head. You basically have to be as much of a video game autist as the author is to make any sort of sense out of how anything works in this story.

>There is absolutely no reason that Pip should know Steelhooves hunts alicorns.
In the author's defense, I believe she learns this by overhearing something one of the alicorns murmurs to itself.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297329
>>296834
>But is what Project Horizons did to address that - making a big physical threat in the form of a giant multi phase videogame final boss for its protag to shoot and saying it represents the abstract idea of evil that caused everything bad that ever happened to happen - a smart way to solve that problem?
I haven't read Project Horizons and don't really know anything about it, so I can't really comment on that. Overall, though, one of this author's problems I think is that his idea here was just too big. He obviously has a very complex world that he's thought out, or at least tried to think out, and he tries to cram so much of it into one book that he ends up with a haphazard mishmash of all sorts of ideas that have nothing to do with each other.

For all its complexity, the backstory of this world has almost nothing to do with anything going on in the main story, such as it is. In between her adventures, Littlepoop wanders around picking up fragments of the past and getting little bits and pieces of information from the pre-war or wartime era, and this is how the author handles backstory revelation. However, there's no clear reason why she does this or why she is interested; she has no connection to any of these characters or events, and other than being a nosy klepto there's no reason for her to care about finding journal fragments and terminal entries from hundreds of years ago. The reader may be interested, but that's not enough; these events from the past need to be connected to LP's own motivations and storyline in order for her investigations into them to make sense. Thus, in an effort to answer your question, I would say that trying to have her avenge the death of old Equestria, or fight whatever evil supposedly caused the apocalypse, is the wrong direction to go no matter how the author tries to approach it.

The author's problem is that he's basically trying to tell a story about the war that destroyed Equestria, but he's telling it 200 years after the fact and attempting to use events in the present as a framing device. His other problem is that he does it badly. His heroine has no apparent connection to any of these events, however, so trying to unravel them and/or avenge them don't make any sense for her as a motivation. Again, the problem is just the size of the idea.

Imagine if JRR Tolkien took all of the lore about Middle Earth contained in The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion and tried to cram all of it into the text of The Hobbit. It would just be a complete mess. Bilbo Baggins has no reason to give a shit about what the Valar were doing thousands of years before he was born, even if that information is a crucial part of the world he lives in. Thus, even though they're important, those events don't factor into his story and thus didn't end up in his book. The Hobbit works because it's a simple adventure story about a quest to find some gold. It takes place within a very large, rich, and detailed setting, but the actual events of the story don't even scrape the surface of this lore. The reason Tolkien was able to make his world feel so real is that he didn't try to tell you everything about it all at once, he just gave you a quick glimpse of it with a simple story, and then filled in more details later on as he began to weave larger and more complex stories in that world that dealt with more significant events.

Kkat would have been much better served by writing multiple short works set in his FoE world than by trying to write one massive epic that contained everything up to and including the kitchen sink. If he wanted to write this story about his Littlepoop character, he should have focused it primarily on her. Who is Littlepoop? What are her goals? What is she trying to achieve in life? So far, he hasn't been able to answer any of that, because he seems more focused on trying to explain all of this complex shit from 200 years ago. If he wanted to do all of that, he should have just written a war epic set during the period of the actual war, but that idea would likely be dismissed outright because he wants to mimic a Fallout game, which is set in the post-apocalyptic period.

Ideally, what we should have here is a story about Littlepoop and her life and goals. The story started out promisingly enough, with the storyline about her leaving the Stable to chase her crush across the Wasteland, and if he'd pursued that he could have spun it into an interesting, self-contained story. As the story progressed, we would have seen this ruined version of Equestria that is obviously quite different from the version we're familiar with, and we would have been curious as to how it wound up this way. He could slip in hints or references to past events where relevant, but there's no reason the entire history of the war should be contained in this story about Littlepoop. If he successfully told this story, his reader base would likely be curious enough about past events that it would have justified writing other stories, probably prequels set during the war itself, which would have been much more suitable vessels for all of this backstory. Ironically, many of the journal fragments LP picks up have hinted at stories far more interesting than the one we are reading. For instance, Diamond Tiara's last days in the Shattered Hoof facility could have been its own self-contained work, or a small event in a larger work dealing with that period, instead of just a bunch of sound files that some dull-as-ditchwater protagonist found while randomly looting a dungeon.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297342
>>296652
>For this Memory Orb "That strange spherical ball's probably a grenade so I had better toss it back- OH FUCK NOW I'M IN A FLASHBACK" trick to work, not a single one of any of the many Wasteland-wandering completely-fertile-yet-daughter-creating-only 200+ year old Alicorns can have ever encountered a Memory Orb, ever. They can't've even seen one. Or heard any sort of rumors or myths about these things.
This is actually a good point. If anything, the alicorn should know more about the memory orbs than LP does, especially since the one she chucks at her is actually the first one she ever saw.

>I still use a mod so Stimpaks dehydrate you and make you tired and hungrier. It makes sense, since fully healing from 5 bulletholes in 6 seconds should take a lot out of you. Also gives you a reason to carry more food/water, meaning less of your limited carry weight's spent on guns and bullets and empty space for any loot you find.
>Would it be correct to say authors should do something similar to reduce the "game-breaking" (story-breaking) power and convenience of Stimpaks/Healing Potions/other analogue for the Floor Chicken that instantly restores your health points?
What I think authors should do is to completely forget about stimpacks and healing potions and shit like that, because they are items that only make sense in video games. Instead, they should treat character injuries as real injuries with real consequences. If Littlepoop gets her leg blown off, then she shouldn't have a leg for the rest of the story. If losing a leg is a major part of her character arc, then this would become a significant event that affects the entire outcome of the story. If that's not what the author wants, and he needs her to have a leg for most of the story in order for it to work, then it shouldn't get blown off in the first place. Having a character suffer some life-altering injury and then heal it through some entirely bullshit means is just a waste of words; a life-altering injury should either be life-altering, or else the author should just have the character suffer light wounds that she could heal from normally.

In Johnny Tremain, when the titular character dumps molten silver on his hand, it fucks up his hand and he can't be a silversmith anymore. It's a major turning point in the story, and that's why it's in there. If kkat had been writing it, Johnny would just chug a healing potion, fix his hand, go back to making the most awesome silver goblet ever, and then graft a laser cannon onto his dick so he could defeat the entire British army by himself.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297362
297365 297376
>>297322
I thought I already said Party Time Mentats are from FNV and went on an overly long autistic rant about how the ingame recipe [A tin of mentats, a whiskey bottle, a honey mesquite pod crafted at a Campfire in the dusty wasteland air or on a Hot Plate somewhere] would probably make something really unappetizing if taken literally. I take too long to get to the point and it pisses me off.
Anyway boiling a tin of 200 year old intelligence enhancing addictive crack mints in whiskey and honey over a campfire... why would that magically make the resulting honey and booze boiled intelligence-boosting crack mints also increase your Charisma stat? Booze doesn't make you charming, it just makes you think you're charming. Where does the honey mesquite pod factor in? For flavour? Junkies snort and inject some wild shit in wild places but this is ridiculous. And magic is never confirmed to be how these are made. You can say blending some greenish plant and water gets you a red health potion if "because magic" excuse but this is just silly.
and LP's first ever PTMentat/Mint-al was because Calamity told her it was a hangover cure even though it wore off practically instantly.

I asked about the "blame everything on an evil god for the hero to shoot" thing because it was an immensely unsatisfying copout when Persona 5 ended that way. After all that talk about reforming society and challenging authority and rebellion it turns out everything bad only happened because an evil God made it happen, the same evil god that gave the heroes superpowers for no reason besides "so the plot can happen".
However (this is why I brought it up) would such a magical bullshit final boss dark-god enemy be more suited to a magical world of ponies where a god of chaos can invite you to tea? Yalbadabbadoo was jarring in the supposedly realistic but cartoonishly simplistic Persona 5 setting but if Discord had an evil edgy dad named Oblivion who wanted to destroy everything and taught Discord how to be an asshole it would probably fit the setting. It probably could be done.
One of the most popular pony fics is about ponies and evil gods and "Dark World" counterpart BS but I forgot its name.
But would it make for an entertaining and emotional and satisfying end to the story for Littlepip to get a custom super strong Power Armour suit made by all her friends (especially ones inspired by her heroism or saved by her good deeds) chipping in and working together, and then we watch as Littlepip battles Oblivion The AlicorNequus while dodging his Mega Darkness Destruction Balls Of Darkness And Destruction and shooting Oblivion with different guns she found during her journey and finishing the baddie off with Twilight Sparkle's revolver?

Thank you for mentioning how often the author cheats to make Littlepip and pals look like they're able to beat enemies they could never logically defeat. FE fanboys love talking about her like she's the ultimate badass because these scenes completely fooled them. Reading through her Respect Thread might give you Turbo AIDS.
A "Respect Thread" is when a fan gathers evidence of a character's best feats of durability/strength/intelligence/stealth and the feats of important gear or transformations or teammates and other relevant fight info. This is to make arguing over who would win in a fight between two fictional character easier. So LP's Respect Thread constantly sucks LP's dick.
Sometimes for a joke our out of rage fans make "Disrespect threads" chronicling all the times a character sucked and failed and met their limits while failing to surpass them. For example listing all the times Superman lost fistfights to weaklings and failed to be faster than a speeding bullet even though he travelled halfway across the universe in a second in last week's issue. But that's irrelevant.

You've expertly analyzed the problem with the divide between pre war and post war Equestria in this story. Fallout focused on the "present day" and the backstory added context to what the player encounters.
Do you think this problem could have been fixed by making Littlepip a Dashite who gets cast down from Skyfag society for caring too much about the world below and being a history obsessed faggot who eventually realizes the propaganda version of history she was taught in Skyfag School was absolute bullshit, giving her a reason to wander around at random learning the backstory of different locations while doing sidequests for fun and slaughtering baddies and making friends? If she started out befriending Monterry Jack and forming a "innocent girl and experienced guy" couple only for the Raiders or some Slavers to kill him right in front of her, it would give her a reason to viscerally hate all Raiders and/or slavers besides their foul smell and bad taste and offscreen crimes. It would also give Calamity a reason to stick around with her besides "i like her and want her medic friend and feel guilty about shooting her for wearing raider spikes once". A scene where Velvet gets butthurt at LP for being former enclave could be neat too. And it would explain where her random pro commando fucking gun skills came from.

Your "split the story up" idea is fucking genius. That would.massively improve ALL stories that could be told in this setting! When hearing Diamond Tiara's Final Words Holotape 1 of 4 right after seeing her corpse everyone knows she's dead so there isn't much tension in the story of how she died. It's a mystery but the end result is already solved. But a story set from her perspective could expertly get us feeling what she feels and hoping she makes it even though she doesn't.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297365
>>297362
>our out of rage
*or out of rage. Sorry typo.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
49ee790
?
No.297376
297534
>>297362
>I thought I already said Party Time Mentats are from FNV and went on an overly long autistic rant about how the ingame recipe [A tin of mentats, a whiskey bottle, a honey mesquite pod crafted at a Campfire in the dusty wasteland air or on a Hot Plate somewhere] would probably make something really unappetizing if taken literally
I think you did, actually. This story discussion is already well into its second thread and we're barely a quarter of the way through the text, so it's hard to keep track of everything we've talked about.

>Do you think this problem could have been fixed by making Littlepip a Dashite who gets cast down from Skyfag society for caring too much about the world below and being a history obsessed faggot who eventually realizes the propaganda version of history she was taught in Skyfag School was absolute bullshit, giving her a reason to wander around at random learning the backstory of different locations while doing sidequests for fun and slaughtering baddies and making friends?
Again, it's a bit difficult to say because I haven't read far enough to know about the Dashites and what they did or why they did it. However, if it was firmly established that she had some familiarity with history and had a reason to be interested in the world below, it probably would give her more of a motivation to delve into what really happened during the war. Having her friend killed early by raiders would make a good motivation for her to want to kill raiders, so you're definitely thinking along the right lines.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297534
297535
0 NAPKIN PRINCIPLE.jpg
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the knights who say the N word.png
>>297376
I added the number of words in all chapters up to chapter 14 and got 104631 words.
Once chapter 14 is finished, we will have read 104k out of the 620k words in the story. We're making really good time!
At first the online calculator I used gave me 342k and it seemed weird for a story's halfway marker to be chapter 14 out of 45 plus two afterwords but it turned out the commas in the numbers fucked the calculations up. Removing the commas gave me 104,631.

Anyway, if this fic was put onto Wikipedia's list of longest stories ever it would rank below the estimated 645,000 of Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand but above the estimated 610,000 of Jean-Cristophe by Romain Roland, and above the 600,000 reached by both Alan Moore's Jerusalem and "...And ladies of the club" by Helen Hoovy Santmyer

Those stories probably set up a protagonist who makes sense (and whose backstory and pre-adventure life is worth mentioning in the story because it influences who the protagonist is and how he/she thinks) along with stakes and a proper story structure before getting a hundred thousand words into the story, right? I don't know because I've never read them. But they surely set up their goals and setting and stakes before this point.

Does this story have stakes? Saw a writing advice vid today on the importance of stakes.
Littlepip just sort of exists in this apocalypse-themed playground and her plot armour protects her from all the world's worst fates. So her goal is to wander in the direction of the only two places she has been told about (Another Slaver town and a Radio Tower) while fighting baddies and possibly sidequesting along the way.
If Littlepip and her friends die on this quest, what happens to the world? It just sort of goes on being as sucky as it was for the last 199 years. And if the hero succeeds, random NPCs in cages get saved probably but what kind of life can they live in this hellhole? There should probably be a "Important Person" the hero wants to save from the Slavers/Raiders to justify her obsession with those baddies and provide a clear end point for the story. The Punisher's neverending murderous rampage through countless no-name thugs means a new set of no-name thugs need to be established at the next story's start, because like most comic book characters his stories are designed to go on forever and any satisfying finales are flushed down the toilet so the status quo that drives weekly sales can reign supreme. He lost everything, driving him over the edge and motivating his crusade against crime in general, not just the baddies who pissed him off.
But a story with an ending like Taken starring Liam Neeson, Liam's not just going after kidnappers for fun or because they killed his dog. He's trying to save his daughter and her friend, there's a time limit of 96 hours after which they'll be lost forever, and the film ends when he saves them. Sequels could be made with new baddies but Liam's character's goal is simple and concise.
Littlepip's goal? To "Make Equestria great again".
And the only solution the author can think of is for Littlepip to kill ponies in her own pony country she deems "evil" according to her 200 year old morality until the author decides it's time to wrap things up.
So far the thought of creating the foundations for a self-sufficient town/city that could protect her home and stuff, andd grow into a stable civilization able to create useful resources/weapons for her and get gold medals for all the post-apocalypse's unique challenges, and grow over time until it brings civilization back to the Wastes hasn't even crossed Littlepoop's mind. She's just a murderhobo here to kill baddies, and I suspect if any new civilization does get made it will be primarily constructed by side characters and NPCs even though she or a friend will be put in charge of it. I don't think "If the hero dies everything's fucked and the main baddies win forever and their evil Bond Villain plan destroys all hope for a better future" consequences get established until the final arc.

Littlepip's current plan (Go towards locations I've been told about and possibly do stuff along the way) seems like a videogame thing, too.
In Ratchet And Clank you go to different "Planets" (levels) after being rewarded with their "Co-ordinates" typically in the form of an ad. But they make sense for your journey.
Ratchet doesn't take a detour from his "Stop Drek from destroying the galaxy" quest to race hoverboards or fight in arena battles for fun, he does so because the winner of the race/tournament gets a Gadget he needs to progress further into the adventure. He needs the Refractor to solve laser puzzles or the Trespasser to hack doors or the Swingshot to get over bottomless pits.
LP taking detours for looty-shooty "fun" has no similar excuse.
And in Fallout 1, you leave your Vault at the game's start. You have 150 days to find a Water Chip to fix your Vault's water purifier, before everyone dies. You're told "Go east to this vault, they might have one" but it's destroyed and chipless. Also you run into the town Shady Sands along the way. You need rope from this town to enter and search that vault.
Returning empty-handed to Shady Sands, the recruitable companion Ian tells you about Junktown and The Hub, your next places to search. The Hub's Water Merchants point you to Necropolis where you learn of the Super Mutants. Eventually you can steal a Water Chip from Necropolis and then you must stop the Super Mutants at Mariposa, your time limit becomes "Time until the Super Mutants kill everyone". Once you defeat the Super Mutants and their leader the game ends, you win.

Sure in a videogame or when pressed for time and desperate for leads "Let's wander in that direction and slaughter 999 enemies and complete a death-course no matter how dangerous" makes sense. But it still seems inelegant. Have any of LP's murderhobo adventures connected to each other significantly? How can they when she has no "Main Quest" for them to tie into?
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297535
297565
tumblr_633f586574e53a645b5f564adca307e6_998dc709_640.jpg
>>297534
What if Velvet Remedy was captured by Slavers almost immediately after leaving the Vault/Stable, so once Littlepip realizes this her "Hunt down all Slavers" bonus-objective becomes her main quest?
It would give her a reason to take on Old Appleoosa with nothing but her guns and Calamity.
And after saving the slaves and not finding Velvet, she could check that computer terminal in town and get a load of useless (to her. to us, it's backstory) info before finally finding slave-selling records and learning Velvet was bought by a thug working for Deadeyes and taken to the Gem Prison to sing for the gem-mining slaves or something.
The "Velvet Remedy" in Littlepip's team, her role could be filled by a doctor mare forced against her will to cure slaves AND slavers, even though she's a moralfag who'd rather just heal slaves. Or she'd rather sell her medical skills to the highest bidder and slavers only pay you in food and protection. Her character arc becomes "being more moral over time" in that case. Either way Littlepip could still stare at her ass and try to impress her and get jealous whenever Calamity flirts with her.
After this, when Littlepip goes to the Gem Prison and defeats the unexpected dragon and helps the Griffon take over everything, the Griffon says "Velvet was sent to the main Slaver HQ at Fillydelphia because Red-Eye wants her to sing for a pro-slavery radio station of evil he wants to make, so go there. It's near Tenpony Tower, the only radio tower out here that still works. You can't miss it. Also Red-Eye wants to conquer this radio tower and get it playing his propaganda and his music, the same shit played by his Spritebots."
And so Littlepip does.
And instead of obnoxiously flirting with Velvet, she can think "I'm coming for you, Velvet! I'm going to save you!" every night.
Perhaps even fantasize about the day she saves Velvet and how grateful and kind and adoring she thinks Velvet will act, to make it hit harder if LP saves Velvet who turns out to be a spoilt ungrateful wimpy pathetic wishy-washy faggot who loves trying to sound and act morally superior to others but frequently fails to back it up with good deeds.

Anyway all LP has of Velvet is a signed nude autograph she bought at a concert and some old Velvet Remedy MP3s on her Pipbuck INCLUDING a half-finished song Velvet gave to Littlepip (And only Littlepip) as a reward for taking her Pip-Buck off(even though her office was closed at the time, which got her in more trouble. she was the only one in the office at the time after closing hours because she painted a mural on its wall without her boss's consent and had to wash it off), and LP thinks "I should send a message to Velvet and the world, to subtly tell her I'm coming to save her!"
so she decides to make a short detour at Tenpony Tower and get Velvet's old songs on the radio, so if Velvet hears them she can think "Wait, only Littlepip had that song... How'd she get it on the radio station Red-Eye was going to take over, only for his invasion of the radio tower to fail when a bunch of heavily armed ponies slaughtered all of Red-Eye's troops? This must mean Littlepip's coming to save me!"

That way Velvet becomes "The McGuffin" that drives the plot and motivates Littlepip. Combine that with "LP befriended Jack and Raiders killed him" to give her a reason to take detours and slaughter Raider camps, and that could fix the story's big "Littlepip murderhobos aimlessly" issue and give her a reason to think "I must stop these baddies in particular" for all of the story. Or most of it, before the final villains are introduced and become the main threat.

What do you think, Glim?
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297565
297578
>>297535
Oh also it would be necessary to establish the Raiders as a significant threat. I forgot about them at first since the story treats them the way Pokemon treats its Rattatas and Pidgeys.
It's not enough to just give them messy houses full of corpses and pissed-on beds and expect readers to "fill in the blanks". Showing just how evil the Raiders are, making them kill beloved characters the audience cares about, introducing a town for the sole purpose of showing it feeding the Raiders out of cowardice even though feeding Raiders is an evil act since it sustains them and lets them raid more locations, so Littlepip can fight some of these raiders and lose only to inspire the cowardly town to rise up and save her...
Perhaps Littlepip could join a party of adventurers near the start to give the impression that everything is going to be fine. Monterry Jack, some others, an old veteran badass with a sharp mind and scarred 47 yr old body, a hotheaded idiot, an edgy loner stealthfag who can't do teamwork, and at least one cute chick who gets raped right in front of Littlepip by the Raiders. The party represents standard fantasy cliches and typical videogamey ways of adventuring. But they lack plot armour and make frequent mistakes so they are slaughtered horribly right in front of Littlepip. Her memories of their mistakes teach her what to avoid when adventuring with her own party.
Sword Art Online did an arc where Kirito made some friends and they died. But that just made him sad for a while. Didn't contribute much to the story or his character. Didn't teach him anything or make him inherit anyone's hopes and dreams.
Goblin Slayer's opener was a goddamn masterpiece. First we see the generic safe "standard fantasy setting", a power fantasy we've come to expect. An oblivious angry idiot hero and his harem. Then they all die horribly to weak-ass goblins for fucking up so much. Then Goblin Slayer comes in to say if you want to win against Goblins, this is how hardcore you need to be. If Littlepip learned from a character like Goblin Slayer and then watched Raiders kill him, it would be emotional. It would say "not even badasses like this have plot armour". It would say "LP needs to surpass this if she wants to avenge him". It would tell the shonenfags in the audience "LP will eventually grow beyond this Power Ceiling". And it will tell those in the audience here for an emotional rollercoaster "This won't be easy".

Of course for that to work the whole story would need another draft. LP should be creative with her crafting and improvisation to win fights when outgunned and outmatched instead of relying on deus ex machinas and getting saved by strangers and Spontaneous Enemy Retardity Syndrome.
Speaking of retarded the thought of ponies acting like Fallout 1 Raiders is already pushing. They were just bandits that dressed like Mad Max baddies but taking things further brings to mind edgy Sonic The Hedgehog art that tries to look badass and fails. Giving Tails a glock and scar and leather jacket won't change the fact that he's a cute and fluffy 3 foot cartoon fox in Mickey Mouse gloves and no pants. But Fallout 3's Meme Raiders? Cutesy cartoon ponies can't act like this and expect to be taken seriously, they're trying too hard to look tough and scary. That could be turned into a joke and all Raiders could actually turn out to be scared desperate starving softies trying to intimidate poners into giving them free lunches because they suck at fighting. But that wouldn't make them a big threat to the world. If Raiders must act evil even when it harms their own survival chances, then blame it on a virus. Toxoplasma Gondii, the weird shit that makes worms crawl to high places and swell up to resemble caterpillars so birds will eat them and spread the virus, makes mice into fearless cat-biters with a fetish for cat piss, turns men into gay "bugchasers", and makes birds aggressive. Ponyland's magic Toxoplasma Gondii turns ponies into edgy assholes and transforms their Cutie Mark into a big red edgy bloodstain. Ponies invented it and then decided it was too cruel to use on Zebras but when the nukes fell it was released into the world though only Raiders caught it. Because... uh... it's a magic virus that attacks the soul so those with a pure soul can't be corrupted by this. This basically makes Raiders into Zombies and makes killing them an objectively good deed that fights the disease's spread.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.297578
297582
>>297565
>If Raiders must act evil even when it harms their own survival chances, then blame it on a virus. Toxoplasma Gondii, the weird shit that makes worms crawl to high places and swell up to resemble caterpillars so birds will eat them and spread the virus, makes mice into fearless cat-biters with a fetish for cat piss, turns men into gay "bugchasers", and makes birds aggressive. Ponyland's magic Toxoplasma Gondii turns ponies into edgy assholes and transforms their Cutie Mark into a big red edgy bloodstain. Ponies invented it and then decided it was too cruel to use on Zebras but when the nukes fell it was released into the world though only Raiders caught it. Because... uh... it's a magic virus that attacks the soul so those with a pure soul can't be corrupted by this. This basically makes Raiders into Zombies and makes killing them an objectively good deed that fights the disease's spread.
Not to stray too far off topic, but this is pretty much exactly what Project Horizons did - the raiders in that story result from a virus that behaves essentially like pony rabies. It's a passable justification for raiders to behave like disposable videogame enemies with no regard for their own survival if they MUST act that way, I suppose. Still, giving them actual motives beyond random acts of violence, even if they're just "get food", would be preferable if they're supposed to carry any kind of moral weight.

As I recall, FoE does eventually give a vague hand-wavey explanation for the raiders, but it essentially boils down to some nonsense about 'lacking virtue'. Because dedicating their lives to the teachings of Socrates is the only thing stopping tiny horses from killing each other and smearing what's left on the walls, apparently?
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297582
>>297578
Individual bandits can have tragic reasons for robbing people, making killing them ethically questionable. Like a stallion who says "I need to rob people for medical supplies because my child is dying".
Or a scavenger who insists showing up to a battleground after you almost completed it and scored the final blow gives him an equal share of the loot because he's out of food and might die soon.
Perhaps a community that used to be self sufficient but had a bad harvest and has to turn to raiding or die out can have "and then the heroes taught them how to farm properly" as a happy ending instead of "then they fought and the heroes won".
But a society dedicated to destroying and stealing while doing nothing for their long-term survival and growth is evil by definition no matter what their interior decorator's tastes are. Multiple raiders might have tragic reasons for becoming raiders but they're united in their evil. Even if they were just born into a Raider society and stealing is all they learned grosing up, at best they can be an enslaved penal labour force until they're ready to stop being niggers and start helping the good guys rebuild society so nobody will be born into a hopeless situation where your choices are kill and steal or die again.

FoE's comments on virtue annoy me. Especially the "figure out what your good virtue is" shit. What a deterministic mindset born out of thinking AJ was destined to be more honest than RD and Flutters was destined to be kinder than Pinkie. Kkat might have "learned about" the world through videogames but his incomplete understanding of FIM taught him all he knows about morality and wisdom. Good people don't figure out what one virtue out of six they were born with. Good people strive to be good people even when it comes at an acceptable personal cost.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297836
297837
1610144879408.jpg
>>296626

>Whoever had designed the armor must have worked tail-twined-with-tail alongside Stable-Tec.
At the very least this provides an explanation for why LP's wristmo-jackameter is able to communicate with SteelNigger's robohelmet. It's still a little too convenient imo, but the author may actually be going somewhere with the connection so I'll let it slide.

Anyway, just as Littlepoop is about to take the guy's helmet off, he tells her to please not do that. She assures him that she is a certified Stable-Tec PipBuck technician not making this up, and that he can therefore place absolute faith in her ability to fuck around with his life support system. Unsurprisingly, this does little to sway him. He assures her that his armor is beyond fucked, and not even the most certified technician in the world could save him now.

>Fueled by Party-Time confidence, approached, trying to reassure him.
This is not a sentence, btw.

>“Without magical power, I cannot even move. I will die here. I am, truly, already dead.” The low voice in the armor sounded resigned to the idea, and at peace with it. “But I took them with me. And, if I am not mistaken, I saved the Stable Dweller. As a final act, it was a good one.”
C:\dialogue\speeches-generic\heroic_death.wav

>I was taken aback. My overblown reputation. A deep discomfort stirred inside me. It wasn’t right for other ponies to risk their lives for me, thinking of me as something special.
Jesus H. Christ, ego much? However, she's not exaggerating; if you look at SteelDong's death speech, you'll see that he explicitly mentions "saving the Stable Dweller" as his motivation here. So yes, you read that correctly; in addition to and/or as a result of having her exploits chronicled on the radio for some reason, LP now has her own personal cult of worshippers in super-powered robo-armor who are willing to sacrifice themselves kamikaze style to protect her, because something something you are the last hope of this dying universe, O Stable Dweller. This character has reached levels of Mary Sue-ness that shouldn't even be possible.

>I looked back towards Velvet Remedy, wishing I had actually taken some time to learn more about medicine from her rather than just relying on her skills.
Yeah, really. No, I mean that unironically; look at this pony's established list of skills and how she obtained them. She learned lockpicking from a magazine she found, hacking she just knows for some reason, levitation is just something she's obscenely good at for some reason, she is able to build and repair weapons for some reason despite having no experience with them until a couple of weeks ago... Really, it's not that implausible that should could have learned everything there is to know about the healing arts just from hanging out with Velvet for an afternoon. After all, she's Littlepoop, Maryest of Sues, Mother of Dragons, defender of the known universe; why should there be a thing she isn't able to do?

>Turning back to the fallen armored pony, “Okay… SteelHooves, right?”
I still am wondering how she knows this name. And, as it turns out, so is SteelHooves:

>“How did you… oh. Of course.”
Oh, wait. It seems he already knows. He's not going to tell us how he knows just yet, but at this point we can hazard a guess. It's probably safe to assume that Littlepoop is the fulfillment of some kind of ancient prophecy, which foretold that an annoying rug-muncher with all the powers would one day vanquish all Baddies and save the world, and as the Chosen One she can be presumed to already know everything important.

>Without another word, I turned and focused my magic on Velvet Remedy. She floated into the air with a shocked eep. She started to float through the air towards us.
First of all, I fucking hate this protagonist. I hate her with a fiery passion that burns with the heat of a thousand suns. If someone doesn't rape and murder her by the end of this story, I may just have to write a Nigel-esque 35,000 word opus in which some retarded OC I make rapes and murders her while lecturing her about all the reasons she sucks, just so I can obtain closure. Second, it's redundant to tell us twice that Velvet floated through the air. Third, "eep" should be in quotation marks, since it's a noise she makes that is not technically a word on its own.

Anyway, she floats Velvet Remedy across the fucking minefield with her fucking infallible levitation powers god I hate this fucking character and sets her down so she can examine SteelFaggot's mighty robotic hypnodong.

>As I informed her of what he had told me, my mind flashed to the poster I had seen on the wall of Candi’s clinic: “You don’t have to be a Steel Ranger to be a Hero. Join the Ministry of Peace today.” I looked at Velvet Remedy, knowing she must be familiar with the same poster from somewhere, and wondered if she was remembering it as well.
Yes, because that's what's important right now. This is what we were all thinking about. Some poster you saw on the wall way the hell back in chapter 4 or some shit. Great job.

There is a page break, even though the next scene begins at pretty much the exact point where the previous one ended. Velvet examines SteelCock and begins trying to figure out how to get him out of his armor so she can suck his robodick treat his wounds. SteelNuts, however, tells her that if she does this he will die. Since this effectively means he will likely die no matter what she does, this seems like a moot point, but whatever; let's see where it goes.

The long and short of it seems to be that the suit is somehow what is keeping him alive at the moment. It comes equipped with some kind of healing mechanism that automatically administers any kind of medical treatment he might need, but since the suit is offline it's not working. My, what a puzzle.

pic is completely unrelated, but is something I wish I'd found back when we were reviewing a story that had an actual Irish pony character
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297837
297842 297866 298180
1610138285326.png
>>297836

>“No, I know how to fix him! I can restore power to the armor and reboot the spell matrix.” I beamed. “The suit designer obviously incorporated Stable-Tec arcane technology. It’s really not that different from fixing a PipBuck.”
I may not have mentioned it, but I really, really hate this protagonist.

So anyway, as it turns out, she really didn't have to levitate Velvet across the minefield at all; her A1 PipBuck certification apparently covers repairing ancient technology from the past incorporating complex life-support mechanisms she's never seen or worked with before. Velvet stands back, ready to start applauding her as soon as the job is done, but then this happens:

>I trotted forward, and came crashing back to reality. Recognition of my mistake mixed with the crushing depression that flooded me in the wake of Party-Time Mint-als wearing off. In a moment, I was stupid, ignorant and dumb.
Yes, because this is how drugs work. A drug wears off suddenly in the space of a single second, and when this happens, you not only lose any abilities you've gained from it, but can no longer do things you were apparently supposed to be able to do already without them. Looks like we can add pharmacology to the long list of subjects kkat seems to only understand through their representation in video games.

>“I don’t have the tools.” I felt like crying. The Steel Ranger was going to die, imprisoned in his armor, because I wasn’t a certified Stable-Tec PipBuck Technician. My utility barding didn’t include a spell matrix master key. Reluctantly, I admitted as much.
Wait, what? Of all the autism in this text, this is by far the autismiest ]this is an actual word I swear. Apparently, it turns out that Littlepoop is not actually a certified PipBuck technician after all. Even though her background is in PipBuck repair, and even though the text has not said anything about certifications that I can remember, at least, so it would be fully logical for the reader to just take LP at her word when she claims to be a certified technician, the truth is that even though she is a technician who repairs PipBucks, she never technically obtained her certification, which apparently means she does not have some tool she needs to repair this piece of arcane 200 year old technology. Wew lad. Just...fucking wew.

>“A spell matrix master key?” The voice of SteelHooves sounded hopeful rather than resigned. “You might be able to find one in Stable Twenty-Nine.”
What? Who? What the fuck is going on in this story? Where is Stable Twenty-Nine? Why does this guy know where it is? Why this Stable specifically? Are they going there now? Is that what's happening? They are now off to some Stable located God-knows-where to hunt around randomly for some key that may or may not even be in there, to help this cyborg pony who is probably minutes away from death? Is that actually what's going on right now?

Well, after a page break, it turns out that yes, that is exactly what's going on right now.

>“I’ve changed my mind,” the Steel Ranger protested. “I cannot allow you to go into a Stable for me.”
Wait a minute, never mind.

>His sense of hope had swiftly been squelched by a stubborn nobility that I both understood and rejected. I wasn’t the only one.
What? This sentence is complete gibberish. Do you even read this crap before you publish it?

>Calamity whinnied. “Ponyhole cover marked Stable Twenty-Nine? Near the Fetlock passenger wagon stop?”
Oh, wait a minute again. Turns out that Calamity conveniently found the entrance to this specific stable while he was rooting around under the fucking wagon last night, so it doesn't matter if SteelWang tells them where the entrance is or not; they can go there anyway. Sounds like another pointless treasure hunt that knowing this author will probably suck up an entire chapter at a minimum.

>It took us much longer to reach it than I remembered. We were moving gingerly, avoiding marks of red on my E.F.S. compass. Right now, I felt a few radroaches could finish us off.
I feel like I'm almost insulting the intelligence of everyone reading this by pointing it out, but this whole errand is completely illogical. First of all, SteelWank is in a near-death condition as far as I can tell, and will probably die in a very short time if he doesn't receive medical attention. I doubt the party can hike back to this stable, do a complete dungeon crawl, retrieve the whatever-thingy that Littlepoop needs to work her magic on the suit, and return before he expires. Second, from what I gather all three of them are in rather bad shape as well. Are they even in any condition for a dungeon crawl right now? Can they even handle a walk to the stable and back, let alone dealing with whatever is down there? Is it worth it to spend realistically two or three hours in an abandoned Stable, just to hunt around for this whatever-key-thingy that might not even be in there, only to come back and find that the soldier bled out five minutes after they left? Does any part of this idea make any sense at all?

It's actually a little hard to tell exactly what's going on with the Steel Ranger; it hasn't been made 100% clear how dire his condition is or why exactly he can't take his suit of armor off. As far as I can tell there are two possibilities:

A) the pony is a cyborg who is physically fused with the suit, a la Darth Vader, and he literally can't be separated from it without dying, or
B) he is injured so badly that the suit's life support system is the only reason he's still alive.

My guess is A, because as I understand it the suit is completely powered down, so the life support wouldn't be working anyway. However, the author hasn't clarified this particularly well. Because of what >>296827 wrote, I'm assuming this is yet another case of the author referencing something well-known from Fallout, and just assuming whoever is reading will be already familiar with what he's referencing.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297842
297844
1610137982242.jpg
>>297837

The other issue here concerns the party's health. Even with whatever bullshit panacea-potions they took, the text clearly stated that they didn't have enough supplies to heal themselves adequately. Can they even move right now, let alone go on a treasure hunt? The problem, again, is that the author is trapped in a video game mentality. He's basically thinking about this as if the party is down to their last few HP, and their primary concern is simply avoiding fights so a random encounter with a "radroach" or something doesn't kill them before they can find more potions. In a game, if you're "injured" to the point that the screen is flashing red every few seconds, this is basically all you have to worry about. A low-level enemy might be able to kill you with a single hit, but you can still run and jump and climb and do whatever else you need to do to get around.

In reality, there is a lot more to it than this. Velvet for instance lost quite a bit of blood; usually that means doing a lot of physically strenuous activity is a bad idea. She could probably pass out just from walking around too much. I think someone injured their leg, though I don't remember who. How badly beat up are these ponies? Again, I feel like I'm almost insulting people's intelligence by pointing this out, but in real life (or whatever this story is supposed to be exactly), your health isn't determined by a number. This group suffered some pretty serious injuries and, even though it's not clear how well the all-purpose bandages and healing potions were able to magically cure them, I don't get the impression they are in any shape to be traipsing through an abandoned Stable just to hunt for some tiny key that, again, might not even exist, in order to rescue someone who realistically has maybe an hour left to live.

In fact, this doesn't even make sense in video-game logic. Any half-wit noob could tell you that you don't enter an unexplored dungeon without resting or healing first.

>Calamity was flying, keeping all weight off his leg. He looked at the passenger wagon and announced too-cheerfully, “Well, I hope your levitation is back to its full impressiveness, Littlepip. Unless we’ve found a flux regulator and nopony’s told me, moving that thing will be up to you.”
God fucking damn it. If Littlepoop doesn't get gruesomely dissected with a blowtorch by the end of this story, I'm going to write my own Silver "I was dissected with a blowtorch once, except it wasn't so much a blowtorch as it was a giant cock, and it wasn't so much dissection as it was rape, and it wasn't so much rape as it was me pretending it was rape so the guy wouldn't stop" Star story where she does.

>I laid down.
I lay down.

>I needed to focus fully on the passenger wagon (Sky Bandit Stages, I noted pointlessly), and that meant not diverting my energies to remaining upright. My horn lit up as I concentrated on the huge wagon. Magical power enveloped it. I pushed, converging all my will onto moving the vehicle. My horn flared. A layer of overglow burst around it. The wagon began to rock, groaning. Sweat broke across my forehead. I began to have trouble breathing. Somewhere distant, Velvet Remedy was being concerned, but I blocked it out. A second layer of overglow erupted around my horn, and the whole wagon lifted several feet into the air and was shoved back onto the sidewalk.
>I let it down gently, then collapsed, exhausted. I could see the ponyhole cover. Yay. Sleep now.
If I even have to explain what's wrong with all of this then there is literally no hope left for humanity.

Anyway, page break. On top of the time it took them to backtrack to this location (since the author has been completely vague about time and distance we can't possibly know how long this was, but I'm assuming a walk of around 30 minutes to an hour, probably longer since they're injured and need to move slowly), as well as however long it will take them to poke around in the Stable, as well as the amount of time it will take them to get back, the dying roboponer is going to also need to wait for Littlepoop to take a fucking nap. Hope he's got Tetris or something in his magical helmet; he's going to be sitting there awhile. Oh yeah, I also hope that none of the giant radioactive hedgehogs or roaches or any of the other ridiculous things that are crawling around everywhere bother to attack his completely immobile and defenseless form during this period of several hours.

>“Well, this was a bust,” he proclaimed. It looked like Stable Twenty-Nine had never opened. And without an override password, it was unlikely that we would be getting in.
Bummer. Time to turn around and march back I guess. If SteelButthole hasn't had his head chewed off by giant radioactive cockroaches yet, I'm sure he'll thank them for at least giving it the ol' college try.

Anyway, in a surprise twist that should surprise no one, the broken control panel or whatever the fuck is stopping them I'm not even bothering to pay attention to details like this anymore isn't actually a problem, because Littlepoop is able to hack into it or something, and she finds out that the door is voice-activated. It requires three distinct voice imprints.

>I thought a moment, and cursed how slow my brain was. “I… um…” Then I remembered Stable Two’s override code. CMC3BFF. “I think I know.”
This is beyond dumb. I think all three of the CMC have been mentioned by name at this point, but AB and Scoot were only mentioned briefly in passing (AB was mentioned in some terminal entry almost at the beginning I think, and Scoot had a single audio recording that LP listened to in New Appleoosa, and neither she nor her message were ever brought up again), and LP has no way of knowing that the three of them were friends, let alone what the name of their club was when they were children together. The meaning of the password would be obvious enough to an MLP fan, but to Littlepoop it should just be unintelligible nonsense.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.297844
298014
1609048484114.png
>>297842

>The first voice was the one that took the longest, simply because I didn’t have a recording of it. Instead, we sat there listening to DJ Pon3 on the radio, waiting for his selection of songs to cycle through. For the first and only time, I was actually grateful that his radio broadcast had such a limited selection of music.
Literally what the fuck? For the sake of my own sanity I'm going to just forget about how LP just magically knew that these three random ponies from 200 years ago would be the three voice imprints this door would want. I'm also not going to worry about whether or not she actually has recordings of SB and Scoot. Scoot I know for a fact she does; SB I don't remember though. However, these autismo bits about sound recordings and journal entries and stupid, tiny, irrelevant details from ages ago that suddenly become important at random times are about the only thing in this story the author actually bothers to keep meticulous track of, so I'm actually willing to take his word that Littlepoop has SB's voice somewhere on that stupid wristy-thingy of hers.

However, what I can't forgive is this bit about the fucking radio. Literally what the goddamn fuck? First of all, they are on a time limit here. LP might have completely forgotten about it while she was napping for God only knows how long, but the whole reason they are doing this is because they are trying to get medicine for a pony whose internal organs have been crushed, and is probably bleeding to death inside his armor as we speak. Call it a hunch, but I would think time would be a factor here. Even assuming they had no trouble with the doors and there are no monsters inside the stable, simply going in to get the stupid key and rushing out would probably take more time than they have. Now, on top of that, they are taking additional time for sleep, as well as sitting around listening to the goddamn radio for God only knows how long just on the off-chance that they might play an old Applebloom song? For that matter, was Applebloom even a singer?

Actually, is it even Applebloom whose voice they need? Did I get that wrong? The author doesn't even bother to clarify which one they need; he just assumes the reader is as autistic as he is and has been keeping scrupulous inventory of every single ridiculous thing this wacky dyke has picked up during the 96,630 words of this garbage we've read so far, and would therefore know exactly which voices she does and does not have recordings of. All he says here is "the first voice," without any previous listing of the three voices in any specific order. I just automatically assumed voice #1 would be Applebloom, because I'm thinking about it in chronological order according to when the three of them were first mentioned in the text, and as far as I can remember it went AB (mentioned when LP first left her stable), Scoot (first mentioned in a recording LP found in the abandoned stable) and SB (actually I don't remember when she was first mentioned, but she wasn't significant until recently).

In fact, now that I look at it, he never even says which three characters the voices belong to. Once again, he just assumes that the reader knows what he's referencing and that it doesn't require any explanation. If a reader had never seen MLP before, they would have no fucking idea what "CMC3BFF" would mean, any more than Littlepoop or any of them logically should at this point. Jesus fucking H. Christ; between the massive length, and the preposterous amount of stupid details, and the haphazard autistic way the story is being told, just trying to keep track of what the hell is going on in this massive autistic clusterfuck is trying enough, let alone giving it a thorough analysis. This author may actually be the death of me. This thread is going to turn out like the end of Amadeus, if instead of commissioning him to write a funeral dirge he could rip off, Salieri had just given Mozart this 500,000 word pile of shit to read, assuming that the sheer autism of it would literally kill him.

Anyway, rant over. Let's continue.

>“Good evening, everypony! This is your humble host, DJ Pon3, master of the airwaves. And it’s just about time for me to turn in. But first, the news! Looks like our wasteland crusader from Stable Two is an equal-opportunity savior. From the reports I’m getting, she and her companions helped out a bunch of raiders up at Shattered Hoof from being enslaved and decimated by an attacking slaver army. And then, because you can’t have a cupcake without icing, she killed a dragon!”
As if the situation weren't implausible enough to begin with, we once again have this random DJ off in the middle of God knows where reporting on the specifics of events that LP was at the center of. This battle at Shattered Hoof would be a large enough event to make the news I suppose, but would LP's role really be common knowledge? Seems like all that would be known from an outsider point of view is that Deadeyes was killed in a skirmish between rival slaver and/or raider groups, and that Gawd is now in charge of the fortress. LP's name might come up if the dragon incident was widely known, but that's about it.

>Luna dammit, why wasn’t it ever “Calamity and his companions?” Or Velvet Remedy and her entourage?
Luna dammit, why is any of this even on the radio? How does this guy even know this stuff? Instead of this stupid false modesty, LP ought to at least show some curiosity as to how this weirdo knows so much about her, or why he's even interested. Since the author clearly intends for her to seek the DJ out at some point, it would give her a natural motive to look for him, instead of just "let's get Velvet's music played on the radio because reasons."

>“Don’t know if I agree with you on this one, kid. Saving raiders? Some monsters deserve to be enslaved.”
Saving who? At this point I don't even remember who or what the Shattered Hoof guys were supposed to be.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297866
>>297837
This is dumb. LP has more Mentats. I mean Mintals. I mean Mint-Als because Kkat didn't think his target audience could understand the mint pun without a hyphen. Just take more drugs you fucking lesbian degenerate. ...lol what an odd sentence.
anyway even if his life support system is fucked Velvet can still cast Heal on him or feed him a health potion.
Hell I'm surprised LP doesn't just repair his power armour by consuming a set of heavy Raider armour which is something you can do in the games. It's how she has repaired guns and armour up until now.
>clearly marked manhole cover
The stables were supposed to be hidden. That's why some were in sewers and some were in mountains.

Also in Fallout 1 and 2 Power Armour suits were pneumatically assisted plate armour with no healing. F3 nerfed them to be shittier than a leather jacket and weak enough to be killed by cheap chinese assault rifle bullets. Fnv upgraded their defense stats but The Big MT's Stealth Suit was superior for making you invisible and auto injecting painkillers and health potions. F4 wasn't out yet when this was written. Fuck this cunting power armour niggerstorm of bullshit. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FVzc20Bm8Xo This healing spell matrix autism comes straight from Kkat and he can't be arsed to explain how it works or why they don't just ram a Stimpak into his taint. Or why they don't wait around for Velvet to recover her stamina and then cast Heal a few times. I forget if she knows healing magic or if she's just the only one allowed to apply magic bandages and inject stimpaks/feed you healing potions.

Oh yeah... remember how Steelcunt fired rockets/grenade showers at the Alicorns while they were a few feet from LP and friends? If Steelcunt was motivated by a desire to save Littlepip, it's a good thing she just barely had enough healing supplies to rapidly heal from most of the damage he did to her during his overly destructive attack or else he would have killed her along with the Alicorns. If he hadn't wounded Team LP they could have used their healing items on him.

Fuck, Steelcunt could have killed LP while trying to use psychically grabbable projectiles like missiles and grenades against alicorn foes he knows will have telekinesis and shields. He should have brought Laser guns if he wanted to kill alicorns. As Silver The Hedgehog once famously said, telekinesis can't grab lasers. Plus ain't nothing stopping him from saying "the resonance frequency scrambler I put on my laser rifle lets its shots pierce through magic shields easily. They were expensive as hell before the war but these days you'll find them on the corpses of most solo doomsday preppers who died of old age underground years ago".

The Vaults and Stables were designed so SHITLOADS of people could live underground. In the games there are 20 people and about 3 floors on average per vault for the same reason a farm only has two cows and a town only has 7 people: videogames like compressing space and scale to make exploring huge places faster for the player and easier on the hardware. But a story has no space limitations. The average Science Fiction author can't count or understand scale. Fallout Game Vaults might be the size of Skyrim Dungeons but realistically they should be fucking massive and the story should reflect that instead of letting Littlepoop and pals clear these dungeons in a few hours at most each time. LP knows she can explore this ATTEMPTED UNDERGROUND CIVILIZATION CONTINUATION that may have BULLSHIT GIMMICKS AND WACKY MONSTERS and worst of all A SHITLOAD OF COMPUTER TERMINALS AND DIARIES AND AUDIO LOGS TO READ before Steelcunt dies.

>radroach
A Radroach is a dog sized irRADiated ROACH from fallout. Ponyland has a magical corruptive energy called Balefire or Taint or something like that. Kkat copypasted Radroaches and forgot to change their names to Taintroach or Baleroach or Magiroach or Hellroach or something like that.

LP's mine shit would be less annoying if she psychically picked up and disabled mines slowly instead of rapidly and effortlessly flying over them. Would make trading safety for time a question she has to think about before floating stuff. Then again she knows she can trot over landmines wothout detonating them and must float her friends over which is retarded. Why take the Light Step perk that makes you magically undetectable by landmines so fucking literally?

Why does the author have a boner for LP lifting heavy shit she could just push? And why was this wagon harder to push than the fucking boxcar she dropped on an Alicorn? Again, the average boxcar weighs more than a WW2 nazi tank.

>leaving Steelcunt behind
there are so many jokes that could be made here if this was a comedy. Plenty of shows have made jokes at the expense of characters who can't move or get left behind or both so he should have plenty of material to rip off.
Remember that time Bender was just a head and a dog pissed on him? Comedy gold.
*squidward laugh*
gold. Comedy gold. Gold piss. Heh, I'm funny.

>God
No, he shows up later.

>hurr hurr radio broadcast only has 4 songs on shuffle
this is a videogame limitation except not really. BugthEAsderp was just real lazy when ripping off Saints Row/GTA's ingame radio. Makes no sense that a 200 year old prewar bunker and radio tower would have less than 10 songs. Either they were all built to last or they all degraded into worthlessness.
Also you're right fuck this scene. Waiting for a CMC member, presumably Sweetie Belle since the fic called her a singer once even though she also runs the vaults and died in the vault Velvet and LP are from, is fucking retarded when on a time limit. Didn't the first chapter's pipbuck monologue say the Pipbuck can record radio broadcasts? lol kkat forgot. She should have a Sweetie Belle song prepared just in case.

>radio says Littlepip saved raiders
this should raise some fucking questions
LP thought Gawd was a mercenary.
LP should ask herself "oh fuck were they slavers/raiders too?"
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.297914
It just dawned on me how artificial this whole setup is.
Out of nowhere Littlepip gets attacked by not one, not two, but three alicorns. And then a super mecha badass in a fighting robot power armour Iron Man suit pops up out of nowhere and helps kill them. Except he's a faggot with terrible aim and preparation skills who's so "eager" to kill alicorns and save Muh Stable Dweller he forgot to make sure he doesn't hurt the Stable Dweller or her friends or himself.
He's kind of a total fucking retard. And it's not intentional. This isn't a character trait the author knows about. This robofag won't grow over time and learn the value of restraint and abandon some made-up "hurr durr crusade heretic" meme indoctrination and overcome his complete tactical ineptitude and inconsistent inability to use explosive weapons safely.
This guy's such a faggot he made Littlepip and pals take a detour out of their adventure to save his life. Do you think he keeps a padded helmet under that Power Armour?
For such a grim and dark and edgy setting, something like this... it's unintentionally hilarious.
Speaking of hilarious, Spongebob Squarepants. Merriwether Williams worked on it and FIM. In a parallel universe, mainstream bronies probably obsessed over that show instead. Sandy Cheeks porn became more common than Pokemon porn and instead of making up names for background ponies like Derpy and Bastion Yorsets they made up names for the background fish like the Health Inspector from Nasty Patties and the "What did you do to my drink?" Fish and the My Leg guy. Self insert harem power fantasies are written by lonely teens who fantasize about dying and reincarnating into Bikini Bottom as an all-powerful OC who gets to annoy Squidward and fuck all the bitches just like the similar Pokemon and Blue People Avatar fics. 35000 word Accusation Fics are written where authors beat the shit out of Patrick Star and call him a cunt for being a cunt to Gary in Petsitter Pat. Fallout Bikini Bottom became the most popular fanfic in the spongebob fanfiction community on FishFiction.net, and in the same vein as what Fallout Equestria does with Poison Joke, the Snail Plasma from that season 1 episode was injected into a thermonuclear bomb shaped bubble that was dropped on Rock Bottom to turn the eldritch monsters into helpless snails during an underwater war, and Spongebob's insane cartoon physics moments are explained with "he invented crack mints made from bubble mixture and snail food".
Edgy Spongebob... what a crazy idea. Like those pics of Sonic posing with knives or an edgy gun-toting gangster-tattooed Bugs Bunny in nigger clothes. Weird how western cartoon chars get edgy fanart but Naruto, who comes from a dark and edgy show already, gets photoshopped into absurdly expensive tacky nigger fashion.

Come to think of it, why did Steelcunt start out all "It is an honour to die for the glorious Marey Sue of Stable 69" but then as soon as Littlepip suggested risking her own life and the lives of her friends to try and get something that could possibly save this guy's life (if fixing a auto-inject healing potion system is enough to fix a caved-in fucked-up chunk of suit armour) he suddenly wants to be saved? If he was willing to die to save her then, why does he love the idea of her risking her life to potentially save him now when there's no guarantee she would make it? What if she was permanently scarred or crippled from this adventure? Obviously she'll pass this test with flying colours but he's just a book character. He shouldn't know what we and the author know.
And another thing, why is it that when Littlepip listens to the radio we don't hear every single song and every annoying comment from DJ Pon3? The ponies here are tired and wounded and on a fucking time limit so they should say some hilarious bollocks right now and yell at each other. Littlepip needs Sweetie Belle on this radio and she shouldn't get it until she's bored to tears and hilariously mad.
When the radio plays Johnny Ponyguitar or Heartache By The Poners yet again or plays What's New Ponycat 13 times then one It's Trot Unusual then one more What's New Ponycat it should piss these characters off as tensions get higher. Somepony should call Littlepip's plan retarded prompting LP to say "Do you have any better ideas or are you relying on me to do all the thinking yet again, you pretentious fucking karaeoke-loving whore?"
Also this would be a terrible time for lore in Littlepip's eyes but if the radio host started a lengthy talk-radio podcast infodumping session it would let LP taste a fraction of the rage I feel when this story starts randomly infodumping without making any of it good or interesting or meaningful or smart or relevant to the story.
Her agonized "slam own face against wall" reaction would be the perfect comedic contrast to an infodump that foreshadows a big future story event almost as cleverly as Ratchet and Clank 2's "Behind The Hero" ads about Qwark.
LP could even openly yell something like "I GET IT, I GET IT! SOME PRE-WAR PONY DIED HORRIBLY. WHAT A SHOCKER. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?"
And then for meta commentary, the DJ could announce the moral of this story and the reason why he wants everyone to know this particular tragic tale. And the moral taken from the edgy story is completely and utterly wrong for maximum comedy, prompting Velvet to rant. Bonus points if she rants hypocritically as her friends stare, making her say "what?".
Alternatively while Littlepip waits for a not-sweetie-belle song to finish she could talk to Calamity and ask him for more info on the Dashites. Even if he doesn't want to talk about his time as a Pegafaggot Team LP might run into one and info about the Dashites/Skyfaggots could be useful and necessary. And good foreshadowing and a clever way to set up info so an infodump won't be needed if more skyfags/dashites show up later in the story but she shouldn't say that part out loud.
Anonymous
ca74eae
?
No.297925
297970 297999 298005
When youre done with this are you gonna do Project Horizons?
Anonymous
ba8b9bc
?
No.297970
298005 298070
>>297925
If Glim does, at least he'll have some ACTUAL FUCKING DIALOGUE and STORY to read at least until some parts of it go full silly mode. Then again he might also die of accumulated aneurysms from both this pile of shit and dealing with that quarter-jew Nigel's literal 'tism prisms.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.297999
298005
>>297925
Let's see if he makes it all the way through the original first and not mention the fact that PH is three times as long.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298005
298069 298500
ow the edge.jpg
gangsta bugs bunny.gif
supreme 2.jpg
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supreme dumbass itatchi.jpg
>>295632
>>295821
>>297970
https://www.wikihow.com/Find-a-Hobby
>>297925
>>297999
Speaking of Project Horizons, I hear one of the main characters from that specifically uses a grenade launcher because "you have to think before you fire it". Perhaps that was a subtle dig at this story's reckless videogamey use of explosives.
Also it's absurd that Littlepip and pals don't mind getting caught in the collateral damage from Steelcunt's reckless explosive attack. They don't comment on it or complain that they had to use up their limited supply of healing items, possibly even the last of their healing items. Sure, Steelcunt could defend his actions with "Those three alicorns definitely would have killed you, healing items couldn't have saved you from what they would have done to you if I hadn't showed up!" but it's absurd that Littlepoop would treat her and her team's wounds and reduced number of healing items like a gamer desperate to move on with the plot would. Up until now, Littlepoop's fangirled over Velvet almost every day. But suddenly, she won't even comment on the source of her wounds or think a single negative thought about him?
And it's not just that this is a rescue Team LP shouldn't've liked. This "rescue" forced Team LP to take a diversion from their main path to rescue this dumbass who thought throwing big easily-grabbed grenades/missiles at a psychic foe aware of his location would end well for him. Slaves at the slave camp might die during the time this mission takes up. Littlepip and pals might die during this trek through a potentially-hazard-filled Stable. If there's been something heavy over its manhole cover all this time, there's a good chance that if the ponies maintaining the Stable died, the Stable itself is barren and devoid of life. Yet it could still have automated turret/robot defenses and the author could forget about food/water requirements while filling a destroyed and inhospitable stable with massive monsters "To make it extra-deadly" even though realistically those massive monsters would starve or eat each other in such a food-free environment.
This mission will only take a handful of minutes to a few hours if the author interprets the short and nonsensically enemy-filled "Skyrim Dungeon" design of F3's Vaults literally when designing this Stable like it's a fucking Total Wipeout meets Annihilation Nation deathcourse. They're going to search a fucking massive place for something tiny that might not even be there so it should take a fucking long time for well-trained and organized teams of expert scavengers to find. It will only be easy to find if it is conveniently placed in clear sight yet inconveniently placed at the end of a linear death-trap-filled dungeon crawl.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298014
298015 298017 298099
1608941837003.png
>>297844

>Also in the news: got another report of hellhounds attacking travelers in the wasteland between Manehattan and Fillydelphia. Honestly, ponies, if you have to travel that way, make sure you have a heavily armed escort.
Hurr durr that's where we're going, I wonder if that's going to be relevant?

Anyway, eventually the DJ plays a Sweetie Belle song, and I guess that was the last voice they needed. The author still doesn't bother to tell us who the other two voices are, nor does he explain the logic LP used to figure out which voices were needed. He does, however, provide the text of the recordings, so I guess anyone who was astute enough could go back, find those specific lines of text earlier in the book, and look to see who they were attributed to.

>“The override code for opening the door to Stable Two is... CMC3BFF.”
This was apparently spoken by Applebloom.

>“Hello! My name is Scootaloo. You probably know me (since I am pretty famous) for my awesome performances at events like last year’s GALLoPS, or maybe just as the founder of Red Racer…”
This one at the very least contains a name.

>I turned to find Velvet Remedy walking past me to face the door. The gorgeous mare had donned her beautiful dress and groomed her mane. I shot a look to Calamity, who merely shrugged. “um… Velvet?” The dress hid most of her bandages.
What? So...apparently Velvet had time to put on her fancy dress at some point and clean herself up a bit. I'll ignore the question of how or when, because the most pertinent question is why?

>“We’re meeting the ponies of another Stable for the first time. We want to put our best hoof forward,” she said aristocratically. “Especially if they’ve never had outside visitors before. We want to look like diplomats,” her eye moved to look at me without turning her head. “If you two went in first, we’d look like invaders.”
*sigh*
*rubs temples*
*chugs half a bottle of tequila*
*sighs and rubs temples again*
The group is entering an unknown stable. The last stable they entered was filled with radioactive cats. Granted, Velvet wasn't along for that trip, but we can assume she's probably heard the story at some point during their travels. Why would she assume that there would be anyone in here they could reason with? In fact, why even assume it would be inhabited? Again, the last stable they visited had been empty and abandoned for what seemed like decades. In fact, here is what we read about this stable just a few short paragraphs ago:

>“Well, this was a bust,” he proclaimed. It looked like Stable Twenty-Nine had never opened. And without an override password, it was unlikely that we would be getting in.
>It looked like Stable Twenty-Nine had never opened.
>never opened.
This strongly implies that the stable they are entering was built, but never occupied. Thus, my assumption has been that they are probably about to enter an empty stable that has either been hermetically sealed for 200 years, or else has been broken into and occupied by monsters or raiders as was the case with the last one. Either way, they would be entering a potentially dangerous situation. Frankly, the idea that this stable would be occupied in the same way that the one LP came from was occupied had never even crossed my mind, though in retrospect I suppose it's logical. Actually, if the party was assuming that the stable is a friendly place, it might explain this rather bat-shit-crazy idea of diving headfirst into a dungeon when they all have like 2 HP each god damn it now he's got me thinking like a vidya game sperg.

Anyway, Velvet at some point got all dolled up to introduce herself to what is probably an abandoned cavern filled with rapacious raiders, and nonchalantly strolls inside as soon as the door opens.

> Calamity limped up to me as I watched her disappear inside. “She’s really somethin’, ain’t she.”
>“Yes…” I said, feeling a little dumbstruck. I glanced at Calamity, who was staring through the door at Velvet. “…she…” I did a double-take. Calamity wasn’t looking at Velvet Remedy, he was looking at her. Something broke in my brain. “…no!”
And in other news, the last horse has finally crossed the finish line. I've always wanted to use that expression literally :^)

Anyway, there is a page break here. When the next scene starts, Littlepoop is silently fuming to herself over only just now realizing that Calamity wants to stick his hoo hoo dilly into Velvet's cha cha. Meanwhile, they just forced open the door to this hermetically sealed stable which could contain raiders, friendlies, monsters, or anything in between, but this seems to be the furthest thing from her mind.

This author has a really weird approach to developing his various subplots. This story mostly follows a pattern, where Littlepoop will chug along from adventure to adventure, mostly fixating on whatever external goal she has at that moment or whatever crap she's looting, and then she will just randomly blurt out something about Mint-als (which I guess she is supposed to be addicted to, even though she rarely if ever thinks about them), or Velvet (with whom she claims to be in love, even though she never seems to behave that way towards her in any of their interactions). It feels even weirder when he drops these bombs at inappropriate times, case in point. Obviously, the love triangle between these characters was going to reach this point eventually, but is now really the right moment? Literally at the precise second when the door to an unknown and potentially hostile location swings open, Littlepoop is getting paranoid about Velvet and Calamity getting together? I mean, the love triangle isn't a bad idea, and there's plenty the author can do with it, but there's a time to focus on side-plots and a time to focus on what's happening in the here and now. Even putting this in there a few seconds before the door opened would have been fine.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298015
298180
9ca48153e402651768a6de74a9ebb196.jpg
>>298014

>I took the mental image of Calamity successfully wooing Velvet Remedy when I could not and shoved it into a deep dark hole.
At this point, I think the author should consider doing something similar with this entire text. Also, it's worth noting that she hasn't actually attempted to woo Velvet Remedy yet; she's basically giving up without even putting in a marginal effort.

Anyway, LP sets her feelings aside and turns her attention to their immediate situation. The stable actually appears to be something like what I was originally envisioning, which is well-preserved but empty and abandoned. Unsurprisingly, there is a skeleton hanging in front of the door.

>This was an ominous start.
Again, I really don't see why they would have been expecting anything different. Every other place they've explored has been full of skeletons, ffs, even the place that actually had ponies living in it had a damn cabinet full of them.

>My Eyes-Forward Sparkle was clear of any red. For that matter, it was completely clear of anything other than my two companions. There was no life in this Stable. At least, not within the range of my PipBuck’s spell. The Stable was utterly silent, save for the ever-present high-pitched hum of the lights and the gentle rumble of the generators.
And again, it seems like they should have been more or less expecting this. The entrance to the stable was located underneath an abandoned train car in a bombed-out city, the door had never been opened, and there have been no indications of life or civilization anywhere in the area. Add to that the fact that nearly every other place they visit is either abandoned or full of enemies. What exactly did they expect to find down here?

Anyway, they've got two different options for which way they can go: maintenance, or atrium. Maintenance would take them to the PipBuck stall, where they would be most likely to find the key thingy they are looking for, but they also are in dire need of medical supplies, which they could find by going the other way. So, they head for the atrium first.

>Stepping in, my eyes immediately fell on the skeletons of at least three dozen other ponies.
At this point, they should be surprised when they enter a location and don't find three dozen skeletons.

>I had to use telekinesis to create a path through the bones of the ponies “lucky enough” to have made it into a Stable before the megaspell destroyed Manehattan. I felt anger biting at the back of my head. I reminded myself it wasn’t my Stable.
What exactly is she angry about here? What is the implication? She doesn't know how any of these ponies died, or why. There seems to be an implication that some sort of tremendous injustice occurred in this place, and that it somehow feeds into whatever LP's hang up about stables in general is, which actually hasn't been very well-explained either. Velvet also seems to disapprove of them, though that seems to be tied to her whole "I don't want to be le caged" thing.

Overall, the story seems to be leading us towards some idea that the stables were somehow insidious places that exploited or killed the ponies they purported to help. However, we haven't seen any direct evidence of this yet. LP's stable seemed like a nice enough place to live, at least as far as this setting goes, and the only other stable they've been to was the abandoned one filled with monster cats. However, the cats were the result of a freak accident that can't really be blamed on anyone, and apart from all that weird stuff about gender roles it seemed like it had been a relatively normal place as well.

>“Do you think they…?” Velvet’s voice trailed off. She was looking behind us, just above the door we had come through. Two automated security turrets were mounted on the wall. They had power, but didn’t seem to be tracking us. My E.F.S. claimed they were not a threat. The room suggested that had not always been the case.
Whatever Velvet is implying here is not clear, and it's never explained. Maybe the turrets shot them? Idk.

>Behind me, I heard Calamity whispering to Velvet, “She’s had bad reactions to a Stable before.” What, was I that obvious? “We better keep an eye on her.”
Again, I'm having a hard time figuring out what exactly LP's deal here is supposed to be. The last time around, the issue was that she was exploring an abandoned stable filled with dead ponies and monsters, and it bothered her to see a place that so closely resembled her home in such a state. Okay, I can understand that. So is the same thing happening again here? You'd think she'd be pretty used to skeletons and carnage and shit by now, and the simple coincidence of the building resembling the place she used to live shouldn't really bother her this much. What exactly is up her ass?

Part of it seems to be what she noticed about Velvet and Calamity earlier. Also, I'm assuming she is still dealing with the comedown from the crack mints. At this point, she suggests they split up:

>Velvet, why don’t you raid the clinic.” It was safe. I could see into the clinic through the Atrium window. Calamity and I will head down to maintenance.”
The author is missing a quotation mark at "Calamity and I." Also, if she's jealous, she ought to suggest that she and Velvet team up and Calamity fuck off. Sending the pony she supposedly loves off by herself to deal with a potentially dangerous situation while she hangs out with her romantic rival doesn't make a ton of sense.

Anyway, Velvet objects to this, saying that she needs to examine Calamity's bone as soon as possible :^). Littlepoop gets pissy, but realizes that she can't really vocalize why she's pissy without giving her feelings for Velvet away, so she says "fine" and goes off to the PipBuck repair station to find the whatever-key they came down here for. There is a pretty cringe-worthy dialogue exchange, in which Calamity and Velvet pretend they don't actually like each other, and then the scene ends with a page break.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298017
298100 298177 298189
1609048930062.gif
>>298014

>I spent the rest of the trip down through Stable Maintenance reminding myself that it actually was a good thing that my friends got along, that it was stupid to be jealous when I’d had no real chance to begin with, and that if I wanted to keep those friends, I’d best bury these feelings in that same dark hole.
This is actually a pretty reasonable reaction, and is in line with how LP ought to be feeling right about now. However, I'd actually like to back up a little and examine the cringe-worthy dialog exchange between Calamity and Velvet that I mentioned above.

From the way she's behaving, Calamity and Velvet can clearly see that Littlepoop has some sand in her vagina, and they ask her what the fuck. She responds thusly:

>I waved a hoof. “Oh yes. I’m just… feeling a little drained. Blood loss, you know.” I put on a good smile. She looked like she was trying to be convinced. “Okay, I’m a bit surprised. But I’m happy. It’s a good thing that my two friends like each other.”
It doesn't feel like an appropriate time for her to be this blunt about what she sees between them. Velvet and Calamity clearly have feelings for each other, but neither of them seem to have openly declared it or even directly acknowledged it to themselves. For her part, Littlepoop has not made her feelings about Velvet known at all; in fact, I don't think either of them would even realize that she likes girls from her behavior thus far. Blurting it out like this not only gives her own feelings away, it calls direct attention to what's obviously developing between Velvet and Calamity, which is only going to hasten things along by making the two of them realize it and face it. Not even Littlepoop could possibly be that dumb.

If the author wanted to, he could take this little burst of jealousy from Littlepoop and mine a lot of comedy from it being misinterpreted. Since, again, Littlepoop hasn't declared any affection for Velvet and hasn't really made it apparent that she's into munching pony box, the natural assumption here would be that she is jealous because she likes Calamity, not Velvet. This misunderstanding could develop into a pretty hilarious side plot. Velvet, who obviously likes Calamity but doesn't appear to realize it yet, would think that LP likes him and might try to play matchmaker between them or something, which is obviously not what LP wants. Calamity seems to openly desire Velvet at this point, but hasn't really noticed Littlepoop. If he suddenly had reason to think LP was into him, it might change this; he'd start to notice LP more, and would probably be flattered at the thought of having his two female companions fighting over him. The whole thing could turn into an absolute mess, which would be perfect; the more convoluted you make this sort of thing, the more entertaining it tends to get.

Anyway, the next bit is where it starts to go off the rails somewhat:

> Calamity coughed. “Wait, what?” He nickered, “She’s a self-righteous, self-idolizin’ elitist who’d rather fix up our enemies than shoot ‘em.”
This isn't really an accurate characterization of Velvet, and Calamity has never said or indicated that he feels this way about her before. In the rare instances where she actually takes a moral stand on something she can be a little self-righteous, but this is actually far from being her worst quality.
>self-idolizing
She's never shown signs of having an unreasonably high opinion of herself or her talents.
>elitist
She certainly has never indicated she considers some ponies to be socially beneath her.

Now, here is what she has to say about Calamity:

>Velvet Remedy shot him a scowl. “And he’s an impulsive ruffian who thinks he can fix the wasteland by drowning it in blood.”
This is completely inaccurate, at least from what we've seen. To be fair, the author has given Calamity almost no distinct personality at all, and we don't know much about his past beyond that he's a "Dashite" (whatever the hell that is). So, nearly any characterization of him would feel inaccurate.
>impulsive
If you asked me to say the first word that popped into my head when I think of this character, "impulsive" wouldn't be it. He actually seems fairly level-headed for the most part.
>fix the wasteland by drowning it in blood
Hoo boy, if irony were strawberries, kkat would be chugging a lot of strawberry-flavored cum right now. This statement doesn't apply to Calamity at all, but it's a highly accurate characterization of Littlepoop. Calamity really hasn't explained why he does any of what he does. He doesn't seem to have any sort of overarching goals or objectives in life, he hasn't expressed any strong beliefs or principles one way or the other; he's mostly just been a presence in this story without really making any serious contributions to it. As I've often commented, it's a little perplexing why he even chose to tag along with LP in the first place. She's the one with the holy-roller mission to purge the Wasteland of all its icky badness, and who doesn't care who or whom :^) she has to slaughter in order to accomplish this. Calamity's use of violence seems to be mostly practical; he kills when he needs to, but he isn't a sadist about it. He strikes me as a pretty typical resident of the Wasteland, really; he lives day to day, mostly focuses on his own survival, and doesn't really concern himself with big-picture goals or missions.

Anyway, you'll recall from the tangent I went off on earlier about RomComs that this kind of odd-couple chemistry is a staple in romance stories. Two characters who clearly like each other will often behave as if they don't, and will often fight or be adversaries in the early part of the story. This is clearly what the author is trying to do here, but unfortunately it doesn't work, as these characters have not had anything resembling that sort of chemistry up until this point. To my memory they've never had an argument or butted heads on anything, actually.
Anonymous
ca74eae
?
No.298069
298100
>>298005

I dont think it would be entirely reasonable to suggest that Somber picked one the characters weapons that he only obtains like after the length of kkats foe and a significant amount of charachter development.

P-21 out the gate is so fucking assmad about stable99's... err society he's like a school shooter, and it scares him so its a big step for him to use the grenade rifle
Anonymous
ca74eae
?
No.298070
298099 298500
>>297970
>quarter-jew nigel literal tism prisms.
What the actual fuck are you talking about.
Anonymous
ca74eae
?
No.298077
298100
>>296515
>I never finished PH but I heard it ends in a literal multi-phase videogame boss battle where Blackjack the canonical child rapist fights a big evil blob monster that's responsible for everything that ever went wrong

Isnt Blackjack canonically like 16 or something? Also that isnt where it ends and ames isnt responsibile for everything that ever went wrong, and if i remember correctly his boss killed him.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298099
298112 298500
main-qimg-102be3b79d238635f61d931c3f23a5b4.png
EP-kF8iW4AEp7sk.jfif
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>>298070
That guy's a tsundere with a crush on me, but he just can't spit it out or realize I'm not interested in him. I'm joking, I don't actually know what his problem with me is. But if you ignore him he'll go away for a while until he feels like yelling something like this again. He doesn't call me a faggot because there's something about me he thinks I should change. He calls me a jew because he thinks if he says it enough times, others will assume it's true and join in. I was born in the UK and I'm so white I get sunburns during cloudy winter days, but if we were on a lefty site right now he'd call me a nazi instead.

>>298014
> Calamity limped up to me as I watched her disappear inside. “She’s really somethin’, ain’t she.”
>“Yes…” I said, feeling a little dumbstruck. I glanced at Calamity, who was staring through the door at Velvet. “…she…” I did a double-take. Calamity wasn’t looking at Velvet Remedy, he was looking at her. Something broke in my brain. “…no!”
Something definitely broke in Kkat's brain.
>Calamity wasn’t looking at Velvet Remedy, he was looking at her
...Her what? Her ass? Her hooves? He is Calamity and She is Velvet Remedy. How can Calamity not look at Velvet while he instead looks at her?
This has to be a typo.
Perhaps he meant to write "He was looking at her..." and then trail off?
Still fucking faggoted. This fic went through 22 proof-readers or something, right? People can buy this online and order print runs. It wouldn't surprise me if someone out there bought this at a charity store after it was given away.

>#notmystable
Littlepip and Kkat are such faggots.
He insufficiently explained her dislike of fucked vaults- I mean "Stables" and made it an insufficiently big thing.
Littlepip grew up in an underground vault made by the same company that made numerous other vaults. When she goes through an abandoned and destroyed Vault, it should be pure suffering for her. The memories should leap out and bite at her psyche like sharks made of lava lurking beneath the surface of lava. She turns down a familiar hallway, sees some familiar doors, and has to stop and tell herself she isn't back home and the third door on her left does not lead to the bedroom of the only filly who ever invited her to a slumber party and only once. It's like a funhouse-mirror version of the home she grew up in, the underground complex that was all she ever knew until she started this stupid quest. It's like a hellish mockery of the familiar ever-clean and boringly sterile environment of her home.
It's so painfully similar to her home that if she closes her eyes and ignores the smell it almost feels like nothing's changed at all. Dust and dirt and scars and blood and skeletons should bother her more than they do. She doesn't know how her home is doing and the sight of just one vault that easily fell into disrepair and became a monster-infested deathtrap should leave her terrified that her vault might suffer the same fate. Every second, she should desperately try to tell herself "This isn't my home, my home's fine". Any differences from her "hometown" of a vault just like this one should leap out at her and stretch her suspension of disbelief. And LP's memories of this place aren't entirely happy like ex-celebrity Velvet's were.
LP acts like an amateur roleplayer whose character grew up in a normal vault. So when she encounters a fucked vault, she comments on it once or twice since Kkat thinks that's something this character should do. But realistically this should be a fucking massive deal for her every time she comes to one of these shitholes.
It's like if you came from a town and left it long ago, only to return a while later to see it's been taken over by monsters and coated in filth and decay. Except you know there are countless other towns out there that started eerily similar to yours and they've probably all gone to shit.
The sight of her first destroyed Stable full of monsters should shake her greatly and make her count her blessings that her Stable didn't suffer from a random chimp event or random mutant cat infestation or have some random goofily-written men-in-charge gimmick. She didn't react enough to this when she was a newfag, so all the time spent focusing on it now makes her look weird.
The sight of her second destroyed Stable should hurt her hope and make her fear that all Stables out there are fucked in some way. Her name, "The Stable Dweller", should also stick out to her and make her think "Oh fuck, being from a Stable is considered noteworthy enough to be your epithet in this world. Were all Stables fucked, or are they just peacefully existing underground? I may never know but I wish I knew!"
Instead of callously clearing a path through skeletons coating the floors like dirty laundry coats the bedroom of a messy faggot, the sight of areas where ponies gathered for no reason before dying together for no reason should make her cry. At least fucking once. And then grow tougher skin over time so wasteland shit EVENTUALLY stops bothering her as much as it should bother a realistically-written civilian newfag to the post-apocalyptic lifestyle. Kkat's inconsistent writing makes all of his "UwU this is the saddest scariest edgiest thing ever and it bothers me so much" moments jarring compared to all the shit that doesn't bother her but should.

Littlepip's nosy obsession with unearthing the secrets behind why and how pre-war places went to shit is so fucking retarded, too.
Kkat had the perfect excuse dropped in his own lap, by himself. He wrote that Scootaloo turned most vaults into experiments. So if Littlepip thought about this and said "I must learn the secrets behind the fall of these Stables so future generations can learn from their mistakes!" it would be good writing for once.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298100
298104 298180
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>>298017
>“She's had bad reactions to a Stable before. We better keep an eye on her.”
She disliked walking through an enemy-filled hellhole full of poisonous abominations. But she still speedran one to get you the antidote once your dumb ass got poisoned, Calamity, and she still blew it up and saved your ass. How the fuck is that a "bad reaction"? She didn't blow it up because she wanted to, she blew it up because she didn't want the monsters to spread! Are you talking about her "bad reaction" to a Stable where men are in charge? The author clumsily had her insist she doesn't have a problem with men in charge but hates the propaganda posters where mares cower in fear from a clogged sink only a heroic stallion could save them from. Calamity's talking like they're walking through a knife shop and Littlepip is known for slicing her wrists open for attention!

>misunderstanding where they think LP likes Calamity
You're a motherfucking genius! No homo but I love you. This would elevate this story and make slogging through all the edge and goomershit worth it to get to the love triangle moments!

>Calamity and Velvet's characterizations of each other
I wonder what these characters would say about Littlepip.
They'd probably take turns sucking her dick and calling her impressive while giving her all the credit for what the team did together.
But if Calamity's supposed to be a simple guy, Kkat should lean into that and make this an actual character trait. Write him talking to Littlepip about her higher ideals with curiousity while he says he's never thought much about higher ideals. He could mention he once knew ponies who had grand ideals, but got killed by them. Or say he used to believe in high ideals before the world decided to beat it out of him. Could write him arguing with Velvet, so he's mad at her for being inefficient and she's mad at him for not having her civilian morality.
Deep-ass discussions on dreams and goals and the future are great ways to characterize your characters. But only if it's written like an actual conversation where they comment on each other's dreams according to their personalities. If they just take turns spelling out their names and backstories and characterizations and goals for the audience artificially it's gay.
If you're going to do it artificially, just make the narrator spell shit out the characters would never mention on their own, like in Jojo's Bizarre Adventure pt5. It'd probably be improved if the Passione gang told each other their backstories during a "getting closer to each other" scene but it was a fast-paced story arc with little time for stuff like that.
Naruto had a great scene near the start where Kakashi asked his new team of 3 rookie ninjas for their names, likes, dislikes, and dreams. Solidifying who they are and what their dynamic will be for the audience's benefit. It makes sense since they were all strangers to him and he was genuinely trying to get to know them.
Naruto says he wants to be the next Ninja-President, Sakura says she wants Sasuke and hates Naruto and her dream is Sasuke(She was shallow back then), and Sasuke edgily says he likes nothing, hates a lot of things, and his dream is to kill his evil big brother.
Then Kakashi "Introduces himself" by telling them absolutely nothing about himself and he unexpectedly says he hates them all. Funny scene.

>>298069
Makes sense. I've heard things about the story but never read it. Couldn't get past the first chapter, fictional fully-female-dominated societies piss me off more than they probably should.
>>298077
I was told that character groomed/fucked someone way below her age but I've got no idea if it's correct or not.
Anonymous
4914be9
?
No.298104
298177
>>298100
Theyre probably referring to the scene where scotch tape fucked bastard in the space ship like, less then 10 feet from her. Scotch tape is like 12, I think it makes sense given both of their backgrounds since theyre from stable 99 where they had... less then kino views about sex.

Other then that I cant think of anything. Blackjack will fuck just about anything that will move and would be jailbait in real life.
Anonymous
b996c97
?
No.298112
298177
fluttershy_worried_1_by_uponia-dbdl6hp.png
>>298099
Nigel, for the love of god. We know you're never gonna learn. You have made evident that you're like the guy from Memento, where a few day(a week at best) you'll 'learn your lesson' until the heat dies down, and then you'll go back to derailing and sperging about what the fuck ever.
But please, PLEASE stop gaslighting posters, proffering your "Nigel is a gud boi, he dindu nuffin" delusions. You know exactly why he has an issue with you. He and others - self included - have spelled it out to you in painstaking detail over a thousand times by now.
But you wont, you'll feign innocence, cool your jets for a few days, maybe a week, and then test the boundaries once again until you're back up to full speed.
Because you've been doing it for almost 4 years now. Its exhausting. Have some fucking decency.
But it's always someone else who has a problem, it's never anything you do. You're a gud boi, you dindu nuffin
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298177
298401
>>298112
Sometimes I accidentally make off-topic posts but I work hard to make sure I don't do that any more. If my haters hated me for a valid reason, they would only rage at me when I did something wrong and they would clearly point out what is wrong in the moment. They wouldn't need to use vague terms and buzzwords to make their arguments for them. Dindu check, gaslighting check, movie reference for emotional reaction check, sperging check, delusion check, is this a record for the most buzzwords used in a guilt-slinging low-quality accusation of guilt? I'm surprised you didn't accuse me of being a jew in this post. I've been more on-topic in this thread than my haters. When I actually make mistakes, good people point them out clearly and explain how I can avoid doing them again in the future because that's constructive. Yelling at me when I do nothing wrong is not constructive. Trying to demonize and dehumanize me and paint me as someone who's calculating everything to troll everyone is not constructive. If I was a troll I wouldn't be a very good one. A troll takes pleasure from annoying others, and I don't give a fuck how my haters feel. It's best to ignore them and their attempts to trick others into joining in the dogpile. Nobody smart would fall for such obvious emotional manipulation anyway.
>>298104
That makes sense. That story sounds like a clusterfuck, do you think we'd be allowed to review it here if we skipped over the sex scenes?
>>298017
Come to think of it, does Littlepip's overpowered PipBuck and its enemy-detecting and map-making ability ruin the thrill and terror and uncertainty of exploring new dungeons?
That Pipbuck can detect enemies long before LP's eyes and ears can. She can't get jumpscared by enemies because she will always have that warning on her radar. She will always have a compass mark magically telling her where her Quwst Objective is too, making exploring an area to find something specific way too easy. I guess the author could build on that for terror by making her hide from hyper dangerous enemies in a locker or something while quietly and fearfully watching the pipbuck compass mark and hoping they would go away.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.298180
298189
vaultchickun.png
>>298015
Compared to how the vaults were presented in Fallout, FoE's conception of stables is... odd.

In the Fallout series, the vaults were marketed as comfortable long-term survival shelters for the population in the event of a nuclear war. Deep state actors who would eventually go on to become the Enclave after the war didn't truly believe that a nuclear exchange would occur, and secretly designed many of the vaults to include "social experiments" intended to study how humans behave in a closed environment. The vault experiments became more and more extreme and unethical as the series went on, particularly once Bethesda got their hands on it. As a result, most of the vaults eventually wound up abandoned (by choice, or because their residents all died). The few successful vaults that actually served their supposed purpose and weren't pillaged for their resources became the hearts of new population centers in the decades following the war, like Vault City in Fo1.

Vault 101's experiment was that it would never reopen - in practice, this just means it opened very late to justify Bethesda's giant timeskip in Fallout 3. Naturally, this is also the vault Stable 2 was based on. Other vault experiments included things like "what if we induce aggression in the population with white noise?" and "what if the entire population were retarded clones of one guy?"

So from the perspective of someone who's played the games, it's fair to expect abandoned vaults/stables whose residents died from wacky and gruesome experiments in a Fallout crossover. On paper at least, exploring a stable could make for a fun and/or spooky distraction. Fallout 3's conception of the vaults was essentially the precursor to Skyrim's dungeons, so the sidequest-style stable trips are at least predictable. But the ethical question of the stables being built around experiments casts a very dubious light on pre-apocalypse Equestria, to the story's detriment. I have *opinions* on this - Scootaloo is easily the most morally depraved character in FoE's wartime cast, for example; appropriately, Pip decides to take her as a moral role model. But I'll hold that back until it's relevant.

>>297837
>First of all, SteelWank is in a near-death condition as far as I can tell, and will probably die in a very short time if he doesn't receive medical attention.
Heh.

>>298100
>Makes sense. I've heard things about the story but never read it. Couldn't get past the first chapter, fictional fully-female-dominated societies piss me off more than they probably should.
If it helps, virtually everyone in Stable 99 ends up dead because the raider aids gets into their food supply. PH has bigger problems, but this isn't the thread for it.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298189
298193 298265
1610131011532.jpg
>>298017

Anyway, moving on.

>I wondered just how long this had been going on. Was it new? Had there been signs that I was too oblivious to catch? Or had I just not wanted to catch them?
Well, there actually were quite a few signs that LP was quite oblivious to, but in any event I don't get the impression Velvet and Calamity are actually together at this point. So far they just seem to be in the flirty, liking-each-other-but-not-saying-it-out-loud stage.

The idea with this sort of romance plot is usually that the reader is supposed to pick up on things that blindside the protagonist. It's similar to a mystery story, where the Dr. Watson character is designed to be just slightly more clueless than the average reader would be, so that the reader can have the satisfaction of solving the mystery before he does. That's how it normally works, anyway; with kkat, who knows?

>The idea of “catching them” brought an entirely unwanted mental image of Velvet and Calamity to mind that I quickly shredded and burned.
Again, I don't think there's much going on physically, and they really wouldn't have had many opportunities anyway. However, I think this is mostly just LP overreacting.

>You know what would make being cheerful for them easy? A little pony in my head waved a tin at me. Fuck that little pony. I wanted to wallow just a little longer.
Oh right, she's like a drug addict now or something. If only this was something that was factored into her character overall, instead of being some weird thing that just pops up during moments where getting high on crack mints would solve a particular problem and then recedes into the ether again.

Anyway, she's wandering down the halls thinking about shit like this, when she comes across some kind of maintenance bot that has apparently been keeping this giant empty stable clean for 200 years, a la Wall-E.

>The robot started to clean in my direction. I decided to get out of its way by ducking into the Robotics Technician stall. The room was filled with maintenance bots in various states of disrepair. There were enough tools in here to upgrade Calamity’s workshop plans. I began looting.
You know, Littlepoop, maybe if you took some of the energy you normally spend on plundering random, useless crap that doesn't belong to you, and applied it towards figuring out how to win over your crush, you wouldn't be singing the lesbo-pony blues and daydreaming about popping cocaine-flavored tic-tacs right now. Just a thought.

Anyway, we've been through this enough times to know the drill. The next several paragraphs are dedicated to LP's exploration of this room. She obtains some more junk, most of which has no evident use or value, but I'm guessing there are at least two or three items in the collection that will suddenly factor into the story in like nine chapters. Naturally, there is a safe in the wall, which naturally she breaks into, and it naturally contains, among other various odds and ends, a sound recording, which, being the nosy Nellie that she is, she naturally plugs into her wrist-mo-bob and listens to.

Again, this whole episode follows a pattern that should be old hat to us by now: LP & Co. enter a dungeon, they poke around, they steal stuff, and LP begins finding recordings here and there that tell the story of whatever happened to the place they're exploring. The story of Stable 29 seems to revolve around a detail that was mentioned earlier but I didn't highlight: the Atrium does not appear to have an office for the Overmare, which LP finds unusual. The recording details an incident in which a pony died horribly due to some kind of error made by one of the robots. The speaker seems to be of the opinion that the stable ought to have some kind of authority or governing body, with the implication being that this error was due to some kind of lack of standards or authority or something.

I'm beginning to see a pattern. Each of these stables seems to have some kind of uniquely unusual characteristic, which suggests that they may have been intended as social experiments as well as being shelters from the magic-nuclear-explosion-whatever. This isn't entirely the product of my own reasoning; some of the spoilers people in the thread have dropped I believe have also suggested this, like this anon for example >>298180 . The last one had something to do with establishing a male-dominant society; this one so far seems to be some kind of experiment in anarchy, or at least in allowing a contained population to make its own decisions without formal rules or structure.

>I tried to shove the mental image of Cannikin out of my head, centering my thoughts instead on the idea of a Stable without an Overmare at all. A Stable run remotely by Stable-Tec.
Apparently this is what the author is getting at. Stable-Tec, I guess, owns and/or controls most of these places, but in this case they are deliberately taking a hands-off hooves-off, whatever approach.

There is a page break, and in the next scene Littlepoop has found the PipBuck technician room. She finds the key she needs quite easily, along with a few other tools that could come in handy should she ever need to do any advanced repair work on a PipBuck. She takes all of them, and on the way out she finds another recording sitting on the technician's desk, which contains yet another out of context sound clip. This one appears to deal with some kind of gun accident that occurred in the Stable. In the aftermath of this incident, some of the citizens I guess tried to form some sort of safety or rules commission, which I guess had to get approved by Stable-Tec or something.

As with most of this story's mythology, the purpose of Stable-Tec is not particularly well explained, nor is it clear what Littlepoop can be expected to know about it. As far as I can tell, it was a company that existed before/during the war. It may have been run by the CMC, and it is responsible for, among other things, the stables and the PipBucks.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298193
298196
Christmas-Rainbow-Dash-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-rainbow-dash-33121905-595-603.png
>>298189

There is another page break, and LP is back at the clinic with Velvet.

>Velvet Remedy pushed three jars of extra-strength restoration potion over to me. “Drink these. You’ll be in perfect health in ten minutes.”
I really, really hate the way medicine works in this story. As if the magical cure-all potions we've encountered thus far weren't ridiculous enough, there apparently exists an "extra-strength" version. You know, for when you're really mortally wounded.

>Velvet Remedy shook her head. She was looking a lot better. She had stowed away her dress and removed her bandages; her hide was perfect, her coat looked pristine and healthy.
Have you been mortally wounded by a grenade launcher? Did you have half of your skin torn off by shrapnel? Is most of your blood currently watering the grass of the killing fields? When ordinary magical bandages and potions just won't cut it, you need to reach for a bottle of Extra-Strength Magical Clusterfuck Cure-All Panacea Butthole Salve™! Just rub a tiny palmful of this magic elixir all over your butthole, and in just minutes even the toughest mortal wounds will disappear without a trace. Were your legs blown off? Don't worry! Was your body ripped apart at the torso? We can cure that! Have you been decapitated and torn to shreds, with your various body parts express-mailed to different parts of the globe, where they were then dissolved in hydrofluoric acid, sealed into separate canisters, and launched into the cold vacuum of space? Don't even sweat it! As long as your butthole survived and someone can rub this elixir on it, you'll be just fine by morning.

In all seriousness, at this point I'm starting to have my doubts about this entire fandom (MLP I mean, not necessarily Fallout). Back when I was merely a spectator and not a participant, I remember being mostly puzzled by the brony phenomenon, and occasionally asking anons what the appeal was. One of the things I heard mentioned multiple times was the amount of fanfiction that had been written, and this story specifically was often cited as the best of the best. The show itself is enjoyable enough for what it is, and the shitposty aspects of the fandom are lots of fun, but I really have to question the intelligence of anyone who could read something like FoE and actually see it as a serious, high-quality work of fiction.

I wouldn't mind the ridiculousness so much if it didn't take itself seriously, but as far as I can tell the author is 100% serious about all of this. This premise could work as many different things: a campy hack and slash adventure, an action-comedy, or even as a satire of its own concept. Hell, even if the author wanted to go all grimdark with it and turn it into a serious "horrors of war" story it could be done, but in that case he'd have to drop the video game elements and melodrama and make it at least halfway believable, which he so far refuses to do. As far as I can tell, what he's trying to do is mash up a dark, serious video game with a colorful show about ponies, in order to create a story that deals with dark and serious themes and explores complex moral issues in the setting of a children's cartoon show.

Again, I fully believe it would be possible to do this well, but in this case it fails bigly. The author insists on taking the source material of both franchises 100% literally, which means that absurd cartoon elements from the series (ponies pulling a running steam train, for instance) as well as absurd video game elements from Fallout (healing potions for instance) are included as serious elements in a world that attempts to be serious. However, the result is so absurd it's impossible to take most of the story seriously.

For instance, despite being grievously wounded, the party just discovered enough of this magical panacea-potion to completely heal themselves. This shit was just sitting in a storage room. So what the hell is up with that atrium full of skeletons? Those ponies had access to the same magic elixir that LP & Co. just rubbed all over their buttholes. What happened there? How did all of these ponies die? Were they just not able to rub it on their buttholes in time, or what? Did someone lose the key to the storage closet? It just doesn't make any sense. The same goes for just about every death in this story. As I've said before, in a world where practically any injury can be healed just by downing a couple of potions, it's hard to take any threat seriously.

>I downed two of the extra-strength restoration potions and slipped the third into my saddlebags. Memories of Velvet, her hide shredded and bloody, had resurfaced in my mind. I could handle being mostly healed if it meant I had one of these ready in case of an emergency.
See, this shit right here is exactly what I'm talking about. Velvet's hide was shredded and bloody just a few short scenes ago, but now she's fine, and all she had to do was swallow a couple of teaspoons of some mysterious cure-all potion. Whatever sympathy we might have felt for Littlepoop after seeing her love interest nearly killed is completely negated if her injuries can be cured this easily. Having half of your hide torn off is about as serious as skinning your knee in this world, so the attempted drama feels maudlin and silly, and the vivid descriptions of blood loss and torn skin just sounds like the author being an over-the-top edgelord.

What are we supposed to take away from this? Velvet tells LP to swallow three magical cure-alls in order to completely heal all of her grievous injuries, but she only downs two of them, while saving the third in case Velvet gets injured again on the field, and we're supposed to see this as a tender act of self-sacrifice? It makes no sense. The storage room seems to be full of these things, and LP's saddlebag is basically it's own pocket dimension; there's no apparent limit to how many of these potions they can carry, so why not take as many as possible?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298196
298205 298265 298362
1599493193081.png
>>298193

>Calamity was also looking much better. He complained that after Velvet Remedy’s mending spell, the brace wasn’t really necessary, but she insisted he keep it on for at least another day.
This too. On some level I think the author realizes he's made medicine too powerful, so he feels the need to limit it. However, he can only do so with lukewarm measures like this one: Calamity breaks his leg, and it can be healed with magic and potions and stuff, but it's not completely healed; he still has to wear a brace for a couple of days. It was the same way with his wing when that was injured, as I recall, and it will probably be the same way with whatever he breaks next. None of this shit even matters anyway; even when the party is injured it doesn't seem to actually affect them. If you break your leg you can still walk, if you injure your wing you can still fly, if you lose half your skin and most of your blood you can still do just about anything you could before.

Anyway, I forget if I mentioned this or not but apparently while Velvet was looting supplies, she came across another one of those dumb sound recordings that Littlepoop collects because she's a nosy klepto. As soon as she chugs her healing potions, LP goes off to listen to it because it's not like she has anything better to do. I mean, it's not like some cyborg soldier who risked himself to save her is currently lying immobilized somewhere, slowly and painfully dying of internal bleeding, while these retards are wandering around this abandoned stable looking for extra band-aids.

So, you might as well poke around and see if there are any old cassette tapes lying around that you might want, eh LP? If you find any rare black metal demos or anything let me know.

>I found a chemistry lab in the back of the clinic. For a moment, all thoughts of the recording fled my mind. Looking over the drugs and supplies, I realized that along with what I had already, I had all the ingredients to cook up my own batch of Party-Time Mint-als!
Oh, and while you're at it, why don't you see if they've got the stuff you need to set up your own meth lab? You've got nothing but time, LP, nothing but time.

>And having the ability and opportunity, I couldn’t resist. It would have been silly to.
Kkat, I think you and I are working from radically different definitions of the word "silly."

>As I started work, I remembered why I had come back here.
To find some kind of key so you could open the utility panel for that guy's armor so he doesn't die, even though between all the walking and napping and exploring and looting and now meth cooking you've been doing he's probably been dead for hours by now? Oh wait, you found that key already. So wait a minute, why are you still down here again?

>I let the recording play as I ground down the regular, boring old Mint-als into a fine powder.
Oh that's what you meant. When you said "I remembered why I had come back here," I was assuming you were talking about the important, time-sensitive, life-and-death task you were supposed to be carrying out right now. However, you were talking about the reason you had specifically entered this room, which was to pop your headphones on and listen to some complete stranger's diary from 200 years ago. Sorry, my bad.

>The voice was so filled with raw despair that I quickly shut the recording off. I didn’t want to hear that.
I was just shitposting earlier, but maybe she actually did find an old black metal tape.

Anyway, she goes back to cooking her fucking drugs, but sooner or later her nosy Nellie side gets the best of her, and she plays the tape. The contents are about what you'd expect: there was some kind of malfunction with the fire suppression system, and it sounds like it flooded the clinic or something and drowned whoever was inside.

>I shut it off again. My heart was twisted up in knots. Part of me wanted to cry. Part wanted to rage at something. But there wasn’t anything obvious to rage at.
If you're looking for something to rage at, you could probably start with the fact that you came down here to find something you need to save a guy's life, and here you are cooking drugs and listening to old tapes.

Oh, why do I even care? We all know perfectly well the soldier's not dead. This is FoE; injuries here don't actually kill you. When the party returns to the spot where they left Roboponer, he's going to be in exactly the same state as he was before. Littlepoop will use her new key-thingy to open up his armor-panel-whoosit, and then she can repair his 200 year old cybernetic life-support system using only the skills she picked up as an apprentice technician fixing a type of device that is basically just a glorified Nintendo-DS. Everything will be just fine; she could stay down here goofing around for another ten years and absolutely nothing on the surface world will have changed.

Anyway, while she's occupied with all this retarded bullshit, she suddenly hears machine guns firing and runs off to rescue Velvet's sexy ass from whatever horrible stable-monster is attacking it inb4 it turns out that Calamity has a robotic penis that sounds like a machine gun when he ejaculates. She runs back to wherever she was before, the clinic I guess, and sees that for no apparent reason the gun turrets that I guess are in there have become active and started attacking them because why not. However, this turns out to be no big deal, because Littlepoop destroys them both with literally two shots. Yes, you read that correctly. Two giant-ass robotic gun turrets. Destroyed with two shots. One shot each. From her revolver.

Also, she gets injured by the turrets, but let's face it; that hardly matters. All she has to do is rub some elixir on her butthole and she'll be right as rain, and she's surrounded by literal gallons of the stuff. Instead, she focuses on what's really important: making sure her drugs don't overcook. The scene ends with a page break.
Anonymous
701f5d0
?
No.298205
298514
Anon the Thaumoniatorer.pdf
>>298196
Gg, I wrote this. Could you give me some feedback.
Actually set in the FE universe.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298265
298275
ykhanse76pb21.jpg
a37.png
images (2).jpg
images (1).jpg
meth sun.png
>>298189
>>You know what would make being cheerful for them easy? A little pony in my head waved a tin at me.
This author is really bad at integrating her crack mint addiction into the story and her internal monologue.

>Fuck that little pony.
No, fuck THIS little pony! Littlepip fucking SUCKS!

>I wanted to wallow just a little longer
Littlepip: Leave me alone to wallow in whatever it is mary sues wallow in!

>The robot started to clean in my direction
IF THERE'S A CLEANING BOT AROUND HERE WHY ARE THERE SKELETONS
WHY WOULDN'T IT CLEAN THE SKELETONS
AND SHOVE THEM INTO A RANDOM LOCKER SO WHEN LITTLEPIP OPENS IT, THE SKELETONS FALL ON HER
AND SHE GETS THOROUGHLY SPOOKED

>If healing items are so effective and plentiful why do people die? Why are there any still around after 200 years?
The lore of the games solved this problem by saying health-restoring "Stimpaks" and inferior tribal "Healing Powder" can be manufactured even in the post-apocalypse. Kkat forgot about this by making do-anything potions so much better than they should be and only rare when he wants them to be.
So much of this story is written like he never wanted to do a second draft that stripped out the loot that couldn't be looted and didn't turn out to be important later.
If he didn't want LP and friends to take all of this healing potion, why did he put it there? Why not say "All of these health potions were made by a mechanical doctor that fucked up the recipe, creating poison that smells like healing potion and the only useable health potion here was hoofmade with that chemistry set"?
What, is team LP going to leave most of the healing potions behind and then come back for them once they have a car?
"We must travel light and avoid picking up too much junk" would make sense in a realistic world where carrying 20 pounds on your back is hard. BUT LITTLEPIP LIFTED BOXCARS! Go get her a boxcar-sized flat metal tray and she could carry all the health potions she wanted.

There are "New-U Stations" in Borderlands. They're respawn points just like in The Godfather and Spongebob Squarepants: Battle For Bikini Bottom, but with a dumb joke voice line that plays every time you respawn like "We here at Hyperion are always happy to revive you and take your money!".
That dumb joke and respawn fee and early-game tutorial "Characters explain videogame functions and vending machines" scenes means they canonically exist within the world so shitloads of players are unable to take emotional death scenes seriously. If I respawn when shot, why don't the NPCs who die during cutscenes?
Nobody goes out of their way to depower or imprison or cripple a foe specifically because "The second that bastard dies, he respawns at the nearest New-U Station in peak physical condition! So he needs to stay in this prison and not die!"
You'll eventually meet the NPCs behind the health vending machines and guns vending machines, and the Catch A Ride station that infinitely respawns your cars canonically exists, so you expect the respawn vending machine to also exist. Yet the whole world functions as if it doesn't, despite how much attention was drawn to it.
It's incredibly jarring and probably the biggest moment of bad writing in these games if you don't count spoiler stuff.
There comes a point where you're better off not drawing attention to videogamey things like respawn points, or +1 Life Pickups or Reviver seeds, or an impossibly all-knowing HUD that can tell you the names of important people while giving disposable randomly-generated NPCs names like Raider Scavver and Defias Cutpurse, or your arbitrary maximum inventory size, or level-ups and RPG stats, or dice-roll based bullshit, or your ability to save and pause and reload a game, or how the player character's insane luck makes him more likely to find a fully loaded military-grade gun in a random bizarre spot than you are to find a penny on the street.
And if something like this isn't it, what is?
If you don't have a clever meta justification for this unrealistic bullshit, shut up about it and let gamers willingly suspend their disbelief for it, and don't take this bullshit with you into literature unless the world's SUPPOSED to work like an easily-exploitable RPG.
And if this world IS supposed to work like a RPG, why isn't Littlepoop reloading her gun faster by switching weapons?

>Having half of your hide torn off is about as serious as skinning your knee in this world, so the attempted drama feels maudlin and silly, and the vivid descriptions of blood loss and torn skin just sounds like the author being an over-the-top edgelord
Could be worse. Littlepip could be a group of five or more ordinary human teenagers in the 90s given the power to morph into animals by a scorpion-tailed blue centaur alien, but despite the constant nearly-fatal hyper-edgy child-unfriendly wounds inflicted by assorted aliens and rayguns, changing from human to animal and back will insta-heal you and cause a spontaneous gratuitous body horror scene for everyone except your mary sue who gets to look pretty/cute when morphing because Kunt A. Assholegate says so.

>>298196
Wait a fucking second, a "Chemistry set" could be used to make 5 free Stimpaks or a set of free drugs (1 each of Psycho, Jet, Steady, Buffout, Rebound, and Mentats) in FNV during the opening tutorial.
Elijah's one in Dead Money only made Cloud Residue (it's a long story but i deleted it for being off-topic) but if this fucking Chemistry Set is so great it can be used to make any drug whenever she wants, why is she making crack mints instead of MORE HEALTH POTIONS?
What's with this "JESSE WE NEED TO COOK!" moment?!
Realistically, a single health potion should be worth its weight in gold! Or better yet, bullets and sweet guns!
Unless health potions are easier to produce than bread once you have the required parts and tools to make it, making it cheaper than chips in isolated walled cities with "civilization" and dark secrets yet painfully rare out there in the wastes.

>turrets
LP why u no hack turrets
Anonymous
4327fc8
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No.298275
>>298265
>Could be worse. Littlepip could be a group of five or more ordinary human teenagers in the 90s given the power to morph into animals by a scorpion-tailed blue centaur alien, but despite the constant nearly-fatal hyper-edgy child-unfriendly wounds inflicted by assorted aliens and rayguns, changing from human to animal and back will insta-heal you and cause a spontaneous gratuitous body horror scene for everyone except your mary sue who gets to look pretty/cute when morphing because Kunt A. Assholegate says so.
Shut your whore mouth, yeerkfucker. Animorphs was great.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
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No.298362
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>>298196
>The Atrium door had closed and locked. We were sealed inside.
Considering what this place was designed for, it's unlikely the door was meant to stand open for a long period of time. It probably has some sort of timer on it that closes it automatically after a few minutes. In fact, I'd be amazed if all of the stables didn't have something like this.

>It was more of an aggravation than a real worry. I knew that I should be able to override every door in this place from the Security station.
Of course. I'd hate to think the author was going to give this group any sort of actual challenge to overcome; his time would be far better spent writing out a long, detailed list of all the random crap that Littlepoop finds in some old desk drawer.

>But reaching it meant getting past several more points where the suddenly trigger-happy security system could attack us.
Oh, okay, so there's kind of a challenge. Well, that's something I guess.

>I looked to my companions. By now, I was beginning to think of us as seasoned warriors of the wasteland (well, at least Calamity and I).
I notice that Littlepoop seems to regard Velvet with a certain amount of disdain whenever she's assessing the group's combat abilities. It's true enough that Velvet isn't much of a fighter, or a fighter at all, but condescension doesn't seem like the right attitude for her to have towards a pony she's supposed to be in love with.

Generally, when you've got a tough-guy or girl, I suppose hero character who sees a smaller, weaker, gentler character as a romantic interest, the hero usually develops protective feelings for her. However, with Littlepoop this is a little weird anyway, since even though she's supposed to be the tough, seasoned hero and Velvet is the gentle, naive pacifist who has to be rescued all the time, we also have this dynamic that was established earlier, in which Velvet is the sexy, sophisticated pop star and Littlepoop is just a mousy little fangirl who has a crush on her. What's weird is that LP seems to slip in and out of these modes at random; sometimes she's the tough, hardened warrior getting angry at Velvet for being too weak and sentimental, but then a scene or two later she's back to gibbering, lovestruck fangirl mode. Really the whole romance dynamic between these two feels completely insincere anyway, and a big part of it is that neither of these characters are particularly well developed to begin with.

Also, it's pretty damned arrogant for Littlepoop to be thinking of herself as a "seasoned warrior of the wasteland." She uses her S.A.T.S. to handle her targeting 95% of the time; if she had to rely entirely on her own aim she wouldn't be able to kill shit. Her PipBuck also has built-in radar that helpfully tells her the location of all of her enemies before she encounters them, so it's virtually impossible for anyone to get the drop on her. Most of her tactical advantages in battle come from her having a PipBuck, and the rest is just bullshit that comes from her being the author's favored Mary Sue OC, like her hacking ability and her lockpicking ability and her inexplicable ability to levitate preposterously huge things like boxcars. If a serious writer were to put this character in a serious version of this setting and take away her PipBuck, Littlepoop would probably be dead by the end of the second or third chapter.

>Velvet Remedy was looking at me sadly. I think I was fast enough, but I was guessing that she suspected what I was up to in the chemistry lab. She hadn’t taken her eyes off me since, and the reproachful look was burning into my soul.
Velvet's pity for Littlepoop's newfound drug addiction feels almost as tacked on as Littlepoop's newfound drug addiction.

Anyway, the problem now is that the door is locked, and the only way to open it apparently involves going to the security room in the special VIP area that apparently replaces the Overmare's quarters in this particular stable. Calamity finds a map, and they head off in that direction.

>We moved towards the stairs, stopping at a bulletin board covered in the usual notices. I shrank back; somepony had written “STOP KILLING US!” across the board in what looked like blood.
Sacrebleu! Le edge!

>“Oh my,” Velvet whispered. To my surprise, she magically tugged one of the notices off the board, floating it closer for inspection. The notice had been between a posting of new safety regulations and a flier for two missing fillies whose smiling faces had stared into an atrium of corpses for centuries.
Mon dieu! Le edge! LE EDGE!!

Anyway, apparently this flyer that Velvet finds is advertising an old concert with none other than Vinyl Scratch as the DJ. Why this information would be important enough that any of them would stop and take notice of it is the kind of question I should probably have learned to stop asking by now. Calamity notes with mild surprise that it looks like Vinyl had survived the balefire bomb after all. Littlepoop grumbles to herself about how much she dislikes stables, and then there's a page break.

>Between stealth and Little Macintosh, the other turrets proved little threat.
Oh, good. I'd really hate to have the story sidetracked by something as mundane as a trek through a creepy abandoned bunker where murder-turrets could attack at any given moment. Anything that distracts from descriptions of Littlepoop manufacturing homemade drugs or cracking old safes open is just a waste of page space, in my opinion. Come on, kkat! Get to the looting already! What does LP find in the security room? An old shoe? A 200 year old can of Bush's™ Baked Beans? More drugs? Come on, I need to know! Does she ever find all the crap she needs to build that stupid needle gun she's trying to make? The suspense is killing me! Quit wasting our time with all of this action and adventure and just get to the important stuff, for land's sake.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
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No.298363
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>>298362

>I sat down to hack the terminal, trying to be respectful as I floated the pony skeleton off of it and laid it down in the corner near the others.
You know, it occurs to me that they might be misinterpreting history a bit here. Did it ever occur to any of these ponies that old Edgequestria might have been ruled by a noble race of skeletons, and they're all under a sleeping spell right now?

Anyway, Littlepoop of course effortlessly hacks the terminal, and of course the first thing she does is open the door to the armory so Calamity can loot it. While she's at it, she of course decides to root around in the old security logs.

The logs she finds are pretty much standard fare by now. Apparently the Stable developed some sort of artificial intelligence and began attacking the ponies inside for no reason; either that, or the Stable-Tec guys who were remotely controlling it got bored and decided to have some fun. It actually appears to be the latter. In any event, blood and guts and carnage abound, and no explanation is given for why Stable-Tec would want to do this to them exactly.

It's not clear whether the logs are text files or audio files, but I'm guessing audio as Velvet seems to be affected by them as well. Littlepoop becomes overwhelmed by emotion as she sifts through the various files.

>I reached to trigger another when Velvet Remedy physically pulled me away from the terminal.
>"WHAT!?" I yelled in pure rage, my body shaking so hard I felt like I would explode.
>"Littlepip," she said, and I realized she was crying, "You need to stop."
I literally burst out laughing when I read this. Most writers would take that as a warning flag that maybe they didn't convey quite the emotional timbre they were going for.

So, if I'm understanding it correctly, the situation here is that Stable-Tec put all of these ponies down here, locked them in with no Overmare, and then started shooting at them and killing them all of a sudden. One question springs to mind: WHY?

It doesn't seem like it, but this is really not that difficult a question to answer. The trick is to realize that you're not supposed to actually think about it. That some giant corporation would go to all the trouble of building a huge facility that probably cost billions of dollars bits, whatever, just so they could throw a few ponies in there and murder them for no reason, would provoke curiosity in a normal person. However, once you understand the logic of Fallout: Equestria, it becomes quite simple.

Stable-Tec murdered the inhabitants of this stable for the same reason that the slavers round up children and the raiders decorate their bedrooms with the guts of their enemies: they're bad baddies, who do bad things because they are bad. Their only role in the story is to be as edgy and evil as they possibly can. In other words, it's pure shock value. The reader is supposed to be so utterly horrified by the horrors of this horrible horror that they never realize that the whole scenario is absurd to the point of being actually funny.

Earlier I mentioned the movie Crank as an example of a story that is completely absurd, but still manages to be entertaining and fun. The secret of a story like that is that it's aware of how ridiculous it is, and it deliberately pushes its ridiculousness to the furthest extreme possible. A formula like that could easily work with a premise like this, since frankly the premise is completely ridiculous to begin with. However, it would need some self-awareness to be able to do this.

A film like Crank is in the category of "bad on purpose." Sure it's bad, but it knows its bad, and it's trying to be bad, and that's why it's fun to watch. Meanwhile, the sort of film you could compare FoE to would probably be something like The Room; a terrible, pointless story written by a complete hack who has no idea that he's a hack, and who legitimately believes he has something beautiful and important to share with the world.

Nearly everything in FoE is completely and obviously ridiculous, yet it presents these absurd situations without any apparent irony or humor. As far as I can tell, the author is trying for a serious, heart-wrenching moment here; the story of Stable 29 is supposed to be horrifying beyond belief, and we are meant to genuinely feel for Littlepoop's reaction here. Some big bad meanie corporation rounded up thousands of ponies and stuck them in an underground bunker and then gruesomely murdered them for no obvious reason, and now Littlepoop, who is listening to a recording that someone, for some reason, made of this event and then saved on their computer terminal, is tearing her hair out and screaming "oh the horror of it all!" while Velvet sobs in the background. The fact that this entire scene is being acted out by cartoon ponies pushes it completely over the edge for me; this scene is quite possibly the funniest fucking thing I've read all year.

It keeps going after the page break, too:

>I was seeing red like never before, and I couldn't even attack the source of my anger because they were all dead. Dead decades and centuries ago. My body hadn't stopped shaking.
You read it here folks: Littlepoop is literally shaking right now.

Anyway, while she is in this state of whatever the fuck, she randomly comes across Vinyl Scratch's old room, because why the hell not?

>The room inside had been untouched since the night of the party, three months after the door of Stable Twenty-Nine closed, trapping everypony inside.
And she knows this how? I went back over the sound recordings, and I didn't see anything in there that provided any of these details. The only clue I can see about the three month thing is that the flyer calls it a "three month survival party," which I suppose implies that the party took place three months after the group entered the stable. Assuming they were locked in from the very beginning this would make sense.
Anonymous
18a76ce
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No.298366
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>>298362
>Velvet pities the junkie
Is it really right for Velvet to take pity on a junkie?
She's a formerly-rich bitch celebrity from her stable's upper crust.
If she wasn't constantly surrounded by drug-taking celebrity faggots who ruined their boring lives through addiction, she should have an absolute hatred for drugs and the 'lowlife lowborn stable-scum' that takes them for fun.

>VIP area
If there is no leader, why even have a VIP area or name it such? If it's necessary for something as important as opening and closing the vault door that keeps your stable protected from the outside world, why not put the security specialists/experts in charge of it?
Also, Kkat's a faggot for badly writing this leaderless Vault. Leaderless zones don't stay leaderless for long. Eventually someone good at managing and planning and getting others to listen to him basically ends up in charge of (at the very least) a good chunk of the zone. If someone good at managing doesn't take over, someone who thinks he should manage things eventually will.
Why the hell would the absence of an "Overseer", the all-powerful boss with "Watch the cameras everywhere" as his job, the faggot who's in charge of the all-powerful "Stable Security" militarized police force, result in the stable lacking any kind of authority or responsibility?
If the automated security starts fucking up, which mechanic is in charge of fixing it? Which mechanic is the boss of other mechanics in charge of training new mechanics, if one exists?
If you think the automated security system is malfunctioning and killing innocents, what's stopping you from bugfixing that or getting a mob to destroy the easily-smashed gun turrets if it's not whoever's really in charge?
And if this Stable gets its orders directly from Stable-Tec instead of a local Overseer...
1. How did Stable-Tec survive? In a normal experiment-free stable of their own?
2. What the fuck kind of experiment in "Anarchy" does that make this, if this civilization needs the permission of a company to wipe its own ass and/or was effectively ruled by the facility's own guns?
3. When the gun turrets got this genocidal, how did they stay functional for this long if it's easy enough for Littlepoop to take them out with her mediocre hunting pistol? During the start of this Kung Flu panic, people smashed up 5G towers thinking they had something to do with it. And possibly smashed up some power lines that looked like 5G towers but there might have been feds doing that instead to make the anti-5G guys look bad.
4. AIs don't just "happen" and come out of nowhere like a videogame spawning in a new enemy. AIs are fucking hard to make! What retarded fucking Assman-tier Anti-Humanist Transhumanist Double-Nigger Moment of anti-logic caused a robot to think genociding all of its poners was its job?

>"Littlepip," she said, and I realized she was crying, "You need to stop. Your crack addiction is tearing this family apart!"
Littlepip: There are spiders under my skin and secrets to uncover in the journals and terminal entries of long-dead ponies!!!

This reminds me of a Vault in Fallout NV that seems brilliant at first but falls apart once you think about it. It's that Vault where the Overseer is elected for a year, then killed.
So big Voting Blocs form to rule the vault and vote for anyone who displeases them, and posters saying "Carl is a communist sympathizer, vote Carl for overseer!" coat the walls.
This shit went on for about 200 years without any change.
Eventually one person got voted into power and decided to actually use the Overseer's absolute power to replace voting with a random lottery. So a civil war happened and fucktons died.
All but 6ish vault occupants died. They agreed to vote nobody in as Overseer even if it gets them killed.
The vault said "Congratulations! You've proven humans will not execute one human a year even if we tell them to."
Sad, the survivors agreed to make an edgy audio log and leave it on the floor so random looters can find it. Then they all kill themselves except I think some chickened out.
Anyway this vault sounds smart and deep at first but was really dumb and edgy in retrospect. It's like this Stable, because at first it's horrifying but then you realize it's kind of funny.
But it's still a step above this piece of shit Stable where poners exist in an underground facility that gradually kills them over time for no fucking reason. Come on, where's the GLADOS AI that likes testing stuff even if it kills? Where's the lesson here, besides "Not everyone can write"?
At least Shadow The Hedgehog's stupid "Everyone in this expensive facility was killed for no reason" backstory got aliens retconned in to be less retarded.

>be Eggman's grandfather
>daughter has super-AIDS named NIDS
>take her to Space Colony Arc
>make giant lizard and Shadow The Hedgehog while trying to cure her Space AIDS
>collab with genocidal alien Devil Doom and his race the Black Arms on Shadow
>Guardian Unit of Nations (GUN) slaughters everyone on the ARK including Maria
>brainwash+freeze Shadow until Sonic Adventure 2

Remember that time Littlepip linked her PipBuck's targeting program to some turrets, so they'd open fire on anything her PipBuck considered an enemy to her while sparing her and her friends?
Bet the dead poners wish they thought of that.
If LP did that upon entering the stable, she wouldn't have to purge the vault of anything violent towards her like the gun-turrets.
Her PipBuck's never fucked up and labelled a potential friend as a Hostile(TM) before, so it's not like doing this would make a spiteful Dungeon Master say "This vault actually had survivors who were starving so badly they'd rob anyone they encountered... but they could have totally been reasoned with if you tossed some food their way. Unfortunately your trick made the automated turrets kill them all. Yes, even though these turrets were already killing ponies so these survivors would have no reason to go near the damn things. Shut the fuck up and enjoy the edge."
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
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No.298367
298376
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>>298363

What isn't clear, though, is why this room would be untouched since the night of the party, or how LP would know this for a fact. For this to be the case, Vinyl would have to have died on the night of the party, or at least stopped using this room after the party. Is the implication here that the night of the party was the same night that all the brutal slaughter detailed in the last batch of recordings took place?

As usual, timelines here are vague; all we really know is that Stable-Tec, for some bizarre reason, was using its remote control of the stable to murder all of its inhabitants. It started off by killing a few here and there using events that appeared to be accidents, but eventually it just unleashed an all-out bloodbath, using the automated gun turrets that were placed all around (this seems like kind of a strange design feature in the first place). However, we don't know how long this took or when any of these events occurred. It's possible that the accidents took place over the course of three months, and the bloodbath occurred on the night of the party; however, if this is the case it's not clearly stated anywhere. They could have just as easily been down there for years and years before any of this started happening.

However, what I think the author is getting at is that the "accidental" killings were taking place over the first three months, and then at the concert Stable-Tec decided to kill everyone at once. More than likely, the concert was held in the atrium and this is probably what all the skeletons in there are supposed to be about.

Anyway, Littlepoop wanders around Vinyl's old room, looking at all of her stacks of records and DJ equipment and whatever the fuck, thinking to herself that she could just randomly break all of this shit to relieve some of the stress she is feeling about all the ancient murders or whatever. However, she doesn't quite feel right about destroying the beloved possessions of a pony who was just another victim of the evil meanie-pants baddie corporation that was bad because badness. So, she decides to do the decent thing: steal those possessions instead. She goes through Vinyl's old record collection, takes whatever the fuck she wants because she's a goddamn klepto, and wanders off, once again feeling as though she has somehow done something noble here.

>When I returned to the others, I would have Velvet Remedy lock them in one of her medical boxes where it would be safe from bullet fire. I still remembered that apple.
If transporting vinyl records or wax 78s or whatever the fuck they have in Equestria across the wasteland is such a complex and delicate task, why not just leave them where they are? Why do you need these records? Why do you need any of the junk you pick up? You need help, girl.

Also, what apple? What the fuck are you even babbling about, you loony twat?

Since it wouldn't be a room in Fallout: Equestria if there wasn't a safe, Littlepoop of course finds a safe. She of course "hesitates," because she "doesn't feel quite right about this," but of course this feeling doesn't ultimately stop her. She breaks into the safe, which of course just contains sentimental objects of Vinyl's that are of no practical use to Littlepoop or anyone in her party.

However, for no obvious reason, there are also four memory orbs in there. One of them is called "Pinkie Pie's Last Party," so she takes that one and leaves everything else.

After doing this, she leaves Vinyl's room, and goes to another room marked "Shadowhorn," which I guess was the name of someone important in Stable 29. The name was mentioned a few times in the recordings. Since LP has apparently completely forgotten about both her friends and the probably now dead cyborg soldier she was supposed to be trying to rescue, and since she can hardly resist the opportunity to rifle through another dead stranger's belongings, she goes inside.

>The mare in charge of maintenance was a V.I.P. in the Stable? Even in the midst of my barely-reined fury at Stable-Tec, my pure hatred towards whom could not be told, part of my brain recognized that seemed odd.
I had to read this like five times before I figured out what the hell the author was trying to say here. This is easily one of the most awkwardly-written sentences in the entire book.

Anyway, she goes into this dead cunt's room and, surprise surprise, there's another goddamn safe in there, which she of course breaks into. There is another recording inside.

>When the safe opened, it revealed another recording. This one looked startlingly similar to the one I found in the Overstallion’s office.
Couple of things here. For one, I thought there was no Overstallion here, and that was the whole point of this place. For another, since it specifically says Overstallion and not Overmare, I'm assuming what the author means is that the recording resembles the one LP found earlier at the other stable, the one that was so shocking because it had a boy leader instead of a girl leader. Since that happened like forty forevers ago and I don't even remember what that recording was even about, let alone what it looked like, we should probably go back and see what the description of the first one was.

>But within his locked safe, I found both it and the recipe, as well as an old recording. My guess was that it was his last words.
This is literally all the text has to say about the Overstallion's recording found all the way back in Chapter 5. So, if a description of the first recording is never given, how exactly is it helpful to tell us later that a second recording resembles it? The answer: it's not helpful. It's not helpful at all. It's also not helpful that the text has yet to even give us a description of any recording; the only reason I have even a vague idea of what these mystery objects look like is because a helpful anon in this thread gave a brief description of the ones in the game.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
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No.298376
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>>298367

Anyway, she plays the recording itself, and...hoo boy. Let's just say that the actual truth of what happened here is different from what the text has thus far been hinting at, but it's no less ridiculous. In fact, it may actually be more ridiculous. This recording is probably worth going through closely, because there's quite a bit of information in here.

>Hello, Shadowhorn! The following is for your ears only. I am speaking to you because you have been selected for a very important job, due to your sense of loyalty and duty both to this company and the ponies around you.
This appears to be another super-sekrit message from Vice President Scootaloo at Stable-Tec to the Overmare, or Chief Security Officer, or Designated Shitting Pony, or whatever, from this particular stable. The format resembles the one which opened Chapter Six, if anyone gives enough of a shit to go back and read it.

>Hello, my name is Scootaloo, and I’m the vice-president of Stable-Tec. If you’re hearing this, that means that the Omega-Level Threat Protocols have been enacted...
Blah blah blah, the magical nukes went off and everyone is dead now, time to implement Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Anyway, after her preamble, Scoots basically tells Shadowfax that in addition to being a survival bunker, Stable 29 has been selected to participate in some kind of social experiment:

>but there is a higher purpose to your Stable, beyond saving individual ponies. We here at Stable-Tec understand that it doesn’t do ponykind any good to save ourselves now only to annihilate each other later. We must figure out where we went wrong. We must find a better way. And we must be ready to implement it as soon as possible once the Stable doors open.
Normally, a speech like this would imply that Stable-Tec probably wants #29 to implement some kind of bullshit common-core style learning program in which tolerance and friendship and shit is taught to the young, in order that the next generation of little ponies won't want to annihilate each other with nuclear missiles or whatever the fuck. However, in this story, I'm assuming it will be something about rampaging killbots instead.

She goes off on a bit of a tangent after this, mostly spouting cliched lines like:
>dammit. How did we come to this?
and
>Bad decisions, emotional decisions… they’ve dragged us into a war nopony wanted. They’ve pushed us to the brink of extinction
and
>dammit all to hell. Damn us all to hell.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WQCoPL3-wo

Anyway, she eventually gets back on topic, and once she does we get some interesting tidbits of information:

>Your Stable has a very exceptional design. Despite the official documents, this Stable has no remote connection to Stable-Tec whatsoever. Instead, replacing the normal Overmare position, we have fitted Stable Twenty-Nine with a Crusader-class computer system.
So, apparently, it wasn't Stable-Tec who intentionally murdered everypony for no reason.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LGu1sOvxYs
The question now, of course, is who did?

>The Crusader-class Maneframe is the most advanced supercomputer ever created by ponykind, using the greatest available improvements in arcano-technology. The Crusader is capable of independent thought, creativity and learning.
Oh, sweet baby Jesus. I think I see where this is going. Also: "maneframe?" Seriously? There's a time when cutesy horse puns are appropriate, and now does not feel like one of those times.

>The goal of this social experiment it to remove the emotional, fallible pony from the equation. To see if we can do better through a pragmatic and logical system of government that is not subject to our own faults.
Yep, it's basically what I was afraid of. This is another "artificially intelligent supercomputer goes awry and kills everyone" episode. It's a first for this story, but it's bringing back some unpleasant memories of Assman and his "Celest-AI" spergery.

Anyway, there's some other shit in here that I'll get to in a minute, but the long and short of it is that the Cutie Mark Crusaders built some kind of magic supercomputer, which they gave to this stable in order to test as part of some kind of experiment in AI government. Naturally, this machine went amok and killed everyone in the stable.

What happened specifically is that some little kid accidentally shot the magic crystal thingy that generates drinking water (this is mentioned in one of the earlier recordings), and he caused some kind of permanent damage to it. The diminishing supply of drinking water caused the computer to reason that the population needed to be reduced, so it killed a few of the ponies. However, since the water crystal couldn't be repaired, the supply kept dwindling so the computer had to kill more ponies. Eventually the supply ran out completely, so it decided to just kill all the ponies at once.

There are several WTFs here. First of all, it seems like a pretty stupid idea to do something like this in the first place. If this AI has never been tested before, it makes little sense to test it in the middle of a life or death survival situation where literally thousands of things can go wrong. However, I get the impression that this was basically the author's point, so we can probably skip that one.

More pertinent is that the latter part of the recording details measures that this Shadowbolt character could use to manually take control of the system if it ever went awry. If it started killing ponies a few at a time, it seems like it should have been obvious to Shadowcat that it was doing something it shouldn't, so why weren't the override controls implemented? However, I actually suspect hope the author may be going somewhere with this, so I'll skip that one for now as well.

I'm running out of space, so I will finish this thought in a new post.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.298383
298390
>>298376
>What happened specifically is that some little kid accidentally shot the magic crystal thingy that generates drinking water (this is mentioned in one of the earlier recordings), and he caused some kind of permanent damage to it. The diminishing supply of drinking water caused the computer to reason that the population needed to be reduced, so it killed a few of the ponies. However, since the water crystal couldn't be repaired, the supply kept dwindling so the computer had to kill more ponies. Eventually the supply ran out completely, so it decided to just kill all the ponies at once.
I'll give Kkat one tiny bit of credit here - this ties together a handful of things from the Fallout games quite cleverly. Janky, homicidal AIs suffering from logic errors show up frequently in all of the games so this sort of scenario isn't out of place in a Fallout story. Fallout 1 establishes that vaults rely on a small but vital component known as a 'water chip' to process their water supplies. And in Fallout 3, the shooting tutorial is framed as your (character's) father taking your ten year old self down to the maintenance level to practice with the BB gun he gives you for your birthday. Broadly speaking, the scenario makes a degree of sense and a tragic story could probably be spun out of it with a little effort.

However, as with most things in FoE it's integrated with the rest of the story in a very slipshod manner.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298389
298500 298846
fuck shit.gif
>>298376

The big issue as I see it is that the water crystal was damaged beyond repair. This whole tragedy is being presented as the end result of some monumental error in judgement on Stable-Tec's part, but neither Stable-Tec nor their AI are ultimately responsible for what happened. The crystal was damaged by accident, but once it was damaged it was irreparable, so everyone would have died sooner or later anyway. While I'm sure being suddenly murdered by killbots in the middle of a rave must have been unpleasant for most of these little poners, it was probably a lot less agonizing than slowly dying of thirst would have been. This was basically a situation where death was inevitable for everyone; the only choice would be when and how.

The author seems to want to emphasize the horror of this soulless machine ruthlessly murdering the living beings under its care because it made some calculation and determined that it was necessary. The message, such as it is, seems to tie in to what I have heard others in this thread refer to as the main theme of this work: that good intentions can lead to evil results. Here, the implication seems to be that Stable-Tec meant well: they created a government AI in the hopes that a purely rational machine wouldn't make the same impulsive and emotional decisions that a pony would. But, their good intentions ultimately produced this horrible result. That seems to be what the author is trying to communicate, as far as I can tell.

However, as I said, the reality is that whether this stable was being run by a machine or a pony, the leadership would have needed to deal with the same reality, which is that the water-jiggy was broken, it couldn't be repaired, and everypony was going to die one way or the other. The computer didn't break the water-whoosit, nor did the kid who shot it do so deliberately, but the end result was ultimately the same: it was irreparably damaged, and everyone in the stable was therefore doomed.

You could look at it this way: the machine probably made the right call by putting everyone to death quickly and...eh...relatively...painlessly with a mass shooting, instead of letting them all die slowly of dehydration. If the water had been allowed to simply run out, eventually the ponies would have noticed, and there would have been a panic. Ponies would probably start hoarding what water they had, and killing each other to obtain water hoarded by others. Some would probably try to leave the stable (if that were possible) and would die of radiation or whatever on the outside. In the end, whatever measures were taken, all paths would end in the death of every single pony in the stable. Killing everyone swiftly and at once was probably the best call here, and a machine could figure this out easily. A flesh and blood pony would have struggled with it and possibly would have chosen a path that, despite their good intentions see what I did there?, would have produced a far more gruesome end for most of these poners than simply getting shot by the turrets.

Let's look at exactly what happened with the water-doodle:

>Shadowhorn called us into a meeting this morning. We nearly had a major disaster yesterday. That idiot Buckbright built his colt a BB gun for his birthday, then brought the kid down to the reactor level for target practice. What was he thinking? Kid missed a radroach and punched a small hole in the environmental system. Actually nicked the water talisman. Thankfully, it’s working fine, but another half an inch and the whole Stable would be in serious trouble.

You will notice that even though it was done unintentionally, the damage done to the water-whatsit was the direct result of bad judgement on the father's part. So basically, this tragedy that the author seems to want to blame on the cold, heartless machine was actually the result of human error pony error, whatever. It was ultimately Buckbright who was responsible for the deaths of everypony in Stable 29, since he was the one who allowed his kid to fire a BB gun in the reactor area. You'll also notice another crucial error made by a pony: the narrator of the journal says that the talisman water-kerfluffle was fine and the damage wasn't serious; it actually turned out to be quite serious. Perhaps if the situation was understood and addressed sooner something could have been done. In any case, the...*sigh*..."maneframe"...in this situation is essentially blameless; it was faced with an impossible decision and made the best choice it could make.

I know I literally just bantzed the crap out of this story for being ridiculous a few posts ago, and in my defense this story is indeed very ridiculous most of the time, but now that I've read the whole section I will grudgingly give the author a few points here. Whatever he may have been trying to do, he wound up creating an interesting ethical dilemma with no good solution.

The irony is that kkack actually touches on something much deeper here than he realizes. His intended message appears to be "good intentions can lead to evil results," but in this case it was a completely unintentional act that led to a deadly no-exit scenario. If anything, it illustrates the ultimate indifference of the universe to man's pony's, whatever intentions in the first place. The tendency of humans and/or ponies is to look at the world like a puzzle, with the assumption that some "right" action is always available that will lead to a perfect outcome, and it's just a matter of figuring out which action is right. In reality, there is no right-action and wrong-action; all actions simply have consequences, and often they are too complex to predict the result. If the author really wants to use this story as a vessel for exploring complex moral issues, he'd be better off abandoning the white-hat vs. black-hat melodrama he's written so far, and delving deeper into questions like this instead.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298390
298392
>>298383
>Janky, homicidal AIs suffering from logic errors show up frequently in all of the games so this sort of scenario isn't out of place in a Fallout story. Fallout 1 establishes that vaults rely on a small but vital component known as a 'water chip' to process their water supplies. And in Fallout 3, the shooting tutorial is framed as your (character's) father taking your ten year old self down to the maintenance level to practice with the BB gun he gives you for your birthday. Broadly speaking, the scenario makes a degree of sense and a tragic story could probably be spun out of it with a little effort.
Several things in this chapter are a bit clearer in light of this information
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298392
298396
>>298390
It's also the author yelling "Fuck you!" at the opening of Fallout 3 where you play as a child, your dad gives you a BB gun, and in a maintenance room underground you shoot some targets and shoot one Radroach that somehow conveniently got into the vault and that underground level at the perfect moment. Guess Kkat thought firing a BB gun down there should be dangerous.
The stuff about the water chip was "inspired by" a mix of Fallout 1's "Our water chip is fucked and there is no workaround. Go into the Wasteland solo and get us a new one" main quest and the role played by the player's father in Fallout 3.
In that game your dad left the vault to enter the wasteland and work on Project Purity, a big water purifier that cleanses all the water in the Ptolomac (logically the irradiated riverbed would be unchanged but Bethesda didn't realize riverbeds can be irradiated) and also magically un-irradiate all the water in all of post-apocalyptic Washington DC. oh and the purifier relies on a magic matter reassembling doohickey that'd be put to better use making food from dirt. You get him the doohickey with the help of a giant overpowered GMPC who could have done everything for you.
Guess Kkat thought it would be extra funny and ironic and tragic if your character from Fallout 3 and his dad voiced by Liam Neeson, the life-giving water-bringing heroes, fucked up the vault for everyone and prompted the Robo-Overseer to decide killing everyone quick would be better than any other method of getting or purifying water. It's a shame the vault RepairBots couldn't fix anything.
Doesn't it feel weird for Kkat to spit on Fallout 3's characters and plot when so much of the shit in this story was ripped straight from Fallout 3 and then clumsily shoved into his edgy take on ponyland?
We can't know the robot chose the right option. Any of this vault's ponies could have been the next Littlepip. The vault only needed one good reliable water source. How about groundwater or purified ocean/rainwater? The robot chose the quickest and easiest defeatist option, but would a human (pony, whatever) have tried harder to survive? Would a pony overseer pin all her hopes and dreams on one random character kicked out of the Vault and hope for the best? An AI programmed to minimize suffering might choose mass euthenasia at the earliest opportunity, but is that right? Is that what robots, the children of man (pony, whatever) should aspire to be? Isn't a tiny chance at success better than guaranteed failure? What did mankind or ponykind ever strive for, if there ever comes a day when we all agree with a machine that thinks giving up is better than trying? That "Maneframe" computer should have some ebooks on water talismans and engineering and magic. Why not gather the best unicorns and engineers in the vault and try to replicate another water talisman or summon water from the aether or create a portal to a realm of water or trap a filled water cooler in a time loop so it's always full no matter how much you take from it, or anything else that can be attempted with magic's limitless possibilities? That damn machine didn't even have the decency to construct a fake Ponyville and fill it with brain-scanned knockoffs of the Vault's inhabitants before giving up on life.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298396
>>298392
One more thing...
Isn't it ironic that what Kkat would call masculine behaviour (Teaching your son to shoot) ended up destroying a Stable with "Ruled by a robot" as its gimmick, but a Stable themed around ManDom and Masculinity ruling only failed because some mutant monster cats were created?
Anonymous
4914be9
?
No.298401
298491 298493
>>298177
I dunno, maybe. most of the "Action" happens "off-screen" In the aforementioned scotch tape scene we have scotch acting like a thirsty cunt, Blackjack puts on the perceptitron thingie, accidentally joins her mind for a second
>Oh now i know hes not hurting her
And thats the end of it. Seahorse abstracts it quite a bit and every other sexual encounter is a cut-to-black experiance.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298491
298492 298493 298498
>>298401
Huh, neat.
What writing lessons do you think can be taken from Project Horizons?

Btw was thinking more about the "an evil mastermind or god did it and dies in the end" cliche. Starting to think it's lame now. If everything was part of one villain's machinations, did anyone have free will? Would everything have turned out fine without that villain's involvement? A moral like "geeed is bad" gets thrown in the trash and replaced with "don't get manipulated or mind controlled by a god or asshole or asshole god".
It takes everything that could have been said with the story and everything the heroes could have grown from and throws it away to turn the entire story into the tale of one baddie and the puppet show he was able to put on for himself until he got shot in the dick. Trying to make the final boss the biggest spectacle like that is a cheap writing trick and that's all "I was actually responsible for everything all the other villains did and the creation of those villains" is also cheap spectacle whenever it isn't a clever reveal that was subtly hinted at. In the books I've read so far the best final bosses are more than baddies who do bad because they are bad or told to be bad by the big bad god of evil. Punching out a dark god of darkness with raw firepower is some Kirby/Sonic shit. Not some Fallout or Pony shit. Fallout would have a choice between deep smart dialogue and a firefight and maybe some clever third thing like a self-destruct base button to trigger and run without ever meeting the final boss. And poners would solve the problem with glowy friendship lasers.
Anonymous
4778d31
?
No.298492
298493 298498
>>298491
>Btw was thinking more about the "an evil mastermind or god did it and dies in the end"

I dont think that accurately explains anything. Goldenblood had his dirty mitts on everything but he wasnt responsible for the goddess. You can argue that his interference with Gardens was what led to the Goddess, but it was 100% twilights fault. The enclave and red-eye are almost entirely seperate.

If youre referring to the Eater or his dragon, the eater didnt actively do anything until the very end, and his dragon is basically only confirmed to be responsible for littlehorn.

Goldenblood isnt the final boss, the dragon actually was killed with a speech check by way of the eater, and Tom was the one who killed the eater. Blackjack only got her there.

If the Eater wasnt there, the dragon probably would still have caused littlehorn which was the inciting incident to the war. If the dragon wasnt there, its still reasonable to expect that the war would still escalate to where it ended. If goldenblood wasnt around, One of the more hawkish nobles at the time probably would have made everything go boom faster. Most of the events of KKat's backstory probably still happen.

KKat's equestria has quite a few manipulative monsters
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.298493
298498 298535
Heresyourprotagonistbro.png
>>298401
>>298491
>>298492
Can we maybe NOT derail this thread into discussing a spinoff that's three times as long as, and no less autistic than, the story already under discussion?
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298498
>>298491
>geeed
*greed
Persona 5 did the God Copout and it sucked but saying why would take many off-topic posts.
>>298492
Thank you. Some day I really should read that fic.
>>298493
Sorry, I'll stop.
To try and get this thread back on-track, Calamity and Velvet's shared "I hate that self-righteous elitist prick/impulsive ruffian prick" moment seems like bad writing since they've gotten along great until now. They disagreed over how to handle the Stone Prison Arc since Velvet thought killing because a merc told you to was wrong but aside from that, they got along great. They even started singing cheesy made-up songs together!
Did the author decide he got them too close together too quickly for a proper "will they won't they" romance arc, and use this scene to retcon their relationship status? Perhaps Velvet could secretly resent him but so far Calamity doesn't seem like the type to hold grudges in secret.
This kind of "Fuck this fancy bitch/unfancy bastard" talk probably should have been moved up earlier in the story, before they bond over a shared love of music with some cheesy campfire scene where Calamity whips out a beaten-up acoustic guitar and tells Velvet dad taught him how to play.
Anonymous
ba8b9bc
?
No.298500
298501 298547
6067960__safe_artist-colon-evehly_artist-colon-olafski_editor-colon-jacktheguy_imported+from+derpibooru_princess+celestia_twilight+sparkle_alicorn_pony_unicorn_.jpg
>>298005
>>298099
Okay quarter-jew britcuck. I've got hobbies, duties, a family, and a home to take care of. Your only goal in life is literally being retarded while having absolutely zero solvency whatsoever aside from sperging out like a common crackwhore nigger. Also, great job at trying to poison the well since you clearly cannot even BEGIN to realize how many anons hate how fucking stupid you are! You're worse than the average leaf, which is an amazing feat. "M-O-O-N" spells dipshit britnigger.

>>298070
I take it you haven't seen enough of Nigel's rants on this Cambodian equine hoof care site to understand. If not, don't bother. His mere existence is enough to give even the most hardened channer such massive degrees of turbo cancer that the fatality rate is over 100%.

>>298389
The problem here is K "I can't stop sucking dicks long enough to breath" Kunt tried to pull BOTH a giant "Dues Ex Machina" and reverse-write-in a reversal at the same time while pretending that his 'story' was coherent to begin with. Destroying any nuclear reactor with a standard BB rifle is so far beyond a DEM situation that it would be a one in a negligible attempt. Only a complete moron would place sensitive equipmarent in an exposed position. The "ethical dilemma" is not only utterly shoehorned into the story without any TRUE repercussions (aside from the faux-emotional state of those that "experience it") and the fact that another vault is 'lost to the sands'. Oh, so a vault was destroyed because of someone being trained in a location that isn't perfectly secure? Too bad, that's the Wasteland for ya! Oh so that same vault is gonna be annihilated by a defective robot that makes an error which wasn't programmed out/was flawed to begin with? Too bad, that's UNStable-Tec for ya! The entire """tragedy""" is worthless except for being nothing more than shitty animu filler episode material. Pic painfully related in this case.

tl;dr: the only 'moral' that one can even bother taking from this is: don't be a shitty, retarded wannabe-writer like kkunt.
Anonymous
f04e0e0
?
No.298501
551778__tbc_placeholder.png
206686__tbc_placeholder.png
0763118ACAEFBB2E23F70248DC07E601-293099.png
It's okay to not say anything.
>>298500
God fucking damnit. Nearly every single post you've made is off topic. Yes he needs to constrain and limit the words to the utmost pinpoint they could be.
Just post the damn good post detail how it's a damn good post and make the shit work. It's been years, that method isn't working so move on to something that does. You wanted a better poster so suit up.
Both of your actions are well enough laid out yes it's frustrating at times and frankly I've had it. I have nothing to say on the story besides what has already been said. I've already said what I would have said and repeating what I'll said again ad infinitum is redundant.
Sorry I'm a bit short at the moment I'm sure I'll grow out of it soon.

Sometimes not saing anything is better than filling in the companionable silence.
Have a poner everyone.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
de96eb2
?
No.298514
298546
>>298205
Yes, I will take a look at it.
Anonymous
4778d31
?
No.298535
No.png
>>298493
Anonymous
e72fc78
?
No.298546
>>298514
Thanks.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298547
298599
Fallout-3-small-19.jpg
Fallout-3-small-20.jpg
>>298500
Please try harder to focus on the thread topic instead of trying to start a tiresome pissing contest between us. It doesn't help anyone when you insist I'm a part-jew that gives people turbo-cancer or some gaslighting mastermind out to ruin your day or any other delusion. What's next, will you say I breathe fire? I know I'm not perfect, but this is absurd. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm working on that. When I do something that pisses you off, tell me what it is so I know why you're upset and what I could do about it. Simply expressing how upset you are with these tantrums isn't constructive. When you scream and cry at me because you sometimes find me annoying, it is immature and unhelpful. Offense is taken, not given. It's not my job to manage your mood, but if you want me to do so anyway, communicate better.
Anyway, a nuclear reactor wasn't damaged by a BB gun. It's worse.
The child aimed at a RadRoach that somehow got into this "Perfectly-sealed underground location" (Did the first ponies to get into this vault take roaches in with them? Where did the roaches get the radiation they needed to mutate?)
and he missed.
He missed the dog-sized roach on the floor, punching a small hole in "the environmental system", damaging the water talisman.
Are those armour-piercing BBs?
These "Lmao it worked in Fallout 3 so it must work in real life" moments are fucking retarded. Yes, in Fallout 3 a BB Gun is a deadly weapon that can kill an adult in only slightly fewer shots than better guns with better damage numbers. But IRL, BBs aren't going through steel unless something's gone very wrong. Pics related, it's where your dad took you to shoot in Fallout 3. Sorry about the watermarks.

Shortly after saying this crap about the water chip, the text also ruins this Vault's "Everyone here thinks they're relying on Stable-Tec for their orders and thinks they must continue to do so" premise.
>“As head of Maintenance, Shadowhorn laid down a whole new series of safety protocols. They aren’t official until she gets them passed through Stable-Tec, but we’re going to follow them anyway. If Stable-Tec doesn’t like somepony giving the orders for them, well they can trot themselves down here and say differently.”
Despite all this time without a local leader for an Overseer, despite all this time spent obeying a computer they thought was Stable-Tec, they suddenly decide they can make up their own rules and follow them and enforce them without needing the permission of "Stable-Tec" aka the machine guiding them. That makes the prior "There are no safety rules because nopony is in charge down here! If only someone was in charge to tell us to be safe!" part of the chapter really fucking stupid.

Why the fuck would the "Stable-Tec" robot "Maneframe" take so long to guide them that they start to bitch about how long Stable-Tec takes to tell them anything/permit them to do stuff?
Why would the rule of an all-seeing all-knowing AI in charge of this underground facility and its gun-turrets take such a hooves-off approach to managing things?
It's an AI in a book that doesn't understand how AIs work, so it can make decisions faster than people can despite making retarded leaps of logic like "Reducing pony population didn't prevent water starvation. Must continue reducing population until 0 is reached!".
If anything, shouldn't an AI like this micromanage its populace until their yoke starts to chafe?
And what's with the way that maintenance ponies think the water talisman is fine at first, but then the AI decides it's fucked and the water supply's fucked and water-recycling is a myth and the population needs culling, Green New Insanity-style?
Team Littlepip is only here to get that McGuffin they need to save SteelCunt's life, and get the fuck out.
So they should act like they're on a strict time limit.
But instead, they scavenge for supplies and get some health potions, so they can see another hint to the fate of a Stable they have no reason to care about.
Then Littlepip makes drugs so Velvet can think she's a faggot.
And then the door suddenly closes just so the heroes have to go to the door switch, and of course they stop to investigate everything about the Stable along the way, just so Kkat can show off all the "work" he put into this stupid stable and its lore.
He can't just give us a handful of clues and expect us to work it out, maybe coming back to it in another side story. No, he feels the need to walk you through absolutely fucking everything and spell it all out, no matter how many words that wastes.
Everything about this stupid Stable feels like it was hastily written around a desire to piss on Fallout 3 elements and include an evil supercomputer just like the ones in Fallout 3 somewhere, despite the hypocrisy of pissing on the heroes of a game that served as your primary source when writing something this creatively bankrupt.
But Kkat couldn't think of any ways to turn "Stable ruled by an evil AI" and "Stable doomed because of the Water Bois from DC and their taste in makeshift gun range locations" into two distinct and interesting Vaults that failed due to separate lessons the ponies failed to learn in time.
So they're shoved together even though it means neither are compelling.

The lack of leadership, safety restrictions/protocols, and realistic physics meant BBs went through steel and fucked up irreplaceable magitech bullshit.
An AI could either send ponies into the wastes for a new water chip- I mean water talisman or commit die and take its whole stable with it to the sound of DJ Pon3 music.
And now Team Littlepip is only down here in this particular Stable because they need to save the soldier bleeding out on their watch, and they found more than enough healing potion for him plus the McGuffin needed to unarmor him (why didn't LP psychically take Steelcunt down here with them?) but they're acting like they have all the time in the motherfucking world to learn exactly why this little social experiment failed.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.298599
298602
>>298547
>Everything about this stupid Stable feels like it was hastily written around a desire to piss on Fallout 3 elements and include an evil supercomputer just like the ones in Fallout 3 somewhere, despite the hypocrisy of pissing on the heroes of a game that served as your primary source when writing something this creatively bankrupt.
On the contrary, I get the impression that Kkat absolutely LOVES Fallout, particularly 3, and wants to cram as many things based on or directly lifted from the game as possible. That's not a recipe for good writing, but it's an understandable goal for an amateur writing a crossover fanfic. The main problem is that Kkat doesn't have a good grasp of how to establish stakes or maintain tension, because he gets his understanding of storytelling from open world RPGs he's sunk dozens/hundreds of hours into rather than books.

This diversion does at least serve to introduce the concept of crusader mane(ugh)frames, which show up again later as part of the main plot.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298602
298733
>>298599
That makes sense. I guess we'll never really know if he considers "And then the heroes from my favourite game semi-indirectly caused the death of everyone they ever knew and loved long before the heroes from my fanfic got here" to be a loving cameo tribute unless he says so. Wee know he's bad with implications because of the Zebra stuff. Not that I have a problem with an author painting african-inspired creatures as 100% evil apart from one obligatory good one who's specifically good because she acts un-african. But it didn't seem like he intentionally wanted to write the Zebras that way.
I wish he did some kind of "Behind the scenes" series of journal posts on Fimfic.net where he describes his writing process, what he was thinking when he wrote this, and what he wanted each chapter to accomplish. That would be hilarious.
Anonymous
4327fc8
?
No.298733
298771
>>298602
>I wish he did some kind of "Behind the scenes" series of journal posts on Fimfic.net where he describes his writing process, what he was thinking when he wrote this, and what he wanted each chapter to accomplish.
Kkat has written *extensively* on FoE in his fimfic blog over the years. It's quite a trip.
Anonymous
5f32fdd
?
No.298771
6041475__safe_artist-colon-johnjoseco_imported+from+derpibooru_sunset+shimmer_equestria+girls_angry_angry+video+game+nerd_monochrome_open+mouth_solo.png
1789891__tbc_placeholder.gif
6030795__explicit_alternate+version_artist-colon-godoffury_edit_edited+screencap_imported+from+ponybooru_screencap_fluttershy_rarity_sunset+shimmer_twilight+spa.png
>>298733
For real? Awesome! Does it spoil upcoming events in the story? Does he organize his thoughts on different chapters, organize his posts by specific topics in the story, or just post whatever he thinks of without organizing any of it?
If he did a "Writer's Commentary" thing where after each chapter he tells people what he was thinking when he wrote this, that would be perfect for a "Review the chapter, and then what he said his goals were when writing it" format.
Reviewers like the Angry Video Game Nerd often ask "What were they thinking?" rhetorically, but this is a great opportunity to see exactly what they were thinking and criticize how he went about attempting what he said he wanted to accomplish with this character, or that chapter, or this faction, or that abrupt dump of a tragic backstory.
Environmental storytelling is about suggesting what might have happened here, not spelling it out for the audience in one of eighty collectable tape recordings/diaries detailing every last detail especially ones that weren't suggested in the environment at all. It's about making people speculate over what could have happened somewhere, and making it a rare treat when we get enough information to definitively figure it all out. Not just putting hugging skeletons in well-travelled and entirely-expected and often even currently-inhabited places that have somehow been undisturbed for 200+ years along with a journal to painstakingly explain everything for BugthEAsderp's target audience. It's about suggesting there's more going on in the world than the player's adventures, not leaving collectible journal pages around that only the player character can pick up or see or hear. People still talk about Lavender Tower and Cinnabar Island. Nobody gives a fuck about the random skeletons in Fallout 3 or 4, and by the time 76 rolled out it featured so many skeletons and Dead Guy Journal holotapes everyone got sick of it.

Also I forgot if I've already said "I hate how Littlepip goes out of her way to learn how random poners died but never tries to take any kind of logical wisdom from it/fulfill their last requests/carry on their legacy" or not, but I still hate it. Littlepip doesn't have an in-character reason to be such a nosy cunt, but she should. It's jarring when LP reads some dead pony's diary because she's never given us or herself or her friends any excuses for it, and her friends never call her out for it so we want to do it ourselves.
She's got no excuse to have such an entirely random knowledge of the pre-war world. Sometimes she doesn't know something she should know, giving characters an excuse to exposit things to her (and us). Sometimes she does know things, but can't mention it until it's time to awkwardly expositionate about it to her friends (who already know) and us.

They could have fixed the "Velvet and Littlepip expositing to us" problem by making Calamity play dumb about the pre-war world to hide the fact that he's a Dashite at first, giving them excuses to fill "him" (us) in.

Maybe my "Littlepip and Velvet should have been raised on hyper-simplistic Pony Propaganda, Calamity should know more than he lets on to add to his mysteriousness and hint at his Dashiteness, and LP should believe learning of what really happened before the war is the best way to make sure whatever killed Equestria never happens again" idea isn't the perfect solution for this problem.
Someone else could probably think of a better solution than that.
Anyway, this problem needs fixing because it makes LP's love of holotapes and diaries (which the author relies on to tell the audience what he did with this canon character and that location and this fallout element and that fanon meme) stupid. "My OC needs to do this because I want her to and gamers did it in Fallout 3" is stupid.
Give your characters reasons to do shit! They can be bad ones! They can be fucking shit reasons! But they need to be good enough to convince your character to do shit, and convince your audience that your character would be convinced by a reason like that.
Although with how hyper-edgy and hyper-bleak this world is written, are there any societal lessons Littlepip could take from the dead that aren't obvious things like "Don't be in a prison full of rapists when nukes fall and society ends" or "If you want to make a slavery-free town, don't make it at the end of a slaver-operated railroad track that leads straight to a slaver city" or "Don't play with a BB gun in an absurdly fragile maintenance room"?
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298846
298850 298862 298871
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>>298389

Anyway, what I've provided is a rough summation of what happened to Stable 29. This information was obtained from both Scootaloo's message to Shadowcunt, as well as a short subchapter section that follows this message. To be thorough, I'll briefly go after the second subchapter.

After listening to Scoot's recording, Littlepoop goes to investigate the security junction she mentioned:
>There is an access junction between the Security station and the V.I.P. rooms through which you can access the Crusader Maneframe.

She locates the junction. We are not told how she found it or where she found it, only that it was easy to find. This seems a little strange, since one would think that a security override that would allow a pony to take control of the entire stable is the sort of thing that would be well-hidden and well-protected, but at this point I don't think a detail like this matters too much. At present, Littlepoop only knows that the stable's population was killed by the AI acting alone, and that neither StableTec nor any of the ponies ostensibly in charge of this stable are to blame. However, she does not know the full story, and she is curious. Once again, her curiosity about some 200 year old tragedy supersedes her actual mission (which at present happens to be saving Private Cyborg, which I'll once again protest should logically be a time-sensitive goal).

Anyway, she opens the junction box and finds some kind of device inside that allows a PipBuck to connect. From one of the previous recordings, she knows that one of the other ponies was electrocuted attempting to connect to this box:

>Shadowhorn passed away last night from complications after being nearly electrocuted early yesterday morning while trying to access the junction behind a security panel with her PipBuck.
This text is from the recording she found before she found the Scootaloo recording, the one that had her freaking out and kicking at walls. Between this information and what she just learned from Scoot's message, she can reasonably surmise that Shadowtwat was attempting to override the AI, and the AI somehow detected this and killed her. This is a satisfactory answer to my earlier question of why the security override controls weren't implemented. There is, however, a minor logical issue here: if the purpose of the override is to allow a pony to take control of the stable in the event that the AI has gone haywire, it would stand to reason that the AI should be blocked from interfering with this process by design. The override system should be something that the AI is prevented from tampering with; however, this assumes that the system was sensibly designed. It's entirely possible that StableTec is just incompetent.

Anyway, in order to bypass this danger, Littlepoop takes out Velvet's old PipBuck, which she is still carrying around with her for some reason, and jacks into the control panel while levitating it a safe distance away from herself.

>I pulled out Velvet Remedy’s PipBuck for the first time since shortly after I found her. It was a thing of beauty, but I realized it had a less pleasant meaning to her.
I'm not sure why she describes it as a thing of beauty; I don't remember there being anything special about this particular PipBuck. As to what the "less pleasant meaning" it has to Velvet is all about, I have no idea. My guess is that it's tied into her whole "I don't want to be in le cage" deal somehow. In any event, this sentence is vague and awkward; I would either rewrite it or delete it.

Anyway, she jacks into this thing and manages to not get electrocuted. Inside, she finds a log of the AI's actions, and discovers what it did and the reasoning behind it. As I've already explained, the issue was basically that the water-thingy was damaged and was not repairable, and the AI determined that the solution was to gradually cull the population until the water eventually ran out entirely. At that point, it decided to kill everyone.

Nigel has brought up some decent points that contest the logic of this, namely that the water-dealy would need to be both very delicate and basically unprotected in order for a low-velocity projectile like a BB to fatally damage it. The text doesn't go into detail about the reactor level or how things in this area were designed and/or armored, but if it was possible to damage something this important this easily, it seems like another serious design flaw on StableTec's part. There is also the question of how a rad-roach would have made it into the stable in the first place, since the whole point of the structure is that it is supposed to be hermetically sealed so that nothing from the irradiated outside world can get in.

These are both reasonable points, to which I will add an objection of my own: if all of the critical stuff kept in this area is indeed this poorly protected, it seems like it would be a pretty dumb place to practice target shooting in the first place. Buckbright ought to have known this and thus it makes little sense for him to have taken his son down there for that purpose. It would have made far more sense for the kid to have just gone down there on his own without telling anyone, and nicked the water-bippityboop by accident. This actually could have made the situation more plausible, since being a child he wouldn't understand the severity of what he'd done, he'd simply be afraid of getting in trouble, so he would likely have just fled the area and not told anyone about shooting the water-whatchamacalit. Since the AI was entirely in charge, only it would have known about the damage, and it would have handled the situation in its own way, leaving Shadowcack and whoever else to simply guess at why it was killing everypony.

My guess is that kkack simply wanted to emulate the scene in Fallout where the player's father takes him shooting mentioned by another anon, so that is why he chose to do things this way.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298850
298852
1610875755133.png
>>298846

>After three months, the water talisman failed altogether. The Crusader acted accordingly. To preserve Pony Life.
And with this, the subchapter concludes in a page break.

The next scene opens with Littlepoop drowning her sorrows in liquor:

>I poured what was left of a bottle of apple whiskey down my throat, enjoying the burn. The rage had drained from me, replaced by a numbness that was even worse.
It's unclear where she is in physical space at this point. Is she still by the junction box, which incidentally we don't even know the location of? Is she back in Shadowbutt's room, or maybe Vinyl's? Where did she get the whiskey? Was this just something she was carrying around with her, or did she find it in the stable somewhere? These are all minor questions, but answering them would make it easier for the reader to visualize what's happening.

At this point I'm just assuming it's stupid to ask if she still gives a shit about getting back to Roboponer before he dies. If the actual reason she is exploring this vault in the first place is anywhere near the forefront of her mind, she doesn't mention it in her narrative. Anyway, traumatized by the contents of the recordings she just wasted a fair chunk of time listening to, she now decides to waste even more time by delving into the memory orb she found, which the astute reader will recall is titled "Pinkie Pie's Last Party."

The memory appears to be Vinyl's. LP finds herself looking through the DJ's eyes at the dance floor of a large party. Rainbow Dash is apparently in attendance; she flies up and compliments Vinyl on her choice of beats:

>“Awesome beat, Vinyl Scratch!” she grinned, “Your rhythms always makes for the best parties!”
"Your rhythms always make for the best parties" would be the technically correct way of wording this, although the sentence is still awkwardly worded. I'd probably have her say something like "You always know what music to play," or "The music at your parties is always the best," or "I want to stick my tongue in your butthole."

>And, whoa, was Vinyl Scratch checking her out? She had my gaze going up and down… No, wait, that’s just headbobbing.
Hurr durr lesbian hoerses.

Anyway, another pony, clearly Applejack though her name is only given as AJ, approaches Rainbow Dash. She identifies her by name, and they talk about drinking and drugs sacrebleu! this story is so le dark and so le mature!. AJ is attending the party with a stallion whom Dash identifies as her boyfriend, one Sergeant ‘SteelHooves’ Applesnack. Since this story doesn't seem to have a problem with preposterously implausible coincidences, I'm going to assume this is the same 'SteelHooves' who is currently bleeding to death on a lonely battlefield, while the pony who was supposed to be bringing him medicine is sitting here watching this stupid memory orb.

Vinyl's attention is at this point diverted from AJ and RD's conversation to a nearby balcony, where an argument is going on between a pony that LP recognizes as Pinkie Pie and a second pony whom she does not recognize. The second pony is described as a "purple unicorn," and a few lines later Pinkie addresses her as Twilight. It's not clear what exactly they are fighting about, but Twilight seems to have a problem with Pinkie's behavior. A moment later it becomes clear that Pinkie has developed an addiction to the very same crack-mints that Littlepoop is apparently now addicted to, and Twilight feels that her mint-abuse has gotten out of control. She also implies that it is becoming a wide-spread problem at Pinkie's parties mon dieu! le drugs and le sex and le violence in le pink and pastel pony cartoon! so much le edge!!.

Anyway, Twilight loses her shit on Pinkie Pie and tells her that if she doesn't get her mint problem under control they can't be friends anymore. She storms out of the party, and the memory ends. It is actually a pretty decent scene, but like most of these flashbacks it has no apparent connection to the main story (to the extent that there is one).

>One thought hit me as I collapsed from the memory like I had been kicked in the stomach. (I had, in fact, vomited on myself.)
This is a very, very awkward sentence, but I'm too lazy to go over it in detail. At this point if kkack wants technical help he can pay a professional to wade through this clusterfuck, though I don't envy the poor soul that takes the job.

>Leaning against the wall, I assured myself, “I’m not that bad…”
>“But I have to be careful with you,” I said to the Party-Time Mint-als in my saddlebags. “I can’t let Calamity or Velvet Remedy get to thinking I have a problem with you. I don’t want to lose my friends because they think I’m addicted.”
The author attempts, rather weakly, to connect this disjointed scene to Littlepoop's own supposed drug addiction. Again, I don't disapprove of the addiction as a part of her character, but I do object to the way it's been rather gracelessly tacked on. We have not seen her use these mints more than a couple of times, hardly enough to constitute serious abuse, and her "addiction" has barely factored into the story. Also, while I actually thought the memory orb scene was decently written, it is unfortunately just another random event from the past that has little bearing on the present.

Pinkie and Twilight are complete strangers to LP, and she has no real reason to be emotionally affected by any of this. Moreover, this scene shifts the focus rather abruptly from the tragedy that occurred in Stable 29 to the issue of LP's supposed drug addiction, and her investigation of the Stable 29 incident is itself a diversion from her primary objective of helping Roboponer. Far from adding depth and emotional resonance to the story, these layered subplots feel like the author is bouncing around randomly from idea to idea, like a kid with ADD aggressively flipping through channels instead of just finding something to watch and watching it.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298852
298855 298898
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>>298850

Anyway, that was the end of Chapter Fourteen.

Chapter Fifteen: Whispers in the Darkness

Today's Fortune Cookie:

>“Psst! Pinkie Pie, are you asleep yet?”
This quote, evidently, was spoken by Pinkie Pie's rapacious Uncle Jeff, who would periodically sneak into her bedroom on the farm and shove entire pineapples up her plot-hole, and long story short that's why she developed a mint-abuse problem later in life. Actually I'm just kidding; as is the norm with these epitaphs, I don't have the slightest fucking idea who spoke this line or what the context is.

Anyway, the chapter opens with another of Littlepoop's dream sequences. She's having nightmares about all the fucked-up shit she's learned about the wasteland during the unspecified amount of time she's spent here (at this point I'm estimating about 3 weeks). The details of the dream aren't particularly important and mostly deal with events we already know about.

As I've complained many times before, the disconnected episodes from the past that LP keeps digging into have very little to do with the events of the present. Though they seem like they would be compelling enough stories on their own, there has been absolutely nothing done to connect any of these events to the main story involving Littlepoop and her friends. What makes all of this even worse is that there (still) is no main story; since she left the stable, LP has done nothing but wander around getting into random fights with random bad guys, without any hint of a larger overarching plot.

What makes all of this so vexing is that the author, as far as I can tell, is far more interested in writing about the history of the war that led to the apocalypse than he is in writing about anything going on in the post-apocalypse present he chose to set the story in. Moreover, most of these episodes from the past seem like they would be considerably more interesting to read about than the present story, which is painfully dull. Littlepoop is not a particularly interesting or likable protagonist, and she doesn't really do much besides wander around collecting junk and picking fights with random enemies. Her friends are not particularly well thought out characters and there is little interesting chemistry between any of them; it's not even clear why the three of them are friends. None of them have any tangible goals or objectives, so the story has nowhere to go. As I've complained before, the author seems to want to use Littlepoop's explorations of the present, ruined world as a framing device to reveal what happened in the past, but as I've also complained before, she has no obvious reason to even want to dig up the past, so this story just feels like a bunch of disconnected anecdotes that hint at a considerably more interesting story than the one we're actually reading.

The episode we just witnessed in the memory orb, for example, was actually a pretty well developed scene. We see several of the canon MLP characters at a much later stage in life, and while they appear to be partying and having a good time, it's clear that everything is not well. Pinkie Pie's exuberant personality seems to have led her to a life of constant pleasure-seeking, which has led to addiction. Her problem has gotten bad enough that it is affecting her friendships; there is also an implication that the availability of drugs in Equestria is becoming a broader social problem, and that Ponk is somehow responsible. Twilight Sparkle, one of her best and oldest friends, has just given her an ultimatum to either get her shit together or they're finished.

Not only is this a good scene, there's a lot of material here for a compelling character arc. Pinkie is a character who loves fun and parties and good times; addiction is often born from chasing a continuous dopamine rush, and chemicals that produce this affect artificially would plausibly be attractive to her. It's easy to see how she could become addicted to something like cocaine-mints. If I had to place a bet on which which mane 6 character would be most likely to have an addictive personality, Ponk would be my choice.

Now compare this to Littlepoop's supposed "addiction" to the same substance: basically, we have a pony with no prior history suggesting she might have addictive tendencies, who just tries the mints one day and then suddenly gets addicted to them. Is it plausible? Sure; if a substance is addictive enough nearly anyone could get hooked. But from a literary perspective, it's not interesting.

With Pinkie Pie, the author has explored some possible dark sides to her established character. You could easily do this with any of the mane 6, btw; the trick is to simply take the traits they are known for and push them towards extremes that turn them negative. Twilight's smarty-pants bookishness and obsessive organization could turn her into a tyrannical bureaucrat a la Barack Obama or Angela Merkel. Rarity's vanity and desire for popularity could turn her into a shallow social climber; her obsession with her fashion enterprise could turn her into a workaholic. You could pretty much go down the list and do this with all of them.

The mane 6 are examples of well-built characters: they each have their strengths and weaknesses, and you can easily pull their arcs in a positive or negative direction depending on what you emphasize. The series itself focuses on developing their strengths or at least what the later writing staff interpreted as their strengths, but with a story like this, where the tone is darker, it would make sense to focus on and draw out their weaknesses.

Unfortunately, kkat's OCs haven't been developed in this way, so there is nowhere to take them. So, we get this meandering bullshit about a bunch of random boring characters who become friends by default for no reason other than convenience, and then wander around the wasteland for 500,000 excruciating words, looting and killing because reasons.
Glim
!Glam8.itxo
fcd1643
?
No.298855
d4qhw5l-fab4eff1-2706-4c4a-a1cc-44ad71e1e47f.png
>>298852

Anyway, I got a little sidetracked there. Continuing with the actual story.

The chapter opens with Littlepoop having a bad dream, and then she suddenly wakes up. Once again, we have absolutely no idea where she is or how much time has passed since the end of the previous chapter. This is the information we are given:

>I was laying… somewhere. A bed. But every time I tried to remember exactly where I was, or how I got there, the memories slipped away. I opened my eyes. The room was dark, but light poured in through a cracked-open door. I didn’t recognize the walls with their shadowed posters or the roof with its still and silent turret.
Maybe Pinkie's uncle slipped her a roofie.

Anyway, it's clear that there's something wrong with her, but it's impossible to say what. She was drinking whiskey the last time we saw her, so it's possible she got drunk and blacked out, and had to be carried...somewhere. It could also be the comedown from the crack mints, I guess. It could be any number of things, really, since we have absolutely no sense of time or space here. For all I know, six years have passed since the end of Chapter Fourteen, the party lives in Saddle Arabia now, and Littlepoop caught pony AIDS from being gang-raped by a bunch of raiders on motorcycles.

These are her symptoms:
>My body felt wrong. I ached, I felt horribly weak. I had chills when I wasn’t sweating profusely. My stomach churned. My mouth tasted strange and mushy.

Meanwhile, Velvet and Calamity are talking outside, and LP overhears some of their conversation. They mostly seem to be discussing her the way they would a sick child, which LP takes as something of a blow to her self esteem.

>My stomach convulsed violently. I wanted to cry. My eyelids were too heavy to look around anymore, and I didn’t fight them as they closed on their own. I turned away from the slice of light coming through the door, falling again into fitful sleep.
This ends the subchapter.

I have to say, when I read the first few paragraphs of this chapter, I had to go back and make sure I was actually on the right chapter. It legitimately feels like we just skipped a huge chunk of the story here. I know this author is into these weird time-skips, but this seems like a major skip even by his standards. Absolutely nothing from the previous chapter has been resolved; we have no idea how (or even if) they made it out of Stable 29, we don't know whether Roboponer got his medicine or died or what, we don't even know why Littlepoop was unconscious or what's wrong with her or how she came to be in this state.

It would be one thing if the chapter had ended with Littlepoop getting clonked on the head or blacking out from booze or injected with some kind of mystery serum or something; waking up in a strange location after a time skip would be appropriate in one of those situations. However, the chapter just ended with her thinking to herself that she needed to keep her drug use in check so her friends don't treat her as an addict. The chapter had gone completely off the rails by the time it ended, but that doesn't mean the author can just abandon the story where it's at and pick up at some random point in the future; you need to at least make an attempt to resolve things before ending a storyline and moving on to a new one.

Their location right now is a complete mystery. Since I haven't been told otherwise, I would assume they are still somewhere in Stable 29, but that doesn't feel right somehow. They could be on the moon for all I know. Let's take another look at the description the author gives us of LP's immediate surroundings:

>The room was dark, but light poured in through a cracked-open door. I didn’t recognize the walls with their shadowed posters or the roof with its still and silent turret.
"Walls with shadowed posters" could describe any number of locations in this story, but I'm particularly confused about this part:
>the roof with its still and silent turret.
The roof? How the hell can she see the roof? She's in a dark room, which would imply either that there are no windows, or that it's night outside. The last place we saw her in was underground, so strictly speaking there shouldn't even be a roof. Did the author mean to say "the ceiling?" But that doesn't make sense either; why the hell would there be a turret on the ceiling? I have no idea what the fuck is even going on anymore.

Oh well, let's keep reading and maybe we'll figure it out. Together we can solve the puzzle.

When the next subchapter opens things are unfortunately not any clearer. LP is still in some kind of mental fog, and we learn from Velvet that she has a fever. Calamity and Velvet seem to be deepening their romantic bond over their mutual concern for LP, which is actually pretty funny. I'll give the author 20 points if he has them fuck on top of her unconscious body.

Anyway, they banter back and forth for a bit, but nothing of any serious importance is discussed. Calamity tries to convince Velvet that she needs to start wearing armor. She is vehemently opposed to wearing raider or slaver armor, but Calamity informs her that, believe it or not, there are other types of armor and they can probably buy some when they get to Tenpony. Why they are going to Tenpony or when it was decided that they were going there has never been mentioned to my recollection.

As long as I'm complaining, I'd like to point out that this scene is yet another example of how absurd medicine is in this story. Littlepoop has some inexplicable fever that seems to have downed her for the time being, yet all it took to heal the mortal wounds that she and Velvet sustained during their fight earlier was a few swallows of magic potion. Does that shit just not work on ordinary illnesses? In all the years of developing all-powerful healing potions and crack mints and all the other weird shit they have in this world, it never occurred to any of the Equestrian scientists to cook up something like Tylenol?
Anonymous
d472c24
?
No.298862
298871
>>298846
Bit curious to but with the radroach how did it actually mutate into that so soon. Sure got magic and all but the water purifier breaking seems to have happened only a few weeks after the stable was sealed since it was that 3 month anniversary party when the population was killed. Seems like damn near the moment the bombs dropped immeditly every endemic creature mutated into giant hostile monsters. Makes some more sense in Fallout 3 since it's 2 centuries after the war so plenty of time for things to mutate and could assume the vaults would have some stuff break allowing them to scurry inside.
Anonymous
18a76ce
?
No.298871
dftszdnk7cw21.jpg
download (11).jpg
download (12).png
download (9).jfif
download (11).png
>>298846
Considering all the absurd combat advantages given to Littlepip by her PipBuck, Velvet's a retard for not wanting to wear it.
If LP and Velvet travel together, and the Overmare for their old Stable can track Velvet's pipbuck, the Overmare knows where Velvet is.
Velvet's all "I don't want to wear that thing, it's a shackle! It reminds me of my time in the Stable!" but that's retarded.
This thing saves Littlepip's life constantly.
Kkat knows if Velvet also wore one of these, she'd have the same enemy radar and the same HUD/Eyes-Forward Sparkle. She'd instantly become the same SATS-target-assisted instant-badass Littlepip is, perhaps an even better one, because Littlepip's combat prowess is 69% Pipbuck, 30% overpowered gear she conveniently has, and 1% retarded moments of "Creative thinking" that only work because the author's dumb enough to decide hiding yourself with a cumstained sheet makes you invisible and not a single Alicorn ever encountered or heard of a memory orb, not even their leader.
Littlepip should want Velvet to wear her Pipbuck. She faced the goddamn Wasteland to bring it to her!
Calamity should want Velvet to wear her Pipbuck, because SATS can bail you out of any combat situation that goes bad and practically carry you through them.
Velvet in a Pipbuck would steal Littlepip's thunder. Hard to pretend wearing something special on your wrist means your protagonist's a "Veteran badass Wasteland master" when anypony else could wear their own copy of the damn thing to get the same overpowered bonuses.
The Pipbuck, its automatic map, and the way it puts markers on your map and in your HUD for you to follow... That was briefly and cleverly mocked in Fallout NV's Dead Money DLC, where a big blue fecker named God says your pipbuck and easy-to-follow quest objective markers makes you a dog on a leash. Or something like that.
But it's a leash that binds you to your current objective. And you hold your leash's handle when you decide which quests you complete and how, and which quests you ignore.
Velvet has no excuse to be so pretentious and virtue-signally over not wearing such a blatantly overpowered god-watch.

>AI's action log
A convenient log that spells out everything wrong the robot ever did? Sweet. Bet the ponies of this vault wish they saw this sooner. Bet any nice ponies at Stable-Tec, if they exist, wish they stopped this robot upon seeing that log.

>Applesnack
This name is so stupid it's like something canon Sweetie Belle or maybe Scootaloo would come up with after trying to think of an apple pony name for DND night.
There are websites out there that list EVERY TYPE OF APPLE EVER! I know, because I looked at one when trying to figure out how I could subtly give my character a name that's an incredibly subtle reference to his actual identity as a cowboy apple pony, but also something he'd choose to name himself given the chance. I didn